Nobody Remembers How Busy You Were
What Are You Optimizing For?Inside this issue
On My MindA few years from now, nobody is going to ask how quickly you responded to that email. Your kids won’t remember whether you cleared your inbox before dinner. Your coworkers probably won’t remember whether you answered a text message in five minutes or fifty. But people do remember how you made them feel. That idea sat at the center of my conversation this week with Carol Enneking, author of The Rebalancing Act and former global VP of talent and leadership. During our discussion, Carol introduced a phrase I’d never heard before: relationship collateral. “When you can look somebody in the eye and be present for that conversation, you’re building relationship collateral.” The phrase stuck with me because it reframes how we think about success. Most of us spend a lot of time optimizing for productivity. We want to be efficient, responsive, reliable, and successful at work. We want to provide for our families. We want to make progress toward our goals. None of those things are bad. But if we’re not careful, we start measuring ourselves by output instead of impact. That’s where Carol’s perspective on work-life balance becomes interesting. She argues that balance isn’t really the goal because life won’t sit still long enough for perfect balance to exist. Kids grow up. Jobs change. Parents age. Priorities shift. Instead of chasing perfect balance, she encourages people to develop the skill of rebalancing: the ability to recognize what matters most right now and adjust accordingly. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that relationship collateral may be one of the best ways to know whether we’re actually doing that. Every conversation is an investment. Every dinner together. Every car ride. Every uninterrupted moment where somebody feels seen, heard, and valued. Those deposits compound over time, often in ways we don’t recognize until much later. Most of us are busy. That’s not really the question. The better question is whether we’re investing our time, attention, and energy in the things that matter most. Stop Trying to Be a 10 EverywhereWhy it MattersMany of us unconsciously try to be a 10 in every area of life. A 10 at work. A 10 as a parent. A 10 spouse. A 10 friend. A 10 financially. A 10 physically. A 10 in the community. By a 10, I mean you’re trying to maximize that area of your life. You’re giving it extraordinary attention, energy, and effort. The problem is that many of us are trying to be a 10 everywhere at the same time. It’s an exhausting standard, and it’s one of the fastest paths to burnout. Why it WorksLife happens in seasons. There may be periods when work needs more attention. Other seasons may require more focus on family, health, finances, or caregiving. The problem isn’t that one area temporarily becomes a priority. The problem is expecting every area to receive maximum effort all the time. Rebalancing starts when you stop asking, “How do I do everything?” and start asking, “What matters most right now?” How to Do ItRate yourself from 1-10 in the following areas:
Then answer these questions:
Most people don’t need a complete life overhaul. They need to move one hour, one evening, or one conversation toward something that matters more. Pro TipTrying to move every category from a 7 to a 10 requires enormous effort. Sometimes the better question is: Which 3 deserves to become a 5? Build Relationship CollateralWhy it Matters Carol introduced the idea of relationship collateral: the trust, goodwill, and connection that accumulate through small moments of presence. Like financial investments, these deposits may seem insignificant in the moment, but they compound over time. How to Use It Identify one conversation this week where you make sure to:
That’s it. No complicated system. No productivity hack. Just presence. Why it Works Relationship collateral works much like financial collateral. You build it gradually through small deposits over time. Then one day, when life gets difficult, the trust and goodwill you’ve built are already there. Pro Tip If you struggle to stay present, move your phone somewhere you can’t casually reach it. Across the room. In a bag. Face down on a counter. Presence gets easier when temptation isn’t sitting in your hand. Time to Sprint: Sequence, Don’t StackWhy it Matters Most overwhelm isn’t caused by too little time. It’s caused by too many priorities competing for attention at the same time. As Carol put it, many of us stack goals, responsibilities, and commitments until we can no longer tell what’s truly important. Why it Works When everything feels urgent, nothing gets your best attention. Sequencing forces you to decide what deserves focus now, what can wait until later, and what may not need your attention at all. “Not now” is not the same thing as “never.” How to Do It Minutes 0–10: Spill it out Write down every project, commitment, goal, and responsibility currently taking up mental space. Don’t organize it yet. Just get it all out of your head. Minutes 10–15: Organize it Create three columns: Now: Things that deserve your attention in this season. Next: Important, but not yet. Later: Things you’ll revisit when the timing is right. Sort everything into one of those categories. Minutes 15–20: Pick one Choose one item from the “Now” column that deserves focused attention this week. Not five things. One thing. Bonus 5 Minutes: Think about it Ask yourself: “What becomes easier if I stop trying to do everything at once?” Pro Tip Clarity often comes from deciding what not to focus on. Your MoveCarol asks a question that sits underneath so many of the decisions we make: What do you want to be known for? When your kids, coworkers, friends, and family describe you, what do you hope they say? Hit reply and let me know. I read every response. Connect with CarolCarol Enneking helps high achievers create success that supports the rest of their lives, not competes with it. After decades in executive leadership roles, she began questioning the assumption that balance is something you achieve once and keep forever. Her work today focuses on helping people develop the skill of rebalancing as life changes. If this conversation resonated with you, her book and resources are worth exploring. Follow Carol On her website: https://carolenneking.com/ In her community: https://carolenneking.com/join-community/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/carolenneking On Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carol.enneking On YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@CarolEnnekingSpeaker On LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/caroltenneking/ Get her book, The Rebalancing Act: https://carolenneking.com/book On the Show This WeekContinue the ConversationWork-life balance gets talked about constantly, but most conversations stop at the problem. In this week’s episode, Carol Enneking and I explore a different perspective. We discuss why balance may be the wrong goal altogether, how to recognize when life is out of alignment, and what it looks like to build a life that supports both meaningful work and meaningful relationships. We also discuss:
Check it Out🎧 Carol Enneking on Why Work Life Balance Feels So Hard Listen on your favorite podcast platform The Last LaughThey say it goes fast… |
