Craig Parks on Creating a Childhood Your Kids Look Back on With Gratitude

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Craig: The first thing for any
dad is what's your intention?

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What kind of a dad do you wanna be
when, and when your child looks back

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on their childhood and what it was
like with you, what do you want them

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to feel, and what do you wanna feel?

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Do you wanna feel
gratitude and a lot of joy?

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Or do you wanna look
back with re-, regret?

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Michael: Welcome to Gap to Gig, the show
for dads navigating the in-between season,

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when work, identity, and priorities
start asking different questions.

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Here we talk about what that
season looks like and how to

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move through it with intention.

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I'm your host, Michael Jacobs, and
today's guest is Craig Parks, founder

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of Parenting Harmony, father of two,
musician, educator, speaker, and

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someone who has spent more than 30 years
helping children, parents, and educators

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build stronger relationships through
connection, creativity, music, and play.

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Craig's worked with thousands of
families as a camp director, music

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director, educator, and performer,
and he's developed what he calls the

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A to E Parenting Method, a framework
designed to help parents turn ordinary

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moments into meaningful memories.

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He's also someone who understands
the challenge many working dads

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face every day: how do you pursue
meaningful work while still showing

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up for the people who matter most?

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Craig, welcome to Gap to Gig.

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I'm so glad you're here.

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Craig: Thanks, Michael.

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It's really an honor to be with you.

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Michael: I appreciate that.

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So one thing that I really appreciate
about your story is that you don't

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position meaningful work and great
parenting as an either/or decision.

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But a lot of dads, I think, feel
that, feel there's a tension

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there between pursuing meaningful
work, being a good parent, and I

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kinda wanna start there with you.

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Why do you think so many dads feel like
they're constantly being pulled between

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those two things, between meaningful work
and great parent, being a great parent?

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Craig: Well, I, I think that any,
well, I think that any dad who's

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actually committed to being a
great dad understands that it's,

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it's, k-, in many ways, it's both.

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It's making sure that your family has a
roof over their head, and that they're

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fed, and that they're safe, right?

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But, you know, those, those
kind of basics, right?

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But then, right and so they
don't feel insecure and am I

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physically just okay, right?

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So, like, we have to provide that,
and I don't wanna, I think it's

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important to not glide over that.

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Right?

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Like, like, that we, we have that
protector kind of, you know, intuitive

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pull to, like, take care of that.

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So that, that is there, but I think
that the, the dads of our generation,

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as opposed to the dads of previous
generations feel a greater pull to

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be really attuned to our children
and be present with our children,

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that being a provider isn't quite
enough, that our kids actually need

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us to be more than just providing.

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And so to feel the, the, the force of
both of those things for anyb-, any man

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who wants to be a really good dad, I
think, is gonna feel the tension in that.

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Michael: Absolutely.

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Do you think that, to me it sounds like
you have, you're breaking down, like,

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providing being a financial muscle, like
you have to be able to provide physically

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and financially for, for your family.

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And then you say separately, like you have
to be active and present with your family.

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To me, like being active and
present is a form of providing.

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Was, was that, would
that be a fair statement?

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Like it's just providing is, yes, in
our generation as dads, like I think

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the definition of being a provider
has shifted, and there's still that

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element of, yes, we need to provide
stability for our children, we need to

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provide w-, financially and physically,
like put a roof over their heads,

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make sure they're fed and c-, clothed
and bathed and all those things.

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But more so today, I think, than
20, 30, 40, 50 years ago, we have

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to be, it, our kids want us to
be more present in their lives.

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They, they want, and presence being more
than just, like, physically there, right?

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But your mind not necessarily being there.

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Like, maybe you're thinking about work
while you're watching your, your child's

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baseball game, or maybe you're thinking
about work while your child's asking you

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to, to play with the toys on the floor.

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You know, maybe you're thinking about
literally anything else, like that

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project that you wanted for yourself,
when your kid wants to sit down with you

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and talk about, like, what college they
wanna go to or what their future might

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entail or, you know, trying to apply for
their first job, those kinds of things.

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Being present, to me, feels like it
is also a part of providing, right?

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It's not just the, the financial
and physical aspects of it.

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There's also these softer aspects of,
like, being there for your kids, being a

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sounding board, being a resource for them
to come to you when they feel the need to.

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Is…

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Craig: Yeah, that is, yes.

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I, I think really what you're, what
you're nailing here is that the word

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provider used to be in this smaller
range of what does it mean to be a

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provider, and now t-, what to provide
is much wider 'cause you're right.

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We're, we're pr-, we're
providing more than those things.

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Like, to be able to provide
emotional connection with our

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kids is j-, is just as vital.

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In fact, you know, when, when you take
a look at society and you look at so

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many of the ills, when you look at
violence and abuse and addiction and,

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and, and poverty, like, so much of what's
going down is, is a breakdown where I

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think ultimately children didn't get
what they ultimately really needed,

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which was a much deeper connection.

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And, yeah, and that's,
and that's not easy.

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But it's, it's also, I think,
what we as men, we're being

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called forth to, to provide that.

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And, and what I know is
that is actually doable.

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And I think in many ways, like
from my own journey, it c-,

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it came from a place of pain.

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Like with my, like my, my dad, who I
love dearly, and I know my dad loves me

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dearly, like he was born in 1940, right?

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And I think that, and he did
not have a great dad, right?

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But, and so he was a much better, better
dad to me than his dad was to him.

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And, but my dad, he worked often, often,
not always, but often, seven days a week.

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And he missed a lot of my childhood.

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You know, like you, you talked
about the baseball game.

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Also, like when I was a kid,
basketball was my sport.

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Loved it.

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I was an all-star, you
know, the whole deal.

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My dad didn't catch any of my games, none
of them, because he was working so hard.

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So, I look back and I don't, you know,
it just, there's, there's pain around

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it, but, I know, like for my own dad,
he looks back and there's pain around

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it now when, now that he's older, right?

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And so what I'm on a journey now is,
well, my own personal journey was

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to realize when I'm a dad, I don't
ever want to look back with regret.

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I wanna be as pre-, like that
word present is so great, right?

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I wanna be as present
as I can for my kids.

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And if it, and for me, and look, each
man has to kinda decide what they need

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to for themselves, but I made a decision.

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If that means that I don't make as
much money as maybe some others, but

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it means I get more time and more
deep connection with my kids, I will

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take that deal every day of the week.

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And I, and I don't, by the way,
and I don't think that it has

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to be that either/or, you know?

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But, but I think it does ask for, from
each of us men who become fathers, how

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present do we, are, do we wanna be?

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Michael: Yeah.

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Craig: What is our, what
is our ultimate goal?

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When, and ultimately, when, when we
think about our children being adults

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and looking back on their childhood
and thinking about how it felt to

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be with us, do we want them to look
back with regret or with gratitude?

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And do we wanna look back
with gratitude or regret?

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And those are, those are deep and
heavy questions, but, but the hopeful

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thing and the optimistic thing
is that we can actually craft it.

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Michael: Yeah.

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Craig: I sincerely believe that we can
craft it in a way that, that we can, we

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can provide in that expanded definition,
Michael, that you were talking about.

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Michael: Yeah.

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I, I love how you frame that and
it's, it's interesting to me, like,

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you know, you talk about your,
your father worked incredibly hard.

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He provided for you, but the
presence aspect wasn't there.

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And you said like, you know, he has
some regrets, you have some regrets,

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but I imagine, I'm curious like how
your father feels about how you have,

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how he's seen you perform as a father.

