Paul Comfort on Finding Meaningful Work and Work-Life Balance as a Dad

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Paul: It is not that you want them to,
you know, do what I couldn't do, son.

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You know, I never followed my dream.

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So I want you to, you know, follow yours.

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We, we, I, I think that we can try to live
our life through our children sometimes.

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I've seen that happen before.

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I've tried to never push what I do on my
kids, and so none of them are in my field.

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Michael: Right.

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Paul: My son-in-law is of all
things, but, but I, I try not to do

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that to them because I don't want.

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I want them to find their own
purpose, their own passion.

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Michael: Right.

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Paul: I don't want them to be
20 years in and say, oh, dad

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got me into transportation.

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This isn't what I wanna do.

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Michael: Welcome to Gap to Gig, the show
for dads navigating the in-between season

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when work, identity, and priorities
start asking different questions.

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Here we talk about what that
season looks like and how to

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move through it with intention.

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I'm your host, Michael Jacobs,
and today's guest is Paul Comfort.

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Paul is the author of the upcoming book,
Find Your X Factor, and a seasoned leader

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who has reached the top of multiple
careers across government, transportation,

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elected office, and national media.

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After decades of leadership and hundreds
of conversations with high performers.

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Paul noticed a pattern
many of us recognize.

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From the outside, life looks successful,
but from the inside, something feels off.

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The work drains energy
instead of creating it.

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Paul helps people understand why that
misalignment happens and how to move

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toward work that fits who they are without
blowing everything up or starting over.

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Paul, I'm excited to chat with you today.

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Welcome to the show.

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I'm really glad you're here.

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Paul: Thanks Michael.

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I'm excited to be here, too, man.

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Thanks for having me.

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Michael: My pleasure.

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So many dads listening to this show
are doing what they're, they were

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told would work, right, and they built
careers that look solid on paper, but

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something doesn't feel right anymore.

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And I kind of wanna start there with you.

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You've reached the top in
several different careers.

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When you look back, what were the earliest
signs that success and fulfillment were

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starting to kind of drift apart for you?

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Paul: Yeah.

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Thank you.

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It's a great question.

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And you know, this is the classic
midlife crisis question, right?

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Michael: Right.

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Paul: So, you, you work for 15 or 20
years in a certain career, and then

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you're like, crap, this isn't, this isn't
really what I, this isn't fulfilling me.

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This isn't making me
feel satisfied inside.

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I feel like I'm working
for the weekends, maybe.

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Just for the paycheck.

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I remember, Michael, I told myself, a
long time ago, I would never do a job

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just for the money, and, but I ended up
staying in a job for several years, just

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for the money, and it was soul draining.

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It definitely wasn't worth
it as I look back on it.

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I learned it the hard way that
what you said is, is true.

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So the book and, and kind of my theory
behind the book is something that

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I've been teaching for many years.

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It's something I found out early in
my career is I was able to identify

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really what made me feel alive.

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I think everybody, you know, if
you take some time, you think

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about your hobbies, what you would
do for free, what you like doing.

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When you come away, you feel energized.

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Time seems to fly when you're doing it.

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Like for me, it used to be playing
Command & Conquer on the computer.

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And I finally had to throw that
sucker away, the disc, because

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I got addicted to it, right?

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So, but it was the, it was the thrill
of victory I think that a lot of

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men feel like they need and they
don't have it in their real life.

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And I've noticed that in my own life.

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And you can notice that too, right?

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If you, if you're feeling, you know,
sports and any kinda scores, men have

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inside of them an innate desire, I think,
to achieve, to win, to have victory.

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And we do it.

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That's why we're so
fascinated by scores, right?

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And sports and all, and, and video
games that had battle where we

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kind of put ourselves into them.

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All that in my mind is salving an open
wound inside of us that we all have a

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purpose inside of us, and that when we're
fulfilling that purpose, we feel full.

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We don't need these substitutes to
kind of fill that spot in our heart.

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And I know we'll get into that more, but
that's what I was able to find early on.

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What really made me come alive was
what I'm doing with you right now.

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I feel my best, and I'm at optimal
performance as a human being, at a dinner

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party with about 10 people, 12 people,
and we're all socializing and talking

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about important things, you know, not just
surface things, the weather and sports,

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but, you know, what's going on here.

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I actually host big dinners I call salon
dinners at conferences around the world

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where I invite top leaders from different
industries to come together and to share

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what makes you come alive, what makes
you feel, you know, and these, so if

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I'm, I'm, my day job is transportation,
so if I have a bunch of transportation

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leaders that, let's not talk about that.

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Let's talk about, you know what, well,
you know, I like rescuing animals, you

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know, one CEO might say, and another
one might say, well, what I really

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enjoy, to be honest with you, is
golf with my buddies on the weekend.

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So, analyzing that and figuring
out what makes you feel like you're

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coming alive is a big part, Michael,
to figuring out whether or not

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you're on the right path to purpose.

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Michael: Yeah, I love that.

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I like how, you know, early on in
your answer, you said you kind of

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like slow yourself down to think
about what is it that you like

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to spend your time on, right?

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And it's like, to me, it's what
would I do when I have nothing to do?

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Right?

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What would I choose to
use my time on, right?

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Because we all have a limited
amount of time, right?

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Life is finite, right?

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And you only have so many days in
the, there's so many hours in a

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day and so many days in a week.

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So it's like, how do you wanna
spend the time that you do have?

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And can you, how do you maximize
the amount of time you spend on

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the things that, as you say, light
you up, right, and give you energy.

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I like how you remind me to think about
what it is that really makes me excited,

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really gets me to, gets me energized
because yeah, I can enjoy my work.

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Does it light me up every day?

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Fortunately, yes.

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For, you know, for the most part, right?

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But that wasn't always the case.

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You know, my first job out of
college, I wasn't like, oh, you know,

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this is the greatest thing ever.

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I wanna do this for the
rest of my life, right?

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But I had to figure out
what, what do I like?

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What do I enjoy and can I
find a career out of it?

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And not everything you could build
a career out of, I presume, right?

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Like, I don't think, there's not
probably not many professional

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Command & Conquer players, right?

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Paul: Right.

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Did you ever play that by the way?

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Michael: I did not.

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I know people that did.

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Paul: Yeah, it's addicting, man.

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I don't even wanna say it 'cause
I'll probably get somebody

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addicted to it, but yeah.

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But anyway, yeah.

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No, and you're right.

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It doesn't have to be
always a career, right?

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It's about your life being round, rounded.

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Yeah.

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Michael: Right.

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It's really interesting, like, sometimes
I think a lot of dads feel guilty that

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they question, they have a stable career
and they start to question it, right?

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They're like, I have this career.

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I'm lucky I have, especially
in today's day and age, right?

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We're in a very unique economy right now.

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Very challenging economy and there,
people, I, I think a lot of dads feel

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fortunate that they do have jobs right
now, the ones that do have 'em, right?

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And so they might be feeling
guilty that yes, I have this job

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and it's paying me well, but it's
not really what I love to do.

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And so there's sort of this like
internal tension there, right

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between they, they have this job.

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It's stable.

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They've had it for a long time.

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It pays well.

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They're respected at their,
at their job perhaps, but it's

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not really what they want.

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Why do you think that internal
tension shows up so often

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Paul: Yeah.

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Michael: between like, yeah, I'm
fortunate to have this job, but

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it's not really what I wanna do, but

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Paul: Yep.

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Michael: I'm gonna stay there 'cause
it's great, or no, I need to start

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looking at doing something different?

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Paul: Let me answer that with a,
with a quick story that I recount

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in the book, Find Your X Factor.

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And that is when I was
young, I, I love music.

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I still love music.

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I play piano.

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I sing.

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I had a band, Sons of Thunder.

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We recorded, we, you know, toured.

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It was a full band.

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You know, we played a
lot of original music.

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We had guitars, bass, drums,
backup singers, lights, everything.

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We're pretty, and we put all of ourselves
into it while I was in college, you know?

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So I'm in college.

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The other big thing I'm doing is a band.

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We played it at my college.

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It was awesome.

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So, but as we got through college,
getting 21, 22 years old, we all

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started, we were all basically the
same age in our early twenties.

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Our drummer was a little bit older.

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He'd been in another big
rock band in Florida.

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But we all, you know, my
rhythm guitarist got married.

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I remember that's what happened.

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Zeke.

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And, and so then, you know, he had
other priorities and we, you know, we

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were practicing several nights a week.

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We were out every weekend
trying to do gigs.

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And it came to me, this, we
all loved this, and we all felt

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like we could make a go of it.

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You know, could we really go pro?

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But as we got to the point where a
decision had to be made about what we

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were gonna do with our lives, alright,
we're getting ready to graduate.

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I realize, you know, I'm getting
ready to graduate from University of

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Maryland, and I've gotta get a job.

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I'm engaged.

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I wanna get married too,

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Michael: Right.

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Paul: And that means I have a real job.

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Support my family.

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You know, we're not making
that much money doing this.

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We're putting all the money
into the band, the equipment,

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all the stuff we were making.

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And I, I basically came to the conclusion
that even though I love this, even

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though this makes me feel alive,
I love being on stage, performing.

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I love being with my friends.

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We had a group of about 30 friends
who went with us everywhere.

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You know, we had a tight like
clan that went with us everywhere.

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Even though I loved it, I knew we weren't
good enough to make a career out of it.

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You know, you go to Nashville and
you can see every bar down Broadway

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is filled with musicians that should
be, they're good enough to be, you

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know, world famous, but they're not.

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Either they don't have the connections,
the skill sets, all the things that

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are required to make you success
in a highly competitive field.

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And that's where I felt we were at.

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We were good, but we weren't great
and we didn't have great connections.

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I didn't know anybody at Arista
records that would sign us, you know?

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Michael: Right.

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Paul: And so I made a, like the
first adult decision of my life.

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I went to the band and
I said, listen guys.

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You know, I went through all that
and I said, so we gotta be real.

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Are we gonna do this or not?

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For me, it's not.

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I don't think I, it's gonna happen
and, and in, you know, three or four

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months I'm gonna graduate and then I'm
gonna get married shortly after that.

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And we all agreed.

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And so I broke the, I was
the leader of the band.

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We broke the band up.

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And so that is a real adult decision to
make to stop doing something you love to

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try to make it a career and, you know,
then I ended up falling into something

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that I'm still doing 38 years later.

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Michael: Right.

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Paul: The reason I tell that story
is that I think a lot of us as men

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have that, you know, we're young, we
wanna be whatever you might wanna be.

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You know, I'm, I wanna be the
next Tiger Woods, I wanna be this.

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But you have to be realistic and
you have to look at your skillset.

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That's what the X factor's
all about by the way.

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The X factor, the concept of the
X factor is the advice follow

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your dreams, follow your passion
is only one part of the equation.

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The other part is what
are you good enough?

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What are you good at?

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Not what your mom says you're
good at when you're young.

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Your mom thinks you're good at everything,
but what do other people come to

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you and say, man, you're fantastic.

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You've gotten some certificates
for it, or you've gotten

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recognition, so that's your one X.

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That's your Y axis.

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And your X axis is your interest.

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So your interest and abilities
where they intersect.

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That's the sweet spot for you.

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That's where you can find purpose
because you're hardwired for it already.

00:10:58.458 --> 00:11:01.788
You already know what you wanna do, what
your interests are, and then what you've

00:11:01.788 --> 00:11:05.778
got the skill sets for is the other thing
that you can get better at something.

00:11:05.823 --> 00:11:08.583
It doesn't mean, you
know, but, but maybe not.

00:11:08.703 --> 00:11:13.173
Maybe in the timeframe required,
like for us as a band, I knew, look,

00:11:13.263 --> 00:11:16.413
in the next six months, we're not
all gonna become a-plus musicians.

