Antwaun Thompson on Raising Confident Kids Through Better Parenting and Coaching

WEBVTT

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Speaker: Believe it or not, you'd be
surprised how many kids are ready to have

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adult conversations, even as young adults,
but they're not given that opportunity

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and, and they're always watered by,
they're not old enough to deal with that.

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It's like, well, how do you know
if we don't have the conversation?

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And it allows parents to find out how
mature their kids are 'cause a lot of

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kids are a lot more mature than their age.

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Michael: Welcome to Gap to Gig, the show
for dads navigating the in-between season

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when work, identity, and priorities
start asking different questions.

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Here we talk about what that
season looks like and how to

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move through it with intention.

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I'm your host Michael Jacobs, and today
I'm joined by Antwaun Thompson though

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many people know him simply as Coach
T. For more than three decades, Antwaun

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has coached and mentored young people
across athletics, leadership, and life.

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He's worked with kids from elementary
school through college, founded

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a nonprofit focused on developing
tomorrow's leaders, built an online

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mentoring academy, and recently
authored a book designed to help

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pre-teens and teens build the mindset
and skills they need to thrive.

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What stands out most to me
is that Antwaun's work is

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not just about performance.

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It's about character, confidence,
resilience, and helping young people

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become whole capable humans in a
world that doesn't slow down for them.

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Antwaun, I'm really excited
to chat with you today.

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Welcome to the show.

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Glad you're here.

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Antwaun: Thank you.

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Thank you, Michael.

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I appreciate you having me on and
really my bio, which you described is

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something that's really passionate about.

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I'm really excited about our
conversation we're gonna have.

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Michael: Awesome.

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Thank you.

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I look forward to that.

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So you've spent decades working with
kids and teens at really formative

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moments in their lives, right?

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I want to kind of start there.

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When you look at kids today compared
to when you started coaching, what

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feels most different about the
challenges they're facing now?

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Antwaun: Lack of confidence, believe
it or not, Michael is one of the things

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that I spend more time with kids.

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Now, is usually there's other skill sets
that I think that they need to learn, but

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that's the one to spend the most time on.

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They don't have as much belief
in themselves, and it takes a

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little bit more of that positive
reinforcement than it used to.

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Not, not that I mind doing it at all, it's
just one of the things that bothers me

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specifically because I may be providing
that, but what if the next person doesn't?

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What is the potential fallback from that?

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Michael: Right.

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Why do you think that is?

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Why do you think there's such a lack of
confidence today compared to years ago?

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Antwaun: That's such a great question.

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There's so many different
ways to answer that.

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I mean, I, I could really, I'll use my
own experience, you know, from the early

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years of coaching, like you asked before.

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There's, there's really a big difference
between the level of excitement

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from kids to be a part of something.

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Part of, I think a lot of it now
is more social than it is for the

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real reason for getting together.

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Now, in basketball, as an example,
of years ago, used to be like, oh

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my gosh, kids would try so hard.

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They spend so much extra time getting
ready because they knew they wanted

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to be a, they thought they knew
it was gonna be something special.

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Now I've seen us, they're just happy
to be a part of something without

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putting that little extra something
in to be a, a positive contributor to

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something, just being a part of the
clique is a satisfactory enough for them.

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And that bothers me also because it's, you
know, I think every child has the ability

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to be a leader, and I see a lot of 'em
being followers because they don't take

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the time to find out what their potential
leadership and or qualifications are.

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Michael: Right.

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That's interesting.

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It's, you know, with everything going
on in today's day and age, right, and

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there's all sorts of modern technology
and things that have kind of come into

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play, right, and social media and things
that have maybe driven some of the

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discourse around what kids, regardless
of age, right, I think, you know,

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whether they're in fifth grade or 10th
grade or whatever they may be, right?

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Like, I imagine you still see some of
those same confidence issues and same

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maybe lack of great ambition that we kind
of hope for our kids, to the kids to take.

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And I know you talk a lot about,
like, about personal development, not

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necessarily being consistently addressed
in schools and you don't know, like yes,

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you can provide that mentorship, that
encouragement to reach for more, to go

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for more in your role as a coach, but
you don't know what the next person who's

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going to be leading them is going to do.

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From your perspective, what are
kids missing that us as dads

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assume we're getting else, that
our kids are getting elsewhere?

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Antwaun: Feedback.

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The necessary feedback.

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I, as I was listening to
you asked something that

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kind of popped into my head.

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I'm in my first year of director
of basketball for a school and that

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entails me being over our program
from middle school all the way through

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high school for boys and girls.

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And one of the things I talk a lot about,
and this is probably something you may

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wanna dig more into, but every time a
child participates in a sport, there

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are four components that come into play.

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And I think these are part of what
affects their ability to succeed and

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for some kids to even participate.

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And we talk about pressures
and those four things are being

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who they're trying to please.

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Number one, they're trying to please
their parents when they compete.

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They're also trying to please
their coach and compete.

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They're also trying to please their
teammates when they compete, but

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the most important person they're
trying to please is themselves.

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And you put all those into one basket and
then you put a child into any environment,

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sporting event, or other extracurricular
activity, and that's a lot of pressure

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Michael: Right.

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Antwaun: To perform, and now
it's like, okay, what do I do?

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But it leads to question, you
know, what are the kids missing?

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Well, it's what happens after those
particular extracurricular activities,

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sporting event, or whatever it may be.

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That ride home is probably the most
difficult thing for a child to go

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through because there's something they
don't know before they get in the car.

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Or for some kids they do know.

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Either mom or the brother or sister are
going to ream them about how they played,

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which they already know how they played.

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If they didn't play
well, they already know.

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She's already told them.

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Teammate probably already told them.

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So now they're getting more of that.

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And then it's you should have done
this, or you should have done that.

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Like, they already know what they should
have done after, you know, whatever.

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What a child needs to hear in that
situation is, hey, it was really

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great to see how you guys competed.

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You guys competed really hard, competed
really well, really hard and really proud.

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It was great to watch you play.

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Leave it at that.

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That means the last years they have
from a, a, a opportunity that didn't

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go well is something positive, and
that's what they're able to build

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on, but kids are not getting that
because parents are so involved,

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they're so competitive, they're making
everything about winning and losing.

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And that stalls the personal
growth and development for kids

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and their relationship development.

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Michael: Right.

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Yeah, I've seen that myself.

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I coached hockey for many, many
years at youth hockey, and I didn't

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care if we won a game six-nothing.

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I don't care if we lost the game,
you know, 10-nothing, right?

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To me, the reason I coach and
what I really enjoyed about it was

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watching the kids grow, right, and
they're going to make mistakes.

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And how I approach those mistakes,
I think was much more important than

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anything else I did as a coach, right,
because I'm gonna encourage them.

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I'm going to give 'em postive feedback,
but when they make mistakes, I could

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give it to them as, you know, that
negative feedback that we all kind

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of expect like, oh, you did terrible.

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Oh, that was not a great play.

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Why did you do that?

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Right?

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Start questioning them.

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That might feel good in the moment
to like let that off your chest as a

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coach, but, well, for me, it didn't.

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Like, I just, I would feel guilty if I
did that, but for what I found was it is

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more of an opportunity than a mistake.

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Right, like, they, okay, the, they
didn't put themselves in the right

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position to receive the puck in hockey.

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Or maybe it was to, they didn't spot up in
the right spot on the court for basketball

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or, they didn't, you know, get the right
jump off of the base in, in baseball.

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It's, okay, that wasn't the right spot
for, in that particular situation.

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Here's why, and next time you
go and do that, here's what

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will help you succeed, right?

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Like, I wanna put you in the right
spot to succeed, as opposed to tell

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you that you are in the wrong spot to,

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to fail.

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And so I saw it all the time of parents
getting on their, their kids' cases.

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Oh, you know, that wasn't your best game.

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You know, you could have done
this, or you could have done that.

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I have no problem going up to the kids and
being like, ignore what your parents said.

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They have no idea what
they're doing, right?

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And I try to tell the parents, you
know, from the beginning of the season

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on, like, I want to encourage 'em, I
wanna see them grow 'cause the way they

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play at the beginning of the season
versus the way they play at the end

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of the season are two, they're like
two different athletes if we're doing

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our jobs as coaches and as parents.

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Antwaun: Right, right.

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Michael: Like you said, they need
that positive feedback, right?

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But it's not just that the
feedback has to be positive.

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Like you could point out, okay,
that wasn't the best play.

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I think you can do that, right?

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And, but here's why.

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And here's how you can do it better the
next time so that you can, you know,

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succeed and go further in, in your sport.

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So like you're learning from
your experiences, right?

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But it doesn't have to be
framed as a negative thing.

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Right, and the, the thing I despise
most as a coach was watching

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parents yell and scream, right?

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It is just, you feel so bad for the,
for the kids, for the players, like

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they're there to have fun, right?

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These are youth athletes.

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At the end of the day,
you're playing a game.

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You're not

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sa, you're not saving the world, right?

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You're playing a game and what you put
into it is what you can get out of it

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typically with experiences, and I think
that's the same thing with youth sports.

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You can learn a lot from
youth sports, right?

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But you have to be put in an
environment that allows you to do that.

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And when you're, when you talk about
like the parents on their way home, they

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don't know if their parents are going
to chastise them for their performance.

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That's not setting them up to
learn from their experience

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and what to do best, right?

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It's like we need to, to explain
to them, this is a, maybe the

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way to, to look at the situation.

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Here is another perspective that
will help you understand the game

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better, understand the skill better.

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Like here's how you can shoot the ball,
but I, I noticed that you're doing this

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thing with your elbow when you're shooting
and it's, you know, not helping your shot.

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Maybe if we make this adjustment,
we'll practice it a few times and

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let's check out the progress, right?

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That is helpful.

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As opposed to, man, you missed
all your shots last game.

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Antwaun: It's like they
don't know that already.

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You mentioned a great point that I
wanted to kind of touch on in, in

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regards to that too is, you know,
allowing the kids to be a part of

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the process of them getting better.

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And how coaches can do that.

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Now, I know for a fact a lot of coaches
wouldn't do this just because I think

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it's a, it's a shot to their egos.

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And I've always told kids,
I have no ego to bruise.

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If, if you can teach me something, make
me a better coach, hey, fire away, because

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I wanna be the best coach I can be.

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But one of the things I started doing
several years ago is and in practices

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and in games, I ask questions and
I allow the kids to give input.

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Case in point, halftime of the game
where you make adjustments, you assess

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the first half, and then I ask the kids,
do they have anything they wanna add?

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Nine, nine times out of 10,
Michael, you know, who was

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the first people to chime in?

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The players that were not
playing a lot in the game.

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They were actually watching and
going, hey, they wanted to provide

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feedback to help their teammates.

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Well, the first thing I noticed was
when they were doing that, everybody

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felt like they were part of the,
the success of the team, whether

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they were on the court or not.

