Tony Berardo on Redefining Success Around Time, Health, and Fatherhood

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I think that's just with all those health scares that happened to me, that's how I look at things now where I just look at the buckets of time and then work and work is a very small portion of that. Time, to me, is the most important thing. So, really looking at time as if it's like a business and like checks and balances and like might break even of that time.

And is it in the red or is it in the black today? Like that's how I look at, that's how I look at time as a whole.​

Michael: Welcome to Gap to Gig, the show for dads navigating the in-between season when work, identity, and priorities start asking different questions.

Here we talk about what that season looks like and how to move through it with intention. I'm your host, Michael Jacobs, and today my guest is Tony Berardo. Tony's a dad, creator, podcaster, and entrepreneur. After spending decades working with large companies, a series of health scares forced him to stop and really reevaluate what mattered most.

That pause led him to build a life centered around his family, meaningful work, and connection. Today, Tony's the founder of Human Dad, hosts the Humanity and [00:01:00] Hashtags podcast, creates content that highlights the real and messy parts of fatherhood, and helps other dads and creators build brands that actually support their lives.

And at the core of everything he does is a simple belief: show up for your family first and let the work serve that, not the other way around. Tony, I'm excited to chat with you today. Welcome to the show. I'm really glad you're here.

Tony: Michael, thanks for the intro man, and, and thanks for having me. This is awesome.

Michael: My pleasure. Awesome. So, your story is one a lot of dads, I think, quietly relate to, especially the moment where life forces you to kind of slow down and ask harder questions. So, I kinda wanna start there. You spent decades in traditional work environments before everything changed. When you look back, what were the earliest signals that something wasn't really working for you anymore?

Tony: Boredom, you know, like yeah, you get, you know, I was stuck in a couple jobs. I mean, I've only had like, I don't know, three or four jobs in my life. I'm 40 now. And each job I was there for over five, six years. So I think like when I was with a company that had the 401k plan and the health [00:02:00] benefits and like security and all that, it just wasn't like, I don't know, man.

I'd wake up every day and it was like mundane. It was routine. It was the same thing every day. I wasn't getting challenged. There was no really room for advancement. And then finally I did get to a position where, like, I climbed the corporate ladder. I was in marketing. Everything was great. It was kind of my passion, what I wanted to do. I was only two steps below, like the CMO,

Michael: Yep.

Tony: right? So like there wasn't a whole lot of growth available after that.

Michael: Right.

Tony: So I was like, all right, this is gonna be me for the next 10 years. No big deal. I'm excited. And then I was doing a lot of stuff on the side that was making me happy, including having the podcast and creating some content and things like that, that I really enjoyed doing, that obviously wasn't paying at the time. And then I got laid off during the pandemic. And that's when I was kinda like, oh, okay, so this isn't secure.

Michael: Right.

Tony: Like, as you [00:03:00] work so hard to get to that place where it's like, okay, I'm, I'm good. I got the 401k, I got the longevity. Like I'm, I'm in the game. This is the dream.

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: And then you get laid off outta your control and then you're like, okay, now what? And that was the eye-opening thing for me where we were always scared to kind of take the plunge and be an entrepreneur and work for yourself and all that.

Michael: Right.

Tony: Because of the, you know, lack of security. But when you're in a position where I was in, where I actually would rather count on myself than count on a corporation, because when I got laid off, it's funny, I had all, you know, friends for decades at these, at, at, at this job that I was at.

Once you get laid off, they never talk to you again. You know, you try to reach out, hey, what's up bro? Hi, happy birthday. How's things going? Nothing.

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: Because you, they don't wanna associate, in their defense, they don't want to associate with someone that isn't with the company anymore 'cause then, you know, you post something on Instagram and then your boss says, you're like, hey [00:04:00] man, you're hanging out with Tony? He got laid off. Like, what's going?

Michael: Right.

Tony: You know? So it's like, it's one of those weird things where you start to really understand what's going on. And your friends that you think are your friends are not. Your boss, he doesn't really like you, even though he messages you on the side and says, hey man, you wanna grab a beer later? He's not. He just wants you to be a good worker.

Michael: Right.

Tony: Good worker bee. That's all it is, and that was the eyeopening thing for me.

Michael: Yeah, so you talked about initially boredom was kind of that first trigger for you, and then it was like you, there was a recognition of a lack of control, right? When you're working for somebody else, you don't control your destiny per se. You do to a degree because you know, the, the harder you work, the smarter you work, you know, typically the higher you can climb.

But that's not always the case. And in your case, like it led to layoffs and there was, that was out of your control. And...

Tony: That's right.

Michael: But there was also, from my understanding, you know, you went through [00:05:00] some health issues or had some health scares and that also kind of has a way of cutting through the noise, right? So you can be bored at your work, but you could feel like, okay, I'm still getting a paycheck, I'm still getting these benefits.

But sometimes there's things beyond just work that have an effect on what you're doing. So, I'm kind of curious, like what did that period of time where you were concerned about health matters that, what did that period teach you about how you were living, not just working?

Tony: Yeah, I think, I mean, that's a good question. We can all probably relate. I mean, even if you were, you know, just having the flu.

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: When you have the flu, you don't care about work.

Michael: Right,

Tony: You're not worried about what show is on Netflix that you should watch.

Michael: Right.

Tony: You just want to get better.

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: So when you're sick, that's all you want to do is you just want to get better.

Michael: Right.

Tony: And I, when you have like a health scare I had, which was kind of back to back over the course of these months [00:06:00] and parallel to me having these health scares, which, you know, I won't bore your listeners, but, quick story is they found a tumor in my lung. Thank goodness it was benign after some biopsies, but it was a pretty rough road because we didn't know what it was.

Obviously, I was, I had pneumonia for a while and they tried to put me on antibiotics. That didn't work. And then I had to get rushed to the emergency room and turns out the tumor was in my right lobe of, or excuse me, lower lobe of my right lung. So, unfortunately they had to remove that portion of my lung.

So, I have a third of my right lung removed. And their recovery was gnarly and brutal. And during that time when I was in the hospital, my company at the time was very supportive and they were like, hey, if you need anything, blah, blah, blah. I was still getting paid. And then when I found out I was about to get discharged, that's when I got laid off.

Michael: Oh my. That is...

Tony: So, turns out though, they were, they told me, the owner called me up afterwards like, hey, listen man, we don't want to be an asshole, but [00:07:00] we, we're laying off a lot of people

Michael: yeah,

Tony: because of budget strains and the, you know, we just, we weren't making money.

Michael: Right.

Tony: And we didn't wanna lay you off the day you went in the hospital, so we tried to push it as long as we could, but you know, this is just where we're at. And now the company is completely bankrupt, so I don't hate them for that because they did what they had to do,

Michael: right,

Tony: but imagine I got discharged, that happened, and then the day I got discharged, my father-in-law passed away.

Michael: Oh my.

Tony: So I couldn't even hug my wife because I was, you know, completely stitched up and sore. And I decided not to take any pain medication, which was a good decision in hindsight, but obviously sucks because it was

Michael: yeah,

Tony: extremely brutal.

Michael: Right.