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Like, 'cause I think for a lot of
dads, or maybe I'm speaking out of

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line here, but I think for at least
for me, like my goal is to, I hope I

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can provide my kids with the ability
to become even better, become better

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parents than I was ever able to, right,
by, I'm giving them a starting point.

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Like, I wanna keep seeing it
get better and better generation

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after generation, right?

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Like, so, like you said, your
father's father was difficult, right?

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And so your father didn't have a
great example to, to follow through,

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but he tried to do better, right?

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And then you had, you know, maybe a
better example than what your father

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had, but still not a great example,
but you're now trying to do better,

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and you're hopefully you've given your
kids a great example to follow through.

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And so I'm curious, like, does
your father, does he see pride in

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the way you've become a father?

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Or like, how do you feel about
how you have become a father

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versus how you were raised?

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Craig: That's a, that's a great question.

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It's funny, you know, I've never
been asked that, and that's a,

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that's a really beautiful question.

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I've been on a lot of podcasts
and, you know, nobody's

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ever asked me that question.

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And, and I'm gonna share a story I
actually have never shared and it's a,

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it's a little vulnerable and I, I, and
again, I just wanna like reinforce that

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my dad and I have a, a good relationship,
and he's very supportive of me, and he's

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really proud of what I've created and,
and the kind of dad I am, and even, you

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know, the, the career choices I've made.

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He knows that like a lot of what I
do, like I, you know, I've created

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summer camps and I've done, you
know, teen development programs.

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I've done a lot of work with,
with kids of all ages, singing to

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preschools and doing music, you know,
but there was a time when I was 17.

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The other thing about my dad's
job was that it was very, very

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stressful, and he was often stressed.

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Like, you know, this is, it, it might even
sound stereotypical, but this really did

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happen where, you know, my mom would say,
"Hey, dad's had a hard…" So he'd get…

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My dad would get home late, but my mom
would give us, I have two older brothers,

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my mom would give us warnings like, "Hey,
dad's had a hard day or he's stressed."

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Like, you know.

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So really it was the, "Don't piss him
off," or, you know, "Don't annoy him."

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It was, it, you know, it was the, "Hey,
be careful around your dad," kind of

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speech that, you know, and for any of
us, like dads today, like I don't want

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my kid to ever feel any fear around me.

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You know?

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Like that's, you know, I want them to feel
like they could come to me no matter what.

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And if I am personally in not a great
space, I wanna be able to just say

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to them, "Hey, listen, I'm, you know,
I'm, I'm not in a great space today,

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so if I'm snappy, that's why, and I
don't mean to be." You know, like to

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just have that level of consciousness.

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But this is, this is the story I wanna
share with that preamble, is that

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when I was around maybe 16 or 17 I
remember saying to him, and I actually,

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I have regrets about this now, but I
understand where it was coming from.

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You know, I mean, 'cause here's this
man who was, like, working his ass

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off, like, s- so long, long hours.

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And, you know, and he put all
three of us through college.

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Like, he was generous, very generous.

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And, and I remember, like, at dinner
one day saying to him, "Yeah, well,

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you know, I wanna do what I…" I was
talking about what I wanna do when

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I, you know, as a career or whatever.

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I was saying, "Whatever I, I would do,
I wanna love what I'm doing, and I don't

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wanna be stressed out all the time."
And I remember my dad getting really

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pretty pissed at me, and he called, and
he ca-, I remember this word he used.

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He called me a punk, you know?

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And, like, and, and, you know,
for me, like, any time that I felt

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like I was disappointing my dad
or like, it just like, it stung.

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And but now I can look back and see,
like, okay, that here's this man who

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was working his ass off, and here's
this teenager who's saying, "I don't

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wanna do it like you, Dad," you know?

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And how he could feel, really, I
think he, he could honestly feel

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hurt by that, but he was, he was
angry, and he snapped at me, right?

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But it, but it, but Michael, it
didn't change my view internally

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of like, I, these are, like, the
elements of, one, he was, he was a

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loyal man, he was a hardworking man,
he's an ethical man, he's a good man.

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Those traits I wanna k-, retain.

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But I, I wanna be more present, and I
don't wanna be stressed out, and I don't

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want a job that's gonna have me be on
edge or have me be where my spouse says,

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"Stay away from Dad, he's stressed."

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I don't want any of that.

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There's stuff that I'm co-, right?

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And that's what you're talking about.

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Like, if each generation can get
a little bit better, then we're

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gonna move our world, 'cause it has
ripple effects out in the world.

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We'll move our world towards a place
that actually has more harmony, and has

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more peace, and has more connection,
has less stress, and hopefully

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has l-, less of the kind of ills
that we've been seeing in society.

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Michael: Yeah.

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It's, I appreciate you sharing that story.

00:13:23.505 --> 00:13:27.655
I, I can't imagine for both of
you, both for yourself and for your

00:13:27.655 --> 00:13:29.725
father, what that moment felt like.

00:13:29.725 --> 00:13:38.315
It's, you know, you were expressing
your feeling, and kind of, I'm imagining

00:13:38.315 --> 00:13:41.035
this is sort of, it built up over time.

00:13:41.035 --> 00:13:44.305
This wasn't like a spur of the moment,
like, oh, now all of a sudden, I, you

00:13:44.305 --> 00:13:46.065
know, I don't wanna be like my dad.

00:13:46.065 --> 00:13:51.225
I wanna be, you know, I wanna
do things on a different level.

00:13:51.225 --> 00:13:55.285
I, I want to, my priorities are gonna be
different than, than the way I was raised.

00:13:55.845 --> 00:13:58.845
Whereas your, your dad is, you
know, reacting in the moment, right?

00:13:58.845 --> 00:14:03.075
I think a lot of us would feel in that
moment, "Oh, well, my child is calling

00:14:03.075 --> 00:14:07.535
me out." Like, that, that's not going to
feel good regardless in the moment, right?

00:14:08.715 --> 00:14:15.445
But I imagine that that actually, in
some ways, probably had some sort of

00:14:15.815 --> 00:14:18.465
bonding effect for you going forward.

00:14:18.505 --> 00:14:22.675
That, you know, you said your dad
has, you know, been proud of the

00:14:22.675 --> 00:14:27.265
way you've, you know, fathered your,
your children, and the way that, you

00:14:27.265 --> 00:14:30.825
know, you're raising your family, and
the way that you've gone about life.

00:14:30.825 --> 00:14:34.095
Like, some of those moments wouldn't
happen if you couldn't be honest

00:14:34.735 --> 00:14:36.305
with your father in the moment.

00:14:36.305 --> 00:14:39.525
And like you said, there were certainly
lots of positives behind this, right?

00:14:39.525 --> 00:14:42.885
He worked hard so that he could
make sure that he provided for

00:14:42.935 --> 00:14:44.575
you and your brothers, right?

00:14:44.615 --> 00:14:49.515
And, you know, at the expense
of time spent with you, yes.

00:14:49.655 --> 00:14:54.513
But you were able to observe that
and then take that into, the,

00:14:54.903 --> 00:14:57.193
it's your being a father, right?

00:14:57.233 --> 00:15:03.653
And it's those observations that it,
it's, to me, we don't always realize,

00:15:03.653 --> 00:15:12.555
like, just the day-to-day monotony of
life as a kid, kids pick up on things way

00:15:12.565 --> 00:15:14.205
more than we ever give them credit for.

00:15:14.225 --> 00:15:16.185
And even when we say we're giving
them credit, like they're still

00:15:16.185 --> 00:15:18.275
not, they're still picking up
on things we don't realize.