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And that led to my, one of my quotes,
I always tell kids, be in the game

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even when you're not in the game.

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And that means kids, you can
always add, you can always

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contribute to success of the team.

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And, so, I saw the positivity in
that and not so much always in

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the results, but the engagement.

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And you know, it's like and that's what
you really want from top to bottom.

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You wanna have the engagement because
if a, a young person that doesn't get

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as much quality participation as others
still can feel like they're part of the

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success of that team regardless of how
much, what everybody calls playing time.

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I, I call it contributing to
success of the team as opposed

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to playing time because you
know, as well as I do, even ice.

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Somebody can have more ice time, but
produce very little and somebody can get

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on with very little time and actually
provide more success to the team.

00:13:26.621 --> 00:13:30.371
So the amount of time that you're on
a, a court or a field is irrelevant.

00:13:30.371 --> 00:13:33.131
So what you do with the opportunity
given to you, and that's one of the

00:13:33.131 --> 00:13:34.271
things I think is really important.

00:13:34.511 --> 00:13:39.741
Now I say that because I think it changes
how, kids how they compete if they know

00:13:39.741 --> 00:13:42.341
their time, may be limited, hey, I'm
going to make the most of this, so,

00:13:42.341 --> 00:13:45.846
coach, it makes it harder for him or her
to take me out if I'm able to do more.

00:13:45.896 --> 00:13:46.246
Michael: Right,

00:13:48.376 --> 00:13:51.251
and there's been seasons like when I
was coaching where we'd do like sort

00:13:51.251 --> 00:13:54.491
of a player of the game type of thing
where they would get a belt or a trophy

00:13:54.491 --> 00:13:58.481
or something like to carry with them
for that until the next game, right?

00:13:58.571 --> 00:14:03.221
And I'd always choose players not
for the obvious things, right?

00:14:03.221 --> 00:14:06.161
Not for the, oh, you
scored three goals today.

00:14:06.671 --> 00:14:09.491
You're getting the, automatically,
you know, player of the game, right?

00:14:09.971 --> 00:14:10.811
That's not what matters.

00:14:10.811 --> 00:14:14.201
It's who is contributing to
the team the best, right?

00:14:14.351 --> 00:14:15.431
Who maybe set up the play?

00:14:15.431 --> 00:14:16.841
Who set, sent those passes?

00:14:16.841 --> 00:14:22.476
Who, um, got back on defense quickly
and prevented a goal from being

00:14:22.486 --> 00:14:23.756
scored or a shot from being taken?

00:14:24.206 --> 00:14:29.236
You know, who motivated, who picked
up their players when, you know, they

00:14:29.236 --> 00:14:31.316
were down when they just let up a
goal, and they came back to the bench

00:14:31.316 --> 00:14:32.936
and they're like, hey, shake it off.

00:14:32.936 --> 00:14:35.156
You'll, you know, you'll get
on the next one kind of thing.

00:14:35.396 --> 00:14:38.696
Those to me, are the players of the
game, and I think that demonstrates to

00:14:38.696 --> 00:14:45.821
them, or I'm hoping that demonstrates
to them that there is, games, learning

00:14:45.821 --> 00:14:49.271
these sports is teaching you life
lessons and how to treat people right

00:14:49.271 --> 00:14:53.441
and how to, what's actually important
at the end of the day, right, is we are

00:14:53.441 --> 00:14:55.331
all humans when it comes down to it.

00:14:55.361 --> 00:15:01.211
And, you know, you can get on your
teammate's case for messing up a

00:15:01.211 --> 00:15:04.991
play or you can encourage 'em to go
back out there and try harder, right?

00:15:05.451 --> 00:15:09.401
That is something that as coaches,
as especially as parents, we can

00:15:09.401 --> 00:15:10.481
encourage our kids to do, right?

00:15:11.351 --> 00:15:12.701
Antwaun: Yeah, 100%,

00:15:13.081 --> 00:15:15.431
Michael: Otherwise, the flip side of
that is you teach your kids that the best

00:15:15.431 --> 00:15:21.221
way to respond to, you know, challenges
is to yell and scream at everybody.

00:15:22.151 --> 00:15:25.451
Is that the, the kind of people, the
kind of kids we wanna raise today?

00:15:25.451 --> 00:15:25.691
Like,

00:15:25.716 --> 00:15:26.066
Antwaun: right?

00:15:26.081 --> 00:15:29.431
Michael: do we want the next generation
to be a bunch of, you know, loud

00:15:29.431 --> 00:15:32.441
mouth people that are just, you
know, can't control their temper?

00:15:33.911 --> 00:15:34.211
Right.

00:15:34.241 --> 00:15:34.631
Antwaun: You know what?

00:15:34.631 --> 00:15:39.191
There's you, you, every time I listen
to people's kind of things, it always

00:15:39.191 --> 00:15:40.691
bring something forefront of my mind.

00:15:41.171 --> 00:15:47.051
My, the, the coach that I most emulate
my coaching style and philosophy is to

00:15:47.051 --> 00:15:50.861
me the best coach to ever coach the game,
and that's Dean Smith, was at University

00:15:50.861 --> 00:15:56.861
of North Carolina for 36 years, and
there's one, some subtle thing that's a

00:15:56.861 --> 00:16:02.426
part of that program to this day that was
started by the, by he and his program.

00:16:03.116 --> 00:16:07.046
And you were mentioning, point out, you
know, being unselfish, the assist, you

00:16:07.046 --> 00:16:08.456
know, in looking out for your teammates.

00:16:09.266 --> 00:16:12.686
A lot, a lot of people that watch
basketball, some people don't look at it

00:16:12.836 --> 00:16:17.396
and that is every time a player scores,
they're supposed to, to the person

00:16:17.396 --> 00:16:21.686
that passed in the ball to acknowledge,
so they appreciate the pass, and I

00:16:21.686 --> 00:16:23.336
like your idea about the belt thing.

00:16:23.336 --> 00:16:23.936
You gave me an idea.

00:16:23.936 --> 00:16:27.246
I think I'm gonna start that next
year and I'm gonna make it assists.

00:16:27.266 --> 00:16:30.626
You know, the player that, that has
the most assists is really the, to

00:16:30.626 --> 00:16:34.286
me, the MVP is the most unselfish
players who, one, looking out for the

00:16:34.286 --> 00:16:35.966
entire team, not just for themselves.

00:16:36.606 --> 00:16:41.376
But that's just something that makes if I
know that I'm always passing the ball and

00:16:41.376 --> 00:16:44.856
you score, I'm gonna feel great because
I know I helped you get that basket.

00:16:44.946 --> 00:16:45.756
I didn't get the points.

00:16:45.756 --> 00:16:50.376
You got them, but, plus you also know
the, everybody's gonna play harder

00:16:50.376 --> 00:16:53.546
because they know to have a chance to
get the ball if they know that assists

00:16:53.546 --> 00:16:54.786
are the most important part of it.

00:16:55.101 --> 00:16:55.461
Michael: Right.

00:16:55.611 --> 00:16:56.421
Well, that's a great point.

00:16:57.201 --> 00:16:57.831
I love that.

00:16:57.981 --> 00:17:00.921
It, it's, we see that a
lot in hockey, too, right?

00:17:00.921 --> 00:17:07.251
And now, nowadays in the NHL, at least, it
is essentially the common courtesy, right?

00:17:07.281 --> 00:17:11.001
When the go-, when the goal scorer
scores, he immediately points to the

00:17:11.001 --> 00:17:12.801
player that passed him the puck, right?

00:17:12.941 --> 00:17:13.421
Antwaun: Yeah.

00:17:13.621 --> 00:17:14.991
Michael: You have to
acknowledge that; otherwise your

00:17:14.991 --> 00:17:16.651
teammates get on you, right?

00:17:16.696 --> 00:17:16.986
Antwaun: Yeah.

00:17:17.661 --> 00:17:18.561
Michael: And that's
kind of a good example.

00:17:18.911 --> 00:17:22.881
I don't think you saw that back in the
eighties and nineties much in, in hockey.

00:17:22.881 --> 00:17:29.351
But nowadays that's, you know, but
that took that sort of mindset required

00:17:29.441 --> 00:17:34.211
learning, and you, they probably learned
that in youth sports first, right?

00:17:34.211 --> 00:17:35.801
They didn't just learn that
when they got to the NHL.

00:17:35.801 --> 00:17:38.471
They learned that in youth hockey
as they, as they were growing up.

00:17:38.471 --> 00:17:40.111
And where they learn that from,
it's from their coaches, it's

00:17:40.211 --> 00:17:41.771
from their parents, right?

00:17:41.771 --> 00:17:44.861
It's from the, the
people surrounding them.

00:17:45.611 --> 00:17:50.381
So I wanted to ask you, you know, you as a
coach and a mentor you've seen what helps

00:17:50.381 --> 00:17:52.811
young people feel confident and grounded.

00:17:54.471 --> 00:18:00.976
As dads, what can we be paying attention
to at home that we might be overlooking

00:18:02.146 --> 00:18:06.566
to help our kids, you know, get that
confidence that you talked about earlier,

00:18:07.166 --> 00:18:11.216
but also at the same time, you know, still
feel grounded and not, you know, don't

00:18:11.216 --> 00:18:15.356
let it become to the point where you're
overconfident and almost egotistical?

00:18:15.866 --> 00:18:19.376
Antwaun: Well, I think one of the
things that I have kind and this based

00:18:19.376 --> 00:18:23.666
on conversations having with kids
and, and for me it's first few things

00:18:23.666 --> 00:18:26.936
I always do is make sure that I'm
connecting with kids first and foremost.

00:18:26.936 --> 00:18:29.216
Number two is listening without judgment.

00:18:29.786 --> 00:18:34.736
And a lot of conversations that, and
feedback that I've received is not being

00:18:34.736 --> 00:18:38.306
heard even at home and being valued.

00:18:39.386 --> 00:18:42.926
And it's say to them, it's a
foregone conclusion that parents

00:18:42.931 --> 00:18:44.426
are not, are heads of the household.

00:18:44.636 --> 00:18:46.916
They know they have, there are
rules in place for their kids to

00:18:46.916 --> 00:18:50.486
follow, but at the same time, as
they get older, they're trying to

00:18:50.486 --> 00:18:52.796
establish themselves, their identity.

00:18:52.976 --> 00:18:57.026
You know, am I that, am I that
alpha male that needs to be groomed

00:18:57.026 --> 00:19:00.476
as so that I'm not overbearing and
you know, things of that nature.

00:19:00.866 --> 00:19:05.396
That's that growth process and that
relationship building that kids need.

00:19:06.056 --> 00:19:09.626
And believe it or not, you'd be surprised
how many kids are ready to have adult

00:19:09.626 --> 00:19:14.096
conversations, even as young adults,
but they're not given that opportunity

00:19:14.096 --> 00:19:17.216
and, and they're always rewarded by,
you're not old enough to deal with that.