Tony: So imagine like, I couldn't hug my wife 'cause I couldn't, you know, she was grieving. She's also trying to be strong, and she's there for me, you know, and she doesn't wanna kind of be like, hey, give me the love, because she knew I was, I was at rock bottom at that point. And you know, we're trying to struggle financially, like what to do.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: And then [00:08:00] just mentally, we also were dealing with IVF trying to get pregnant, and we spent about a quarter million dollars in the course of three years to try to get pregnant through a bunch of rounds. So that obviously took a toll on her and me as well, mostly her physically.

Michael: Sure.

Tony: So imagine all this stuff was coupling just in a couple months, and that's when I really looked around and I was like, I don't care where I work because this is what's important.

It's my wife is trying to have a kid. It's being there for her. It's being there for each other because you're gonna get these struggles throughout life, whether it's, you know, health scares, family tragedy, getting laid off, like all that's relatable, I think to some extent, especially as you get older, right?

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: Because our parents and grandparents aren't gonna be here forever.

Michael: Right.

Tony: So, I think understanding and having a perspective of what really is important, but have that perspective before this shit happens. That's what I learned is I didn't really understand any of this, of what I'm saying until it all happened, [00:09:00] and then I realized, oh, okay, I really need to get my shit together and I need to have a perspective of, hey, family's the most important thing.

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: The career is really not where I need to focus a lot of my time on. And I think this is the problem, right? Because especially as men, we always think, hey, if we work harder, make more money, everyone's gonna be happy, right? And I could take care of my wife, take care of my kid.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: That's the wrong attitude to have.

Michael: Right.

Tony: You know, you don't really understand until like, you can google this map online, but I looked at this, or you can Google this graph online, and I looked at it and it really opened up my eyes, especially during this rough time in my life where from the age zero to age, let's call it 16, you're not working, right? You're with your parents, you're having fun, you're hanging out with friends, yada, yada, yada.

Michael: Right.

Tony: Once you're like 16, 17, 18, you start to work.

Michael: Right.

Tony: And from 18 to 65, you work. Then from 65, if you're lucky, you make it to 80.

Michael: Right.

Tony: So from 65 to 80, you're supposed to retire. [00:10:00] That's less than 20 years

Michael: yep,

Tony: that you're supposed to travel the world and do all the good stuff you wanna do.

Michael: Right,

Tony: When you're 65 years old.

Michael: Right, and you're not peak of your health at that point either.

Tony: That's fucking bananas to why, what are we doing?

Michael: Right.

Tony: So, my attitude is from 18 to 65, do whatever you want to do.

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: You know, if you want to be an artist and a freelancer, do that. If you wanna be a stay-at-home dad and make money, you know, by reviewing products on Amazon, do that.

Michael: Right.

Tony: You know, the, this, this whole like attitude that we need to, we need to work so hard to get like the perfect plan when we're 65.

And then, oh, when you retire, you'll have plenty of money to do fuck all because what, what are you gonna do at 65, right? Like and again, this, this, all those things kind of coupled together to gimme the, the attitude that I have now.

Michael: Yeah. That's an incredible journey. I'm not even sure how to phrase it exactly, but [00:11:00] we'll call it a journey.

Tony: Sorry that was a long-winded answer.

Michael: No, no, no.

Tony: It was hard to...

Michael: it was, to have to deal with so many large impacts at the same time, right? Getting discharged from the hospital, you're clearly not physically a hundred percent. You're sufficient enough to be able to go home, right, but you're not, you can't go out and like play basketball or pretty much do much physically, right? And the job that you depended on for, and you've worked so hard for, for the past however many years, no longer exists, and your father-in-law goes, so, now you lose somebody very close to you, and you're trying to go through IVF.

And you wanna be there to support your wife. Physically, you can't even give her a hug. But yes, you are physically present and you can emotionally be there. At that point, I think for a lot of us, it would be very easy to just be like, [00:12:00] to almost give up and just be like, I'm just gonna let this pass and I'll figure things out, and whatever happens, happens.

But you, to me, you come across somebody who took that journey and was like, okay, I'm gonna learn from this journey and evolve it into something that is going to make me happier in the long run. But it doesn't just affect you, right? At that point, it's like, okay, it's gonna make my family better in the long run, right?

Because I'm gonna do something that's gonna make me happier, make me feel more stable, even if I don't have that stable nine to five with the 401k and the insurance benefits, I'm going to be more mentally proactive, which is gonna make me emotionally more available. It's going to make me, you know, be there for those that I care about, family, friends, whoever it may be.

Right, so like, you could have taken different paths and the path you chose is really interesting because I think I lot of people would be like, okay, yeah, well I guess I'm [00:13:00] gonna have to go, just go get another job, right? And I'll just find something and I'll just kind of, I'm gonna go right back into the same routine I was in before.

And for some people that's great and that's what they want. They, they crave that routine. But for you, you recognize, I mean, you realized early on that like boredom was an issue for you, right? Like, my first job outta college, I was bored. Like it wasn't challenging. And I went and talked to one of my professors, you know, six months into my job and I was like, you know, I really just, this job doesn't challenge me. I'm bored. And she's, I'm like, I keep asking for more work and I just can't, they're not giving me anything that's challenging enough and she's like, you know what, just pay attention to what you don't like right now. What's not working. Because when you go get to that next stage of your career and that next stage of your life, you could figure out what works for you and what doesn't.

So you don't have to make the same mistakes that they're making with you now. And that kind of just like, it was a huge mind shift for me, right, or mindset shift.

Tony: That's good advice.

Michael: Right, and so you [00:14:00] essentially, to me, did the same thing where you're like, I don't have to go back to the same routine I was in before. I can make something for myself.

And that meaning, that meant, you know, stepping back from your nine to five, finding something that you are more passionate about, right? So you took these, this conglomeration of incredible negativity or negative events, right, and you turned 'em into something that worked for you, which, it's not easy.

I'm sure you had days where you struggled and were like, I'm not sure what I'm gonna do next. Maybe you didn't. Maybe it was, this was like the flawless, oh yeah, you know, I'm outta the hospital today and tomorrow I'm like super happy and I'm, I know exactly what I'm doing. Right? There, it took steps to get there, but you knew that this was a direction you wanted to head and you went for it, right? And sometimes it's just taking that first step to going for it. So, it's just what an incredible journey, and I just admire how you decided to just go for [00:15:00] it and just do it, right? And you didn't know what was gonna come of it, but now you have this flourishing podcast, you have this apparel line, you're doing all sorts of things that make you happy.

Like you're smiling when I mention it, right? I bet you, you know, during the pandemic, before you lost your job, if I started re, you know, telling you or explain to you what your job was, you wouldn't have that same smile on your face that you do now when I mention your apparel line, when I mention, you know, your podcast.

Tony: Yeah.

Michael: So, you like, you've done something with it. You took those steps.

I think that's super inspirational. I really think that's, that's super cool. So, I want to ask you then, you know, you've said that you, you make less money now and you're okay with that because you're happier, right? How did you kind of redefine your success for yourself once you did put your family first?

Tony: It's hard to when I say all this, people are gonna be like, you know, but we [00:16:00] gotta pay our mortgage. And, you know, it's, it's scary. I get it, but you don't really, I guess you'll just never know unless you have some shit go down, you know, like in your life to where it'll kind of force you to do so.

Michael: Right.