00:15:18.275 --> 00:15:20.985
Like, you know, I, I always like
to say like their, kids follow

00:15:20.985 --> 00:15:22.365
what you do, not what you say.

00:15:22.865 --> 00:15:23.845
Not necessarily what you say.

00:15:24.405 --> 00:15:29.485
And, you know, you picked up on things
that you liked and didn't like as a

00:15:29.495 --> 00:15:35.225
child, and figured out how to reedu-,
how to become a father in a way

00:15:35.225 --> 00:15:38.705
that you wouldn't repeat those same
patterns that you didn't like, right?

00:15:39.315 --> 00:15:45.125
But there's, you know, I don't think
back at like what did I pick up as a kid?

00:15:45.125 --> 00:15:47.535
Like, that's not how I
normally would think, right?

00:15:47.535 --> 00:15:50.075
Like, I don't think about like, "Oh, I
learned this when I was seven. I didn't

00:15:50.075 --> 00:15:54.295
like how my, you know, dad worked 12
hours on Thursdays." Like, no, that's

00:15:54.295 --> 00:15:56.995
not, not how I, how most people think.

00:15:57.455 --> 00:15:59.565
At least I don't believe that's
how they, how they think, right?

00:15:59.965 --> 00:16:02.375
But kids are always pick
up, picking up on things.

00:16:02.375 --> 00:16:06.035
And you've spent decades working
with kids in camps, and music

00:16:06.035 --> 00:16:07.515
programs, and educational settings.

00:16:07.855 --> 00:16:11.535
What have you learned about what kids
actually remember from childhood?

00:16:13.405 --> 00:16:16.495
Craig: Well, it's, it's
a, it's a great question.

00:16:16.515 --> 00:16:21.565
And I think that kids remember,
I mean, look, e-, everyone's

00:16:21.565 --> 00:16:22.495
had different childhoods.

00:16:22.515 --> 00:16:27.015
So I think, I think kids remember both
really good things, and I think they

00:16:27.015 --> 00:16:28.965
remember really, really harsh things too.

00:16:28.975 --> 00:16:30.335
Like I just shared that story, right?

00:16:30.335 --> 00:16:33.545
That was on one particular night,
and here I am all these decades

00:16:33.545 --> 00:16:34.685
later, I still remember it.

00:16:35.125 --> 00:16:35.255
Right?

00:16:35.285 --> 00:16:39.115
There are certain, certain conversations
that happened on one particular day that

00:16:39.115 --> 00:16:41.825
like were so painful that I remember it.

00:16:42.325 --> 00:16:42.635
Right?

00:16:42.645 --> 00:16:49.565
So I think really kind of harsh, super
negative things get lodged in there.

00:16:49.905 --> 00:16:55.555
I think when, you know, and look,
and this is not to say that like as

00:16:55.555 --> 00:16:59.125
parents, you know, I want to be really
clear, we need to set boundaries.

00:16:59.235 --> 00:17:01.295
We need to be firm with them, right?

00:17:01.345 --> 00:17:02.825
Also we need to have
some grace for ourselves.

00:17:03.075 --> 00:17:05.855
Like, we're human, and we're
gonna, we're gonna lose it at

00:17:05.855 --> 00:17:07.145
times, and I've lost it at times.

00:17:07.435 --> 00:17:12.005
But the difference, I think, is, is
one, is owning it and repairing it.

00:17:12.115 --> 00:17:15.215
Like I, in, you know, with per-,
with Parenting Harmony, my, you know,

00:17:16.815 --> 00:17:20.105
which, and people can learn more about
what I do at parentingharmony.com.

00:17:20.105 --> 00:17:23.485
But the, the whole thing is not
about being a perfect parent.

00:17:23.515 --> 00:17:24.415
It never has been.

00:17:24.705 --> 00:17:26.765
It's about, you used
the word present, right?

00:17:26.765 --> 00:17:29.235
It's about being present,
but never perfect.

00:17:29.645 --> 00:17:36.635
And, and so I think, I think that when,
when we mess up, we can always repair it.

00:17:36.695 --> 00:17:41.515
Now, if we don't repair it, those bad
memories will linger, I think, much deeper

00:17:41.835 --> 00:17:43.755
with, with hurt in our kids' hearts.

00:17:44.335 --> 00:17:48.225
But I also think that kids
remember some extraordinary times.

00:17:48.245 --> 00:17:53.105
And so like with my dad, yeah, he worked
a lot, but I will tell you when he, when

00:17:53.105 --> 00:17:56.195
he was home, especially when I was little,
one of the things that he used to do that

00:17:56.225 --> 00:18:01.611
is like a really solid memory, he used to
put on music all the time and pop me up on

00:18:01.611 --> 00:18:03.641
his shoulders and dance around the house.

00:18:03.691 --> 00:18:05.681
That is a strong memory.

00:18:05.691 --> 00:18:09.341
And in fact, it, it, it inspired a
song that I wrote for my daughter that

00:18:09.341 --> 00:18:13.511
I kn-, that called Dancing on Daddy's
Shoulders, which I know is a super

00:18:13.511 --> 00:18:18.041
strong memory for my daughter because
I used to, I used to put her up on my

00:18:18.041 --> 00:18:21.971
shoulders and sing that song, or it's a
catchy melody, almost every day between

00:18:21.971 --> 00:18:24.781
the ages of like zero to five, you know?

00:18:25.201 --> 00:18:29.241
So, so I think what they remember
is I think when the really harsh,

00:18:29.941 --> 00:18:33.091
bad things, I think remember those
things if they're not repaired.

00:18:33.701 --> 00:18:36.341
And then the other things that
I think kids remember are things

00:18:36.341 --> 00:18:37.921
that we do ritualistically.

00:18:38.291 --> 00:18:41.311
And, you know, they'll remember
the big trips or if we took

00:18:41.311 --> 00:18:42.661
them to Disneyland once, yes.

00:18:43.081 --> 00:18:47.621
But, and this is what Parenting Harmony
is about, is for me, is teaching parents

00:18:47.831 --> 00:18:49.881
how to take the ordinary moments, right?

00:18:50.111 --> 00:18:56.591
Waking them up, washing, washing hands,
giving them a bath, bedtime, car rides.

00:18:56.781 --> 00:19:00.871
How do you make those things that are
just ordinary, and how do you lift them

00:19:00.871 --> 00:19:03.381
up so they become the memorable things?

00:19:03.451 --> 00:19:08.141
And that's, that's why I created Parenting
A to E, so that parents could learn a

00:19:08.141 --> 00:19:13.341
method on how to actually lift that up
and use, use ritual and presence and,

00:19:13.641 --> 00:19:18.721
and our bodily and vocal affect to
create really beautiful memories and

00:19:18.721 --> 00:19:20.771
connection with our kids in the every day.

00:19:20.771 --> 00:19:22.061
And I think that's what they remember.

00:19:23.377 --> 00:19:23.907
Michael: That's awesome.

00:19:23.907 --> 00:19:27.257
I, I really like the, I know you, you
talk about kind of the extremes that they

00:19:27.257 --> 00:19:31.287
remember, but those small moments, those,
and you call them the ritualistic moments.

00:19:31.907 --> 00:19:34.147
It, to me, they're like the
in-between moments, right?

00:19:34.147 --> 00:19:38.537
When I'm taking my kids to an activity or,
you know, we're sitting in the car, right?

00:19:38.557 --> 00:19:43.967
Or we're cleaning up after dinner or
we're, you know, whatever it may be.