00:19:17.216 --> 00:19:20.036
It's like, well, how do you know
if we don't have the conversation?

00:19:21.086 --> 00:19:24.746
And it allows parents to find out how
mature their kids are, because a lot of

00:19:24.746 --> 00:19:26.591
kids are a lot more mature than their age.

00:19:27.216 --> 00:19:30.846
I know I, I've seen that and I'm
surprised by it and I've told a couple

00:19:30.846 --> 00:19:34.266
kids that and, and then I felt bad
by saying I felt like I was sliding

00:19:34.266 --> 00:19:38.076
in, but I was just so impressed by
how mature they were at a young age.

00:19:38.406 --> 00:19:42.366
And I think that that is so important
because it's not just about their personal

00:19:42.366 --> 00:19:46.116
growth and development, it's also about
their relationship building process with

00:19:46.116 --> 00:19:50.921
their parents because that, that goes
beyond the four walls of your household.

00:19:51.701 --> 00:19:54.801
Wherever you are with them,
there's nothing better.

00:19:54.871 --> 00:19:55.821
You, you have kids?

00:19:57.616 --> 00:19:57.881
Michael: Yep, I have two.

00:19:57.911 --> 00:19:58.241
Antwaun: Okay.

00:19:58.811 --> 00:19:59.741
Okay, you have two.

00:19:59.771 --> 00:20:00.581
How old are they?

00:20:01.216 --> 00:20:02.866
Michael: They're both in high school,
so I've got a senior in high school

00:20:02.866 --> 00:20:03.676
and a freshman in high school.

00:20:03.911 --> 00:20:04.211
Antwaun: Okay.

00:20:04.211 --> 00:20:06.041
Freshman and a, and a senior.

00:20:06.041 --> 00:20:06.431
Wow.

00:20:06.461 --> 00:20:06.821
Okay.

00:20:06.821 --> 00:20:07.751
Perfect example.

00:20:08.396 --> 00:20:13.916
So if your senior son would ask you
a question and then your freshman son

00:20:13.916 --> 00:20:18.356
asked you the same question, would
you be quick to stop and listen to

00:20:18.356 --> 00:20:22.106
the whole question from the senior and
maybe second guess what your freshman

00:20:22.136 --> 00:20:23.906
asked you just in general terms?

00:20:24.536 --> 00:20:27.636
If it was something a little deeper
than what you would expect a freshman

00:20:27.636 --> 00:20:29.136
to have as far as a conversation.

00:20:31.886 --> 00:20:33.741
Michael: This is not gonna help
your argument, I don't think, but

00:20:34.016 --> 00:20:35.366
I actually almost flip it around.

00:20:35.366 --> 00:20:38.756
I'd probably give my freshman
more of a benefit of the doubt,

00:20:39.491 --> 00:20:39.971
Antwaun: Okay.

00:20:40.216 --> 00:20:42.176
Michael: but my senior is more
of a, you know, has a little bit

00:20:42.506 --> 00:20:43.916
more of a goofy side sometimes,

00:20:44.201 --> 00:20:44.501
Antwaun: Okay.

00:20:44.746 --> 00:20:44.806
Michael: but

00:20:44.921 --> 00:20:45.206
Antwaun: Okay.

00:20:45.696 --> 00:20:47.606
Michael: many times he can have those

00:20:48.101 --> 00:20:48.401
Antwaun: Yeah.

00:20:48.936 --> 00:20:49.096
Michael: mature conversations.

00:20:49.171 --> 00:20:49.901
Antwaun: Mature conversations.

00:20:49.901 --> 00:20:53.316
Yeah, so the point would be, why
not see both of them and give them

00:20:53.526 --> 00:20:57.516
the benefit of the doubt and say,
hey, let me gauge this situation.

00:20:57.906 --> 00:21:01.556
Well, that kid's gonna walk away going,
man, mom, dad, really, they really

00:21:01.566 --> 00:21:05.736
listened to me, they really allowed
me to speak my mind, and you'd be

00:21:05.736 --> 00:21:09.396
surprised how quickly that confidence
grows 'cause now the other part of

00:21:09.396 --> 00:21:12.841
that is what if there's that, one of
those situa-, that sticky situation

00:21:13.111 --> 00:21:16.951
that comes up that they're like, man,
I, I can't talk to mom, dad about that?

00:21:17.011 --> 00:21:19.141
They're gonna go like, yeah,
you, you shoulda come to me.

00:21:19.141 --> 00:21:19.501
Whatever.

00:21:19.801 --> 00:21:20.671
Come to me before.

00:21:20.911 --> 00:21:23.431
But then they present it
a way, you're like, yeah.

00:21:23.881 --> 00:21:26.341
And instead of just telling 'em
what to do, it's like, well,

00:21:26.581 --> 00:21:27.991
what are your thoughts on that?

00:21:28.411 --> 00:21:30.901
Well, allowing them the opportunity
to give you that feedback,

00:21:30.901 --> 00:21:32.101
they're gonna go like, wow.

00:21:32.661 --> 00:21:34.821
Now their, their confidence grows.

00:21:34.821 --> 00:21:37.011
Now they're gonna be more
willing to have the conversation.

00:21:37.101 --> 00:21:39.471
You're gonna feel more confident
about them making the right

00:21:39.471 --> 00:21:42.111
decisions and not worry as much.

00:21:42.171 --> 00:21:47.061
And a lot of kids haven't been given that,
that, that leash, if you will, hasn't been

00:21:47.061 --> 00:21:48.951
loosened enough for, for them to grow.

00:21:48.951 --> 00:21:51.896
And I think that that's what I
would highly recommend because

00:21:52.041 --> 00:21:55.281
I think the relationship part is
more important than anything else.

00:21:56.231 --> 00:21:57.761
Michael: Yeah, I, I, I
couldn't agree with you more.

00:21:57.761 --> 00:22:03.401
I really like the part where you just
said that, ask them how they would respond

00:22:03.401 --> 00:22:04.751
to it or they would handle it, right?

00:22:04.961 --> 00:22:07.541
I'm finding that, you know,
when I first became a dad, it's

00:22:07.541 --> 00:22:10.601
like, okay, I need to be stoic.

00:22:10.601 --> 00:22:15.971
I need to show them that this is the
way, but as they grow up, I'm trying

00:22:15.971 --> 00:22:24.036
to be more forthright with them about
allowing them to have a say in this

00:22:24.036 --> 00:22:28.116
situation and asking them the questions
first to get their perspective before

00:22:28.116 --> 00:22:30.546
I can sway their perspective, right?

00:22:30.981 --> 00:22:31.371
Antwaun: Right.

00:22:32.716 --> 00:22:38.646
Michael: And it's, I shouldn't be at this
point, surprised that oftentimes their

00:22:38.646 --> 00:22:42.726
ideas are as good or better than what I
can come up with, right, because they're

00:22:42.726 --> 00:22:46.596
living the most of these situations
of, in these types of circumstances.

00:22:47.616 --> 00:22:52.326
But oftentimes they are just, they
are a lot sharper than I think

00:22:52.326 --> 00:22:54.036
we give them credit for, right?

00:22:54.711 --> 00:22:55.221
Antwaun: Bingo.

00:22:55.366 --> 00:22:58.866
Michael: You're talking about how like
you've, you know, you've told kids this

00:22:58.866 --> 00:23:03.486
before like that, how impressed with
their maturity you are and that reminded

00:23:03.486 --> 00:23:08.736
me of five or six years ago, I had
these two brothers that I was coaching.

00:23:08.796 --> 00:23:09.396
Twin brothers.

00:23:09.396 --> 00:23:16.176
One was a goalie, one was a forward
and one of them, the forward was

00:23:16.176 --> 00:23:20.246
like, they were both like probably the
most mature, I think they were maybe

00:23:20.246 --> 00:23:23.946
12 years old at the time, mature 12
year olds that I've ever come across.

00:23:23.946 --> 00:23:28.596
They, you know, they presented themselves
as 10 years older than they were.

00:23:29.646 --> 00:23:33.006
But one of em was very into the
strategy behind the game and

00:23:33.006 --> 00:23:34.266
was always asking questions.

00:23:34.686 --> 00:23:39.476
It was ki-, it, he had demonstrated
leadership amongst his peers, and

00:23:39.476 --> 00:23:43.536
so I decided that towards the end
of the season, I pulled him aside.

00:23:43.536 --> 00:23:44.106
I said, you know what?

00:23:44.106 --> 00:23:45.846
I'm so impressed with your leadership.

00:23:46.656 --> 00:23:48.756
I want you to be coach for the day.

00:23:49.116 --> 00:23:50.586
I want you to set the lineups.

00:23:50.706 --> 00:23:54.156
I want you to give the pre-game
talk and all the, the speeches

00:23:54.156 --> 00:23:59.616
between periods because I believe,
I know, that you can handle this.

00:24:00.006 --> 00:24:03.186
And I know that our team will
respond to you because I know

00:24:03.186 --> 00:24:04.686
what kind of leader that you are.

00:24:05.166 --> 00:24:07.806
And he lit up, right,
when I told him that.

00:24:08.106 --> 00:24:12.396
And he went home and he came
back and for our next game, and

00:24:12.396 --> 00:24:13.986
he had three pages of notes.

00:24:14.406 --> 00:24:17.706
Like he had prepped himself for
his pre-game talk, for his lines

00:24:17.706 --> 00:24:19.206
like he had put thought into this.

00:24:19.746 --> 00:24:26.316
And it was mind blowing to me of like
a 12-year-old could do a lot more

00:24:26.316 --> 00:24:28.286
than we give him credit for, right?

00:24:29.216 --> 00:24:34.131
And it motivated me to figure
out, okay, that's one kid.

00:24:34.611 --> 00:24:36.111
How can I impact more?

00:24:36.141 --> 00:24:39.351
How do I now do this for other kids?

00:24:39.351 --> 00:24:46.631
And so as the years go on, I've
taught, I've had players do pre-game

00:24:46.631 --> 00:24:51.321
speeches, do the talks between periods,
set lineups, set practice plans.

00:24:52.446 --> 00:24:54.306
With some guidance, right, where needed.

00:24:54.356 --> 00:24:54.646
Antwaun: Sure.

00:24:54.936 --> 00:24:57.366
Michael: Right, they can't just put
all their friends on one line and

00:24:57.456 --> 00:24:58.656
somebody else on another line, right?

00:24:58.656 --> 00:24:59.946
And try to bench somebody.

00:25:00.006 --> 00:25:01.056
Can't do all that, right?

00:25:01.506 --> 00:25:05.466
But 99% of the time, I don't
have to make any adjustments.

00:25:05.706 --> 00:25:08.256
They pick up on this stuff fast,
right, and if you give them the

00:25:08.256 --> 00:25:12.396
opportunity, you'd be surprised
at what, what they can do.

00:25:12.396 --> 00:25:14.736
And it's, it's easy to see as a coach.