00:11:16.413 --> 00:11:17.823
We're not gonna become
Jimi Hendrix, right?

00:11:18.153 --> 00:11:20.223
We're the average garage band, you know?

00:11:20.853 --> 00:11:25.593
So we don't have the time or the
energy or to focus on that enough

00:11:25.773 --> 00:11:26.793
with people that could teach us.

00:11:26.793 --> 00:11:27.573
So we can't do it.

00:11:28.233 --> 00:11:33.103
So we're gonna stop focusing on that
as a profession and make it a hobby to

00:11:33.103 --> 00:11:34.293
go back to what you were talking about.

00:11:34.293 --> 00:11:35.943
So I've continued to play at piano.

00:11:35.943 --> 00:11:37.713
I play in churches, I play for my jobs.

00:11:37.713 --> 00:11:40.083
I played at a senior center
where I play for the seniors,

00:11:40.083 --> 00:11:41.313
you know, holiday songs and all.

00:11:41.493 --> 00:11:46.173
And I continue to have that in my
life, but as a hobby, not as a career.

00:11:46.383 --> 00:11:49.923
So I think that analysis comes, you're
talking about time to kind of sit still.

00:11:50.893 --> 00:11:51.113
Michael: Yep.

00:11:51.528 --> 00:11:54.768
Paul: Kind of do an analysis
that there's a time to do that.

00:11:54.768 --> 00:11:58.428
And I think for a lot of men, the time
is right now, this coming weekend.

00:11:59.148 --> 00:12:01.698
If you are feeling what you're talking
about, Michael, if you're feeling

00:12:01.698 --> 00:12:04.908
unsatisfied, unfulfilled, you are afraid.

00:12:06.003 --> 00:12:08.583
You don't want to jump outta the, you
know, frying pan into the fire, so

00:12:08.583 --> 00:12:10.503
to speak and quit, switch careers.

00:12:10.683 --> 00:12:11.493
You don't have to.

00:12:11.703 --> 00:12:14.283
We'll get into that in a minute
about my suggestions for people

00:12:14.283 --> 00:12:15.123
that they could consider.

00:12:15.933 --> 00:12:20.913
But clearly there are things that are,
we're passionate about that we, that there

00:12:20.913 --> 00:12:22.863
may be an other form of expression for.

00:12:23.103 --> 00:12:24.898
So what I really like with being on stage.

00:12:26.418 --> 00:12:26.748
Michael: Right.

00:12:26.808 --> 00:12:27.588
Paul: As a band, right?

00:12:27.588 --> 00:12:28.818
I liked writing the music.

00:12:28.818 --> 00:12:30.588
I wrote 50 songs, copyrighted them.

00:12:30.588 --> 00:12:35.208
I like being with my friends, and I like,
so if I break that apart, what are the

00:12:35.748 --> 00:12:38.388
facets of all this that I really enjoy?

00:12:39.618 --> 00:12:43.728
One of 'em was being on stage talking,
putting kind of my ideas out there through

00:12:43.728 --> 00:12:45.738
song there, but could it be elsewhere?

00:12:45.738 --> 00:12:47.178
And that's what I've been able to do.

00:12:47.358 --> 00:12:50.208
I've been able to take that part of
the music experience, the equation,

00:12:50.658 --> 00:12:53.778
and the friend part by bringing
friends with me to each job.

00:12:54.258 --> 00:12:56.898
You know, the little 11 from the
last job comes to me to the new job.

00:12:56.898 --> 00:13:00.588
I hire the friends and associates that
are my workplace buddies to the next job.

00:13:00.588 --> 00:13:03.978
When I got the job as CEO of the
MTA in Baltimore, which is the 11th

00:13:03.978 --> 00:13:07.398
largest transit system in America, we
had 5,000 employees and contractors

00:13:07.398 --> 00:13:08.448
and a billion dollar budget.

00:13:08.838 --> 00:13:12.348
I brought people with me that I knew
I could count on to be my right hand

00:13:12.348 --> 00:13:15.618
and left hand there to, to help me
achieve success there, which we did.

00:13:16.818 --> 00:13:22.008
So the key I think is analyzing, breaking
apart your interests, figuring out which

00:13:22.008 --> 00:13:24.408
ones can intersect with your abilities,

00:13:24.908 --> 00:13:25.298
Michael: Right.

00:13:25.368 --> 00:13:27.528
Paul: and then finding that
sweet, that's your X factor.

00:13:28.418 --> 00:13:28.898
Michael: I love that.

00:13:29.168 --> 00:13:38.168
It's such a, a smart approach to melding
your interests with your skillset, right?

00:13:38.588 --> 00:13:43.718
But to me, the thing that stands
out was just because you're not,

00:13:45.273 --> 00:13:48.303
you can't make a career out of one
of your interests, doesn't mean

00:13:48.303 --> 00:13:49.593
you have to give it up, right?

00:13:49.743 --> 00:13:52.473
You said you can do it as a hobby.

00:13:52.473 --> 00:13:56.343
Like for you it was playing music at
church or wherever else you could play.

00:13:56.343 --> 00:13:59.703
It wasn't to earn a living out of
playing music, but you're still

00:13:59.703 --> 00:14:01.473
able to scratch that itch, right?

00:14:01.473 --> 00:14:02.433
Still able to

00:14:04.713 --> 00:14:08.553
allow yourself to enjoy the
things that you enjoy, even if

00:14:08.553 --> 00:14:10.533
that's not what makes it a career.

00:14:10.713 --> 00:14:15.133
But you can take elements of that thing
that you are most passionate about and

00:14:15.293 --> 00:14:21.378
find the career that fits, allows you to
take advantage of those elements, right?

00:14:21.378 --> 00:14:25.458
So like for you it was, you enjoy
the performing aspect of it and the

00:14:26.328 --> 00:14:29.898
getting in front of an audience, and
also the surrounding yourself with

00:14:29.898 --> 00:14:33.858
people that you enjoy spending time
with and that you can trust, right?

00:14:33.858 --> 00:14:36.888
And you're able to take those particular
elements of being in a band, which was

00:14:36.968 --> 00:14:41.748
your original passion and create a job
in a completely unrelated field, right?

00:14:41.838 --> 00:14:46.128
So there's opportunity to take what
you're interested in and apply it

00:14:46.128 --> 00:14:51.348
elsewhere so you can still feel like
you're getting meaning from your job.

00:14:51.348 --> 00:14:56.508
And still feel satisfaction in your
job without getting, without draining

00:14:56.508 --> 00:15:01.398
yourself, but also having the time then
to pursue your other interests, your

00:15:01.398 --> 00:15:07.488
other passions as hobbies or as, you know,
giving back in the community, whatever,

00:15:07.703 --> 00:15:08.053
Paul: Right.

00:15:08.163 --> 00:15:08.823
Michael: whatever it may be, right?

00:15:08.833 --> 00:15:12.198
Like I think you said the example of,
you know, maybe there's a CEO that like

00:15:12.438 --> 00:15:13.788
that cares about animal rescue, right?

00:15:13.788 --> 00:15:17.268
So then maybe they do some volunteer work
in the animal rescue thing on the side.

00:15:17.328 --> 00:15:19.128
That's not their day-to-day job, right?

00:15:19.128 --> 00:15:23.088
They are managing their business and
organization, but they have this other,

00:15:23.148 --> 00:15:28.458
they can still pursue these things that
still give them inspiration and hope

00:15:28.488 --> 00:15:31.353
and satisfaction on a regular basis

00:15:31.353 --> 00:15:31.643
Paul: Yeah.

00:15:31.968 --> 00:15:32.188
Michael: as well.

00:15:32.598 --> 00:15:32.928
Paul: Yeah.

00:15:32.968 --> 00:15:36.333
Michael: I love how you put all that
together, but you don't, just because

00:15:36.393 --> 00:15:38.373
you figure out what your X factor
is, doesn't mean you have to give

00:15:38.373 --> 00:15:41.643
up the things that you truly enjoy.

00:15:41.878 --> 00:15:42.378
Paul: That's right.

00:15:42.558 --> 00:15:45.138
And there is a way, I think, to
integrate some of them into your work.

00:15:45.188 --> 00:15:46.928
So here's what I did.

00:15:47.008 --> 00:15:49.108
So, so I get my first job, right?

00:15:49.108 --> 00:15:52.888
So we, we break up the band
and, and I run for office for

00:15:52.888 --> 00:15:54.238
county commissioner when I'm 21.

00:15:54.238 --> 00:15:58.318
I'm, I'm, I love politics, getting my
voice heard, you know, I've been writing

00:15:58.318 --> 00:16:01.198
letters to the editor since I was 12
years old on topics I cared about.

00:16:02.038 --> 00:16:02.848
So I lose.

00:16:02.878 --> 00:16:03.898
You know, I'm 21 years old.

00:16:03.898 --> 00:16:05.488
People are like, yeah,
you're a nice young man, but

00:16:05.548 --> 00:16:05.638
Michael: Right.

00:16:05.878 --> 00:16:07.768
Paul: We're not gonna put you
in this county commissioner.

00:16:08.668 --> 00:16:10.018
And, but I meet a guy.

00:16:10.228 --> 00:16:11.963
And I have a chapter in a
book called I Met a Guy.

00:16:11.963 --> 00:16:14.938
It's a story of my career how every single
job I've gotten, it's 'cause I met a guy.

00:16:14.938 --> 00:16:15.748
It's always been a guy.

00:16:16.198 --> 00:16:19.738
Not a close friend, just somebody
I met along the way who sees

00:16:19.738 --> 00:16:21.268
value in me and says, hey.

00:16:21.478 --> 00:16:23.068
So Irving was the guy's name.

00:16:23.218 --> 00:16:24.538
He ran for office, too.

00:16:24.808 --> 00:16:28.708
He lost, too, but he was head of the
Department of Aging for the county.

00:16:28.828 --> 00:16:29.788
Elderly Services.

00:16:30.568 --> 00:16:33.298
And so, you know, we got to know each
other during the campaign and he said, hey

00:16:33.298 --> 00:16:37.888
Paul, you know, when you graduate I know
you're interested in local government.

00:16:37.888 --> 00:16:39.028
That's why you're in
for county commission.

00:16:39.028 --> 00:16:40.528
Would you like to come
work for our department?

00:16:41.008 --> 00:16:42.868
And I said, yes.

00:16:42.868 --> 00:16:44.668
I mean, local government
to me is where it's at.

00:16:44.668 --> 00:16:46.228
You know, that's where
the rubber hits the road.

00:16:46.228 --> 00:16:48.568
And that's where I wanted
to, to, that was my passion.

00:16:48.568 --> 00:16:49.438
That's why I'd run for office.

00:16:50.118 --> 00:16:52.158
And so he said, all right,
which job do you want?

00:16:52.158 --> 00:16:52.878
I got two jobs.

00:16:53.238 --> 00:16:56.448
One job is called the nutrition
coordinator, and this one

00:16:56.448 --> 00:16:59.298
oversees the three senior
centers we have in the county.

00:16:59.298 --> 00:17:01.698
It's called nutrition coordinator
'cause you help set up the

00:17:01.698 --> 00:17:03.018
menus, but there's guidelines.

00:17:03.018 --> 00:17:05.928
You don't have to be a nutritionist to
do that, but that's the current title.

00:17:06.138 --> 00:17:09.198
And then the other job is
transportation coordinator.

00:17:09.198 --> 00:17:10.398
That's a brand new position.

00:17:10.638 --> 00:17:13.818
I just got a one year grant
to, to run the program.

00:17:13.818 --> 00:17:14.988
We have enough vans now, though.

00:17:14.988 --> 00:17:17.268
We need somebody to, to
kinda lead that for us.

00:17:18.328 --> 00:17:19.258
I said, well, I don't know Irving.

00:17:19.258 --> 00:17:20.188
Which one do you think I should do?