00:19:43.967 --> 00:19:45.777
Like, we're kind of in between things.

00:19:45.777 --> 00:19:48.487
It's not the thing that we're
thinking about for that day.

00:19:48.487 --> 00:19:52.047
It's like, "Oh, we have, you know,
dance practice today," or, "We

00:19:52.047 --> 00:19:56.867
have hockey practice today." No,
that, that's not the, the moment.

00:19:56.907 --> 00:19:59.967
Like, that is its own moment, but
it's those kind of in between.

00:19:59.967 --> 00:20:05.657
Like, how did we get from, like, getting
from the house to the practice, right?

00:20:05.747 --> 00:20:12.187
That is, you know, could be 10, 20, 30
minutes, right, of time where, yeah, you

00:20:12.187 --> 00:20:15.267
could just be focused on the road and your
kid could be looking at their phone the

00:20:15.267 --> 00:20:17.047
whole time and you have no conversation.

00:20:17.367 --> 00:20:19.797
That's also the best time
to have conversation, right?

00:20:19.817 --> 00:20:25.467
And those are the things that, at
least for me, stick as a father.

00:20:25.467 --> 00:20:26.927
Like, those are things I'm remembering.

00:20:26.927 --> 00:20:29.637
I'm hoping my kids are gonna
be like, "Yeah, you know, we"

00:20:29.747 --> 00:20:30.197
Craig: Yeah.

00:20:30.577 --> 00:20:33.667
Michael: "spent…" It, it, you know,
it could be like we're waiting in line

00:20:33.667 --> 00:20:37.687
somewhere and we just start goofing off
and making jokes or whatever, right?

00:20:37.687 --> 00:20:40.567
It's like that one off thing where
we're just eating dinner together

00:20:40.577 --> 00:20:44.207
where, you know, some inside joke
comes up and we all start laughing.

00:20:44.207 --> 00:20:47.227
Like, "Remember that time we were
eating and, like, we just were dying

00:20:47.227 --> 00:20:50.467
of laughter and we," you know, the
kids, you know, spit out their drinks

00:20:50.467 --> 00:20:51.357
because they were laughing so hard.

00:20:51.357 --> 00:20:53.007
Like, those are the moments.

00:20:53.017 --> 00:20:53.957
You don't plan for those.

00:20:54.007 --> 00:20:55.467
Those aren't usually on the agenda.

00:20:55.497 --> 00:20:56.527
They're not on the calendar.

00:20:57.047 --> 00:20:57.337
Craig: Yeah.

00:20:57.337 --> 00:20:59.457
Michael: But when they show
up, they're the most valuable.

00:20:59.877 --> 00:21:02.322
And I, you know, I'm hopeful
that's what my kids are going

00:21:02.322 --> 00:21:03.747
to remember going forward.

00:21:03.747 --> 00:21:05.977
Because sometimes when I'm
like, when they bring up random

00:21:05.987 --> 00:21:07.817
memories, they are random, right?

00:21:07.837 --> 00:21:08.707
They are not about like,

00:21:08.707 --> 00:21:09.437
Craig: Right, right.

00:21:09.547 --> 00:21:12.107
Michael: it is not a, a specific event.

00:21:12.217 --> 00:21:16.487
It is, it's not like, "Oh, remember
that game I played?" Or, "Remember that,

00:21:16.487 --> 00:21:21.007
you know, that teacher I had?" It was
like, "Remember this specific moment

00:21:21.017 --> 00:21:26.527
on a random Tuesday in July that…"
Like, it just has nothing to do with

00:21:26.577 --> 00:21:30.017
anything, and that's what they remember.

00:21:30.027 --> 00:21:30.047
Craig: Yeah.

00:21:30.147 --> 00:21:31.657
Michael: And it brings a smile
to their face, and it brings

00:21:31.657 --> 00:21:32.427
a huge smile to my face.

00:21:32.427 --> 00:21:34.767
I'm like, "You know, this
is what it's about," right?

00:21:34.767 --> 00:21:39.717
It's like creating these memories
that you don't necessarily

00:21:39.917 --> 00:21:40.937
get to have with everybody.

00:21:40.937 --> 00:21:43.717
Like, they are those
special bonding memories.

00:21:43.717 --> 00:21:45.617
Like, and they're small moments, right?

00:21:45.617 --> 00:21:46.447
They're, yes,

00:21:46.457 --> 00:21:46.477
Craig: Yeah.

00:21:46.517 --> 00:21:47.957
Michael: they're gonna
remember the extreme stuff.

00:21:47.967 --> 00:21:51.917
Like, they are going to remember those
really difficult moments that they had.

00:21:51.917 --> 00:21:55.567
They're gonna remember, you know,
if you blew up sometime and you,

00:21:57.017 --> 00:22:00.197
you know, didn't address it and you
didn't handle yourself well, they're

00:22:00.217 --> 00:22:01.597
probably gonna remember that too, right?

00:22:02.517 --> 00:22:10.317
But there are lots of good moments, lots
of value in creating these opportunities

00:22:11.317 --> 00:22:19.283
to remember things positively, but
also to help shape how both you as a

00:22:19.283 --> 00:22:22.083
father moves forward, but as your kids
move forward as they grow older, right?

00:22:22.083 --> 00:22:24.363
Of like, I remember having
this conversation with my dad.

00:22:24.363 --> 00:22:26.763
Now I want to have this t-, types
of conversation with my friends,

00:22:26.763 --> 00:22:29.683
with, you know, with my kids someday,
with my partners, whoever it may be.

00:22:31.153 --> 00:22:36.213
You know, creating the, these positive
environments for them to feel confident,

00:22:36.223 --> 00:22:40.453
to be able to, to pursue whatever
it is that they wanna pursue, right,

00:22:40.453 --> 00:22:43.793
'cause I think at the end of the
day, like as a father, I am trying

00:22:43.813 --> 00:22:45.003
to build confidence in my kids.

00:22:45.003 --> 00:22:47.693
I'm not trying to build cockiness,
I'm trying to build confidence.

00:22:47.743 --> 00:22:47.983
Craig: Exactly.

00:22:48.003 --> 00:22:48.143
Michael: Right?

00:22:48.183 --> 00:22:51.133
There's, there's a big difference there,
and I think some of that confidence is

00:22:51.133 --> 00:22:56.213
just in being present for your child
of like, yeah, I know that things

00:22:56.213 --> 00:23:01.123
are gonna be okay because I've had, I
know I can, I have somebody I can go

00:23:01.133 --> 00:23:05.963
back to and have a conversation with,
and I know they've gone through the,

00:23:06.253 --> 00:23:08.573
my dad's gone through experiences,
and now I know he's gone through

00:23:08.573 --> 00:23:09.933
it, I can go through it too, right?

00:23:09.973 --> 00:23:13.333
And giving them the conf-, the confidence
to be like, "Okay, you know what?

00:23:13.543 --> 00:23:14.153
I'm not sure.

00:23:14.163 --> 00:23:14.963
I've never done this before.

00:23:14.963 --> 00:23:19.163
I don't know if I could pursue this,
you know, whatever it might be, this

00:23:19.613 --> 00:23:23.243
part-time summer job, or I don't
know if I could pursue that, but

00:23:23.313 --> 00:23:26.353
I'm gonna give it a shot because
I've seen my parents do it." Right?

00:23:26.353 --> 00:23:29.443
Like to me, that's what
being a father is about.