00:25:15.456 --> 00:25:18.186
I think for me, it's been hard
to see as a parent, hard to

00:25:18.186 --> 00:25:19.776
recognize it as a parent, right?

00:25:20.421 --> 00:25:23.691
Because they are, you know, they
start out as our babies and now,

00:25:23.691 --> 00:25:27.531
you know, as they grow older, it's
like, okay, maybe you do know a lot

00:25:27.531 --> 00:25:29.301
more than I give you credit for.

00:25:29.481 --> 00:25:36.561
Maybe you are capable of doing so much
more and the, the confidence that goes

00:25:36.561 --> 00:25:40.916
along with that is unbelievable, right?

00:25:40.916 --> 00:25:44.346
Like, when I had, when this
kid coached his game, like he

00:25:44.346 --> 00:25:47.436
finished that game and he was just
like, that was, that was so fun.

00:25:47.436 --> 00:25:48.066
That was awesome.

00:25:48.066 --> 00:25:49.056
I wanna do this again, right?

00:25:49.056 --> 00:25:51.276
And then other kids were
like, hey, I wanna do that.

00:25:51.276 --> 00:25:57.306
And it motivated and inspired and,
you know, he became a, him and his

00:25:57.306 --> 00:26:00.906
brother became referees and they've,
you know, taken on other leadership

00:26:00.906 --> 00:26:03.186
roles and they've done all these
things as they've grown older.

00:26:04.026 --> 00:26:09.441
It's just been so impressive to me what
kids can be capable of that we just

00:26:09.441 --> 00:26:11.481
don't always give them the credit for.

00:26:12.546 --> 00:26:15.036
Antwaun: Well, you know what I
take, take away from that story,

00:26:15.096 --> 00:26:18.066
and, and I, I know you did, but I,
I think I just wanna verbalize it.

00:26:19.656 --> 00:26:21.756
First you give him that responsibility.

00:26:22.371 --> 00:26:22.581
Michael: Yep.

00:26:23.166 --> 00:26:25.296
Antwaun: It never sounded like
it was overwhelming to him

00:26:25.851 --> 00:26:26.181
Michael: Right.

00:26:26.341 --> 00:26:27.471
Antwaun: Because he was excited about it.

00:26:27.891 --> 00:26:29.751
To me, I got goosebumps telling you this.

00:26:29.961 --> 00:26:32.991
That's the part that makes it
exciting because he could have

00:26:32.991 --> 00:26:34.281
very easily been overwhelmed.

00:26:34.281 --> 00:26:36.351
He could have been coming
back to you 10, 12 times.

00:26:36.671 --> 00:26:37.341
What about this?

00:26:37.371 --> 00:26:38.451
You know I do this, you'll do that.

00:26:38.601 --> 00:26:42.861
He took ownership of that
and made it, made it his own.

00:26:43.266 --> 00:26:46.176
That's the part that I, set
apart, this is what I caught.

00:26:46.236 --> 00:26:50.436
And that's exactly what's important
about young people being given the

00:26:50.436 --> 00:26:54.366
opportunity to showcase what they can
do, even if, if it's not the right thing.

00:26:54.366 --> 00:26:57.186
But because we had to learn
from making mistakes, right?

00:26:57.696 --> 00:26:59.826
So what if it didn't turn out well?

00:26:59.826 --> 00:27:03.266
And you know, he would've been probably
upset about it, but of course you

00:27:03.266 --> 00:27:05.606
would've stepped in and, you know,
kind of helped him with it, I know.

00:27:06.026 --> 00:27:09.896
But that's the part that really stood
out to me is how he took ownership of it.

00:27:09.926 --> 00:27:13.501
Not only was he excited about it, he
took it seriously and he took a mature,

00:27:13.526 --> 00:27:16.676
he took a mature approach to it and
obviously did a, a really good job

00:27:16.676 --> 00:27:18.536
with it, and it inspired his teammates.

00:27:19.226 --> 00:27:20.636
And I think that's, that's amazing.

00:27:20.906 --> 00:27:25.191
And, again, like I said, I'll give
you the other end of the spectrum.

00:27:25.191 --> 00:27:29.151
So you're talking about empowering
kids to take ownership of the,

00:27:29.736 --> 00:27:33.111
the strategic aspects of a team.

00:27:33.591 --> 00:27:34.731
I'll take it the other way.

00:27:34.731 --> 00:27:40.671
I had this experience, and this is by far
to me, my best coaching story to share.

00:27:40.671 --> 00:27:43.326
And this happened about four
year, five, four years ago, 2,

00:27:43.326 --> 00:27:47.091
3, 4, 4 years ago, coaching the
seventh and eighth grade boys team.

00:27:47.751 --> 00:27:51.906
And we are in the, in the midst of,
going for our fourth consecutive

00:27:51.906 --> 00:27:55.476
championship, right, and we had gone
to the sixth championship games up

00:27:55.476 --> 00:27:57.036
point in a row, so it was great.

00:27:57.126 --> 00:27:58.146
Everything's going great.

00:27:58.476 --> 00:28:02.016
So we have this incident
where one of the players had a

00:28:02.256 --> 00:28:05.886
infraction, you know, basically did
something wasn't supposed to do.

00:28:06.216 --> 00:28:09.396
I knew nothing about it until two
of the eighth graders came to me the

00:28:09.396 --> 00:28:13.266
next day before practice, and they
said, Coach T, this is what happened.

00:28:13.686 --> 00:28:18.486
And my initial response was, well,
we gonna do about it was my response.

00:28:19.096 --> 00:28:21.156
I was expecting, oh, I dunno, I dunno.

00:28:21.936 --> 00:28:24.546
Well, they, they did not blink
an eye and said, we're gonna

00:28:24.546 --> 00:28:27.696
make him sit in the bleachers
and watch us run for his mistake.

00:28:28.266 --> 00:28:30.036
And I'm, I'm going, my eyes got big.

00:28:30.036 --> 00:28:30.546
I'm like, what?

00:28:31.741 --> 00:28:34.446
And, and I'm, at first I was
like, that's kind of harsh.

00:28:34.446 --> 00:28:35.046
I'm like, no.

00:28:35.136 --> 00:28:37.596
I asked them, so I'm, I'm gonna
give them the opportunity.

00:28:37.596 --> 00:28:38.496
So, I said, okay.

00:28:38.856 --> 00:28:40.086
So I asked a young man if he did.

00:28:40.086 --> 00:28:40.686
He said yes.

00:28:40.686 --> 00:28:44.026
So here's what's gonna happen, sits
in the bleachers, the guys are doing

00:28:44.026 --> 00:28:48.561
their running, and he's getting
visibly upset because he realizes,

00:28:48.561 --> 00:28:50.511
hey, they're, they're running for me.

00:28:50.511 --> 00:28:52.611
They're choosing to do
this to teach me a lesson.

00:28:53.271 --> 00:28:54.471
And I'm thinking, that's okay.

00:28:54.471 --> 00:28:55.701
That's enough punishment for kid.

00:28:55.701 --> 00:28:55.971
Right.

00:28:57.021 --> 00:28:57.411
Well.

00:28:57.516 --> 00:29:00.696
What I did tell 'em was I said, I
like that idea so much, I'm just

00:29:00.696 --> 00:29:01.926
gonna make it my punishment for him.

00:29:02.136 --> 00:29:04.356
If you guys wanna impose any
other disciplinary action, that'll

00:29:04.356 --> 00:29:06.366
be your, your to do as a team.

00:29:06.816 --> 00:29:09.186
And because I couldn't think
of anything else, so I was

00:29:09.186 --> 00:29:10.476
still there to make him do it.

00:29:10.926 --> 00:29:14.016
So after practice was over, I said,
okay, you guys got him and just

00:29:14.016 --> 00:29:15.366
kind of talk about it or whatever.

00:29:15.366 --> 00:29:19.446
So they did that, came back, and
they said, we all talked about it and

00:29:19.446 --> 00:29:22.446
voted with the young man present, not
without him, but they were all there.

00:29:22.716 --> 00:29:27.171
It was a unanimous decision that for our
next home game, which happened to be the

00:29:27.171 --> 00:29:31.701
alumni game, he would not get to play
nor would he get to dress with the team.

00:29:31.971 --> 00:29:33.141
But he could sit on the bench.

00:29:33.771 --> 00:29:36.621
And my first question was two
que-, two questions to him.

00:29:36.621 --> 00:29:38.271
Did, did he understand what was happening?

00:29:38.271 --> 00:29:38.901
He said, yes.

00:29:38.901 --> 00:29:41.181
Number two, what are you gonna do now?

00:29:41.181 --> 00:29:42.621
So what was my question to him?

00:29:42.621 --> 00:29:45.621
He said, go home and tell my parents
why I'm not gonna be playing.

00:29:48.216 --> 00:29:53.556
I say that that's my greatest coaching
story because I did not realize

00:29:53.916 --> 00:29:57.666
how much I had empowered those, all
the entire team to make decisions

00:29:57.666 --> 00:29:59.256
that would impact the whole team.

00:29:59.556 --> 00:30:02.466
And I trusted them enough to
make the right decision because

00:30:02.466 --> 00:30:04.626
they could have very easily
done something totally extreme,

00:30:04.991 --> 00:30:05.351
Michael: Right.

00:30:05.476 --> 00:30:06.966
Antwaun: but it was a great decision.

00:30:07.836 --> 00:30:08.976
Great learning moment.

00:30:09.186 --> 00:30:12.486
And one of the things I said was it
never to be talked about again, when

00:30:12.486 --> 00:30:15.336
we leave this gym, the situation
is dealt with, we move forward.

00:30:15.666 --> 00:30:17.106
Never heard from the parents.

00:30:17.646 --> 00:30:20.886
We went on to go, go undefeated,
win another conference championship.

00:30:20.886 --> 00:30:23.766
So it was a learning experience
that didn't affect the team.

00:30:23.766 --> 00:30:25.986
It actually brought 'em closer
together because everybody was

00:30:25.986 --> 00:30:27.606
more in tuned and focused after.

00:30:28.086 --> 00:30:32.016
But I just wanna share that story to
kind of piggyback on your story, that

00:30:32.016 --> 00:30:35.166
there's two ends of the spectrum where
these young people are more than capable

00:30:35.166 --> 00:30:37.086
of making tough decisions at a young age.

00:30:37.836 --> 00:30:38.466
Michael: That's amazing.

00:30:38.526 --> 00:30:39.426
I love that story.

00:30:39.816 --> 00:30:45.156
And, you know, with, in my story
I was inspired by the, like the,

00:30:46.386 --> 00:30:50.916
my player ins-, felt inspired
himself, and he inspired his team.

00:30:51.006 --> 00:30:53.976
But I left that whole situation feeling
inspired of like, these kids can do that.

00:30:53.976 --> 00:30:54.326
Antwaun: Right.

00:30:54.396 --> 00:30:57.946
Michael: And I feel like,
in your situation, you also

00:30:57.946 --> 00:31:00.966
felt inspired by the kids.