00:17:20.548 --> 00:17:22.708
He said, take the
transportation one, you know?

00:17:22.948 --> 00:17:24.778
So, that's what I got.

00:17:24.778 --> 00:17:27.838
Here I am 38 years later, basically
doing the same thing, but I was

00:17:27.838 --> 00:17:32.308
able to infuse into that job
those things we talked about.

00:17:32.548 --> 00:17:35.608
So I started a newsletter that,
it was for the whole department.

00:17:35.608 --> 00:17:36.538
I wanted to communicate.

00:17:36.688 --> 00:17:37.558
So I started a newsletter.

00:17:37.678 --> 00:17:40.738
Then I started a monthly
meeting for all the employees.

00:17:40.738 --> 00:17:42.898
We only had like 15 employees,
but I would do a monthly meeting.

00:17:42.898 --> 00:17:44.968
They're all old enough to be
my grandparents, you know, the

00:17:44.968 --> 00:17:46.528
drivers and the dispatch and all.

00:17:46.858 --> 00:17:48.058
So I'd do a cover dish meal.

00:17:48.058 --> 00:17:49.588
We'd all talk about what's happening.

00:17:49.588 --> 00:17:52.768
Then I'd give a little talk on some
topic that I was interested in that week.

00:17:52.768 --> 00:17:55.828
You know, it may be a book I read or
whatever, but right from the beginning

00:17:55.828 --> 00:18:00.538
I infused into my little small job with
a $250,000 budget where I was making

00:18:00.778 --> 00:18:06.928
$14,876 a year, just about the poverty
level, in a local government job, but

00:18:06.928 --> 00:18:12.628
I was able to put into that job what
I loved, and then I, the interaction

00:18:12.628 --> 00:18:15.718
that I had with the seniors in the
senior centers just filled my soul.

00:18:15.718 --> 00:18:19.018
Every day, Michael, I went
home feeling like I know how

00:18:19.018 --> 00:18:20.398
I impacted their lives today.

00:18:20.608 --> 00:18:23.248
You know, I, I was on the van with
them, you know, taking them here.

00:18:23.248 --> 00:18:26.038
I even got my commercials driver's
license so I could do the job

00:18:26.038 --> 00:18:27.268
and drive the larger buses.

00:18:27.628 --> 00:18:32.488
And so I infused that and each job
along the way, I've had, I was able

00:18:32.488 --> 00:18:35.788
to do public communication, which
is as I've been able to summarize

00:18:35.788 --> 00:18:39.478
kind of what my interest level is,
the, the, the x axis of my interest.

00:18:39.778 --> 00:18:41.848
So my interest was public communication.

00:18:42.208 --> 00:18:46.948
So later on, I'll just wrap it up real
quick, but just to give examples, later

00:18:46.948 --> 00:18:50.428
on, I became the county administrator,
like the CEO of the county government.

00:18:50.968 --> 00:18:54.568
And while I was here in Queen, my home
county where I'm right, right now across

00:18:54.568 --> 00:18:59.863
from Annapolis, Maryland, I found that we
had a million dollar cable access fund.

00:18:59.863 --> 00:19:04.183
The cable companies were paying the
county money to maintain the right

00:19:04.183 --> 00:19:05.653
of ways that their cables went down.

00:19:05.653 --> 00:19:08.653
That's a deal in county governments
across America, and we hadn't

00:19:08.653 --> 00:19:09.523
done anything with that money.

00:19:09.523 --> 00:19:11.383
Well, one of the things you
could do with that money is

00:19:11.863 --> 00:19:13.723
start a cable access channel.

00:19:13.928 --> 00:19:14.978
So that's what I did.

00:19:15.248 --> 00:19:18.038
I hired a guy that set up a studio
in Washington, DC, came here, built

00:19:18.038 --> 00:19:20.888
a studio for us in the county, and
I built what's called a PEG channel,

00:19:20.888 --> 00:19:22.568
Public Education Government channel.

00:19:22.718 --> 00:19:25.808
I got the community college, the board
of ed, to have their own channels and

00:19:25.808 --> 00:19:28.298
we started putting on there, you know,
the county commissioner's meetings,

00:19:28.298 --> 00:19:31.628
the planning zoning meetings, but
also programs about the community.

00:19:31.988 --> 00:19:36.148
And I was able to put myself into
a place to do public communication.

00:19:36.148 --> 00:19:38.368
Later on when I got, I did the
same thing in another county,

00:19:38.488 --> 00:19:40.168
you know, enhanced their station.

00:19:40.528 --> 00:19:44.158
We, I won an award as the cable
access leader for Del Marva, the three

00:19:44.158 --> 00:19:45.748
state area for the cable industry.

00:19:46.138 --> 00:19:49.258
And then when we went to, when I
got the job as head of the MTA,

00:19:50.278 --> 00:19:56.668
I started a radio station, an FM
radio station in Baltimore City that

00:19:56.668 --> 00:19:58.098
was in the top of television hill.

00:19:58.128 --> 00:20:01.558
I had a guy that we were calling radio
stations every morning to give traffic

00:20:01.558 --> 00:20:02.878
and transit updates and all that.

00:20:03.268 --> 00:20:04.438
Why not have our own station?

00:20:04.438 --> 00:20:04.948
So we did.

00:20:04.948 --> 00:20:07.348
I had a guy on the team that
was really skilled in that area.

00:20:07.348 --> 00:20:12.748
And so we built WTTZ FM 93.5, smooth
jazz all day long and five times an hour

00:20:12.898 --> 00:20:17.848
traffic and transit updates, and, and so I
was able to continue that passion of mine.

00:20:17.848 --> 00:20:21.403
And then when I retired, I took a
job with a company that said, hey,

00:20:21.403 --> 00:20:22.783
would you start a podcast for us?

00:20:22.783 --> 00:20:25.633
And then later on, I started a TV
show and then writing and speaking

00:20:25.633 --> 00:20:26.713
at conferences and all that stuff.

00:20:26.713 --> 00:20:32.383
So I've been able to, in each job, infuse
what I love, so I feel happy about it.

00:20:32.683 --> 00:20:37.123
One job I was running a call center for
Washington, DC Metro for their paratransit

00:20:37.123 --> 00:20:40.693
system for people with disabilities, and
I couldn't find an outlet, Michael, for

00:20:40.693 --> 00:20:45.193
that, for, you know, that there was, you
know, I wasn't in a position of power to

00:20:45.193 --> 00:20:47.023
do something dramatic like those jobs.

00:20:47.233 --> 00:20:48.193
But you know what I did do?

00:20:48.253 --> 00:20:49.153
I volunteered.

00:20:49.363 --> 00:20:53.443
I said, how about I do the new employee
orientation the first day, not the

00:20:53.443 --> 00:20:56.293
in-depth training on how to use a
software, but I wanna be the one to give

00:20:56.293 --> 00:20:57.553
an orientation to what we're doing here.

00:20:57.553 --> 00:21:01.483
It's a full eight hour day, so once
every two weeks I got to stand up in

00:21:01.483 --> 00:21:05.083
front of 30 people and talk to them
and communicate and interact with them.

00:21:05.083 --> 00:21:05.263
Make.

00:21:05.593 --> 00:21:06.793
So that's my suggestion.

00:21:07.573 --> 00:21:10.423
To those men in your audience or women
who are listening saying, you know what,

00:21:10.528 --> 00:21:13.153
I, I don't have the, Paul, I don't have
the authority to start a radio station.

00:21:13.303 --> 00:21:14.833
You know, I don't have
the power to do that.

00:21:15.073 --> 00:21:17.383
You know, I'm a kind of
a, I'm a cog in the wheel.

00:21:17.563 --> 00:21:20.083
Well, are there things,
after you've identified what

00:21:20.083 --> 00:21:21.643
they are, you're interested?

00:21:22.033 --> 00:21:27.793
Are there things that you could volunteer
for in your organization even if it

00:21:27.793 --> 00:21:31.963
means some extra work, but it would fill
you with, it fill you with satisfaction

00:21:31.963 --> 00:21:35.863
knowing that you're using that skillset
that you have and your interests?

00:21:36.328 --> 00:21:36.678
Michael: Right.

00:21:37.123 --> 00:21:44.158
Yeah, so first of all, fascinates,
fascinating development of going from

00:21:44.158 --> 00:21:49.588
quitting your band, right, all the way
to having like TV shows and starting

00:21:49.588 --> 00:21:53.488
radio stations and all those things,
and government in between, right?

00:21:53.488 --> 00:21:55.678
That's a, a very unique path.

00:21:55.678 --> 00:22:01.488
But what I, I find most
interesting is you figure out a

00:22:01.488 --> 00:22:04.138
way to, you had interest, right?

00:22:04.408 --> 00:22:08.278
Communications, and eventually
transportation became an

00:22:08.278 --> 00:22:09.238
interest of yours, right?

00:22:09.763 --> 00:22:12.043
You align that with your abilities, right?

00:22:12.043 --> 00:22:18.333
You're clearly good at organizational
skills and communicating ideas and

00:22:18.333 --> 00:22:21.093
putting people in the right places,
but you also had purpose, right?

00:22:21.093 --> 00:22:27.008
Like one of the things you said
early on was the value you got

00:22:27.948 --> 00:22:31.818
from working directly with those
seniors in your first job, right?

00:22:32.208 --> 00:22:35.778
The, how fulfilled you felt
at the end of each day, right?

00:22:35.778 --> 00:22:38.798
So you had these interests, you had
this ability, you had this purpose, and

00:22:38.798 --> 00:22:44.748
you put 'em all together to, into your
career, right, which, in whichever role

00:22:44.748 --> 00:22:47.328
you were in, in the moment, whether
that was a transportation director for

00:22:47.328 --> 00:22:53.568
this, you know, aide for this senior
center, or it was starting a radio

00:22:53.568 --> 00:22:58.848
station or, you know, becoming the county
commissioner or starting a TV show, right?

00:22:58.998 --> 00:23:01.668
You always kind of blended
those three things together.

00:23:01.878 --> 00:23:05.988
You didn't just pursue the rock band
thing 'cause that would just be just

00:23:05.988 --> 00:23:07.398
chasing your passion only, right?

00:23:07.668 --> 00:23:10.518
That's not necessarily your
ability or, yes, to some

00:23:10.518 --> 00:23:12.048
degree of your interest, right?

00:23:12.348 --> 00:23:19.518
You found that kind of holy grail of
purpose, interest, ability, but it's

00:23:19.518 --> 00:23:24.288
not always easy for somebody, I'd
imagine, for somebody to recognize all,

00:23:24.948 --> 00:23:27.548
all three of those aspects together.

00:23:28.378 --> 00:23:33.288
What allowed you, do you think, to find
your purpose, interest, and ability?

00:23:33.288 --> 00:23:35.088
Like how did you figure
that out for yourself?

00:23:36.263 --> 00:23:36.683
Paul: Yeah.

00:23:37.193 --> 00:23:40.223
Trial and error, you know,
and, and I'm not like a real

00:23:40.223 --> 00:23:41.543
introspective person, Michael.

00:23:41.543 --> 00:23:44.843
You know, if, if anybody's done the
personality profiles, the DISC profiles,

00:23:44.843 --> 00:23:50.033
whatever, I'm a sanguine choleric, or
I'm a DI on the disc profile, so I'm

00:23:50.033 --> 00:23:53.183
not like the melancholy phlegmatic
personality that does a lot of deep

00:23:53.183 --> 00:23:56.783
introspection about their life, you know,
and it's constant feels things deeply.

00:23:56.783 --> 00:24:00.508
I don't, I'm, I'm more of a
surface guy, focused on today and

00:24:00.508 --> 00:24:02.158
tomorrow, not looking to the past.