Tony: You know, because here's the, here's the thing that I, I tell a lot of people, if we were having this conversation 20 years ago, I'd be telling a different story.

Michael: Right.

Tony: Right? But we're in a world where you can make money in your PJ's. Like my bottom half, I'm in PJ's right now. I mean, I got a nice shirt on, but my bottom half, I'm in PJ's and I'm gonna be in PJ's all day working. There's people that work all over the world. You know, I got buddies that work in Bali that work for a United States company, but they spend time in Bali and they're moving, moving things around to make sure they could pay their taxes accordingly.

Michael: Right.

Tony: But they're having a great time in Bali with their family.

So, we're just in a very cool time. And I think you gotta get outta your mindset of what's going on and what your dad [00:17:00] told you.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: Because it's different now. You know, it's being a, being a father in 2026 is different than being a father in 1995. You know, in 1995 your mortgage was 600 bucks and your house cost 35 grand.

Michael: Right.

Tony: Right? Cable was a 30, $30 a month bill, right? Your total expenses might be a thousand bucks a month household. Now, they're close to four grand a month.

Michael: Right.

Tony: And, you know, when you look on paper, you're like, oh, well dads must be making more money. No, if you factor in inflation, we're actually spending over 50% of our income on bills. So what does that tell you? Well, that tells you a few things. Number one, you have to live below your means 'cause shit's expensive now

Michael: Yep.

Tony: In America. Or you gotta get outta the country and go somewhere else and have an American job, which you can do.

Michael: Right.

Tony: But then you, again, I think we all think about the wrong things, which is, you know, what can I [00:18:00] do to make sure my family is successful and happy? And you always equate that to money and that is just the wrong mentality to have.

Michael: A hundred percent.

Tony: So, I think when I had this scare it was easy to make this shift because even still to today, I mean, I get job offers all the time that are quarter million dollar a year salary, which is twice as much as what I make now. But I'd have to be away working in an office three days a week.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: Fuck that. There's, why would I do that? Again, I go back to that graph where I talked about why would I work from the age of 18 to 65 in an office when my kid is at childcare for the first five years of her life, and then she goes to school and then I don't see her until she gets back and then we go to soccer practice, and then we have dinner together, and then she goes to bed. I'm spending three hours a day with my kid. That's, again, 20 years ago, different situation.

Michael: Right.

Tony: We are in a very cool shift

Michael: Yep.

Tony: in every aspect from, from culture to [00:19:00] finances, to, to what the American dream is. Just take your time, do some research. It is so easy to do what you really wanna do, make money, and also be able to be a great husband and a great father.

Michael: Absolutely.

Tony: It's just we're scared to do it, and I think it's okay that you take the risk for a little bit, no matter what age you are. I mean, I'm 30, I was 35 when I made this switch. You know, a lot of people say, oh, at 35, you should have your shit together and you should have a house. And, you know you should have like a $10,000 saved in your bank account.

But come on, dude, like there's no perfect plan.

Michael: Right.

Tony: So, it's, you can get hit by a truck tomorrow. It's just

Michael: Yep.

Tony: what do you, what are you doing to make sure you are, are happy every day? 'Cause that is one thing you mentioned, all that stuff that happened to me, that was the worst time in my life.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: And I think a lot of things that allowed me to push through was, was two things.

Number one, having a great spouse, that helps. But number two is just my mental and physical health. [00:20:00] You know, I've always been into working out and fitness. I didn't drink. I still don't drink. I'm, I've been sober for years. So that helped during this time, right? Because drinking obviously is gonna lead to depression, and when I did have that surgery and everything, I wasn't on Oxy. Of course, they gave me like craziest narcotic. So, they, I, I refused to take that, so I was clearheaded and I embraced the pain because I was like, that means I'm alive still and things are good.

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: So, I think that helped. I was clearheaded, I was focused, and I was able to bounce back quick because I was mentally and physically tough. I had a good spouse, and I wasn't all doped up on booze and narcotics.

Michael: Right.

Tony: So, again, I think we need to look at our life and, and see what we're doing on a daily basis. I mean, if you're going out with your buddies and having a beer five times a week, okay, do what you gotta do. But don't expect to wake up in the morning and be like, gung-ho, ready to rock and roll and kick ass today.

Michael: Right.

Tony: Don't expect to be the best father in the world when you're hung over. I [00:21:00] mean, these are all things that on paper someone explains this to you, like, oh yeah, that makes sense.

Michael: Right.

Tony: But you're do, you're doing the opposite.

Michael: Right.

Tony: You're being a shitty human and you're not focusing on your health,

Michael: right,

Tony: and you're surprised that your job isn't what you want it to be. You are not the best husband that you want to be. You're not the best father that you want to be. You know, it's not shocking. This is, this is quite literally the easiest thing on the planet.

Michael: Right.

Tony: We just have to kind of change our mindset a little bit.

Michael: Absolutely. Yeah. It's so easy to fall into the routine, right? And if your routine is go out and drink a beer with your buddies every night after work, well, why change that, right? Because it's just so easy to do, and that's just, it's the habit you've built, but it's easy to change if you're willing to make that change, right?

Like, you, at the end of the day, you still have to take care of yourself, right, 'cause you can't, you won't be there for the people that are important to you if you don't take care of yourself, too, right? Like, [00:22:00] earning a living? Important, yes. Right? Everybody's gotta keep a roof over their heads, feed their families, et cetera.

Being there for your partner, for your children, for the people that are important to you, also extremely important, right? Because you want them to be successful, be happy, be healthy, and you can directly contribute to that by being present for them. But you can't do that if you don't take care of yourself, right?

And right. And it's both physically and mentally and emotionally that you, you need to make sure you do craft time for yourself, but you have to do it in a way that's not destructive, I think is what you're, you're alluding to here of just like, yeah, you can have those beers, but are you gonna be ready to go the next day?

Tony: Mm-hmm. Nailed it. Yeah.

Michael: So, I think it's, yes, you have to take care of yourself, [00:23:00] and you have to kind of make those decisions for yourself. And that's the same thing with, with your job, right? Like, okay, you're not happy in your job. You wanna start doing something on your own. Yes, you could quit today and go for broke and hope you suc-, are successful.

Or maybe you just take a step. Maybe you set up a website for yourself in your, your free time that right to start promoting yourself so that you can start to bring in some other income so that you can eventually leave your job, right? There, there's more than one way to, to approach finding the work that is meaningful to you.

Right? It's.

Tony: Yeah. And, and, and, and if I may add to that, you know, one thing that really helped me is during all this time that it happened, three or about four years prior, the side, on the weekends, I had the podcast,

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: and I was making content for brands already. So, I was doing that on the weekends, not when I was working, and I really enjoyed doing that.

So it was a side hustle and I was barely making any [00:24:00] money, like definitely not enough to go full time.

Michael: Right.

Tony: So, like when I did get laid off, it kind of was an easy switch to just be like, hey, I'm already making like 500 bucks a month doing this. Why don't I just do it seven days a week instead of two, and let's see what happens for a year?

Michael: Right.

Tony: You know? So, I think that's one thing is having a hobby slash side hustle during your current work schedule, right, after work or weekends. And then number two, so number two, number one, have that side hustle. Number two, be frugal

Michael: Yep.

Tony: for six months, meaning cut down your tr-, cut down your streaming services from, you know, 10 streaming services

Michael: Right.