00:31:00.966 --> 00:31:01.136
Antwaun: Right.

00:31:01.146 --> 00:31:01.266
Yes.

00:31:01.341 --> 00:31:06.171
Michael: By their ability to take
initiative and show, demonstrate

00:31:06.171 --> 00:31:10.146
some leadership and put what you've
coached them into, into action.

00:31:10.971 --> 00:31:11.421
Antwaun: Right.

00:31:11.481 --> 00:31:12.801
Yeah, exactly.

00:31:12.801 --> 00:31:16.581
And, and like, like you said that yeah, I
did that inspired, but also, again, like

00:31:16.581 --> 00:31:18.531
I said, I think it made me a better coach.

00:31:18.621 --> 00:31:21.471
I'm like, Hey, I need to start
challenging kids a little bit more,

00:31:21.846 --> 00:31:22.136
Michael: Yeah,

00:31:22.881 --> 00:31:23.721
Antwaun: by doing these things.

00:31:24.906 --> 00:31:29.626
Michael: Alright, so you've
worked with kids who have lacked

00:31:29.626 --> 00:31:34.876
positive environments, but also, I
assume, also others that have had

00:31:34.876 --> 00:31:36.316
strong support systems at home.

00:31:37.156 --> 00:31:42.256
What role does the emotional
tone of the household play in a

00:31:42.256 --> 00:31:43.756
child's confidence and behavior?

00:31:45.976 --> 00:31:46.846
Antwaun: A lot.

00:31:48.106 --> 00:31:48.826
A lot.

00:31:49.456 --> 00:31:56.566
There's a young man that is now a junior
at high school, and he has been put

00:31:56.566 --> 00:32:01.006
under so much pressure by his father, and
I've had conversation with the dad, but

00:32:01.006 --> 00:32:04.186
not direct, but, you know, I understand
he wants what's best for his son.

00:32:04.511 --> 00:32:04.861
Michael: Right.

00:32:04.991 --> 00:32:07.281
Antwaun: But I view it as he
lived vicariously through his

00:32:07.281 --> 00:32:09.781
son because he played and didn't
get out of it what he wanted.

00:32:10.411 --> 00:32:13.951
And I say that because I started training
his son when he was in fourth grade.

00:32:14.461 --> 00:32:17.941
And when I say he pushed this young
man, he was having private lessons

00:32:17.941 --> 00:32:20.101
with me two times a day on Saturdays.

00:32:20.101 --> 00:32:23.671
He'd come in the morning, go
have lunch, do whatever, do his

00:32:23.971 --> 00:32:26.281
weightlift and whatever, and then
come back and have another session.

00:32:26.701 --> 00:32:28.501
And I felt like that's a lot for a kid.

00:32:28.611 --> 00:32:30.901
And this is the same kid, by the
way, that was one of the kids

00:32:30.901 --> 00:32:32.011
in the story I just told you.

00:32:32.011 --> 00:32:38.131
He was the, by far, the best player
in that program I've ever coached, but

00:32:38.461 --> 00:32:44.131
pressure, I know, affects him, but he
has such a reserved personality, and

00:32:44.131 --> 00:32:47.401
we had conversations during workouts,
and there was little hints there.

00:32:47.401 --> 00:32:49.711
He goes, I just wish my dad
wouldn't push me so much.

00:32:49.741 --> 00:32:51.571
You know, I just, you know,
I just wanna have fun.

00:32:52.051 --> 00:32:54.901
And I was like, well, you know,
you have to share that with him

00:32:54.901 --> 00:32:58.081
because, you know, if you don't,
you're gonna be like a robot.

00:32:58.081 --> 00:33:00.391
You're just gonna be doing what your
dad and what, what your dad wants.

00:33:00.631 --> 00:33:03.481
But my fear is that you're gonna
get burned out from the sport.

00:33:03.481 --> 00:33:04.501
And I know you love it.

00:33:04.501 --> 00:33:05.491
You have so much talent.

00:33:05.491 --> 00:33:10.461
I know you wanna be the best you can be,
but you have to take ownership of your

00:33:10.461 --> 00:33:13.761
own success, which means if you start
feeling like you're getting pushed too

00:33:13.761 --> 00:33:15.231
much, hey dad, I need to take a break.

00:33:15.231 --> 00:33:18.141
I'm not saying I don't wanna do
it, but I wanna take a break.

00:33:18.831 --> 00:33:24.381
The flip side of that is when I work with
kids, the number one thing that parents

00:33:24.381 --> 00:33:29.391
come back and talk to me about, go, it's
not about their athletic skills improving.

00:33:29.421 --> 00:33:34.061
They always say, I see so much more
confidence and higher self-esteem

00:33:34.061 --> 00:33:38.161
in my child, and I said that
is the best compliment to get.

00:33:38.161 --> 00:33:40.771
I can teach and, and I'm not
bragging just from experience.

00:33:40.771 --> 00:33:43.831
I can teach basketball with
my eyes closed, laying, you

00:33:43.831 --> 00:33:44.881
know, hanging upside down.

00:33:45.451 --> 00:33:51.241
But building confidence and securing that
level of confidence that ch-, children

00:33:51.271 --> 00:33:53.641
should have is my number one priority.

00:33:53.641 --> 00:33:56.791
So when I hear that, I know I'm
doing the right thing, and that's

00:33:56.791 --> 00:33:58.171
what needs to happen at home.

00:33:58.531 --> 00:34:03.556
Kids already know it's a competition, but
if you put too much focus on it being a

00:34:03.556 --> 00:34:08.956
competition, and it's no longer being fun,
then those add to the other pressures,

00:34:08.956 --> 00:34:12.316
gets to deal with, because you gotta
remember what what parents don't realize

00:34:12.316 --> 00:34:16.666
too, is the pressures that they feel at
home is that's, let's just use hockey

00:34:16.666 --> 00:34:21.176
or basketball, you know, to perform at
a high level, well, that affects your

00:34:21.176 --> 00:34:25.771
social circles at school too, because you
want them to be the best they wanna do.

00:34:25.771 --> 00:34:27.901
They just love being around
their teammates and as a

00:34:27.901 --> 00:34:29.731
team, they wanna do well.

00:34:29.731 --> 00:34:31.891
But, you know, parents are like,
well, you're not doing your part

00:34:32.071 --> 00:34:32.911
well, I'm doing the best I can.

00:34:32.911 --> 00:34:34.201
I'm doing what coach asked me to do.

00:34:34.831 --> 00:34:36.781
And that's the next part that comes in.

00:34:37.381 --> 00:34:39.551
You're circumventing
what the coach is doing.

00:34:39.551 --> 00:34:42.131
Like, for instance, with kids
that I have now with this

00:34:42.131 --> 00:34:43.251
program completely overhauled.

00:34:43.391 --> 00:34:46.631
So first thing I know is not about Xs
and Os, it's about building the culture.

00:34:47.021 --> 00:34:49.121
The culture has to be
built around positivity.

00:34:49.421 --> 00:34:50.921
It has to be built around excitement.

00:34:50.921 --> 00:34:53.891
It has to be built around enthusiasm,
not just from the player's

00:34:53.891 --> 00:34:55.631
perspective, but the parents as well.

00:34:55.871 --> 00:34:58.511
Because if they know they're part
of the process, they're gonna relax

00:34:58.511 --> 00:35:00.761
a little bit more because they're
gonna like, oh, Coach T's got it.

00:35:00.761 --> 00:35:01.001
Okay.

00:35:01.361 --> 00:35:04.901
My kid comes home from practice going
like, man, practice went so fast.

00:35:04.901 --> 00:35:05.861
We're having so much fun.

00:35:06.211 --> 00:35:08.101
Well, maybe the parents
will back off a little bit.

00:35:08.536 --> 00:35:08.846
Michael: Right.

00:35:09.551 --> 00:35:12.691
Antwaun: So, that role at home is
almost like an assistant coach.

00:35:13.591 --> 00:35:14.971
I'm the hard nose coach.

00:35:15.061 --> 00:35:15.991
You're the soft coach.

00:35:15.991 --> 00:35:17.441
You're like, you're the one
that pats him on the back.

00:35:17.491 --> 00:35:18.481
Hey, you had a rough practice?

00:35:18.481 --> 00:35:19.291
Well, tell me about it.

00:35:19.351 --> 00:35:19.651
You know?

00:35:20.611 --> 00:35:21.871
Why was it so tough today?

00:35:21.871 --> 00:35:24.451
You're like, man, I love coming
home, being able to decompress

00:35:24.451 --> 00:35:27.841
with my mom or my dad as opposed
to getting home and being grilled.

00:35:27.991 --> 00:35:30.091
What a co-, coach put you in there
with the starters when you're

00:35:30.091 --> 00:35:31.801
practicing like, God, no he didn't.

00:35:31.981 --> 00:35:32.641
Well, why didn't he?

00:35:32.641 --> 00:35:33.991
And it's like, let it go.

00:35:34.081 --> 00:35:35.251
You kinda lemme do my thing.

00:35:35.551 --> 00:35:39.061
To me, that's, that's parents have to
be an assistant coach at home and the

00:35:39.061 --> 00:35:41.551
coach that builds up that confidence.

00:35:41.601 --> 00:35:42.651
Michael: Yeah, that's a great perspective.

00:35:42.651 --> 00:35:46.101
It, it is, you know, we coach team sports.

00:35:47.106 --> 00:35:49.866
The team is more than just
the players, it's the support

00:35:49.866 --> 00:35:50.676
systems around them, right?

00:35:50.676 --> 00:35:53.286
It's the coaches, it's the
families, the friends, right,

00:35:53.286 --> 00:35:56.646
that make up a successful program.

00:35:57.036 --> 00:36:00.546
And they all kind of have to be in
alignment, right, in order for it to work.

00:36:00.546 --> 00:36:03.006
And that means parents need to
respect what the coaches are doing.

00:36:03.006 --> 00:36:05.466
The coaches need to respect what
the parents are doing, right?

00:36:05.506 --> 00:36:11.196
At the, at the center of it
all remains the kids, right?

00:36:11.196 --> 00:36:11.796
And that's what

00:36:12.231 --> 00:36:12.681
Antwaun: Amen.

00:36:12.736 --> 00:36:14.616
Michael: I think as parents,
we lose perspective on

00:36:15.741 --> 00:36:16.191
Antwaun: Yes.

00:36:16.246 --> 00:36:17.326
Michael: Too easily, sometimes, right?

00:36:17.516 --> 00:36:17.641
I've

00:36:17.691 --> 00:36:18.231
Antwaun: Absolutely.

00:36:18.666 --> 00:36:21.556
Michael: seen it a ton where
parents make it about themselves.

00:36:21.576 --> 00:36:24.546
They might not intentionally
be doing that, but it becomes

00:36:24.546 --> 00:36:25.606
about themselves real quick,

00:36:26.256 --> 00:36:26.516
Antwaun: right?