00:24:02.518 --> 00:24:05.958
So it took me a while to actually
even figure out what was happening.

00:24:06.518 --> 00:24:08.068
I kind of did it naturally, you know?

00:24:08.068 --> 00:24:12.778
I just, because I'm a go-getter
in these jobs, I'd be like, you

00:24:12.778 --> 00:24:14.938
know, yes, I, I, I wanna do that.

00:24:14.938 --> 00:24:19.318
Not really even realizing there
was this, there was this silk

00:24:19.348 --> 00:24:20.933
thread going through everything.

00:24:21.178 --> 00:24:23.428
And it wasn't until much later
in my life, you know, after my

00:24:23.428 --> 00:24:26.823
forties when I really figured out
where do I feel the most fulfilled?

00:24:26.823 --> 00:24:31.143
You know, it is when I am, you
know, standing in front of people,

00:24:31.143 --> 00:24:34.773
talking to them, sharing, relating,
finding out what's great about them.

00:24:35.043 --> 00:24:38.043
Here's what my thoughts are,
and kind of the people side.

00:24:38.043 --> 00:24:39.513
I mean, I grew up in a pastor's home.

00:24:39.513 --> 00:24:43.533
My dad was pastor at church, and
so I grew up knowing that my life

00:24:43.533 --> 00:24:45.333
was gonna be committed to people.

00:24:45.333 --> 00:24:46.203
I'm a people person.

00:24:46.563 --> 00:24:47.733
I'm not a thing person.

00:24:47.733 --> 00:24:48.753
I'm not a mechanic.

00:24:48.753 --> 00:24:50.883
I'm not, you know, there's a lot
of people, there are those things.

00:24:50.883 --> 00:24:55.683
A lot of guys especially, right, but I
was able to identify that part early on.

00:24:55.863 --> 00:24:57.063
I knew what I wanted to do.

00:24:57.693 --> 00:25:01.443
And, and then I found out within
that, within helping people and

00:25:01.533 --> 00:25:02.943
that making my life purpose.

00:25:03.573 --> 00:25:06.363
What, what, what is my real thread line?

00:25:06.633 --> 00:25:09.903
And as I look back through it all,
I said, I see what's going on here.

00:25:10.203 --> 00:25:13.023
And to be honest with you, in the
last five years as I was pulling

00:25:13.023 --> 00:25:16.503
together the ideas for this book,
it became even more apparent to me.

00:25:16.623 --> 00:25:17.973
So here's what I would suggest.

00:25:19.323 --> 00:25:23.718
If you don't mind, I'll, I'll give a free
resource to your folks who are listening.

00:25:23.718 --> 00:25:24.348
To your listeners.

00:25:24.498 --> 00:25:24.848
Michael: Great.

00:25:25.048 --> 00:25:28.578
Paul: So, I've created a website
called findyourxfactor.ai, and

00:25:28.578 --> 00:25:31.518
the very first thing you see on
it is take a free assessment.

00:25:32.148 --> 00:25:35.538
And I felt like, you know, it is
hard to figure this out on your own.

00:25:35.958 --> 00:25:39.288
So I've done a lot of research on it,
talked to a lot of people, done my own

00:25:39.288 --> 00:25:45.238
analysis, and, but you know, it, it
takes maybe, you know, a weekend to

00:25:45.238 --> 00:25:48.388
go through, I think, of some dedicated
time on your part or a couple days

00:25:48.388 --> 00:25:52.288
if, if you're able to take that during
the week and just analyze yourself.

00:25:52.288 --> 00:25:55.858
All the, all the tool is, it's a
tool to help guide your thinking.

00:25:56.158 --> 00:25:57.448
You come up with your own solutions.

00:25:57.448 --> 00:26:00.208
It's not like you click a button
and it brings back to you, well,

00:26:00.208 --> 00:26:01.618
here's the answer, Paul Comfort says.

00:26:01.648 --> 00:26:03.778
No, no, you gotta do
the work yourself, man.

00:26:04.498 --> 00:26:06.958
But the idea is it's a framework
for you to work through.

00:26:06.958 --> 00:26:10.713
It's a two page assessment, and it
just helps you think through what are

00:26:10.713 --> 00:26:14.433
my interests, what are my abilities,
and where can I find an intersection?

00:26:14.973 --> 00:26:17.313
Because I think, Michael, you know,
we all, those of us who, you know,

00:26:17.313 --> 00:26:19.643
studied psychology or whatever, we know
there's something called ,, and it,

00:26:19.703 --> 00:26:23.123
it's a, it's a triangle or a pyramid
that says, you know, at the bottom,

00:26:23.123 --> 00:26:25.313
we all need safety and security.

00:26:25.463 --> 00:26:29.453
Then we work up to more of the, you
know, intangibles, love, fulfillment,

00:26:29.663 --> 00:26:31.478
but the top is self-actualization.

00:26:32.518 --> 00:26:37.528
And the purpose of me being on your
podcast today is to help men especially

00:26:37.768 --> 00:26:39.988
reach their self-actualized position.

00:26:40.348 --> 00:26:42.538
Meaning you reach your
highest and best good.

00:26:42.538 --> 00:26:46.378
When people say, are you living your best
life, that's what it means in my mind.

00:26:46.678 --> 00:26:52.288
And so I think to do that, it's not what
your dad, your dad's career was, right?

00:26:52.288 --> 00:26:54.148
Like my dad wanted me to
follow in his footsteps.

00:26:54.148 --> 00:26:57.388
He wanted me to become a
minister, and I just never felt

00:26:57.388 --> 00:26:58.528
like that was my calling, man.

00:26:58.828 --> 00:27:01.468
I felt like, to be honest with
you, my calling wasn't government.

00:27:02.078 --> 00:27:03.908
And it's a weird thing to say, you
know, I'm from the government, I'm

00:27:03.908 --> 00:27:07.058
here to help you, but I, but especially
local government, I felt like that's

00:27:07.058 --> 00:27:10.418
what I spent my career basically in
local government and transportation.

00:27:11.018 --> 00:27:14.228
So, you know, your dad or your
mom can set you on a career path

00:27:14.228 --> 00:27:16.358
and then later on you're like, eh,
this isn't what I wanted to do.

00:27:16.898 --> 00:27:19.508
One of my son's best friends,
you know, his dad had an HVAC

00:27:19.508 --> 00:27:22.148
company and he basically was
willing to give it to his son.

00:27:23.168 --> 00:27:25.658
And he had built up a great
business, but his son was like,

00:27:25.658 --> 00:27:26.978
dad, that's not what I wanna do.

00:27:27.098 --> 00:27:28.148
You know what he's doing now?

00:27:28.718 --> 00:27:30.398
He's a cowboy in Montana.

00:27:31.388 --> 00:27:34.508
His name is Patrick, and he sends
us pictures and he's doing just,

00:27:34.508 --> 00:27:37.178
you know, the Yellowstone lifestyle.

00:27:37.178 --> 00:27:41.138
You know, he's actually afar he has
has on a ranch, you know, moving

00:27:41.228 --> 00:27:42.698
horses and cows and all that stuff.

00:27:42.698 --> 00:27:46.358
So anyway, he found, what was
his, he's living his bliss.

00:27:46.808 --> 00:27:49.928
So everyone has a different path
in their life, and you might be

00:27:49.928 --> 00:27:52.448
set on it by happenstance like me.

00:27:52.628 --> 00:27:54.878
A guy says, hey, you know,
which job do you want?

00:27:54.878 --> 00:27:55.688
I'm like I don't know.

00:27:56.978 --> 00:27:59.258
Or you can end up in it
for some other reason.

00:27:59.258 --> 00:28:03.528
And later on as we started the
podcast saying, now you're 15, 20,

00:28:03.528 --> 00:28:06.428
25 years in, and you're like, crap,
man, this isn't what I wanted to do.

00:28:06.428 --> 00:28:07.448
I don't feel fulfilled.

00:28:07.838 --> 00:28:12.513
So it's just an opportunity to take a
moment and find out why you don't fulfill

00:28:13.088 --> 00:28:13.328
Michael: Right.

00:28:13.673 --> 00:28:14.993
Paul: what's inside of you?

00:28:14.993 --> 00:28:16.523
And a lot of men don't do that.

00:28:16.523 --> 00:28:18.113
We numb that, right?

00:28:18.233 --> 00:28:20.093
So some of it's substance abuse, right?

00:28:20.093 --> 00:28:20.963
We feel that numb.

00:28:20.963 --> 00:28:22.523
We feel that empty hole inside of us.

00:28:22.793 --> 00:28:25.673
So we're drinking and you
know, I've got a lot of guys I

00:28:25.673 --> 00:28:28.193
know that drink way too much.

00:28:28.223 --> 00:28:29.903
And I know what's going on with them.

00:28:29.903 --> 00:28:31.193
I could see right through it.

00:28:31.433 --> 00:28:32.903
You know, they don't feel fulfilled.

00:28:33.113 --> 00:28:34.173
So, they're numbing the pain.

00:28:35.148 --> 00:28:39.168
Or, or it may be even drugs, or it may
be, you know, reckless living or all

00:28:39.168 --> 00:28:45.828
kinds of things, or, you know, you, you
throw yourself into video games or online.

00:28:45.828 --> 00:28:47.778
You live your life
online or what, all that.

00:28:48.108 --> 00:28:52.608
I think a lot of that is a sign
that says, what's going on here?

00:28:53.243 --> 00:28:56.148
Why, why are you trying to fill
your life with all this nonsense?

00:28:56.388 --> 00:28:58.368
Why not figure out who
you are at your core?

00:28:59.483 --> 00:28:59.783
Michael: Right.

00:28:59.828 --> 00:29:02.558
Paul: And then see if you can work
toward becoming more fulfilled

00:29:02.768 --> 00:29:04.448
as to who you are as a man.

00:29:05.033 --> 00:29:05.213
Michael: Right.

00:29:05.663 --> 00:29:13.583
So for dads specifically, when they
maybe are in the wrong role for

00:29:13.583 --> 00:29:17.383
themselves at work, right, where
they're not in their X factor per se,

00:29:17.558 --> 00:29:17.768
Paul: Yeah.

00:29:18.893 --> 00:29:22.973
Michael: how does that affect
their presence at home in ways

00:29:22.973 --> 00:29:24.443
that they might not even notice?

00:29:24.548 --> 00:29:24.998
Paul: Right.

00:29:26.123 --> 00:29:30.113
Well, you know, they say the old
you know, s rolls downhill, right?

00:29:30.113 --> 00:29:32.453
So you come home, you're upset
at work and you kick the dog.

00:29:32.753 --> 00:29:38.333
So, so, and you know, 70% of job
satisfaction studies show have to do

00:29:38.333 --> 00:29:39.743
with your relationship with your boss.

00:29:40.223 --> 00:29:44.703
So some of your job satisfaction,
dissatisfaction may not be that you're

00:29:44.703 --> 00:29:47.753
not in a job that finds fulfilling,
and maybe, you think your boss is a

00:29:47.753 --> 00:29:51.893
dick, you know, and it's just not,
you know it's not your cup of tea.

00:29:51.893 --> 00:29:55.373
And so there's all kinds of strategies
that I'm sure you've already talked about

00:29:55.373 --> 00:29:59.213
on, on your podcast about how to work with
a boss, how to manage up and all those

00:29:59.213 --> 00:30:02.723
kind of things, or how to shift yourself
in an organization to a different position

00:30:02.723 --> 00:30:04.343
where you're not under them as much.

00:30:04.523 --> 00:30:05.213
That kind of a thing.

00:30:05.213 --> 00:30:06.833
But yeah, so I think that

00:30:08.903 --> 00:30:12.788
it does impact your life as a
father, if you're not fulfilled.

00:30:13.273 --> 00:30:13.623
Michael: Right.