00:23:29.443 --> 00:23:32.853
It's like sharing those moments to, so
they can build that confidence and have

00:23:32.853 --> 00:23:35.143
that positivity and that, that happiness.

00:23:35.193 --> 00:23:38.973
And it happened, like you said, in some
of those ritualistic small moments, right?

00:23:38.973 --> 00:23:40.803
It could be getting ready
for bed, it could be,

00:23:41.143 --> 00:23:41.583
Craig: Oh, yeah.

00:23:41.593 --> 00:23:41.813
Michael: right?

00:23:41.913 --> 00:23:44.113
Craig: I wanna kind of challenge
one thing that you said because,

00:23:44.333 --> 00:23:45.593
you know, you used the word random.

00:23:45.593 --> 00:23:49.373
And for me, what I, what I wanna, what
I'm trying to teach parents is that i-,

00:23:49.373 --> 00:23:54.473
yes, it, and those random moments can
and will happen, but what I wanna, what

00:23:54.473 --> 00:23:59.263
I'm teaching is that you can actually
be really deliberate in it, and, you

00:23:59.263 --> 00:24:03.003
know, and I certainly learned a lot by
being a dad of two kids, and my oldest is

00:24:03.013 --> 00:24:05.143
now 22 and he's on the autism spectrum.

00:24:05.573 --> 00:24:10.253
And, and there was a time when I didn't
know if I would ever hear my child

00:24:10.253 --> 00:24:11.913
say the word daddy or I love you.

00:24:11.913 --> 00:24:12.233
You know?

00:24:12.233 --> 00:24:14.893
It was this kind of a scary time
when we first got that diagnosis

00:24:14.893 --> 00:24:16.433
when he was around 17 months old.

00:24:16.873 --> 00:24:20.713
And, but y-, we worked with a lot of
people, and I'd already worked with kids

00:24:20.713 --> 00:24:26.573
for a lot of years and, and, and using
our, our affect, you know, how we actually

00:24:26.573 --> 00:24:30.323
physically move our bodies and use our
voices, is a way to connect with our kids.

00:24:30.333 --> 00:24:33.223
And I wanna share this story with
you because my son is now 22.

00:24:33.233 --> 00:24:34.023
He is verbal.

00:24:34.593 --> 00:24:37.053
He's, he's an amazing, amazing young man.

00:24:37.433 --> 00:24:42.133
And a few months ago we're hanging
out and he, and he looks up at the

00:24:42.133 --> 00:24:45.913
sky and he goes, "Dad, the moon,
the moon." And the reason why he

00:24:45.913 --> 00:24:48.923
did that is because you asked, you
know, what do, what do kids remember?

00:24:49.593 --> 00:24:53.973
When, when Jonah was young, when
my son was young, when we would see

00:24:53.973 --> 00:24:57.073
the moon, I would go freaking crazy.

00:24:58.013 --> 00:25:01.013
Like, it's like something as ordinary
as like seeing the moon, right?

00:25:01.273 --> 00:25:05.143
And it became this special, I'd be like,
"Jonah, the moon, the moon," and the both

00:25:05.143 --> 00:25:07.133
of us would literally jump up and down.

00:25:07.263 --> 00:25:08.233
Our voices would go nuts.

00:25:08.243 --> 00:25:11.573
It was like, you know, our favorite
sports team just won a world championship.

00:25:11.633 --> 00:25:14.583
And, and, and we, and we didn't
just do that once, right?

00:25:14.613 --> 00:25:17.973
It was like every time we'd see
the moon, we would go crazy.

00:25:17.993 --> 00:25:22.281
And then here he is, a 22-year-old
man, and he sees the moon, and he

00:25:22.281 --> 00:25:24.821
remembers like this special cool thing.

00:25:24.831 --> 00:25:26.521
And that's what, you know,
what you were talking about.

00:25:26.521 --> 00:25:29.941
Like yeah, in between from the
house to the car, like there's,

00:25:30.041 --> 00:25:34.501
there's opportunities for, you
know, for connection all the time.

00:25:34.521 --> 00:25:37.971
And then when you're talking about
something like bedtime, I mean, I had

00:25:38.351 --> 00:25:41.991
these incredible bedtime rituals actually
that's available in Parenting Harmony

00:25:42.181 --> 00:25:46.986
in my course Parenting A to E where I go
through the ritual and bedtime was one

00:25:46.986 --> 00:25:49.691
of the sweetest, most amazing things.

00:25:49.711 --> 00:25:54.321
And my daughter, who just turned 12,
you know, even when she was 11 she

00:25:54.321 --> 00:25:58.341
would, she would still ask for some of
those bedtime rituals because they were

00:25:58.341 --> 00:26:01.041
so sweet and so, and so connecting.

00:26:01.441 --> 00:26:06.791
And so like we can be really deliberate
about the kind of memories and the

00:26:06.791 --> 00:26:10.861
kind of feelings that our kids are
gonna have if one, we're intentional,

00:26:11.311 --> 00:26:12.831
and we actually know how to do it.

00:26:13.321 --> 00:26:17.881
And yeah, so that's, that's what I
think really empowers us as dads.

00:26:19.241 --> 00:26:19.601
Michael: Yeah.

00:26:20.461 --> 00:26:21.471
So much there.

00:26:21.471 --> 00:26:29.891
Like the dedication to the ritual
allows you to have these moments

00:26:29.921 --> 00:26:31.171
for a lifetime really, right?

00:26:31.171 --> 00:26:35.321
Like at 22, at 12, like they're pulling
back on things that are years old, right?

00:26:35.721 --> 00:26:38.921
And yeah, I said random,
I stand corrected.

00:26:38.921 --> 00:26:40.981
It's more like unscheduled, right?

00:26:41.181 --> 00:26:45.881
I think, and, you know, but that then
does lead to some random moments where

00:26:45.891 --> 00:26:47.711
you actually get additional value from.

00:26:47.721 --> 00:26:54.271
So, that's a great point on, on your
part that you can build this into your

00:26:54.391 --> 00:27:01.031
routine, right, on a daily, weekly,
monthly, annual type basis of, and it

00:27:01.031 --> 00:27:03.451
doesn't have to be these grand gestures,

00:27:03.451 --> 00:27:03.781
Craig: Right.

00:27:03.791 --> 00:27:04.261
Michael: I imagine, right?

00:27:04.261 --> 00:27:07.321
It doesn't have to be the trips to
Disney World, doesn't have to be,

00:27:07.961 --> 00:27:11.741
you know, meeting their favorite,
you know, celebrity or whatever

00:27:11.741 --> 00:27:12.961
it may be, or favorite athlete.

00:27:13.711 --> 00:27:18.031
It can be the, the bedtime ritual.

00:27:18.031 --> 00:27:23.171
It can be the, you know, going out for
walks and looking up at the sky, right?

00:27:23.171 --> 00:27:25.911
It, it can be these small moments, right?

00:27:25.911 --> 00:27:29.861
It doesn't have to be the big grand thing.

00:27:29.861 --> 00:27:34.541
And, you know, I think a lot of
dads argue, "Well, how do I make

00:27:34.541 --> 00:27:38.781
time for that?" Like, but that's
what you do as a dad, right?

00:27:38.781 --> 00:27:46.091
Unless you're choosing to work your waking
hours, right, you choose how you divide

00:27:46.091 --> 00:27:48.041
your, your time and your energy, right?

00:27:48.041 --> 00:27:51.431
And like, I think a lot of dads will be
like, "Well, I'm tired after work." Okay.

00:27:51.811 --> 00:27:54.751
Well, how can you adjust your energy?