00:36:26.566 --> 00:36:26.826
Yeah.

00:36:26.966 --> 00:36:27.866
It, it does.

00:36:28.476 --> 00:36:32.466
Michael: And at the end of the day,
we're doing this for our kids, right?

00:36:32.926 --> 00:36:33.146
Antwaun: Yep.

00:36:33.296 --> 00:36:35.166
Michael: We're there to celebrate
them and what they are accomplishing

00:36:35.166 --> 00:36:37.926
and what they're learning, and like
you said earlier, it's those life

00:36:37.926 --> 00:36:42.306
skills that they're learning in
this, in playing these sports that is

00:36:42.306 --> 00:36:44.391
really why they're doing it, right?

00:36:44.551 --> 00:36:44.601
Antwaun: Well, yeah.

00:36:44.601 --> 00:36:46.561
Michael: That is the
biggest reward of all.

00:36:47.061 --> 00:36:47.481
Antwaun: Yeah.

00:36:48.051 --> 00:36:51.321
So if I were to ask you a question
and then, I mean, because when

00:36:51.321 --> 00:36:52.851
I asked, I'll ask it to you.

00:36:53.091 --> 00:36:57.321
If you were to ask the parents of
your players what per, what life

00:36:57.321 --> 00:37:00.741
skills are they learning through
hockey, do you think they would

00:37:00.741 --> 00:37:02.421
be able to tell you what they are?

00:37:03.406 --> 00:37:04.086
Michael: A hundred percent.

00:37:04.281 --> 00:37:10.391
I think that would be almost a no
brainer question for them because

00:37:12.411 --> 00:37:17.771
I tried to keep an open line of
communication, right, not just with

00:37:17.771 --> 00:37:19.716
the players, but with the parents, too.

00:37:20.156 --> 00:37:24.636
And I saw, you know, particularly at
the end of each season when I'd get the

00:37:24.636 --> 00:37:28.386
thank you cards and when the parents
would come up to me and shake my hand

00:37:28.476 --> 00:37:34.086
and thank me for the season that their,
their child had, it wasn't, you know,

00:37:34.146 --> 00:37:37.056
thank you for helping 'em score 60 goals.

00:37:37.386 --> 00:37:38.046
It was never that.

00:37:38.376 --> 00:37:44.346
It was thank you for making him not just
a better player, but a more confident kid.

00:37:44.586 --> 00:37:50.756
Or thank you for making him, you
know, more sportsmanlike or just, I

00:37:50.756 --> 00:37:53.346
mean, they don't wanna use the word
sportsmanlike, but just have a better

00:37:53.346 --> 00:37:57.216
attitude or positive or, you know, he
had a, a rough year, we had a lot of

00:37:57.276 --> 00:38:02.406
health issues in the family, but this
was his kind of escape, and you made it

00:38:02.406 --> 00:38:04.936
fun throughout the year and they can't
wait to come back next year, right?

00:38:05.196 --> 00:38:12.156
So, I think that, for the most part,
if the parents are involved, if

00:38:12.156 --> 00:38:15.306
they're showing up to games and as
the older they get, they typically

00:38:15.306 --> 00:38:17.616
don't show up to the practices
anymore, right, the older they get.

00:38:18.006 --> 00:38:21.906
So it's more of they show up to the games
and the, the events around the teams.

00:38:21.906 --> 00:38:24.636
If they don't know if there's any kind
of like team meals or anything like that.

00:38:25.536 --> 00:38:30.876
They see what's going on, and they see how
their kids are growing from the beginning

00:38:30.876 --> 00:38:31.926
of the season to the end of the season.

00:38:31.926 --> 00:38:34.596
It's easy for me as a coach to be
like, oh yeah, now your kid, you know,

00:38:34.956 --> 00:38:37.686
when he started the season, he could
barely lift the puck off the ice.

00:38:37.686 --> 00:38:39.936
Now he's, you know, shooting
in the top corner, no problem.

00:38:40.056 --> 00:38:41.346
Like, that's an easy thing to show off.

00:38:41.646 --> 00:38:43.446
Nobody cares about that, right?

00:38:44.101 --> 00:38:49.386
As, as parents, what we cared about most
is did our kids learn something from this?

00:38:49.386 --> 00:38:53.766
And like, are they a better person today
than they were at the start of the season?

00:38:54.366 --> 00:38:58.986
And, oftentimes, you know, I,
my hope is that we are giving

00:38:58.986 --> 00:39:00.486
'em that confidence, right?

00:39:00.486 --> 00:39:04.506
I think that is probably the biggest,
easiest win that we can have as

00:39:04.506 --> 00:39:09.966
coaches for kids in sports, is helping
them build that confidence, right?

00:39:09.996 --> 00:39:12.306
And having the right attitudes in doing it

00:39:12.336 --> 00:39:12.666
Antwaun: Yeah,

00:39:12.696 --> 00:39:13.246
Michael: is probably the other one, right?

00:39:13.296 --> 00:39:13.866
Antwaun: Absolutely.

00:39:14.376 --> 00:39:14.646
Yep.

00:39:14.736 --> 00:39:15.396
Absolutely.

00:39:16.731 --> 00:39:17.751
So many stories to tell you.

00:39:17.751 --> 00:39:18.501
This is crazy.

00:39:18.501 --> 00:39:22.101
So, but the reason I asked that
question, because there are parents

00:39:22.101 --> 00:39:24.141
have asked and they don't know.

00:39:24.591 --> 00:39:25.231
They couldn't tell me.

00:39:25.731 --> 00:39:30.951
They think it's all about the skill and
you know, the, the team strategies and

00:39:30.951 --> 00:39:35.541
philosophies and like, believe it or
not, those are the least of our concerns.

00:39:35.631 --> 00:39:38.691
You know, number one, we're trying
to make them one of the best

00:39:38.691 --> 00:39:43.641
individuals they can be both on and
off their respective sport platform.

00:39:43.641 --> 00:39:48.171
If it's hockey, on the ice, on the
basketball court, on the football

00:39:48.171 --> 00:39:52.786
field, soccer field, on the tennis
court, volleyball, wherever it may be.

00:39:53.696 --> 00:39:58.436
And so after sharing some of that,
it's, it's kind of surprising, but it

00:39:58.436 --> 00:40:02.426
leads to what you are talking about,
that open communication between parents

00:40:02.516 --> 00:40:07.196
and coaches is so important because
I'm sure based on what you share with

00:40:07.196 --> 00:40:12.356
me, if a parent had a concern about
anything with their child playing for

00:40:12.356 --> 00:40:17.406
you, they could ask that their son, and
their son could tell 'em exactly what

00:40:17.496 --> 00:40:22.506
the issue is because your communication
with them is so transparent that the

00:40:22.506 --> 00:40:24.156
parent would never need to come to you.

00:40:24.156 --> 00:40:26.876
And that's the kind of approach I
have is you should never have to

00:40:26.876 --> 00:40:30.156
have a one-on-one with me because
everything your child needs, they're

00:40:30.156 --> 00:40:32.496
gonna get whether they want it or not.

00:40:32.526 --> 00:40:36.606
Because if they say, hey coach, how can
I contribute to the success of the team?

00:40:36.606 --> 00:40:39.411
Well, you need to do X, Y,
Z. And then they go, hey,

00:40:39.411 --> 00:40:40.111
why didn't the coach play me?

00:40:40.251 --> 00:40:43.371
Well, it's because of X, Y, and Z. This is
what coach told me I need to approve on.

00:40:43.671 --> 00:40:46.991
When I approve on X, Y, Z, my
opportunity to contribute to the

00:40:46.991 --> 00:40:52.191
success of the team will go up
and like your, your situation with

00:40:52.191 --> 00:40:53.691
parents coming to you into the season.

00:40:54.201 --> 00:40:58.431
Like I said, this is, I just finished,
we just finished our first season, and

00:40:59.151 --> 00:41:05.391
the number of parents that said that,
that what I did this first year totally

00:41:05.391 --> 00:41:09.411
changed the culture because the kids
wanted to be a part of the program.

00:41:09.411 --> 00:41:12.381
There were several kids that were
not gonna play this year because

00:41:12.381 --> 00:41:16.161
of the experience they had in the
past, and, to me, that's detriment

00:41:16.221 --> 00:41:19.551
and it speaks negatively upon
the leadership of the program.

00:41:20.031 --> 00:41:22.041
And, you know, how important coaches are.

00:41:22.431 --> 00:41:26.451
I know coaches wanna win and all that
stuff like that, but say at the end of the

00:41:26.451 --> 00:41:28.521
day, like you said, it's about the kids.

00:41:28.521 --> 00:41:32.331
And as long as you keep it about the
kids, everything else will fall into play.

00:41:32.361 --> 00:41:34.641
When you make it about winning and
losing and coaches make it about

00:41:34.641 --> 00:41:37.701
their egos and their records and
their championships and things of

00:41:37.701 --> 00:41:40.551
that nature, it, it just doesn't work.

00:41:41.066 --> 00:41:41.246
Michael: Yep.

00:41:41.666 --> 00:41:46.106
Yeah, I always said as a coach, I
had two main goals for every season.

00:41:46.556 --> 00:41:51.996
One is that the kids had so much fun,
they wanna sign up for the next season.

00:41:51.996 --> 00:41:53.796
Like as soon as the season ends,
they're telling their parents

00:41:53.796 --> 00:41:54.816
I wanna sign up again, right?

00:41:54.816 --> 00:41:57.816
Like, that was sort of my measuring
stick: how many kids return every year.

00:41:58.656 --> 00:42:03.876
Because if I'm giving them an environment
that makes it fun, then they are,

00:42:05.346 --> 00:42:09.636
hopefully, that's something they're
gonna want to continue to do, right?

00:42:09.636 --> 00:42:12.711
And then my other goal is that they grow

00:42:14.856 --> 00:42:16.116
as people, right?

00:42:16.206 --> 00:42:19.436
As, not just a player, but
as a human being, right?

00:42:19.436 --> 00:42:19.736
As a person.

00:42:19.986 --> 00:42:20.336
Antwaun: Right.

00:42:20.496 --> 00:42:24.156
Michael: And oftentimes when I'd reach out
to parents, be like, oh, you know, your

00:42:24.156 --> 00:42:27.516
kid made, I just wanted to, you know, let
you know that your kid made a great play.

00:42:27.756 --> 00:42:28.596
I didn't really care about the play.

00:42:28.596 --> 00:42:32.566
I'd be like, your kid made a great
play, but here's why because they

00:42:33.266 --> 00:42:35.706
took something that they learned,
and they applied it, right?

00:42:35.901 --> 00:42:36.411
Antwaun: Right.

00:42:37.126 --> 00:42:40.836
Michael: Or they blocked the shot
knowing it would help the team, right?