Tony: to one for six months. That way you're saving 600 bucks, right?

Michael: Yep.

Tony: Maybe instead of going to Starbucks four times a week, you go zero

Michael: Right.

Tony: times a week. You know, like little things like cut your expenses down so your break even is low for that six months and within six months, imagine [00:25:00] maybe you save five grand. Doesn't seem like a lot of money,

Michael: Right.

Tony: but now it gives you kind of the flexibility and the comfortability to do some more shit as a side hustle without worrying about the stress of money, right?

Michael: Yep.

Tony: And, I, that's what we did, and it really helped us because obviously I was unemployed for a while, and then once we kind of had that stash of savings from having this mentality prior to it happening,

Michael: Right. Yep.

Tony: always being prepared for, you know, some type of catastrophic negative event in your life, and having that money stashed away. So, we weren't stressed about money at that point but it was, it was allowing me to have the flexibility to kind of take some risks. And I opened up a company and shut down a company within a year that wasn't really working, that I was passionate about. And then I was deciding to go all into the content thing.

And now I've been, you know, three years of doing it full-time. And, thankfully, obviously, we've, we've had a kid since then. She, she is about two and a half now. It's, it's been great. You know, I, I've been able to be home full [00:26:00] time with my kid, and my wife also works from home, so we kind of share, responsibilities halfway through the day.

And then once she was born, I always kind of had this idea of having the apparel brand, but it wasn't necessarily a dad apparel brand. But once I became a father, as you know, it's like your entire identity.

Michael: Yes.

Tony: So, so I decided to kind of go all in and I saw a gap in the market, which is, you know, every dad apparel brand to me is, is the same.

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: You know, it's, it's neutral colors. It's boring slogans. You know, number one dad.

Michael: Right.

Tony: You know, world's greatest father and like all that shit.

And, you know, that's all great and everything, but I wanted to make an apparel brand that's a little bit more relatable. You know, like our, our slogan is for the perfectly imperfect fathers. And, you know, I think a lot of dads can relate to that to where, you know, not everything is sunshine rainbows

Michael: Right.

Tony: as a dad.

And then we kind of embrace that

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: you know, at, at Human Dad. And [00:27:00] that's something I'm super excited about because I know I'm not gonna not be a father,

Michael: Yep.

Tony: so it's gonna be at least 18 years, right?

Michael: Right.

Tony: So I'm like, I, I might as well just go all in on this thing. And it's been one of the greatest things ever.

Michael: That's awesome.

Tony: So, it's...

Michael: I love how human dad it. It feels so honest, authentic, right? Like, like you said, it's not the number one dad that everybody claims to be. Right, it's, and it's not just like the slogans, it's the design itself is modern, right? It's what we, I think a lot of us, as dads feel, is more in line with our identity. Why do you think that dads crave that kind of authenticity now?

Tony: I think, you know, it's probably what we've been fed for 20 years on social media. You know, like the Get Ready With Me videos and the parenting tips that you see and you know, all this shit that we see on the internet that's so [00:28:00] beautiful. And that ain't, that ain't it man.

Michael: Right. So staged, too.

Tony: Yeah, it's all staged, it's all trending music and stuff.

And don't get me wrong, as a content creator, like I've been known to do that, but I also, I do a lot of videos that are de-influencing is what I call it. So like, I'll de-influence parenting or I'll de-influence sleep training. Like, I do a whole series on TikTok about sleep training to where I give you like the real nitty gritty of what it's really like, not the whole pretty thing that you see from like some moms. I give kind of like what it's like from a dad's perspective. So I think that's what we, what we need and we crave that because we've had like reality TV for so long.

Michael: Right.

Tony: You know, but you gotta pull back the curtain

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: And, and, and see the real deal because I think people, a, gravitate more towards that, but also I think people just learn from that more, you know, because it's relatable when, when we see, you know, a show like the Kardashians, it might be entertaining, but you're not [00:29:00] relating to that. You're not learning from that, but when you see like a show like Ridiculousness, I think we all love it because like, oh, that's hilarious. Like, it's, like I could see myself doing that.

Michael: Right.

Tony: You know, like it's, I've made the mistakes and I think it's more, it's more impactful and, and fun that way. So, that's what I'm striving to do with my content and the business.

Michael: Love that. So, there's, like I said, it, it's almost like a pressure to be perfect, right? Like that is, especially on social media, it's like they're trying to show perfection. And reality tv, it's the same way. It's so heavily produced often that it's not reality per se anymore, right? It's this perfect version.

And I think for a lot of dads, there's a pressure to be both a perfect dad and be successful, whether they're an entrepreneur, a creator, or even just in their job of their nine to five. How do you personally keep yourself grounded when that pressure kind of creeps in [00:30:00] to be perfect and successful?

Tony: You know, I think I, I try to put myself in my daughter's shoes.

Michael: Hmm.

Tony: You know, like we, we talk about just being perfect. I just, I take a moment and I put myself in her shoes where I kind of get on her level and what, what is she thinking about?

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: Right, like, is she thinking about bills? Is she thinking about that email I gotta send out before 5:00 PM Is she thinking like, what, the only thing she's thinking about, the only thing she's thinking about is Daddy come here.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: And that, to me, keeps me grounded. Where it's like, I don't need to buy her a new toy for her to hang out with me. I don't, I just need to put the phone down and look at her in her eyes.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: That's it. And, and that being present is not about anything else except for doing what they want you to do, which is you're not perfect and you're never gonna be perfect.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: [00:31:00] And by the way, newsflash, neither is your daughter.

Michael: Right.

Tony: Neither is your son.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: And that's totally cool. That's okay.

Michael: Right.

Tony: Like. You could do everything that every book tells you to do, and they're gonna do what they're gonna do.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: You know, it's, you, you have to understand that if, when we, we gotta strip away these, these titles and these objectives and like all this stuff. Like, be the best parent you can be, but we also don't wanna overanalyze it, you know, because it, it is quite simple, which is they just want your attention. And, you know, I think we're in a very scary time with AI and social media and the fact that it's growing minute by minute, that our attention is getting more and more captured by these devices, and it's not allowing us to be the best husband, the best father. It's, it's alignment, it's, it's forcing us rather to do the opposite without even knowing it.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: And by the time you figure it out, [00:32:00] it might be too late.

Michael: Right.

Tony: So, we really gotta be more intentional about how we're spending our time and that is difficult, right? Because whether you're a freelancer, you work for yourself or you're in a corporate, like the phone might be your life.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: And, you know, if that's what you wanna do, I'll, you know, more power to you.

Michael: Right.

Tony: But if you have a kid, you have a responsibility.

Michael: Exactly. Exactly. And you have to...

Tony: the, these, these little humans don't know what the hell's going on. And you gotta really teach them in the next 18 years how to, how to be a good human. And you cannot do that if you're on your phone all the time.

Michael: Yep. Couldn't agree with you more, and that's why you have to, you end up having to model the behavior, right? So like, if you want to, if you're gonna be on your phone in front of your kids, that's what they're gonna expect is what's expected of them. And

Tony: Right.

Michael: It makes it, you know, you're, you could tell your kids anything in the world, but if [00:33:00] you do the opposite, they're going to most likely follow what you did, not what you said. Right? So...