00:27:55.051 --> 00:27:58.141
How can you find pockets of time where
you do have the energy that you can spend

00:27:58.141 --> 00:28:01.621
with those you care about most, your
kids, your spouse, your friends, right?

00:28:02.161 --> 00:28:04.131
Also, you gotta take care of yourself
to be able to do all of that.

00:28:04.981 --> 00:28:10.969
And it's just, you know, I think a lot
of dads kind of operate on autopilot

00:28:11.009 --> 00:28:14.399
at times, where it's just like,
"Alright, I gotta be here and then

00:28:14.399 --> 00:28:18.339
I gotta be there," and I just kind
of go through the motions every day.

00:28:18.859 --> 00:28:21.349
I'm curious, like, what is
your take on, like, how dads

00:28:21.349 --> 00:28:23.259
can become more intentional?

00:28:23.259 --> 00:28:28.439
What's the first step they can take to
be more intentional in trying to develop

00:28:28.449 --> 00:28:34.249
these rituals or habits to create better
harmony with their, with their families?

00:28:35.497 --> 00:28:36.277
Craig: Well, it's a great question.

00:28:36.277 --> 00:28:38.407
You, you touched on a lot
of really good points.

00:28:38.407 --> 00:28:41.257
And one is you, you used the
phrase, you know, we gotta

00:28:41.257 --> 00:28:42.437
take care of ourselves, right?

00:28:42.437 --> 00:28:46.877
I mean, if, if we are constantly depleted,
we're constantly hungry, we're constantly

00:28:46.877 --> 00:28:51.667
exhausted, we're constantly overworked
and, and we are and we feel like any

00:28:51.667 --> 00:28:56.477
time we do anything to, like, fill our,
you know, our, our own needs, we're, if

00:28:56.477 --> 00:29:00.577
we feel selfish around that, we, like,
we have to deal with that because to,

00:29:01.307 --> 00:29:05.797
to take care of ourselves so that we
can be of, of service and connected with

00:29:05.797 --> 00:29:08.647
our family is, is not selfish at all.

00:29:08.897 --> 00:29:10.857
It's actually, it's a really
beautiful thing to do.

00:29:10.857 --> 00:29:14.517
And I think for each person, they
need to know what, what that is.

00:29:14.537 --> 00:29:19.327
And so I'll, I'll give some
examples for myself is like I,

00:29:19.787 --> 00:29:21.607
I meditate every day, right?

00:29:21.697 --> 00:29:25.567
And that's something I just
need to do, and I do it every

00:29:25.567 --> 00:29:27.027
morning, and it's not a long time.

00:29:27.027 --> 00:29:30.387
It can be anywhere between
10 minutes and 30 minutes.

00:29:30.737 --> 00:29:34.677
But, like, I need that so I can
just kind of check in, tune in.

00:29:35.597 --> 00:29:39.427
The other thing what might be for some
people is, like, listening to some of

00:29:39.427 --> 00:29:41.107
their great, their, their favorite music.

00:29:41.427 --> 00:29:44.617
Put on, like, a couple of
your favorite tunes, right?

00:29:45.607 --> 00:29:48.737
It could be a, a lot of things,
but I think, one, we need to take

00:29:48.747 --> 00:29:53.377
care of ourselves, our wellbeing
because it's just sort of be a

00:29:53.377 --> 00:29:55.637
great dad when, when we're not.

00:29:56.237 --> 00:30:00.047
And and the other thing that I want to
talk about is, you know, you, you talked

00:30:00.057 --> 00:30:01.427
about, well, how can I find the time?

00:30:01.477 --> 00:30:06.357
Like, w-, what I teach is not, well,
you're gonna have to carve out extra time.

00:30:06.367 --> 00:30:11.087
What I teach is, look, if your
kid is going to bed anyways, I can

00:30:11.097 --> 00:30:14.277
teach you how to make that actually
beautiful and special, but I think

00:30:14.467 --> 00:30:17.987
we as dads need to start with the,
like, I shared about my, my childhood.

00:30:18.087 --> 00:30:20.997
I was like, I was thinking about
this a lot before I was a dad.

00:30:21.027 --> 00:30:24.597
When I'm a dad, I wanted to be
more present and more connected.

00:30:25.157 --> 00:30:27.927
And, like, I would, and so I
think the first thing for any

00:30:27.927 --> 00:30:29.787
dad is what's your intention?

00:30:29.867 --> 00:30:33.507
What kind of a dad do you wanna be
when, and when your child looks back

00:30:33.787 --> 00:30:37.407
on their childhood and what it was
like with you, what do you want them

00:30:37.407 --> 00:30:38.677
to feel, and what do you wanna feel?

00:30:38.837 --> 00:30:41.097
Do you wanna feel
gratitude and a lot of joy?

00:30:41.417 --> 00:30:43.887
Do you wanna look back with r-, regret?

00:30:44.237 --> 00:30:50.087
And so when we get super intentional, then
that's what fuels our commitment because

00:30:50.337 --> 00:30:54.887
we may feel tired, but if our commitments
override how we feel in any given moment,

00:30:55.407 --> 00:30:57.827
then I think that's gonna be the key.

00:30:58.037 --> 00:31:02.817
And so, but I'm not asking
dads to create more extra time.

00:31:02.827 --> 00:31:06.127
Like, I'm saying if your kid
is already waking up, wake

00:31:06.127 --> 00:31:07.107
them up with a little song.

00:31:07.347 --> 00:31:09.717
Wake them up and create a special
handshake that you do every

00:31:09.717 --> 00:31:12.267
morning with them that's, like,
that you two created together.

00:31:12.467 --> 00:31:15.747
Like, you know, if you're giving
your kid a bath, like, I've got

00:31:15.747 --> 00:31:19.897
this great fun song, like, this
bath time song I wrote for my kids.

00:31:19.897 --> 00:31:22.677
And, like, these song, like, I wrote
these songs that are part of my

00:31:22.677 --> 00:31:26.137
course that are really easy, that
are part of everyday moments, like

00:31:26.689 --> 00:31:28.029
your kid is washing their hands?

00:31:28.539 --> 00:31:28.859
Cool.

00:31:28.869 --> 00:31:32.489
Do the washing hands song and,
like, make a moment of it, you know?

00:31:32.489 --> 00:31:36.179
Or, you know, at the end of it,
have them take their wet hands

00:31:36.179 --> 00:31:40.109
and do this and get your face wet,
you know, every time and giggle.

00:31:40.119 --> 00:31:44.399
Like, it doesn't have to be
in creating extra moments.

00:31:44.419 --> 00:31:47.789
It's like we talked about, like,
there's so much of parenting is just

00:31:47.789 --> 00:31:49.999
the mundane, what we do every day.

00:31:50.279 --> 00:31:54.649
But, I am a firm believer, 'cause I've
lived it now with both of my kids, that

00:31:54.649 --> 00:31:59.179
you could take those mundane things and
make those things really, really special.

00:31:59.749 --> 00:32:00.019
Michael: Yep.

00:32:00.709 --> 00:32:06.129
I, I, I love that of, you know,
I, I think as a dad, being a dad

00:32:06.169 --> 00:32:09.609
is a lot about choice, right?

00:32:09.679 --> 00:32:13.189
You choose how you're going
to show up as a dad, right?

00:32:14.159 --> 00:32:17.839
Sure, there's some limits to that, like
your work might require you to travel,

00:32:17.849 --> 00:32:19.419
so you can't be there for everything.