00:42:40.866 --> 00:42:46.986
They were willing to, like, make the
sacrifice for the team and that, like,

00:42:47.496 --> 00:42:50.961
I just want you to know, as their coach,
that is something that you should be proud

00:42:50.961 --> 00:42:54.951
of as a parent, especially the parents
that don't know the sport so well, right?

00:42:55.131 --> 00:42:59.151
But again, it comes back to that open
communication that I think us as parents,

00:42:59.151 --> 00:43:03.801
it's hard to, we just kind of, you know,
sign up our kids for the sports, and we

00:43:03.861 --> 00:43:08.871
make sure they get there and then we just
kind of like, okay, now it's your turn to

00:43:08.871 --> 00:43:10.821
take over as coach, and you do your thing.

00:43:10.821 --> 00:43:17.961
But, if we want our kids to succeed,
we should be, we can be part of that

00:43:17.961 --> 00:43:21.951
process to support them and that the
way we support them, we don't have

00:43:21.951 --> 00:43:25.611
to be a helicopter parent that's like
sitting there managing their, their

00:43:25.611 --> 00:43:28.471
game and telling the coaches what
to do, things like that, right, but

00:43:28.471 --> 00:43:32.611
we can ask questions and show our
interests and keep them involved.

00:43:32.611 --> 00:43:34.971
And the only way to do that is
have that open communication with

00:43:35.151 --> 00:43:38.001
the rest of the team, with the
coaches and whoever it may be.

00:43:38.706 --> 00:43:40.596
Antwaun: Yeah, absolutely
agree a hundred percent.

00:43:41.181 --> 00:43:43.041
Michael: So I wanna ask you
one more question before we

00:43:43.041 --> 00:43:43.941
get into the speed round.

00:43:44.471 --> 00:43:44.761
Antwaun: Sure.

00:43:45.261 --> 00:43:50.801
Michael: If you had to leave dads with
sort of one principle to anchor both what

00:43:50.801 --> 00:43:57.891
they are trying to get out of their own
lives as dads, but also be, do something

00:43:57.891 --> 00:44:01.011
meaningful as parents, what would that be?

00:44:01.011 --> 00:44:02.616
What would that principle be?

00:44:02.616 --> 00:44:03.876
Antwaun: Be meaningful with parents.

00:44:07.266 --> 00:44:09.966
Ironically, it's gonna be the
same thing I would tell kids.

00:44:09.966 --> 00:44:14.436
There's three words that are really
important, I think, in every child's

00:44:14.436 --> 00:44:19.926
life, but also in every household
relationship building with kids,

00:44:20.046 --> 00:44:21.576
and also between parents, too.

00:44:22.116 --> 00:44:24.396
And that is simplicity.

00:44:24.736 --> 00:44:26.506
Keeping everything simple.

00:44:26.636 --> 00:44:29.556
Life's already compli-, complicated
enough, not only just for the

00:44:29.656 --> 00:44:30.806
kids, but also for parents.

00:44:31.416 --> 00:44:33.876
You have a job, you try to
take care of your family.

00:44:33.876 --> 00:44:35.586
You have other things
you have to take care of.

00:44:35.706 --> 00:44:38.346
And if you have active kids and
playing more than one sport,

00:44:38.346 --> 00:44:39.456
you gotta have them everywhere.

00:44:39.816 --> 00:44:42.216
So it's already a complicated process.

00:44:42.216 --> 00:44:43.506
Keep the process simple.

00:44:43.806 --> 00:44:50.151
The second one is, the effort that you
put into your families, be it in the

00:44:50.151 --> 00:44:54.021
household or outside, make sure that
that effort is consistent everywhere

00:44:54.471 --> 00:44:57.111
because when you put effort in one
place and not another, you're teaching

00:44:57.111 --> 00:45:00.261
your child something where to put their
effort and where not to put their effort.

00:45:00.561 --> 00:45:02.961
If you're teaching your kids, you
want them to put their best foot

00:45:02.961 --> 00:45:06.231
forward no matter what they do, you
have to put your best foot forward

00:45:06.231 --> 00:45:07.671
no matter what you do as a parent.

00:45:08.451 --> 00:45:10.821
And then the last one is your attitude.

00:45:12.396 --> 00:45:15.756
One of my favorite quotes is a
positive attitude almost always

00:45:15.756 --> 00:45:17.346
determines your altitude in life.

00:45:17.346 --> 00:45:18.696
It's something I always tell kids.

00:45:19.146 --> 00:45:21.606
Well, we want our kids to
have a positive attitude.

00:45:21.666 --> 00:45:26.346
Well, parents have to also lead by example
and that is having a positive attitude,

00:45:26.346 --> 00:45:28.206
and that's even in those tough situations.

00:45:28.206 --> 00:45:33.201
Take a deep breath and go, hey, my
reaction to this situation is a teaching

00:45:33.201 --> 00:45:35.091
and learning opportunity for my child.

00:45:35.151 --> 00:45:37.401
How do I want them to walk
away from this situation?

00:45:38.481 --> 00:45:42.141
And I'm also teaching 'em how to deal
with difficult situations, conflict

00:45:42.141 --> 00:45:47.871
resolution, or conflict transformation, a
friend of mine told me it's also called.

00:45:48.291 --> 00:45:50.331
So, simplicity, effort, and attitude.

00:45:50.361 --> 00:45:54.141
Those are the three things that I think
every parent needs to be reminded of.

00:45:54.141 --> 00:45:55.071
Keep things simple.

00:45:55.071 --> 00:45:56.691
Life is already complicated enough.

00:45:57.906 --> 00:46:01.506
Apply maximum effort no matter what
you're doing because you, we also

00:46:01.506 --> 00:46:04.626
know the harder we work, the more we
achieve what we set out to achieve.

00:46:04.866 --> 00:46:06.606
And then thirdly, positive attitude.

00:46:08.271 --> 00:46:14.691
Michael: that it's very, I can see
the effectiveness of it and the

00:46:14.691 --> 00:46:19.401
simplicity of it, but it's like
it's something we can all do, right?

00:46:19.401 --> 00:46:20.121
It's practical.

00:46:21.091 --> 00:46:21.881
Antwaun: Right, exactly.

00:46:21.996 --> 00:46:22.236
Michael: Right.

00:46:22.326 --> 00:46:25.566
And that is, you know, like you
said, we live in a very complicated

00:46:25.566 --> 00:46:31.956
world, and sometimes we just need
like, and there's, you know, tons

00:46:31.956 --> 00:46:33.216
of different motivators out there.

00:46:33.696 --> 00:46:35.376
Sometimes we just need
something that's practical.

00:46:35.496 --> 00:46:38.226
It's, and simplicity, effort, attitude.

00:46:38.526 --> 00:46:38.886
I love that.

00:46:38.886 --> 00:46:40.536
It's just so straightforward.

00:46:40.776 --> 00:46:43.866
So we'll go from the straightforward
to the nonsensical and jump into

00:46:43.866 --> 00:46:44.946
our speed round if you're ready.

00:46:45.126 --> 00:46:45.496
Five quick questions

00:46:45.591 --> 00:46:45.881
Antwaun: Okay.

00:46:45.936 --> 00:46:47.046
Michael: that have nothing
to do with anything.

00:46:47.541 --> 00:46:47.831
Antwaun: Okay.

00:46:47.886 --> 00:46:50.766
Michael: What's the first kid show
theme song that comes to mind?

00:46:51.741 --> 00:46:54.501
Antwaun: Oh boy, kid, oh my gosh.

00:46:54.501 --> 00:46:54.741
Oh, The Flintstones.

00:46:54.741 --> 00:46:55.611
The Flintstones.

00:46:56.946 --> 00:46:57.336
Michael: Nice.

00:46:57.981 --> 00:46:58.851
Antwaun: I'm aging myself.

00:47:00.246 --> 00:47:01.626
Michael: Now it's gonna
be stuck in my head.

00:47:02.076 --> 00:47:04.026
I haven't heard that
song in quite a while.

00:47:04.236 --> 00:47:05.316
What was your very first job?

00:47:07.446 --> 00:47:08.166
Antwaun: Oh, paper boy.

00:47:08.166 --> 00:47:09.726
I was a paper boy my first job.

00:47:10.136 --> 00:47:10.276
Michael: Paper boy.

00:47:10.276 --> 00:47:10.496
Awesome.

00:47:10.496 --> 00:47:10.896
Antwaun: Hated it.

00:47:12.936 --> 00:47:14.101
Michael: Good experience though, I bet.

00:47:14.706 --> 00:47:16.416
Antwaun: It was, it was, yeah.

00:47:16.836 --> 00:47:17.226
Indeed.

00:47:17.946 --> 00:47:20.616
Michael: Would you rather spend
24 hours with a toddler-sized

00:47:20.616 --> 00:47:22.506
T-Rex or a T-Rex-sized toddler?

00:47:24.936 --> 00:47:25.826
Antwaun: T-Rex sized-toddler.

00:47:26.991 --> 00:47:27.621
Michael: Why is that?

00:47:30.171 --> 00:47:31.366
Antwaun: It would keep me awake.

00:47:31.436 --> 00:47:34.041
It'd keep me on my toes 24/7 for sure.

00:47:34.971 --> 00:47:35.451
That's why.

00:47:35.951 --> 00:47:37.691
Michael: Yeah, that's a good point.

00:47:38.131 --> 00:47:41.106
What's your go-to karaoke song and
the one you would sing if you had to?

00:47:42.021 --> 00:47:43.131
Antwaun: Oh my gosh.

00:47:43.131 --> 00:47:44.271
It would be Al Green.

00:47:45.951 --> 00:47:47.841
Yeah, it would be Al Green.

00:47:47.841 --> 00:47:48.621
Let's stay together.

00:47:48.711 --> 00:47:50.331
It's my favorite, one
of my favorite songs.

00:47:50.331 --> 00:47:50.691
Yeah.

00:47:51.361 --> 00:47:51.421
Michael: Classic.

00:47:51.421 --> 00:47:51.721
Love that.

00:47:51.921 --> 00:47:52.131
Antwaun: Yeah.

00:47:52.371 --> 00:47:54.381
Michael: And finally, what's the
weirdest thing you've ever carried around

00:47:54.381 --> 00:47:56.151
in your bag, briefcase, or pockets?

00:47:57.336 --> 00:47:58.566
Antwaun: Oh my gosh.

00:47:58.626 --> 00:48:03.891
The weirdest thing would probably
be the ticket from the Michael

00:48:03.891 --> 00:48:08.136
Jackson concert I went to in 1988
because I didn't wanna lose it.

00:48:08.136 --> 00:48:10.846
I had to find out where I was gonna
keep this ticket, so I carried it

00:48:10.846 --> 00:48:12.696
in my wallet for the longest time.

00:48:13.221 --> 00:48:13.701
Michael: Wow.

00:48:14.526 --> 00:48:15.096
That's awesome.

00:48:15.816 --> 00:48:15.996
Antwaun: Yeah.

00:48:16.086 --> 00:48:16.626
Michael: Very cool.