00:30:13.728 --> 00:30:16.028
Paul: Now, some men, you
know, find, and I did, too.

00:30:16.028 --> 00:30:18.338
I have six children and we
have 10 grandchildren now,

00:30:18.338 --> 00:30:19.448
and three more on the way.

00:30:19.448 --> 00:30:20.138
Super excited.

00:30:20.138 --> 00:30:20.438
We have

00:30:20.668 --> 00:30:20.918
Michael: Oh, congratulations

00:30:20.988 --> 00:30:23.888
Paul: over 40 people in our family
clan and we're all very close.

00:30:23.888 --> 00:30:25.028
My kids are very close to me.

00:30:25.028 --> 00:30:27.398
I have two boys and four girls,
and you know, I talk to them

00:30:27.398 --> 00:30:30.783
pretty much, you know, several
times a week if not every day.

00:30:31.488 --> 00:30:33.408
And they're all basically grown up now.

00:30:33.948 --> 00:30:38.868
But I'm in their children's lives and so
we, you know, I think God created us to

00:30:38.868 --> 00:30:40.608
find fulfillment in our progeny, right?

00:30:41.358 --> 00:30:46.428
And it is not that you want them to,
you know, do what I couldn't do, son.

00:30:46.428 --> 00:30:48.258
You know, I never followed my dream.

00:30:48.258 --> 00:30:50.118
So I want you to, you know, follow yours.

00:30:50.843 --> 00:30:55.163
We, I, I think that we can try to live
our life through our children sometimes.

00:30:55.163 --> 00:30:56.513
I've seen that happen before.

00:30:57.143 --> 00:31:01.373
I've tried to never push what I do on my
kids, and so none of them are in my field.

00:31:01.553 --> 00:31:06.263
My son-in-law is, of all things, but,
but I, I try not to do that to them

00:31:06.263 --> 00:31:10.013
because I don't want, I want them to find
their own purpose, their own passion.

00:31:10.253 --> 00:31:13.853
I don't want them to be 20 years in and
say, oh, dad got me into transportation,

00:31:14.213 --> 00:31:15.533
and this isn't what I wanna do.

00:31:16.403 --> 00:31:22.658
So for me, I think that a man should
find fulfillment in his family, in

00:31:22.658 --> 00:31:24.428
his wife, and in his, in his children.

00:31:25.448 --> 00:31:29.378
And that can be a big blessing and fill
a big part of that hole in your, in your

00:31:29.378 --> 00:31:31.238
heart that it really, there is on purpose.

00:31:31.238 --> 00:31:32.738
So, you'll fill it with family, right?

00:31:32.738 --> 00:31:34.298
It's part of the
propagation of the species.

00:31:34.688 --> 00:31:37.718
But on the other hand, if you're
totally unhappy with your job, it

00:31:37.718 --> 00:31:39.338
bleeds into your family life, right?

00:31:39.338 --> 00:31:39.938
We all know it.

00:31:39.968 --> 00:31:40.778
We, we come home.

00:31:40.778 --> 00:31:41.738
It takes us a while.

00:31:42.308 --> 00:31:45.678
I always liked, so for five years,
Michael, I had a job that I hated.

00:31:45.678 --> 00:31:48.768
It's the one that I stayed in for
the money, even though I found

00:31:48.768 --> 00:31:52.518
things I could do there, you know,
my bosses were terrible to me.

00:31:52.518 --> 00:31:56.768
I felt like I was, I have a chapter in a
book called when you hate your job, and

00:31:56.768 --> 00:32:01.028
it's the five things that I hated about
my job and the five things I learned while

00:32:01.028 --> 00:32:06.128
working there and how hating my job and
what I, what I hated about it, actually

00:32:06.128 --> 00:32:08.048
helped prepare me for my next gig.

00:32:09.008 --> 00:32:10.568
So it was, it was good to learn from that.

00:32:10.778 --> 00:32:11.828
I didn't know it at the time.

00:32:11.828 --> 00:32:15.728
It took me about six months to a year to
figure all that out as I was analyzing,

00:32:16.128 --> 00:32:19.538
you know, what was happening this next
job is because I learned basically how to

00:32:19.538 --> 00:32:22.328
eat steel wool for breakfast at the job I
hated, you know, if you know what I mean.

00:32:22.443 --> 00:32:22.733
Michael: Yeah.

00:32:22.838 --> 00:32:25.268
Paul: So, I needed that for my
next job where I came, I was

00:32:25.268 --> 00:32:27.698
told to be a change agent, come
in and kick butt and take names.

00:32:28.178 --> 00:32:32.408
So, yes, it can affect your relationship
with your spouse, with your children.

00:32:32.918 --> 00:32:37.028
I always had like a long time to
drive home so I could decompress.

00:32:37.448 --> 00:32:40.778
And I think that's part of a
tool for men especially is to

00:32:40.778 --> 00:32:43.028
decompress as on your way home.

00:32:43.028 --> 00:32:46.268
And don't just listen to the news on the
radio on the way home, man, that's gonna

00:32:46.268 --> 00:32:49.538
get you more ramped up, you know, do
whatever you have to do to decompress it.

00:32:49.538 --> 00:32:53.678
When you come in, you enter
the home more neutral than

00:32:53.678 --> 00:32:54.998
coming in with negative energy.

00:32:55.658 --> 00:32:59.078
And if you are having negative
energy at home, what I would suggest

00:32:59.078 --> 00:33:00.488
is that you take some time alone.

00:33:00.998 --> 00:33:02.588
I do this on a regular basis.

00:33:02.768 --> 00:33:07.508
Sit in your favorite quiet chair,
unplug everything and meditate, and

00:33:07.508 --> 00:33:11.198
get yourself centered so that you're
not taking out that anger and that

00:33:11.198 --> 00:33:15.278
angst on your family 'cause the last
thing you need is for, you know, both

00:33:15.278 --> 00:33:19.718
sides of your life to be ruined because
you're in a job you're not happy about.

00:33:20.378 --> 00:33:20.688
Michael: Right.

00:33:21.058 --> 00:33:21.568
Yeah, I agree.

00:33:21.568 --> 00:33:27.488
I think that, yes, we need to, we
all need to earn a living, right?

00:33:27.488 --> 00:33:29.768
We all, for the most part, maybe
there's some people that don't.

00:33:30.458 --> 00:33:32.108
But, so we all have to work.

00:33:32.528 --> 00:33:36.308
We all wanna be there for our families,
but we can't do either of those well if we

00:33:36.308 --> 00:33:38.168
don't take care of ourselves, too, right?

00:33:38.678 --> 00:33:44.468
And whether that's meditating or
listening to your favorite music

00:33:44.468 --> 00:33:47.618
on your way home or reading a book,
or maybe it's going for a walk

00:33:47.638 --> 00:33:47.928
Paul: Yeah.

00:33:48.928 --> 00:33:53.888
Michael: Exercising or, right, or
maybe you are, you're a super extrovert

00:33:53.978 --> 00:33:57.098
and you get your energy back by being
in groups and maybe you're part of a

00:33:57.098 --> 00:34:01.238
team or you go to events or something
to take care of yourself, right?

00:34:02.128 --> 00:34:07.328
day, if you wanna show up at work and
you wanna show up for your family in the

00:34:07.328 --> 00:34:10.988
ways that you wanna show up, you have
to be there for yourself too, right?

00:34:11.108 --> 00:34:16.058
You can't forget that you need to do
something to recharge yourself because

00:34:16.058 --> 00:34:17.408
if you just give and give and give.

00:34:19.133 --> 00:34:25.493
At some point you're gonna deplete,
and you will start to, it'll be very

00:34:25.493 --> 00:34:29.693
difficult to manage the relationships
that you wanna manage in the way

00:34:29.693 --> 00:34:31.253
that you want, want to manage them.

00:34:31.973 --> 00:34:36.773
Now, on the flip side of this, you have
what you call your X factor, right,

00:34:36.803 --> 00:34:44.423
which you find what really aligns
with your interests and your skills.

00:34:45.383 --> 00:34:48.428
And at that point you said, you've
told me before that, it makes work

00:34:48.428 --> 00:34:50.178
kind of feel more like play, right?

00:34:50.363 --> 00:34:50.693
Paul: Yeah.

00:34:51.218 --> 00:34:55.958
Michael: What changes when work stops
draining energy and starts creating it?

00:34:57.518 --> 00:34:58.178
Paul: Yeah, absolutely.

00:34:58.178 --> 00:34:59.918
That, that's all really great points.

00:35:00.278 --> 00:35:03.308
Let me comment one more thing about
what you were just saying because

00:35:03.308 --> 00:35:05.258
you sparked something inside me
and then we can go into this,

00:35:05.258 --> 00:35:07.328
which is kind of self-care, right?

00:35:07.328 --> 00:35:09.848
The old saying that if, you know, you
hear them on the airplane, if you're

00:35:09.848 --> 00:35:13.778
sitting next to a child and we experience
cabin, you know, decompression.

00:35:14.323 --> 00:35:17.893
The mask will drop, put the mask on
yourself first, and then take care of

00:35:17.893 --> 00:35:20.593
your child 'cause your nature is, I
want to take care of them first, right?

00:35:20.593 --> 00:35:24.553
If you're a good father which I'm sure
most of your listeners are, so, but you

00:35:24.553 --> 00:35:25.753
do have to take care of yourself first.

00:35:26.083 --> 00:35:29.593
So I think that involves, we
haven't talked about it, but let's

00:35:29.593 --> 00:35:30.943
just dive into it for two minutes,

00:35:31.343 --> 00:35:31.643
Michael: Sure.

00:35:31.833 --> 00:35:33.683
Paul: Which is a morning routine.

00:35:34.583 --> 00:35:36.863
Which gets you focused and
ready for the day, right?

00:35:36.863 --> 00:35:41.483
So the last thing you wanna do is open
your eyes and immediately get absorbed

00:35:41.483 --> 00:35:47.723
in social media, laying in bed, in
my opinion, or, you know so I think

00:35:47.723 --> 00:35:51.293
after, you know, you go to the bathroom
and you go downstairs, whatever.

00:35:51.533 --> 00:35:56.048
I think that even if you have to wake
up 30 minutes early, you need to find a

00:35:56.048 --> 00:35:58.418
place to do something that empowers you.

00:35:58.418 --> 00:36:01.028
Something that it, like you said,
like go for a walk in the morning,

00:36:01.028 --> 00:36:04.448
a 15 minute walk just to clear your
head, to get your health self focused.

00:36:04.658 --> 00:36:08.198
Some self-talk about what you're
gonna do today, kind of getting

00:36:08.198 --> 00:36:09.428
yourself charged for the day.

00:36:09.428 --> 00:36:13.418
Something that, so what I love,
I love reading history and

00:36:13.418 --> 00:36:14.918
great biographies of great men.

00:36:15.233 --> 00:36:21.743
And so I spend four out of five mornings,
I get up, get my coffee, I go downstairs,

00:36:21.773 --> 00:36:25.313
and I work from home, so I don't have to
run into the office now, but I'm able to

00:36:25.313 --> 00:36:28.493
sit if even if I was going to the office,
I would just start this way anyway.

00:36:28.763 --> 00:36:31.103
Sit for 15 minutes and
read the book I'm reading.

00:36:31.103 --> 00:36:34.073
Right now, I'm reading the book about the
relationship between the Kennedys and the

00:36:34.073 --> 00:36:36.443
Churchills, and it's very interesting.

00:36:36.443 --> 00:36:40.193
I'm sucked right into it, you know, so
something that feeds my soul, right?

00:36:40.193 --> 00:36:41.933
I need my soul to be fed every morning.

00:36:41.933 --> 00:36:45.683
We don't wanna go into work
with our, with our cup empty.

00:36:46.793 --> 00:36:48.203
We don't have anything in the tank then.