00:32:19.429 --> 00:32:22.699
There's like, but, you know, there's some
choice involved there, too, I suppose.

00:32:22.719 --> 00:32:26.869
But there is a choice in, like, we
can let the mundane be the mundane,

00:32:27.609 --> 00:32:31.529
or we can take advantage of the
time and make the mundane memorable.

00:32:32.129 --> 00:32:38.711
And, you know, it's, does
it require a lot of effort?

00:32:38.761 --> 00:32:40.181
Usually not, right?

00:32:40.181 --> 00:32:47.141
Like, usually the, the moments
are just naturally kind of create

00:32:47.141 --> 00:32:51.671
themselves, of like, okay, you're
washing your hands, and, you know,

00:32:51.671 --> 00:32:53.421
you s-, for you it's singing, right?

00:32:54.201 --> 00:32:56.141
I don't sing, so that
wouldn't be my thing, right?

00:32:56.591 --> 00:33:00.481
But, like, there are other
ways to make some of these

00:33:00.541 --> 00:33:02.231
mundane activities interesting.

00:33:02.241 --> 00:33:03.671
I'm a very competitive person.

00:33:03.671 --> 00:33:05.241
My son is very competitive, right?

00:33:05.391 --> 00:33:07.611
We'll make cleaning up, or when
he was younger, we'd make cleaning

00:33:07.611 --> 00:33:09.041
up a competitive thing, right?

00:33:09.041 --> 00:33:11.871
So it's like, you just have to
find what works for you, what's

00:33:12.111 --> 00:33:17.081
interesting to you and to your
kids, but it's a choice, right?

00:33:17.151 --> 00:33:19.871
Or you can just make them mundane
and be like, "Okay, you know, here's

00:33:19.871 --> 00:33:21.651
what you have to do right now.
That's your chore. Here's what I

00:33:21.651 --> 00:33:23.891
have to do," and you just go do it.

00:33:25.471 --> 00:33:25.921
Craig: Oh, yeah.

00:33:26.321 --> 00:33:26.681
Michael: Is that how you
want to spend your time?

00:33:26.681 --> 00:33:26.901
Right?

00:33:26.951 --> 00:33:27.997
Craig: I'll tell you, like, yeah.

00:33:28.017 --> 00:33:31.537
Like, my, my daughter and I when,
when we're in the car together there

00:33:31.567 --> 00:33:33.977
are, I'll just give you examples
of several things that we do.

00:33:34.017 --> 00:33:36.967
Like, and, and that I know that when
she looks back on our childhood,

00:33:37.027 --> 00:33:38.487
she'll remember these things.

00:33:38.507 --> 00:33:41.977
So, one, we either listen
to stand-up comedy together,

00:33:42.287 --> 00:33:43.977
which is really, really fun.

00:33:43.977 --> 00:33:46.057
So we laugh and we, and we talk
about, like, who our favorite

00:33:46.057 --> 00:33:48.117
stand-up comedians are, right?

00:33:48.177 --> 00:33:53.057
And two, or we'll listen to music, or
we'll play a game called the alphabet

00:33:53.057 --> 00:33:56.127
game, where you have to, like, find
the, the letters of the alphabet

00:33:56.177 --> 00:33:59.277
from the car from, from A to Z,
and the first one to get to Z wins.

00:33:59.877 --> 00:34:02.207
And then we also play the
out-of-state license plate game.

00:34:02.427 --> 00:34:07.487
So, like, we're, like, those car rides
now, like, those are deep memories of

00:34:07.567 --> 00:34:13.427
us doing something together, connecting,
and whereas you're right, you, another

00:34:13.427 --> 00:34:15.627
option is you just get in the car
and you just go where you're going.

00:34:15.967 --> 00:34:16.317
But,

00:34:16.317 --> 00:34:16.527
Michael: Right.

00:34:16.527 --> 00:34:19.567
Craig: but, but when you're intentional,
you can all of a sudden create something

00:34:19.577 --> 00:34:23.147
that's really fun and really connecting,
and that your kid will be like, "Oh,

00:34:23.147 --> 00:34:27.007
yeah, my dad was great to be around
because we did this, we did this."

00:34:27.027 --> 00:34:31.677
And, but it wasn't that just that we did
things, it was he paid attention to me.

00:34:32.157 --> 00:34:32.737
He cared.

00:34:32.997 --> 00:34:36.227
He, like, the quality of our
connection mattered to him.

00:34:36.627 --> 00:34:39.297
And they won't know it as kids, but
when they're adults and they look

00:34:39.297 --> 00:34:41.207
back, they will clearly know it.

00:34:41.897 --> 00:34:42.947
Michael: Yeah, absolutely.

00:34:42.947 --> 00:34:46.447
I think what's really important
about this is that you're not

00:34:46.447 --> 00:34:47.567
just doing this for your kids.

00:34:47.567 --> 00:34:49.337
You're also doing it for yourself, right?

00:34:49.347 --> 00:34:53.707
If you're, you're doing it right, your
kids benefit, but you also benefit, right?

00:34:53.707 --> 00:34:57.637
You are getting just as much out of
this, if not more, of just, like,

00:34:58.447 --> 00:35:02.057
getting that connection with your
kids, developing this relationship,

00:35:02.347 --> 00:35:04.227
learning from them, seeing them grow.

00:35:04.237 --> 00:35:07.877
Like, there's so much satisfaction
involved in all of that, right?

00:35:07.877 --> 00:35:13.257
So you can choose to make that
effort to be more present so that

00:35:13.257 --> 00:35:18.655
you can reap the benefits of being
there in those moments, the good

00:35:18.655 --> 00:35:20.055
moments and the bad moments, right?

00:35:20.275 --> 00:35:23.185
'Cause you'll see them at their lowest,
and then you can see them climb all the

00:35:23.185 --> 00:35:25.155
way back up to their highest, right?

00:35:25.185 --> 00:35:27.095
And that, at least to me,

00:35:27.095 --> 00:35:27.385
Craig: It's the best.

00:35:27.605 --> 00:35:29.010
Michael: as a father, is
like, it's the best, right?

00:35:29.010 --> 00:35:29.165
It's,

00:35:29.165 --> 00:35:29.265
Craig: Yeah.

00:35:29.655 --> 00:35:30.115
Oh, it's the best.

00:35:30.385 --> 00:35:34.815
Michael: they can overcome adversity and
seeing them succeed and how happy they get

00:35:34.815 --> 00:35:36.425
when they, they succeed at these things.

00:35:36.885 --> 00:35:40.035
And, you know, when they're younger
it might not be a, a big thing.

00:35:40.035 --> 00:35:42.365
It's like, oh, they struggled
with tying their shoes, and

00:35:42.365 --> 00:35:43.535
then one day they got it, right?

00:35:43.535 --> 00:35:45.595
It's like, oh, tying your
shoes is no big deal, right?

00:35:45.595 --> 00:35:47.705
You don't think about that once
you learn how to tie your shoes.

00:35:48.065 --> 00:35:50.595
But that moment where they, they
figure out how to tie them and they're

00:35:50.595 --> 00:35:53.515
like, you know, you see that smile
on their face, you see the pride in

00:35:53.515 --> 00:35:56.815
the, that they're carrying, like that
is, those are the moments, right?

00:35:56.815 --> 00:35:59.565
And it, that is the
value of being a father.

00:35:59.565 --> 00:36:01.165
It's like, why did you become a father?

00:36:01.165 --> 00:36:01.725
Craig: Right.

00:36:01.725 --> 00:36:01.955
Right.