Tony: Yeah, yeah. Well, well, what's the, what's the saying? It, it goes kids don't always listen to what you say, but they a hundred percent do what you do.

Michael: Yep. Exactly. Exactly. So if that means, you know, being on your phone, well expect your kids to be distracted by their phones, especially as they, they grow older. And it's not easy, right? It is, you know, it's like you said, like if your work is showing up on your phone, if you're getting emails and phone calls and stuff, it's not always easy to turn that off.

But maybe to find some dedicated time or if like, yes, you know, you have this half an hour in the morning before work starts where you can hang with your daughter, phone free, you know, phone in the other room and just give her your 100% presence. I think that's important. I think, you know, something you said earlier of you're not always gonna be perfect, neither were your, neither is your child, right? I think [00:34:00] it's also important to model imperfection, right? It's, you can't give them, I don't think it's appropriate to give your children something that they can't actually do, right? You can't model perfection and you can't expect them to be perfect. And it's when you model imperfection for them, you show them how to handle the downs, right?

The ups and the downs. So it's like when something does go wrong, how do you respond to that? When you do respond incorrectly, when you do have an outburst you didn't mean to have, how do you respond to that? How do you own up to it and how do you teach them of like, okay, that wasn't okay, and this is how you acknowledge it and this is how you move on and try to prevent it going forward.

But as dads, like, it's our responsibility to teach them that by modeling that behavior of owning up to it and like acknowledging that, yeah, I'm not perfect and that's okay, and you're not gonna be perfect either, and that's okay.

Tony: Yeah.

Michael: But here's what happens when you aren't perfect.

Tony: Yeah, exactly. [00:35:00] Exactly. Yeah. And I think, you know, even if, you know, just going back to like the phone point and the, our imperfections that we have, I think explaining it as it's happening is important, too. There was a, a lady that's a she was a pediatrician and an author of a kid's book that she was recently on my podcast, and she gave me some really great advice that I thought was unbelievable, that I've been starting to do and I've, I've seen some great results, which is if you do have to grab your phone or open up your laptop or something like that, explain to your kid what you're doing.

Michael: Hmm.

Tony: So, like, even if they're two years old and you know, you wanna check the weather,

Michael: Yep.

Tony: just pick up your phone and say, well, hold on sweetie, I'm gonna play with you real quick, but I'm just gonna, daddy's gonna check the weather on his phone real fast, and I'm gonna put down my phone.

Hold on. Okay. It's gonna be, alright, 55 degrees and it's gonna be sunny all day. Okay, great. Alright, so what'd you wanna show me?

Michael: Yep.

Tony: And being very inti-, because they are much smarter than we think.

Michael: Oh, yes.

Tony: And when you, when you give intentionality behind what you're doing versus [00:36:00] saying nothing

Michael: Yep.

Tony: and then scrolling, that's all they see.

Michael: Right.

Tony: They have no, I, all they know is the phone is more important than them.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: And, internally, that to them is a defeat. So, if you have to pick up your phone, have some intention behind it and explain what you're doing.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: So that way they know there is boundaries to that and that they are important. It's just you gotta do something real quick and that's okay.

Michael: Right.

Tony: And, again, same thing like when our kid, and everyone that has a toddler knows that this goes down, when your kid interrupts you talking when you're trying to talk to your spouse,

Michael: Right.

Tony: Look at them and say, hey sweetie, I'm talking to mommy right now. We're just talking about our day real quick. But you're next, we're gonna ask you about your day. Just hold on one second. We're gonna finish talking, okay? And then as you're talking, they understand, oh, there is boundaries, right? And now they know you're not interrupting them. You're just talking to them.

Michael: Right.

Tony: And I think it's hard to get in that [00:37:00] narrative. It's hard to like get, become the narrator of your own story and kind of explain everything that, that you're doing to this little human.

But they've only been around the planet for 24 months, man.

Michael: Right.

Tony: You know, they, they don't know what's going on. And I think this is again, I go back to switching our mentality to slow down a little bit

Michael: Yes.

Tony: and really understand what is happening. And if, if this seems like a lot, I, it is.

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: You're raising a human.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: It's a very big responsibility, and you don't have to take it seriously, but don't be shocked at the age of 10 that your kid's a psychopath.

Michael: Right, right.

Tony: You know, like it's, we, we really have to start thinking this is a huge responsibility and you are molding them to either be a good human when they get older

Michael: Yep.

Tony: or a bad human.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: And they always say, well, the parent isn't fully the reason why the kid's bad. Yeah, probably not fully, but again, if [00:38:00] you raise a good human and they go onto the world to shitty humans, most likely they got a better chance of surviving if they're a good person.

Michael: Right.

Tony: That behavior is modeled in these younger years of life. So, it's very important.

Michael: Absolutely. Absolutely. And I, I love that advice of, explain to them what you're doing, like the intention behind it, and I think even

Tony: Crazy.

Michael: Going that next step of explaining why, like, I'm checking the weather so I can figure out when is the right time that we can go out, right? Because maybe, maybe it's going to rain for, for the next two hours.

So now I know, you know, at 1:00 PM today, we'll be able to go out and go for our walk, right? We can't go now, but I'm gonna check the weather just so we can determine what time we can go for our walk. Or I need to check this message because this person is going to email me a new order so I can send them some t-shirts, right? Like

Tony: Exactly.

Michael: Just giving them that explanation, and I think that also will lead to some creative questions back from them. But why, like, you know, what is it? Why do people [00:39:00] want t-shirts or whatever? And, and it can open up a new discussion that you weren't expecting that will then help them create new memories and new ideas and new thoughts and ways to be creative and ways, things that they might be interested or interested in, or determine things that they're not interested in, right?

Tony: Oh, great. Yeah, that's a great point.

Michael: So, I love that idea of just like explaining the intention behind what you have to do.

Tony: It's changed. It's changed everything for me, for sure. And also just an added bonus to that is it allows you to not scroll.

Michael: Yes.

Tony: Like you're not, you're not doom scrolling because there's no, unless you're lying to your kid.

Michael: Right.

Tony: There's no reason for you to pick up your phone. You're explaining what you're doing and then just ignoring them, right? Like, you're probably not gonna pick up your phone and say, hey, hold on one sec, sweetie. Just one, one minute. I wanna check TikTok to see what's trending right now, and then I'm gonna scroll for the next hour and do nothing with my life. Hold on one second. Okay? Right?

Michael: Right.

Tony: You're not gonna do that, obviously. At least I hope you won't.

Michael: Hope not.

Tony: So I, I think it allows you to kind of [00:40:00] reframe your mindset

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: a, along scrolling 'cause let's be honest, we're all addicted to these things 'cause they're awesome. I mean, they're so, they're great tools. It's, there's not one video on TikTok that isn't funny.

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: Like everybody on TikTok is hilarious.

Michael: Right.

Tony: It's the greatest app ever created. But because of that, similar to like meth, it's addicting.

Michael: Yes.

Tony: And when you try meth one time, I would imagine, it's fantastic, and you don't wanna stop. So, here's, here's how you don't get addicted to meth. Don't try meth.

Michael: Right.

Tony: Best solution, right?

Michael: Yep.

Tony: So, kind of the same thing with your phone. If you don't wanna be addicted to your phone, just put it down.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: And, and eventually you will form a habit of not being so addicted to it.