00:48:17.256 --> 00:48:18.936
All right, so that's the
end of the speed round.

00:48:18.936 --> 00:48:20.091
I appreciate you, you

00:48:20.376 --> 00:48:20.616
Antwaun: Yes.

00:48:20.766 --> 00:48:21.216
Michael: going through that with me.

00:48:21.816 --> 00:48:23.826
Before we wrap up, though,
I wanna give you the floor.

00:48:23.856 --> 00:48:27.276
You're doing a lot of important work
through your book, your mentoring

00:48:27.276 --> 00:48:30.246
programs, and the platforms you've
built for kids and families.

00:48:30.546 --> 00:48:32.916
Where should listeners go if they
wanna learn more, get involved,

00:48:32.916 --> 00:48:33.936
or support what you're building?

00:48:34.821 --> 00:48:35.421
Antwaun: Absolutely.

00:48:35.421 --> 00:48:39.441
So my nonprofit if I just wanted
to just touch on that really quick

00:48:39.441 --> 00:48:41.991
if I could why it's so important.

00:48:42.001 --> 00:48:46.601
JLT Fieldhouse name of the nonprofit
and the website's, jltfieldhouse.org.

00:48:47.781 --> 00:48:51.051
It is a nonprofit named after my
late father who saved, served in

00:48:51.051 --> 00:48:55.861
the Marine Corps for 30 years, and
unfortunately, we lost him in 1996

00:48:55.981 --> 00:48:58.461
to leukemia from his time in Vietnam.

00:48:59.361 --> 00:49:02.751
But the biggest part of that is that
he was not my biological father, but

00:49:02.751 --> 00:49:06.951
he adopted my older brother and I when
he married our mom, who was in a not so

00:49:06.951 --> 00:49:09.321
great marriage with our biological father.

00:49:10.011 --> 00:49:13.131
And I say all that because you and I
wouldn't be having this conversation

00:49:13.131 --> 00:49:14.301
had he not come into my life.

00:49:14.301 --> 00:49:18.941
And it was a way of honoring the sacrifice
he made, not only for us, but for

00:49:18.941 --> 00:49:25.251
this country, the ultimate sacrifice,
and the lessons he taught us are

00:49:25.251 --> 00:49:27.471
literally what I pa-, I pay forward now.

00:49:27.921 --> 00:49:31.761
And my wife and I weren't able to have
kids of our own, but I believed that I

00:49:31.761 --> 00:49:35.751
was given a gift to impact more kids,
and it's something I don't take lightly.

00:49:36.621 --> 00:49:42.471
So, every day I'm reminded of my father
because number one, every time I put that

00:49:42.471 --> 00:49:46.641
shirt on has his initials on, it reminds
me that I'm representing him and what he

00:49:46.641 --> 00:49:51.351
taught my brothers and I, and I wanna make
sure the young people know how successful

00:49:51.351 --> 00:49:54.621
you can be if you're given the right
guidance, and he provided that for us.

00:49:54.621 --> 00:49:58.341
So that's what this nonprofit's all
about, and it's, and as you mentioned

00:49:58.341 --> 00:50:03.111
early on in my introduction about
educating and supporting next generation

00:50:03.111 --> 00:50:09.416
leaders was coaching and mentoring the
next generation and the only, the other

00:50:09.416 --> 00:50:13.076
example I wanna throw in there, one,
my assistant coach, my top assistant

00:50:13.076 --> 00:50:15.266
coach came up through that nonprofit.

00:50:15.266 --> 00:50:19.376
So when I got this job, he was the
first person I called, and we had a

00:50:19.406 --> 00:50:23.736
successful season because of his presence,
his energies, excitement, enthusiasm,

00:50:24.036 --> 00:50:27.936
and understanding the complexities,
not only of Xs and Os, but about the

00:50:27.936 --> 00:50:31.236
personal development because he grew up
in it, and he had a tough upbringing,

00:50:31.566 --> 00:50:34.686
and he's risen above it and beyond it.

00:50:34.686 --> 00:50:38.766
And he exceeded expectations as a young,
young person, but he also bridges the

00:50:38.766 --> 00:50:40.356
gap between myself and the players.

00:50:40.676 --> 00:50:43.826
So he was coached and mentored, and
now he's coaching and mentoring.

00:50:43.826 --> 00:50:47.096
So he's a perfect example of
the benefits of this nonprofit.

00:50:47.606 --> 00:50:52.876
And so you can go to that website
and, and it also links to my Coach

00:50:52.876 --> 00:50:57.446
T's Corner website, which is where
it has the mentoring programs that

00:50:57.446 --> 00:51:01.411
I offer and also have some free
resources for parents as well.

00:51:01.826 --> 00:51:04.946
And I have a, a huge, a wonderful
network of people started

00:51:04.946 --> 00:51:06.506
a private LinkedIn group.

00:51:06.506 --> 00:51:08.126
It's called The Village of Inspiration.

00:51:09.401 --> 00:51:12.071
19 individuals from around the
world that have come together that

00:51:12.071 --> 00:51:16.061
do exactly what I do, which is to
inspire the next generation of leaders

00:51:16.061 --> 00:51:19.481
and make them the best versions
of themselves that they can be.

00:51:19.961 --> 00:51:22.391
And as you mentioned, I'm, I wrote
a book and the book is called

00:51:22.391 --> 00:51:25.801
the S.E.A. of Success, and S.E.A.
is an acronym which stands for

00:51:25.831 --> 00:51:27.691
Simplicity, Effort, and Attitude.

00:51:28.081 --> 00:51:31.951
And it's available on, okay, lemme
make sure I get this right, yeah.

00:51:32.251 --> 00:51:33.391
Available on Amazon.

00:51:33.391 --> 00:51:36.481
And it's the ultimate guide to
successful preteens and teens.

00:51:36.811 --> 00:51:40.171
And in the book I talk about
11 different skillset areas I

00:51:40.171 --> 00:51:41.431
think young people need to learn.

00:51:41.461 --> 00:51:42.481
It has stories.

00:51:42.551 --> 00:51:43.891
I've got some stories in there.

00:51:44.581 --> 00:51:48.631
And my brother, who is an educator,
wrote the forward and having him support

00:51:48.631 --> 00:51:54.101
this project speaks volume toward what
he sees as, as a powerful tool for not

00:51:54.101 --> 00:51:55.871
only students, but also for parents.

00:51:56.771 --> 00:51:59.891
And, I also post, I host two podcasts.

00:52:00.101 --> 00:52:03.361
One is the one that see behind
me is backdrop here, Developing

00:52:03.401 --> 00:52:06.581
Tomorrow’s Leaders, where I interview
people like yourself, coaches and

00:52:06.911 --> 00:52:08.621
others that impact young people.

00:52:09.041 --> 00:52:13.211
And I co-host a podcast with a
fellow youth empowerment coach

00:52:13.211 --> 00:52:14.151
from New York, Keith Senzer.

00:52:15.071 --> 00:52:19.266
We have a podcast called TeenSpeak
- Empowering Today’s Youth where

00:52:19.266 --> 00:52:21.546
young people, middle school, high
school, and college students reach

00:52:21.546 --> 00:52:23.646
out to us to be on the podcast.

00:52:23.646 --> 00:52:26.766
And they talk about challenges
that they've gone through, but more

00:52:26.766 --> 00:52:29.856
importantly, the strategies that they've
used to overcome those challenges.

00:52:30.156 --> 00:52:33.186
And they're the voice of the voiceless
for those that may not feel comfortable

00:52:33.186 --> 00:52:35.316
enough coming on and talking about it.

00:52:35.586 --> 00:52:38.896
And we've had kids as young as fourth
grade, and we've also had an All-American

00:52:38.916 --> 00:52:42.736
fencer from Northwestern University
that came on to talk about body shaming.

00:52:42.736 --> 00:52:47.106
So, everything I've been doing is
all about kids and putting them in a

00:52:47.106 --> 00:52:48.876
position, in a position to be successful.

00:52:49.941 --> 00:52:50.511
Michael: That's awesome.

00:52:50.601 --> 00:52:57.236
What a amazing set of things
that you are building, right?

00:52:57.576 --> 00:52:59.946
It's, there's just so much behind it.

00:52:59.946 --> 00:53:04.506
So much thought and history
behind like your, your nonprofit

00:53:05.236 --> 00:53:06.796
that I wasn't even aware of.

00:53:06.796 --> 00:53:08.356
It's just, it's beautiful.

00:53:08.496 --> 00:53:10.356
I, I love all the stuff that you're doing.

00:53:11.166 --> 00:53:14.106
This thing is so cool and, you know,
I really appreciate you being on

00:53:14.106 --> 00:53:14.816
the show with me today, Antwaun.

00:53:16.956 --> 00:53:25.311
Your perspective on how parents
approach their kids and youth sports,

00:53:26.631 --> 00:53:32.091
it's so clear and so real, right?

00:53:32.091 --> 00:53:36.471
Like we don't always talk about, yeah,
we see the, the crazy parent that's

00:53:36.471 --> 00:53:37.641
yelling at every game and stuff.

00:53:37.641 --> 00:53:40.341
We don't always, you know, we
might point and laugh a little

00:53:40.341 --> 00:53:43.941
bit or whatever, but there are
real implications to that, right?

00:53:43.986 --> 00:53:44.206
Antwaun: Yes.

00:53:45.401 --> 00:53:52.206
Michael: And you clearly come from a
place of deep care and lived experience,

00:53:52.236 --> 00:53:59.946
and you're helping so many more
kids become greater adults, right?

00:53:59.986 --> 00:54:05.361
And, I think, parents, so many parents
benefit from the work that, that you do.

00:54:05.421 --> 00:54:09.051
And I think a lot of dads today are
gonna learn a lot from what you've

00:54:09.051 --> 00:54:14.331
shared and the way you've talked about
leadership and development and showing

00:54:14.331 --> 00:54:15.801
up for the, the next generation.

00:54:15.801 --> 00:54:17.361
So, thank you again for joining me today.

00:54:17.361 --> 00:54:19.041
I really appreciate having you here.

00:54:19.491 --> 00:54:22.371
And finally, before you go, if you're
a dad listening to this and you find

00:54:22.371 --> 00:54:25.371
yourself in between, navigating a
season that feels different, head

00:54:25.371 --> 00:54:28.041
to gaptogig.com, and subscribe
to the Gap to Gig newsletter.

00:54:28.341 --> 00:54:29.391
Comes out every Friday.

00:54:29.391 --> 00:54:32.751
It's a quieter space to reflect on
work, life, and what really matters

00:54:32.751 --> 00:54:36.021
right now, and if this conversation
resonated, consider sending it to

00:54:36.021 --> 00:54:37.341
another dad who might need to hear it.

00:54:37.611 --> 00:54:39.441
Until next time, I'm Michael Jacobs.

00:54:39.561 --> 00:54:41.451
Thanks for showing up and
listening to Gap to Gig.