00:36:48.203 --> 00:36:48.863
We're depleted.

00:36:49.193 --> 00:36:52.373
And so, and then a walk will help you
to, so I would say add, add yourself a

00:36:52.373 --> 00:36:56.603
30 minute window in the morning where
by yourself you can feed yourself

00:36:56.603 --> 00:36:58.133
and get yourself ready for the day.

00:36:58.343 --> 00:36:59.333
I think that's so key.

00:36:59.333 --> 00:37:00.398
It's really helped me as a man

00:37:02.513 --> 00:37:05.513
not let the weight of all the
things that are gonna hit me in the

00:37:05.513 --> 00:37:07.493
day hit me when I'm not prepared.

00:37:07.763 --> 00:37:08.933
It helps me get prepared, you know?

00:37:08.933 --> 00:37:13.553
And then what my wife and I do is, we've
been married 38 years is we have coffee.

00:37:13.618 --> 00:37:16.823
She, she comes or she sometimes
there before me, but we sit

00:37:16.823 --> 00:37:18.293
and we just talk about the day.

00:37:18.503 --> 00:37:22.043
And so then I relate to my spouse,
my other half, and we make sure we're

00:37:22.043 --> 00:37:25.843
on a good part, even if it's just
five minutes of general conversation.

00:37:25.843 --> 00:37:26.623
What are you doing today?

00:37:26.623 --> 00:37:27.133
What you got going?

00:37:27.133 --> 00:37:27.763
What are you having for dinner?

00:37:27.768 --> 00:37:28.183
Blah, blah, blah.

00:37:28.543 --> 00:37:32.953
Just something to connect so that when I,
when I leave and, and kind of dive into

00:37:32.953 --> 00:37:39.013
the day as into my job, I've got myself
and my number one relationship centered.

00:37:39.223 --> 00:37:43.753
So I'm not off balance for the rest of
the day thinking about, oh, you know, I

00:37:43.753 --> 00:37:47.323
should have, you know, I'm angry at my
wife, or, or, or, you know, whatever.

00:37:47.533 --> 00:37:50.083
So I think that centering is
so important every morning.

00:37:50.263 --> 00:37:51.043
Do you think that's true?

00:37:51.983 --> 00:37:52.263
Michael: I do.

00:37:52.263 --> 00:37:58.508
I, I think like how you
break it down to a manageable

00:38:00.728 --> 00:38:01.568
activity, right?

00:38:01.568 --> 00:38:05.318
It's, we're not saying you have
to do these grand gestures, right?

00:38:05.318 --> 00:38:09.758
You don't have to do these grand things
for your spouse, right, every morning.

00:38:09.818 --> 00:38:11.678
You don't have to do these grand
things for yourself either.

00:38:11.678 --> 00:38:13.478
It's 15 minutes with a book.

00:38:13.508 --> 00:38:17.078
It's five minutes of just connection,
and that connection doesn't have to

00:38:17.078 --> 00:38:19.328
be anything earth shattering, right?

00:38:19.328 --> 00:38:19.538
It could

00:38:19.613 --> 00:38:19.883
Paul: Right.

00:38:20.498 --> 00:38:22.538
Michael: just be like this is what
I've got on my schedule for today.

00:38:22.538 --> 00:38:23.738
This is what you've got on
your schedule for today.

00:38:24.413 --> 00:38:25.703
We're gonna come back together for dinner.

00:38:25.703 --> 00:38:27.293
This is what you know
we're gonna do for dinner.

00:38:27.503 --> 00:38:27.953
And that's it.

00:38:27.953 --> 00:38:30.233
And it's just like a way to be
like, yeah, we're on the same page.

00:38:30.383 --> 00:38:30.923
Paul: Exactly.

00:38:31.373 --> 00:38:37.283
Michael: And, right, and it's, there
is some comfort in routine, right,

00:38:37.283 --> 00:38:40.943
and, that you get from that of knowing
like, okay, I'm not gonna be able to

00:38:40.943 --> 00:38:44.153
control my entire day necessarily,
especially if I work with others.

00:38:44.303 --> 00:38:44.573
Paul: Right.

00:38:45.363 --> 00:38:46.673
Michael: But I do know what comes next.

00:38:46.733 --> 00:38:49.343
I do know that there's dinner there at
the end of the day with, with my spouse,

00:38:49.343 --> 00:38:51.533
with my partner, with my family, right?

00:38:51.533 --> 00:38:57.713
Or I do know that I've got this 15 minutes
for a walk every morning or 15 minutes

00:38:57.713 --> 00:39:05.753
to read a book to just kind of decompress
and set myself onto a certain trajectory

00:39:06.218 --> 00:39:06.438
Paul: Yes.

00:39:06.583 --> 00:39:06.778
Michael: for the day, right?

00:39:06.778 --> 00:39:07.558
Paul: That's a good word.

00:39:07.643 --> 00:39:08.093
Trajectory.

00:39:08.093 --> 00:39:08.573
I love that.

00:39:08.578 --> 00:39:08.718
Yeah.

00:39:08.793 --> 00:39:11.423
Michael: Right, because you can't,
again you can't control your entire day.

00:39:11.423 --> 00:39:13.058
There's just, you never know
what's going to happen, right?

00:39:13.068 --> 00:39:13.418
Paul: Right.

00:39:14.288 --> 00:39:19.058
Michael: So, but you can have
things that you kind of rely on.

00:39:19.058 --> 00:39:23.168
You, you have your guardrails
there that kind of keep you within

00:39:23.168 --> 00:39:28.058
limits so that when something does,
unexpected does come up, still have

00:39:28.108 --> 00:39:28.798
something to fall back on, right?

00:39:30.008 --> 00:39:30.368
Paul: It's good.

00:39:30.368 --> 00:39:30.668
Yeah.

00:39:30.803 --> 00:39:31.093
Michael: Yeah.

00:39:31.248 --> 00:39:32.018
Paul: Especially in management, right?

00:39:32.258 --> 00:39:35.078
They say management, the main job
of management is interruptions.

00:39:35.663 --> 00:39:36.013
Michael: Right.

00:39:36.218 --> 00:39:38.468
Paul: And, you know, you're
constantly trying to, you know, well,

00:39:38.468 --> 00:39:40.568
I, I don't wanna be interrupted,
but, you know, actually when you

00:39:40.568 --> 00:39:42.518
realize that it is interruptions.

00:39:42.768 --> 00:39:47.268
You know, the inventor of the light
bulb, Thomas Edison, said, you know,

00:39:47.478 --> 00:39:50.328
every day, i'd never worked a day
in my life that that was his quote

00:39:50.543 --> 00:39:50.893
Michael: Right.

00:39:50.948 --> 00:39:52.698
Paul: because every day felt
like it was something fun.

00:39:52.698 --> 00:39:54.708
You know, he was following
his X factor, right?

00:39:54.708 --> 00:39:57.858
He was great at mechanical things,
but he also had a passion to,

00:39:58.758 --> 00:40:00.648
you know, discover and create.

00:40:00.888 --> 00:40:02.418
And so he found a spot where he did them.

00:40:02.418 --> 00:40:03.708
He invented all kinds of things.

00:40:03.708 --> 00:40:06.258
I think there's, maybe he has a
thousand patents or something like that.

00:40:06.798 --> 00:40:11.478
So yeah, so I think that when we
do tap into that spot, right, so

00:40:11.778 --> 00:40:13.278
it, it's easy to visualize, right?

00:40:14.538 --> 00:40:16.578
Do you wake up with fire
in your belly every day?

00:40:16.578 --> 00:40:18.588
You know, not acid reflux,
which I get sometimes.

00:40:18.588 --> 00:40:21.828
Not that fire, but the fire in the
belly, metaphorically speaking meaning,

00:40:21.828 --> 00:40:23.208
yeah, I can't wait to go to work.

00:40:23.688 --> 00:40:25.758
I mean, I'm telling you, four
outta five men don't have that.

00:40:26.178 --> 00:40:26.478
Michael: Right.

00:40:26.748 --> 00:40:31.048
Paul: They wake up resentful, you know,
Monday morning, the Monday morning blues.

00:40:31.378 --> 00:40:32.818
That's terrible to live that way.

00:40:33.118 --> 00:40:36.388
So you gotta find, in my
opinion, you gotta find some

00:40:36.388 --> 00:40:37.918
reason that you enjoy work.

00:40:38.278 --> 00:40:40.798
So that's what we've been talking
about today, figuring out a path

00:40:40.798 --> 00:40:43.828
for you, even if it's a volunteer
function at work you're doing

00:40:43.828 --> 00:40:47.608
where you get some satisfaction
and you don't wanna quit your job.

00:40:47.608 --> 00:40:50.218
It's not about blowing up your life,
you know, and all that stuff, unless

00:40:50.218 --> 00:40:51.628
you found something definitely better.

00:40:52.438 --> 00:40:57.088
But I have personally done a lot of zigs
and zags in my life for that reason.

00:40:57.718 --> 00:41:00.688
I would get to a point where,
you know, I, I wanna use my same

00:41:00.688 --> 00:41:03.058
skill sets and my interests.

00:41:03.418 --> 00:41:07.828
But it is, maybe I'm not, maybe
it's not that I'm unhappy where

00:41:07.828 --> 00:41:11.518
I'm at, but maybe something better
has appeared as an opportunity

00:41:11.518 --> 00:41:12.838
through a conversation with someone.

00:41:13.138 --> 00:41:15.928
And so, you know, I'm a
believer in risk taking.

00:41:15.928 --> 00:41:16.768
No risk, no reward.

00:41:16.768 --> 00:41:17.788
Not everybody can do that.

00:41:17.788 --> 00:41:19.708
Like I've had maybe eight jobs in my life.

00:41:19.978 --> 00:41:22.318
This current job is my longest
I've ever had, eight years.

00:41:22.888 --> 00:41:25.408
Some of my jobs are two years,
three years, four years.

00:41:25.408 --> 00:41:26.488
I think four is the average.

00:41:26.878 --> 00:41:28.318
That is the norm today, by the way.

00:41:28.318 --> 00:41:30.028
I think everybody knows
it today, the average.

00:41:30.268 --> 00:41:32.818
It's not like you do your 30 years
at the factory and then punch out.

00:41:33.358 --> 00:41:34.918
Almost no one does that anymore.

00:41:35.518 --> 00:41:38.458
Corporations have proven
why that's the case.

00:41:38.668 --> 00:41:39.868
The corporations we work for.

00:41:39.868 --> 00:41:44.368
So, but you can, you wanna wake up
with joy in your heart about some

00:41:44.368 --> 00:41:47.398
tasks that you're gonna do today
where you can look forward to it.

00:41:47.728 --> 00:41:52.033
And, so look for it, but first
you have to do your self-analysis

00:41:52.033 --> 00:41:53.173
to figure out what it is.

00:41:53.173 --> 00:41:55.363
If you don't know what you're looking
for, you'll never find it right?

00:41:55.573 --> 00:41:58.603
Like Alice in Wonderland, she goes
to the Cheshire Cat when there's

00:41:58.603 --> 00:42:02.203
a split in the road and she says,
which, which way should I go?

00:42:02.203 --> 00:42:03.223
And he said, well, where are you going?

00:42:03.223 --> 00:42:04.243
She said, I don't know.

00:42:04.633 --> 00:42:05.833
He said, well, then neither road will do.

00:42:06.313 --> 00:42:08.983
So you don't wanna get to these
points in your life where you have

00:42:08.983 --> 00:42:10.303
intersections and you don't know.

00:42:10.693 --> 00:42:13.123
You know the old saying, you don't
wanna climb a ladder of success your

00:42:13.123 --> 00:42:16.423
whole life, only to find out at the end
it was leaning against the wrong wall.

00:42:16.783 --> 00:42:19.858
So, you need to do, that's
what this book is about.