Michael: Right. Absolutely. It, it, it all sounds so easy and it's all gonna be perfect and everything, but again, it's, it's gonna be imperfect. And I'll tell you,

Tony: Yeah.

Michael: even when they get to their teenage years, they'll still interrupt a conversation between you and your partner, right?

Tony: No matter what you say.

Michael: They have no, no idea like that there's another conversation going on at the same time, and they could be [00:41:00] literally sitting right there at the same table as you,

Tony: Yeah.

Michael: Right. But embrace the imperfection, right? And teach them how to respond when they, they do have those imperfect moments. You talk a lot about, you know, making sure you have that time with your daughter, the importance of being there with her and for her.

And, you know, for a lot of dads, they think balance means equal time everywhere, right? Like, I put in certain amount of time at work, I put in a certain amount of time at home, and maybe I get a certain amount of time for fun, and on the surface, okay, yeah, maybe that makes sense, right? It's like that's an easy way to divide things up.

Everything's equal, but how do you define balance now in a way that actually works for you in your real life?

Tony: Yeah, that's a good question. I mean, I, I, I definitely think of, think of it like in pockets, like in order to balance a life. I don't, the work-life balance thing is, I don't subscribe to that. To me, that's [00:42:00] stupid. Because you shouldn't. Your life shouldn't be balanced with work.

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: Like work is part of your life.

Michael: Yes.

Tony: Sure, but it's a very, very small part of life, at least it should be.

Michael: Right.

Tony: So, I think doing what you can to make sure bills are getting paid, and you're doing what you gotta do, but just understanding that it is a job. And if you're struggling to pay bills, it might not be because of your job isn't paying you enough.

Maybe you're just spending too much money on bills.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: So, what are those bills? And that's where you gotta kind of figure out how much money you're actually wasting on bills. I'm not talking about mortgage and electric. I'm talking about, you know, your miscellaneous stuff, right? Like the Starbucks runs and

Michael: Yep.

Tony: like all those things you're spending money on. If you spend less money, you'll actually be able to save more money, which means you won't be as stressed.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: Ergo, you'll be able to spend more time with your family.

Michael: Right.

Tony: So for me, I think there's, there's checks and balances when it comes to that, but [00:43:00] just personally for myself to balance it, I always kind of look at it in a couple buckets. Number one is, okay work, but am I doing what I love.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: And the things I'm not liking right now, I don't do. So maybe you outsource that.

Michael: Right.

Tony: Like if you're like me, I outsource a lot of stuff that I don't want to do. I'm making less money because of that, obviously, clearly. But to me, time is the most important thing.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: So, you know, when I look at my work, yeah, I'm, I'm enjoying it, but I need to make sure I have time. So, then, what does that mean?

Well, for me, time is the most important thing, and I wanna spend time with my wife and my kids. So, when a buddy of mine says, hey, bro, you want to meet up and, you know, go for a beer or, you know, go out to dinner or whatever? I'm like, yeah, great, you bringing your wife and kid.? He's like, no. I'm like, eh, I'm good man, but let's, let's meet up some other time.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: And that doesn't mean I don't love the guy. Like, I would love to do it, but if you're not, like, I just don't wanna leave my wife and kid.

Michael: Right.

Tony: And again, that's [00:44:00] kind of like a weird thing to say because a lot of people are like, well, sometimes you need, you know, you time.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: Do you see my kid around right now? I'm having me time.

I'm enjoying this conversation, Michael. Like it's just how I, how I look at my time now is different because, to me, having a good time with a buddy that wants to just drink and talk shit about how much he hates his job,

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: it's just not constructive to me anymore.

Michael: Right.

Tony: Like, in my twenties, I really enjoyed it 'cause it was great to talk shit about work and,

Michael: Right.

Tony: you know, make fun of your boss. But now I'm 40 years old, and, and you know, every, every moment is so precious to me because it could be your last.

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: And, I think that's just with all those health scares that happened to me, that's how I look at things now where I just look at the buckets of time and then work and work is a very small portion of that. Time, to me, is the most important thing.

So, really looking at time as if it's like a business and like checks and balances and like my break even of that time, and is it in the red or [00:45:00] is it in the black today? Like that's how I look

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: at, that's how I look at time as a whole. And especially because our kid's so young now.

Michael: Right.

Tony: I feel like it's as, you know, man, I, just, last year she was one years old, she was barely talking. She just started walking and now she's running all over the place

Michael: Yep.

Tony: saying full sentences. And it's like, what the fuck happened? And then you start having these like crazy visions of, oh shit, she's gonna get her license and have a car.

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: And then it's like, I need to be here as much as I can.

Michael: Yes.

Tony: 'cause when she's out, that's when I'll have a beer and hang out with my buddies.

Michael: Right.

Tony: You know what I mean?

Michael: Yep,

Tony: And if they don't wanna wait that long, alright, fuck you.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: I don't know what to tell you.

Michael: Right.

Tony: Right?

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: That's how I look at it.

Michael: Yeah. I love that. It's a great perspective. It's a, you know, you have to find what energizes you, and you've identified for yourself, you're getting your energy from your family first, right?

Tony: Right.

Michael: That is to you, something that is bringing [00:46:00] you more joy and more energy than making fun of your boss.

And nowadays you can't make fun of your boss 'cause you are your own boss, right? I mean, you can, but like what's, what purpose is that gonna serve?

Tony: That's right.

Michael: Right, so it's...

Tony: Yeah. And by the way, I wanna preface by saying, it doesn't mean that what I'm doing is the correct thing.

Michael: Right.

Tony: That's just what makes it, that's what I like to do.

Michael: Right. Exactly.

Tony: So, if you are the guy that likes to talk shit about your bo-, that's totally cool. All, all good. If that makes you happy, then I think that's important because if you're happy, then you're gonna be a better father because you, you do go out with buddies and play video games and drink and whatever. That's fine.

Michael: Right, right.

Tony: So that, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that. I'm just saying you need to be self-aware of what that is and you need to go all in on that shit.

Michael: Right. You have to find what brings you energy and positivity right now and that is an individual choice, right? For everybody. It's different for you, it's hanging out with your family. For somebody else, it could be, you know, going out and playing a round of golf, or it could be reading a book, right?

Or it could just be going for a walk. Whatever it may be, [00:47:00] you gotta find what works for you to bring you the energy so that you can be there to do the things that are important to you. Whether that is, you know, spending time with your family or earning a living. Like you can't do those things that well if you're not energized yourself to, to do it.

And so you do have to take care of yourself. And for you, taking care of yourself means spending more time with your family, right?

Tony: Nailed it.

Michael: Right, and so, it's just everybody's different and that's okay.

Tony: Yeah.

Michael: But it's just finding what it is that, that does bring you energy. So your perspective is, I love it. It's just, it's easy to recognize after the fact of like, yeah, that's what brings me energy.

It's making that choice to begin with of like, yeah, maybe I'm not gonna go out tonight, right? That is where if you can take a moment, like you said earlier, if you can slow things down a little bit and just be like, okay, you know what? That's not gonna bring me the energy I need right now. I've had a long, tough [00:48:00] day.