00:42:19.858 --> 00:42:23.278
That's what me being on your podcast
is about, is giving them permission

00:42:23.278 --> 00:42:27.178
to take some time to analyze
themselves, some self-evaluation,

00:42:27.418 --> 00:42:31.138
just looking for, you don't need
the book or anything to do this.

00:42:31.138 --> 00:42:33.208
Just figure out what are my interests?

00:42:33.208 --> 00:42:35.698
Go back and find that plumb
line and what am I good at?

00:42:35.998 --> 00:42:39.088
Write it all down and then figure
out where can they intersect.

00:42:39.703 --> 00:42:40.033
Michael: Yep.

00:42:40.093 --> 00:42:42.553
Paul: Where they intersect, that's where
you're gonna wake up every morning.

00:42:42.913 --> 00:42:46.393
If you love it and you're good at it,
you're most likely gonna be a success,

00:42:46.663 --> 00:42:48.523
and that success will breed success.

00:42:48.763 --> 00:42:51.793
That's why I've been able to go from
one career to the next and rise to

00:42:51.793 --> 00:42:56.203
the top of three of them is that I've
been able to figure out what is the

00:42:56.203 --> 00:43:00.673
intersection and apply that in different
careers, what my interests and abilities.

00:43:01.313 --> 00:43:03.863
Nine outta 10 people are scared to
death to talk in front of people.

00:43:03.863 --> 00:43:06.203
So it's easy for me to find
a niche for that, right?

00:43:06.413 --> 00:43:09.713
Everybody needs somebody in their
team who's a, who's a front man, as

00:43:09.713 --> 00:43:10.853
they say, or a front woman, right?

00:43:11.183 --> 00:43:15.263
So I'm, I'm, I'm able to take that and
because I can communicate and connect

00:43:15.263 --> 00:43:18.263
with people well and build relationships,
it's what it's all about, right?

00:43:18.263 --> 00:43:20.993
Relationships are the grease that
make the gears of commerce turn.

00:43:21.323 --> 00:43:25.823
So what I do is I interview CEOs of pod,
of, of transit systems on my podcast.

00:43:26.183 --> 00:43:27.413
I've interviewed 400 of them.

00:43:27.413 --> 00:43:30.658
We just celebrated my
400th anniversary episode.

00:43:30.808 --> 00:43:35.188
And so that is that C-Suite connection
that helps my company love it, the

00:43:35.188 --> 00:43:37.948
thought leadership, C-Suite connection,
and they're the customers of my company.

00:43:38.278 --> 00:43:40.588
So I don't have any ROI, I
don't have anything I have to,

00:43:41.128 --> 00:43:42.688
you know, money-wise deliver.

00:43:42.688 --> 00:43:46.168
It's just the relationships that help
us, our company in the long term.

00:43:46.468 --> 00:43:50.428
So my thought to you is that, to wrap
it up and to summarize and kind of tie a

00:43:50.428 --> 00:43:55.928
bow around it is that if you can find one
or two things that make you feel happy

00:43:56.098 --> 00:44:00.148
because it's using your skills or your
interests at your job, and you're able

00:44:00.148 --> 00:44:04.378
to integrate them into your job, I would
encourage you to look at doing that.

00:44:04.708 --> 00:44:08.518
And if you can't, then I'd say open up
your eyes and start, don't quit, but open

00:44:08.518 --> 00:44:09.808
up your eyes and start looking around.

00:44:09.808 --> 00:44:12.508
But you have to figure out, again,
you don't wanna just jump from

00:44:12.508 --> 00:44:15.118
one thing to the next if it's
not gonna be fulfilling to you.

00:44:15.328 --> 00:44:18.538
If you don't feel fulfilled, you
gotta figure out why first, that's

00:44:18.538 --> 00:44:19.318
what we're talking about today.

00:44:19.318 --> 00:44:23.248
Figure out why, write it down, and then
you know what you're looking for next.

00:44:23.493 --> 00:44:24.303
Michael: Yeah, absolutely.

00:44:24.843 --> 00:44:31.213
What I find really interesting about
this is, I think, and this is my

00:44:31.213 --> 00:44:35.473
theory based on what you just said,
is that your interests change, right?

00:44:35.473 --> 00:44:39.823
So what you were interested in
when you first graduated college,

00:44:40.813 --> 00:44:43.843
probably different than what
you are interested in today.

00:44:43.903 --> 00:44:44.173
So your

00:44:44.338 --> 00:44:44.398
Paul: Yeah.

00:44:44.753 --> 00:44:50.938
Michael: X factor is not a,
a permanent position, right?

00:44:51.088 --> 00:44:56.578
That X factor moves with you
as you go through life, right?

00:44:56.608 --> 00:44:57.298
We're all humans.

00:44:57.298 --> 00:45:02.128
We experience different things, and those
experiences tend to shape us and what we,

00:45:03.028 --> 00:45:04.558
what we like, what we don't like, right?

00:45:04.648 --> 00:45:11.638
And so it's okay to take a job that you
enjoy today and not enjoy it five years

00:45:11.638 --> 00:45:12.778
from now, 10 years from now, right?

00:45:12.778 --> 00:45:16.318
And your in, as your interests evolve
and change, and as you learn more and

00:45:16.318 --> 00:45:24.388
as you accomplish more, maybe you have
to reevaluate on a, at some point over

00:45:24.388 --> 00:45:28.678
time that what was interesting to me
when I took this job, you know, five

00:45:28.678 --> 00:45:30.358
years ago, doesn't interest me now.

00:45:30.418 --> 00:45:31.438
So what does that mean for me?

00:45:31.468 --> 00:45:31.708
Right?

00:45:31.708 --> 00:45:34.348
And that's where that kind of
self-reflection, that evaluation comes

00:45:34.348 --> 00:45:39.658
in of like, okay, my X, the lines
that my X from my X factor have moved,

00:45:39.778 --> 00:45:41.398
they've shifted, and that's okay.

00:45:42.448 --> 00:45:42.958
Paul: That's really good.

00:45:42.958 --> 00:45:43.558
I like that.

00:45:44.068 --> 00:45:44.398
Michael: Thank you.

00:45:44.518 --> 00:45:44.878
Paul: Yeah.

00:45:44.878 --> 00:45:45.958
Michael: So, I wanna ask you
one more question before we

00:45:45.958 --> 00:45:46.923
jump into the speed round.

00:45:46.973 --> 00:45:47.263
Paul: Okay.

00:45:49.138 --> 00:45:52.888
Michael: If a dad suspects that
they, or they feel that they are

00:45:52.888 --> 00:45:58.408
misaligned, but they have no idea
of where to start, what's the first

00:45:58.408 --> 00:46:00.058
question he should ask himself?

00:46:03.373 --> 00:46:06.403
Paul: Where do I feel the most
alive when I'm doing what?

00:46:08.668 --> 00:46:10.018
What makes time pass?

00:46:10.018 --> 00:46:11.218
It could be building models.

00:46:11.278 --> 00:46:16.738
I know some guys that love building, you
know, big train cities, you know, with

00:46:16.738 --> 00:46:18.478
trains and models, and they just get lost.

00:46:18.658 --> 00:46:21.328
Five hours later, they look up,
they're like, holy cow, you know?

00:46:21.508 --> 00:46:26.563
So look at what, what you love,
what, what you love doing.

00:46:26.743 --> 00:46:28.633
What makes you feel like you come alive.

00:46:28.633 --> 00:46:29.953
What you lose track of time in.

00:46:29.953 --> 00:46:33.163
That's the first question to
figuring out what are my, what are

00:46:33.163 --> 00:46:34.813
my passions, what are my interests?

00:46:34.843 --> 00:46:37.003
And then that has to intersect
later with what your abilities are.

00:46:37.003 --> 00:46:38.483
But that's the first
question I would ask myself.

00:46:38.893 --> 00:46:42.163
And, uh, you know, you can do
that without a lot of effort.

00:46:42.163 --> 00:46:42.643
Probably.

00:46:42.793 --> 00:46:45.973
If you sit still and think for 30 minutes,
you could probably write down six things.

00:46:46.393 --> 00:46:46.753
Good.

00:46:46.873 --> 00:46:48.373
You've got one of the axises figured out.

00:46:48.373 --> 00:46:49.183
That's awesome, man.

00:46:49.183 --> 00:46:49.843
You're on your way.

00:46:50.293 --> 00:46:50.623
Michael: Yep.

00:46:51.343 --> 00:46:57.253
it's so simple on the surface, right, but
we never give ourselves the opportunity

00:46:58.033 --> 00:46:59.383
to sit back and answer that question.

00:46:59.578 --> 00:47:00.058
Paul: That's right.

00:47:00.178 --> 00:47:01.258
What do you love about hunting?

00:47:01.408 --> 00:47:02.458
What do you love about fishing?

00:47:02.578 --> 00:47:03.658
What do you love about golf?

00:47:03.658 --> 00:47:05.998
The things that you like to, what
do you love about NASCAR racing?

00:47:06.268 --> 00:47:07.198
Figure that out.

00:47:07.588 --> 00:47:09.388
Just take a time to analyze yourself.

00:47:09.388 --> 00:47:10.348
You don't have to be a psychiatrist.

00:47:10.348 --> 00:47:11.128
You know yourself.

00:47:11.548 --> 00:47:17.608
Just write down, oh, I love, I love NASCAR
because I love the when my guy wins.

00:47:17.638 --> 00:47:18.028
Okay.

00:47:18.028 --> 00:47:19.378
So that's a good thing.

00:47:19.528 --> 00:47:20.818
So you just go down through all that.

00:47:20.968 --> 00:47:21.898
I love golfing.

00:47:21.898 --> 00:47:23.638
For me, you know what
I love golfing about?

00:47:23.878 --> 00:47:26.728
I love being out in nature
on a beautiful golf course.

00:47:26.908 --> 00:47:28.708
That's kind of what I
really enjoy about it.

00:47:28.828 --> 00:47:30.748
I hate having to hit the
little ball in the hole.

00:47:30.808 --> 00:47:32.098
That's frustrating, right?

00:47:32.338 --> 00:47:35.218
It's fun when you finally get
it right, but and I love being

00:47:35.218 --> 00:47:35.953
with the person I'm with.

00:47:36.538 --> 00:47:38.698
During the pandemic, I golfed
every week with my wife.

00:47:38.848 --> 00:47:39.838
It's the only thing you could do.

00:47:40.378 --> 00:47:44.908
You know, and so we just had time together
outside in nature and it was awesome.

00:47:44.908 --> 00:47:46.348
So you figure out, analyze.

00:47:46.528 --> 00:47:49.858
It's not that I love golf, it's that I
love what I'm doing when I'm golfing.

00:47:49.858 --> 00:47:50.788
So figure that out.

00:47:50.968 --> 00:47:52.528
Maybe you like being outside.

00:47:52.903 --> 00:47:57.733
Like my daughter's boyfriend, he
wants a job that's outside so that he

00:47:57.733 --> 00:47:59.023
doesn't wanna be stuck in an office.

00:47:59.143 --> 00:48:00.133
So that's pretty good.

00:48:00.253 --> 00:48:02.953
Then you can figure out, alright,
half the jobs are off the table.

00:48:03.373 --> 00:48:06.553
I'll focus on these jobs that are
gonna let me be a DNR cop or whatever,

00:48:06.553 --> 00:48:09.433
Department of Natural Resources,
something that'll put me outside.

00:48:09.763 --> 00:48:11.113
Anyway, you can figure that out, man.

00:48:11.113 --> 00:48:12.188
Just take some time to think it through.

00:48:12.868 --> 00:48:13.348
Michael: Absolutely.

00:48:13.498 --> 00:48:16.778
And it's not that, this is more
on the surface level, right?

00:48:16.798 --> 00:48:20.338
It's not the, oh, I'm
in, I love golf, right?

00:48:20.368 --> 00:48:21.808
It's why do you love golf?

00:48:21.898 --> 00:48:22.198
Paul: Right.

00:48:22.408 --> 00:48:26.068
Michael: What is it about golf
that makes you so excited?

00:48:26.998 --> 00:48:27.278
Paul: Got it.

00:48:27.283 --> 00:48:30.043
Michael: Is it the, the feeling
of of nature around you?

00:48:30.043 --> 00:48:33.493
Is it the accomplishment of getting
that little ball in a little hole, you

00:48:33.493 --> 00:48:35.053
know, after you're hitting it 500 yards?

00:48:35.503 --> 00:48:38.053
Is it the social aspect of it, right?

00:48:38.653 --> 00:48:42.103
Are there different, and which of those
things are of most interest to you?

00:48:42.133 --> 00:48:47.053
Which of the things that, that
you really don't wanna lose, that

00:48:47.128 --> 00:48:47.368
Paul: Yep.

00:48:47.503 --> 00:48:51.133
Michael: wanna keep doing more of, and
then where can you apply those elsewhere?

00:48:51.133 --> 00:48:52.603
So, love the question.

00:48:53.683 --> 00:48:57.853
It, it, again, it's so easy to
think about, but we just don't give

00:48:57.853 --> 00:48:59.383
ourselves the opportunity to do it.

00:48:59.383 --> 00:49:03.448
And sometimes we just gotta be like, okay,
what am I, like, what am I doing here?

00:49:03.498 --> 00:49:06.618
What really, you know, lights my fire?

00:49:06.618 --> 00:49:07.468
What makes me excited?

00:49:07.938 --> 00:49:10.468
Alright, so we're gonna go
from the serious discussion to

00:49:10.468 --> 00:49:11.698
the not so serious discussion.

00:49:11.698 --> 00:49:12.388
Here's our speed round.

00:49:12.388 --> 00:49:13.528
It has nothing to do with anything.

00:49:13.753 --> 00:49:14.263
Paul: Okay, cool.

00:49:16.058 --> 00:49:16.108
Five

00:49:16.108 --> 00:49:17.728
Michael: Five quick questions starting
with this one, what's the first kid

00:49:17.728 --> 00:49:19.228
show theme song that comes to mind?

00:49:19.558 --> 00:49:20.038
Paul: Barney.

00:49:20.373 --> 00:49:20.793
Michael: Barney.

00:49:20.903 --> 00:49:21.193
Okay.

00:49:21.193 --> 00:49:21.203
Yeah.

00:49:21.808 --> 00:49:23.688
Paul: I just was quoting it
to my kids the other day.

00:49:23.908 --> 00:49:24.678
Clean up.

00:49:24.728 --> 00:49:25.528
Clean up.

00:49:25.558 --> 00:49:26.998
Everybody do their shares.

00:49:26.998 --> 00:49:28.318
Tell my grandkids that, so.

00:49:29.638 --> 00:49:32.698
Michael: See, the one problem with this
speed round is I always get these songs

00:49:32.698 --> 00:49:33.988
stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

00:49:33.988 --> 00:49:34.108
So,

00:49:34.163 --> 00:49:34.453
Paul: Yeah.

00:49:34.468 --> 00:49:34.938
Michael: now that's gonna be,

00:49:35.458 --> 00:49:35.518
Paul: Yeah.

00:49:35.648 --> 00:49:36.418
Michael: I'm gonna be thinking about that.

00:49:36.628 --> 00:49:37.828
What was your very first job?

00:49:38.878 --> 00:49:39.928
Paul: It was McDonald's.

00:49:40.318 --> 00:49:40.768
Michael: McDonald's.

00:49:40.888 --> 00:49:44.518
Paul: Yeah, and actually before
that, I'd created a job for myself.

00:49:44.518 --> 00:49:47.248
I, I had a lawn care business where
I was cutting grass with a friend

00:49:47.248 --> 00:49:48.058
of mine for all my neighbors.

00:49:48.058 --> 00:49:50.638
But the first job I had was
flipping hamburgers at McDonald's.

00:49:50.968 --> 00:49:51.538
Michael: Nice.

00:49:51.718 --> 00:49:52.138
Very nice.

00:49:52.378 --> 00:49:54.698
Would you rather spend 24
hours with a toddler-sized

00:49:54.698 --> 00:49:57.178
T-Rex or a T-Rex-sized toddler?

00:49:58.768 --> 00:49:59.128
Paul: The first.

00:50:00.353 --> 00:50:01.313
Michael: Toddler-sized T-Rex.

00:50:01.468 --> 00:50:01.738
Paul: Yeah.

00:50:02.173 --> 00:50:02.773
Michael: Why is that?

00:50:03.148 --> 00:50:04.828
Paul: 'Cause I could
protect myself from that.

00:50:07.093 --> 00:50:08.473
Michael: Okay, fair enough.

00:50:08.533 --> 00:50:11.428
What's your go-to karaoke song or
the one you would sing if you had to?

00:50:12.448 --> 00:50:14.848
Paul: So I need to change it
'cause I'm gonna do karaoke in a

00:50:14.848 --> 00:50:16.438
couple months 'cause it's too slow.

00:50:16.438 --> 00:50:16.898
But it's Free Fallin'.

00:50:17.953 --> 00:50:18.463
Michael: Oh, sure.

00:50:18.598 --> 00:50:19.483
Paul: Yeah, yeah.

00:50:19.533 --> 00:50:20.093
Michael: Tom Petty, one of my favorites.

00:50:20.293 --> 00:50:20.498
Love that.

00:50:20.518 --> 00:50:20.578
Paul: Yeah.

00:50:21.493 --> 00:50:23.833
Michael: And what's, finally, what's
the weirdest thing you've ever carried

00:50:23.833 --> 00:50:25.963
around in your bag, briefcase, or pockets?

00:50:26.608 --> 00:50:27.688
Paul: Probably my wife's purse.

00:50:28.678 --> 00:50:31.378
You know, that's not
something I enjoy doing.

00:50:33.988 --> 00:50:34.468
Michael: I get it.

00:50:35.128 --> 00:50:35.698
That was fun.

00:50:36.088 --> 00:50:36.718
Appreciate that.

00:50:36.718 --> 00:50:38.818
So, before we wrap up, I wanna
give you the floor for a moment.

00:50:39.658 --> 00:50:42.268
If someone's listening right now
thinking this is exactly what I've

00:50:42.268 --> 00:50:46.148
been feeling, right, like, I need
to find my X factor, just wants to

00:50:46.148 --> 00:50:49.838
learn more about what you're doing,
whether that's the Find Your X Factor

00:50:49.868 --> 00:50:53.968
or your transportation TV show, stuff
like that, where should they go next?

00:50:54.073 --> 00:50:56.713
Paul: Yeah, well, you can find
me on LinkedIn, Paul Comfort.

00:50:56.863 --> 00:50:59.473
You'll see I have like 30,000,
27,000 followers, whatever.

00:50:59.653 --> 00:51:00.373
Just find me on LinkedIn.

00:51:00.373 --> 00:51:00.973
Let's link in.

00:51:00.973 --> 00:51:02.653
I post something pretty
much every day there.

00:51:02.983 --> 00:51:07.423
Either transportation or now this new
kind of TED Talk style stuff I'm doing.

00:51:08.083 --> 00:51:10.033
But the place where, if you
wanna find more about Find

00:51:10.033 --> 00:51:12.853
Your X Factor is the website I
mentioned, www.findyourxfactor.ai.

00:51:15.013 --> 00:51:16.993
You can pre-order the
book on Barnes and Noble.

00:51:17.583 --> 00:51:22.203
The book is actually out on August 11th,
but if I get 300 people to pre-order

00:51:22.203 --> 00:51:24.753
it, Barnes and Noble will put it in
their bricks and mortar bookstores.

00:51:24.753 --> 00:51:26.283
So that's what I'm hoping we can do.

00:51:27.093 --> 00:51:31.233
It's published by Morgan James and
I'm @paulwcomfort on Instagram.

00:51:31.233 --> 00:51:33.363
If people are interested in
following me there, the TV

00:51:33.363 --> 00:51:35.653
show is Transit Unplugged TV.

00:51:35.953 --> 00:51:36.723
It's on YouTube.

00:51:36.723 --> 00:51:37.588
It's got its own channel.

00:51:37.588 --> 00:51:41.068
It's also on 30 television channels around
the country and on streaming services.

00:51:42.388 --> 00:51:45.988
And the podcast is Transit Unplugged
and it's, you find both of them on

00:51:45.988 --> 00:51:47.168
our website transitunplugged.com.

00:51:48.393 --> 00:51:48.793
Michael: Awesome.

00:51:49.243 --> 00:51:49.533
That's great.

00:51:49.533 --> 00:51:50.143
Thank you so much, Paul.

00:51:50.143 --> 00:51:51.733
We'll put all those in
the show notes as well.

00:51:52.183 --> 00:51:54.733
Make it easy for everybody to, to find.

00:51:54.733 --> 00:51:56.863
I really appreciate you coming
on the show today, Paul.

00:51:56.863 --> 00:51:56.873
And.

00:51:57.853 --> 00:52:03.433
Giving us not just a sense of
hope, but a, a path, right?

00:52:04.033 --> 00:52:08.533
Whether we feel stuck or not right now,
it's probably a good exercise to think

00:52:08.533 --> 00:52:12.793
through what really is important to us
and what really interests us, right?

00:52:12.823 --> 00:52:17.773
And then kind of figure out where
does that fall on my scale of

00:52:18.083 --> 00:52:22.858
abilities and purpose and how do I
kind of meld those things through.

00:52:22.858 --> 00:52:26.548
So it's a timely discussion regardless
of where we are in our careers, right,

00:52:26.878 --> 00:52:34.468
but I think also given where we are
this economy, where things are a little

00:52:34.468 --> 00:52:37.768
bit more challenging for a lot of
people, that this is a very relevant

00:52:39.178 --> 00:52:43.978
conversation, and I appreciate how
practical you make it out to be, right?

00:52:44.038 --> 00:52:48.103
It's, you, you show that
alignment is possible without

00:52:48.103 --> 00:52:49.723
burning everything down, right?

00:52:50.113 --> 00:52:50.983
And that matters, right?

00:52:50.983 --> 00:52:55.993
Like, we don't, it's not always the
best idea to just throw caution to

00:52:55.993 --> 00:52:58.783
the wind and hope for the next thing.

00:52:58.843 --> 00:53:03.778
Sometimes we just have to think
it through and figure out really

00:53:03.898 --> 00:53:07.318
how do we align ourselves to, to
find the right purpose for us.

00:53:07.678 --> 00:53:08.968
So I appreciate you being here.

00:53:08.968 --> 00:53:09.748
Thank you again.

00:53:10.528 --> 00:53:11.638
Thank you for everything you're doing.

00:53:11.908 --> 00:53:14.128
And finally, before you go, if
you're a dad listening to this

00:53:14.128 --> 00:53:16.498
and you find yourself in between,
navigating a season that feels

00:53:16.498 --> 00:53:17.848
different, head to gaptogig.com.

00:53:18.748 --> 00:53:19.858
to the Gap to Gig Newsletter.

00:53:20.218 --> 00:53:23.788
It comes out every Friday, and it's a
quieter space to reflect on work, life,

00:53:23.998 --> 00:53:25.228
and what really matters right now.

00:53:25.558 --> 00:53:28.108
And if this conversation resonated,
please consider sending it to another

00:53:28.108 --> 00:53:29.068
dad who might need to hear it.

00:53:29.443 --> 00:53:31.153
Until next time, I'm Michael Jacobs.

00:53:31.393 --> 00:53:33.283
Thanks for showing up and
listening to Gap to Gig.