Is drinking a beer going to solve it for me? No. For somebody else, maybe, but for you personally? No, that's not what's gonna bring you, it's hanging out, playing with your kid. Like that's gonna bring you some energy and that's

Tony: Yeah.

Michael: what you gotta do. And it, it takes time to recognize those things, right? Like, you're not gonna realize like what brings you energy, and those things change over time.

But like you said, it is personal to you, right? It's, that's what works for you.

Tony: Yeah, and, you know, I think a lot of this has to do with you know, again, I'm 40, right? So, I'm not saying I'm gonna die tomorrow, but I'm just saying well, like when I was 20, dude, like me and my buddy, my buddy Scott, best friend in the world, I've known for over 20 years, we have done so much shit and we partied so much.

And I have hooked up with so many girls. Like I've had an unbelievably irresponsibly gorgeous, gorgeous decade, maybe two

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: of my life where I just went ballistic. And it was fantastic and I would not regret any minute [00:49:00] of it, even though it was, they were all bad decisions,

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: but I had so much fun.

Michael: Right.

Tony: So, now I just have no desire to do such things.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: You know, I, I don't have a desire to follow the hot chick on Instagram with a nice ass anymore.

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: It's just not, it's not a thing anymore, right? Because it's a temptation. Like, again, if you don't wanna get hooked on meth, don't do meth.

Michael: Right. Yep.

Tony: If you don't wanna cheat on your wife, don't follow the girl on Instagram. Like, that's probably the best

Michael: Yep.

Tony: solution. So, you know, again, I, I just think because of my age, like you said, and time and kind of how that catches up to you,

Michael: Right.

Tony: even if you don't have any, like, health issues or anything like that, I just think as you get older, you start to understand you want in life and what's important.

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: So, I think if you are 20 and you're listening to this, even if you're a father, dude, have a couple shots of tequila every week, like it's all good. Do what you gotta do.

Michael: Right.

Tony: Just understand that the long term benefits of that, what are they?

Michael: Right.

Tony: You know?

Michael: Yeah, and it's like, you know, life goes in phases or seasons. Like, [00:50:00] I kind of look at it as different seasons, right? What I was doing in my twenties, I had my first kid when I was 28, 29, something like that. Like, my late twenties was very different than my early and mid forties, right? It's,

Tony: Totally.

Michael: There's different seasons and that's okay, right? So, what works for you now might not work for you five years from now, right, but it works for you now. It's great. It's bringing you energy. You're happy, you're, the people you surround yourself with, you care about, they're happy. Great. Keep at it, right? And recognize what it is that's helping, you know, everyone to be so happy,

Tony: Totally.

Michael: but also be okay with change.

Like, things will slow down, things will speed up, and it's just recognizing where you are in the moment, like what season you're in. And, like you said, like you had your fun years and now your definition of fun is different and that's okay. You're in a different season.

Tony: Totally. Yeah, great perspective.

Michael: Yeah. So,

Tony: For sure.

Michael: You know, on the, you, you talk a lot about fun, right?

You certainly had some fun times in your life, it sounds like. On, on the flip side of that, you know, as [00:51:00] dads, things can get overwhelming sometimes. So, when you feel overwhelmed, what's your kind of personal reset? Something that kind of helps you return to help you show up better at home?

Tony: Working out.

Michael: Working out?

Tony: Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, it's, I mean, I've always been into fitness, but I mean, just yesterday, matter of fact, I had a really rough start of the week and like our, our, our daughter has been doing great sleeping wise, but now she's in this thing where even if there's something little that upsets her, she like freezes, and she doesn't respond. You know, I don't know if you could relate to this

Michael: Yep.

Tony: where it's like, you know, like the other day she goes, we're like, hey, did you say you wanted to wear your princess dress? And she goes, and she's pointing and she's, the girl can speak a lot like she's doing full paragraphs. So, it's intentional,

Michael: Right.

Tony: right? She just, neurologically they shut down if they're upset and it's like this fight or flight response.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: So, you [00:52:00] can't get mad at it. You try not to.

Michael: Right.

Tony: But she's been doing it a lot lately for like the littlest things. So, you kinda have to, you know, regulate ourselves and come down to center.

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: And once she starts playing, she's fine.

But, now I'm starting to understand after like a week of that, it takes a toll on you

Michael: Yep.

Tony: and for me to reset mentally and to get right, 'cause that, that drains you as, you know,

Michael: Yep.

Tony: like trying to have these conversations and these tantrums. And she doesn't wanna go outside because it's cold and she doesn't wanna wear a jacket, like all these things are, just yesterday she had like two hours straight of like every 10 minutes she was having these meltdowns,

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: and after a while I just, I went to my wife, I was like, hey, can you watch for a sec? I hop in the garage, and I do like 20 minutes, kettlebells and just going hardcore. And, a, releasing that agression, but also lifting up my dopamine

Michael: Yep.

Tony: and, and just really putting in the energy that you're kind of mentally clogged with [00:53:00] releasing that physically and, and getting your dopamine up and just sweating a little bit. And then going, you know, taking a nice cold shower, just waking up,

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: getting ready to rock and roll. And I go back in and she had two more tantrums and bro, I did not give a shit.

Michael: Yeah. Much easier to handle. Yeah.

Tony: It's fascinating. Yeah. When you're riding on that dopamine,

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: the difference, and I should say three days before that was the last time I worked out, right? So I'm going on 72 hours of not working out.

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: So, I'm already like, my body's like, bro, you need to lift up some shit.

Michael: Yeah. Right.

Tony: So, once I did that though, I felt way better.

And I think you have to find that, whether that's drawing for you or reading a book or

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: going outside for a run, like whatever that is to you, I think it's so important to, to just get that out because you are a better person

Michael: Right.

Tony: when that happens.

Michael: Right. And I think what's...

Tony: That's what it is to me. Yeah.

Michael: What's really interesting to me was you said 20 minutes, right?

Tony: Yeah.

Michael: It doesn't always have to be like this big grand use of time, right? Like you don't need the [00:54:00] day off necessarily, right? Like, 20 minutes in the garage and you're like reset, right? And it could be, like you said, it could be going for a run, it could be working out, it could be drawing or reading, you know, it could just be five minutes of mindfulness.

Like, you just have to find your thing that kinda helps you reset and kind of bring down that overwhelm that, or whatever it is that's kind of building up that tension. And, for you, it's like 20 minutes in the garage working out, boom, quick shower, ready to go, and you are much more present because you're not being weighed down by the, the tension or the overwhelming feeling that you had before that workout, right? And it's like, these are things that we can kind of work into our day. Okay, you only have five minutes? What can you do in that five minutes? Like, what can you do in that time that the, the water's boiling before you make the pasta, right? Just calm yourself down. Is it, you know, five minutes of meditation? Is it, [00:55:00] you know, doing some pushups? Is it just reading for a few minutes, get your mind off things? You can find those little pockets to just reset yourself a little bit. And it, you're, for you, it's working out. I love that. I think it's such a, it's an easy one for you, right? Because it's like, go in the garage and you do it and it's, right?

And, I think, for other dads, it's like sometimes we overthink it and are like, I don't know what to do now. Like, I'm just overwhelmed. What's that next step? And it's like, just take one step. Go in the garage and lift some kettlebells, or go for a quick walk, right? Or

Tony: Yeah.

Michael: just breathe, right? Take some deep breaths.

Like, it doesn't have to be this complex thing. It doesn't have to be this all day, you know, multi-day thing where you have to, you know, go on a silent retreat. Like, no, you can just,

Tony: Right,

Michael: you can.

Tony: Or even, yeah, or even like, you know, getting this like look up on Instagram, the guy that's really jacked and you wanna do his workout routine. Like, it's not, studies continue to show that literally if you can just [00:56:00] carry, like you grab some 20 or 30 pound weights and you just carried it around the room for 10 minutes, the full-body benefits of that is astounding.

Michael: Wow.

Tony: Whether you're a man or a woman,

Michael: Right.

Tony: specifically with women, if you can, you know, I, I think it's something like 30% of your body weight, if you can carry your body weight 30% whether it's kettlebells or you grab some jugs of water, like whatever it is, and you can just walk up and down the street, like the benefits of that are, are astounding.

So, you know, it, it just, we have to again, rethink how we understand everything, you know, when it's fitness and parenting and all that, it doesn't have to be perfect. You don't have to have a full gym set up.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: You know, you can just have two dumbbells that are

Michael: Right.

Tony: 25 pounds and you can literally change your life with that.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: I love what you said about pushups. You know, do some pushups when the pasta's getting cooked, you know? Like there's, there's so many things you can, and also, by the way, the reason I'm, I lean, so hardcore fitness is, now, I don't work out. I [00:57:00] used to work out for vanity. I used to work out because I wanted to look good for my wife or when I was single, I wanted to look good to pick up chicks.

Michael: Right.

Tony: But, I, it was always vanity.

Now, it's like I need to be strong for daughter.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: You know, she works out with me, by the way. She's in the garage, and she has these fake 3D-printed toddler weights. They're hilarious. It's like dumbbells and barbells. And she has all this stuff, and she just works out with me because I want her to see it.

I want her to understand what I'm doing. And a lot of people have messaged me like, dude, why don't you guys just like play with blocks and shit instead, like, you're, you're wasting her time in the gym. I go, no, a, even if she stares at me for 30 minutes, she knows daddy three days a week, goes in the gym and works out. That teaches her discipline. That, that lets her understand that I have a routine and I stick to a routine no matter what.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: And she'll have that routine as well

Michael: Right.

Tony: when she gets old enough and maybe it's not working out for her. Maybe it's reading a book

Michael: Yep.

Tony: in the [00:58:00] garage. Maybe it's, you know, she's gonna have that routine where she's like, daddy and mommy have a routine and they're disciplined.

Michael: Yep.

Tony: And that's how they learn these traits.

Michael: You're teaching her healthy habits, right? And you're also showing her like there are things beyond the screen, right? You,

Tony: Bingo.

Michael: so, you're, you're modeling the behavior that you want her to be able to pick up later in life, right? It's, it's so smart. And

Tony: Yeah.

Michael: I, I don't personally get the criticism of why people would say like, why aren't you playing with blocks instead of doing this?

Like, you are doing an activity together, right? And it's bonding time for you, but you're, again, you're modeling this specific behavior that you are hoping that she'll be able to pick up later on and demonstrating to her, there are alternatives to some of the easier things to do in life, like picking up your phone and doom scrolling.

Tony: Yeah,

Michael: So

Tony: exactly.

Michael: This is great. I want to move on to the speed round now. We're gonna kind of totally flip the script here and just go into the questions that have nothing to do with anything, [00:59:00] but they're gonna be fun. So, five quick questions. What's the first kid show theme song that comes to mind?

Tony: Oof. It's not really a kid show 'cause we don't do tv, but Moana. You're, you're welcome by, by The Rock.

Michael: Yep. Yep. That'll be stuck in my head now. What was your very first job?

Tony: A movie theater, Regal Cinemas.

Michael: Excellent. Concessions, ticketing,

Tony: Best job ever.

Michael: that kind stuff?

Tony: Oh, dude, I did everything. I, I started as, as ticketing, and then I went to concessions, and then I was the concessions supervisor. Oh, wait, with that extra 10 cent raise, yeah, I did everything.

Michael: Move on up. Would you rather spend 24 hours with a toddler-sized T-Rex or a T-Rex-sized toddler?

Tony: Oh, man. Oh, man, that's a tough one.

Michael: Yeah.

Tony: They both don't seem very good, but I guess a, a toddler-sized T-Rex.

Michael: Toddler-sized T-Rex. Why do you say that?

Tony: Easier to manage, I suppose,[01:00:00]

Michael: Okay.

Tony: as opposed to the bigger one

Michael: Right.

Tony: because my, my toddler now is, you know, up to my knees and she's a handful. I can't imagine any bigger than that.

Michael: Right, right. When she's towering over you, it's that age, that'd be pretty scary.

Tony: Yeah.

Michael: What's your go-to karaoke song or the one you would sing if you had to?

Tony: Ooh uh, hmm, maybe Polly want a cracker? Well, Polly by Nirvana.

Michael: Okay. Yeah.

Tony: Yeah.

Michael: Great tune. What's the weirdest thing you've ever carried around in your bag, briefcase or pockets?

Tony: Peanut butter and jelly sandwich unwrapped. Not my, not my doing, but a couple months ago, my toddler, unknowingly to me, shoved a half-eaten, unwrapped peanut butter and jelly sandwich in my pocket. And I didn't know for like 10 minutes. And then I opened it up and it was a melted PB&J in my pocket. So that was fun.

Michael: I'm not sure fun would've been the word I would've used to [01:01:00] describe it, but to each their own.

Tony: Yeah.

Michael: What an experience that must have been.

Tony: Yeah.

Michael: Tony, this is awesome. Before we wrap up, I wanna give you the floor. You're building some really meaningful, really cool things right now. Where should people go if they want to learn more or get involved or, you know, pick up a sweatshirt or, or something?

Tony: Thanks man. Yeah, I mean, the best way is, probably, you could go to my website theberardo.com to find everything, or my Instagram, I, I post, five times a week on there everything I'm doing and that's @theberardo. So, and my handles are the same across all platforms. But we got to, we got the podcast going, we got the apparel, you know, brand going and things are good, man. Life is good.

Michael: That's awesome. Well, Tony, I really appreciate this conversation. I, I appreciate how honest and grounded you are, right? Like, you could have gone in a lot of different directions and you could have, you know, swept over things or, you know, not really acknowledge some of the hard truths that you've lived through.

You didn't sugarcoat the trade offs. You, [01:02:00] to, you, you made it clear that, or to everybody, you've made it clear that you chose family first. And it doesn't mean you gave up on meaningful work either, right? You found work that is meaningful to you and still be there for your family. And the way you show up is really impressive, both as you know, as a dad and a human.

And I think the work you're doing to help other dads is to feel kind of less alone, is, is really commendable. So, I appreciate you not only the work that you're doing, but for sharing your story with us today. And finally, before you go, if you're a dad listening to this and you find yourself in between, navigating a season that feels different, head to gaptogig.com and subscribe to the Gap to Gig newsletter. It comes out every Friday, and it's a quieter space to reflect on work, life, and what really matters right now.

And if this conversation resonated, consider sending it to another dad who might need to hear it. Until next time, I'm Michael Jacobs. Thanks for showing up and listening to Gap to Gig.