00:36:02.015 --> 00:36:06.415
Michael: Most likely it's 'cause you want
to, you know, build this relationship and

00:36:06.495 --> 00:36:06.725
Craig: Yeah.

00:36:06.825 --> 00:36:10.655
Michael: live this life with these, these
people you're bringing into the world to

00:36:10.875 --> 00:36:15.365
do cool things and have these experiences
and have these memories in this time.

00:36:15.905 --> 00:36:16.935
But it's a choice, and…

00:36:17.415 --> 00:36:18.225
Craig: Oh, totally.

00:36:18.285 --> 00:36:19.495
It totally is a choice, right.

00:36:19.495 --> 00:36:21.525
And we can, and that's the thing,
is we can empower that choice.

00:36:21.835 --> 00:36:24.495
You know, like when I, when I was a
kid, if I woke up in the middle of

00:36:24.495 --> 00:36:28.375
the night not feeling well, it, I
wouldn't even consider going to my dad.

00:36:28.665 --> 00:36:29.865
Like, it was always Mom.

00:36:30.005 --> 00:36:31.135
Always Mom, always Mom.

00:36:31.275 --> 00:36:35.245
And I will tell you now, like, when, when
my daughter, if she's not feeling well,

00:36:35.265 --> 00:36:38.275
like, and she's got a great relationship
with her mom, so like, it's not that.

00:36:38.585 --> 00:36:41.585
But in the middle of the night,
if she's not feeling well, she

00:36:41.595 --> 00:36:42.975
will often, she'll come to me.

00:36:43.235 --> 00:36:45.875
And like, that would've never
happened when I was a kid.

00:36:45.895 --> 00:36:48.105
And I, and I like, I do
take great pride in that.

00:36:48.105 --> 00:36:52.195
Like, awesome that my daughter feels
so safe and so comfortable with me.

00:36:52.365 --> 00:36:55.055
She knows that I am a place
that she can always go to.

00:36:55.205 --> 00:36:56.185
She can wake me up.

00:36:56.385 --> 00:36:58.665
She can do, you know, any of that.

00:36:58.665 --> 00:37:01.355
Like, I, I just think that
that's such a cool thing.

00:37:01.355 --> 00:37:05.335
And I, I love that framing there,
Michael, of like, you know, it's a choice.

00:37:05.555 --> 00:37:05.945
It's a choice.

00:37:05.985 --> 00:37:10.225
So how do we wanna choose to be fathers,
and what is it we're really after?

00:37:10.235 --> 00:37:11.715
Like, what's the ultimate goal here?

00:37:11.715 --> 00:37:12.555
And you're right.

00:37:12.555 --> 00:37:15.675
And when we get intentional about it
and we feel that connection, we feel

00:37:15.675 --> 00:37:18.595
that love, ah, it is the absolute best.

00:37:19.625 --> 00:37:20.135
Michael: 100%.

00:37:20.175 --> 00:37:21.015
Couldn't agree with you more.

00:37:21.285 --> 00:37:26.005
So I'm curious, like, y-, you've talked
a lot about your A to E parenting method.

00:37:26.435 --> 00:37:30.475
I was hoping you'd kind of just give
us a, at least a broad overview of, of

00:37:30.475 --> 00:37:34.195
that framework and kinda why it works,
because, you know, the energy that,

00:37:34.195 --> 00:37:38.675
that you talk about as a father, you
know, the way that you're coming across.

00:37:38.675 --> 00:37:40.605
And the way that, you know,
this whole conversation, I, I

00:37:40.605 --> 00:37:42.185
just feel is a very high energy.

00:37:42.185 --> 00:37:45.843
Like, we both get excited
about fatherhood, right?

00:37:45.843 --> 00:37:46.763
And about being dads.

00:37:46.993 --> 00:37:49.903
And it, I want other dads
to have that same feeling.

00:37:50.553 --> 00:37:55.983
How does the A to E parenting
method work, like, overall?

00:37:55.983 --> 00:37:59.493
Like, I know you can, there's
a lot more detail to it, but

00:37:59.493 --> 00:38:00.453
can you give us kind of a…

00:38:00.723 --> 00:38:00.983
Craig: Yeah.

00:38:00.983 --> 00:38:01.573
I'll give you the overview.

00:38:01.873 --> 00:38:02.303
Yeah.

00:38:02.793 --> 00:38:06.403
You know, and, and it's funny
because I realize I had actually been

00:38:06.803 --> 00:38:10.333
using it a lot with the, you know,
thousands of kids I work with in

00:38:10.333 --> 00:38:11.943
the summer camps I run and all that.

00:38:12.833 --> 00:38:16.723
But it was really when I, when my
son was born and we got the autism

00:38:16.723 --> 00:38:21.613
diagnosis and we started working with a
lot of experts so I could learn how to

00:38:21.613 --> 00:38:27.173
maximize my connection with my son that
it, it was given, really given a name.

00:38:27.203 --> 00:38:30.073
And that is, like, if you wanna connect
with your son, this is even before he was

00:38:30.073 --> 00:38:32.893
verbal, like, you have to have big affect.

00:38:32.933 --> 00:38:35.623
You have to have, your affect
has gotta be… You know?

00:38:35.623 --> 00:38:38.923
So you can't just walk around, like,
with a, like, a face that's like this

00:38:38.923 --> 00:38:41.403
and can't speak in a monotone thing.

00:38:41.683 --> 00:38:44.863
You gotta like, oh, you
know, and get, and get big.

00:38:44.883 --> 00:38:49.133
And, and it was in doing that I realized
I've been doing that with kids anyways

00:38:49.133 --> 00:38:53.033
to, like, you know, make them laugh
or, you know, get their attention

00:38:53.043 --> 00:38:54.473
or what-, whatever it happens to be.

00:38:54.493 --> 00:38:58.003
And so parenting A to E,
the A stands for affect.

00:38:58.333 --> 00:39:03.763
And our affect, in just simple terms,
is how we physically move our bodies

00:39:03.773 --> 00:39:06.823
in, in space and how we use our vocals.

00:39:07.143 --> 00:39:11.563
Like, so how we use our body and
our voice, and that's our affect.

00:39:11.833 --> 00:39:13.523
And that's all we have to
work with on this planet.

00:39:13.523 --> 00:39:17.033
We're, we've got a body and we got
a voice, but if we learn how to

00:39:17.033 --> 00:39:21.263
maximize it, and I'll, I'll give you
one example, and this is, this is a

00:39:21.263 --> 00:39:22.673
little freebie that's in the course.

00:39:23.343 --> 00:39:25.083
But I'll just, I'll give it to
your audience right now 'cause

00:39:25.083 --> 00:39:27.383
it's, it's one of the key things.

00:39:27.383 --> 00:39:29.953
If people don't work with kids, they
may not even think about it or realize

00:39:29.953 --> 00:39:37.253
it, but imagine if every day, Michael,
you walked out of your door and every

00:39:37.263 --> 00:39:41.473
human being that you met was 9'7" tall.

00:39:41.993 --> 00:39:46.363
Like, think about how, like,
intimidating that would be if everybody

00:39:46.583 --> 00:39:51.243
and when, and we forget that when
you're a little kid, that's how

00:39:51.253 --> 00:39:53.133
they experience the world, right?

00:39:53.173 --> 00:39:59.263
And so one of the first things I teach all
of my staff when I'm running camps is to

00:39:59.463 --> 00:40:03.073
physically get down to your kid's level.

00:40:03.103 --> 00:40:05.923
Just physically get down
and notice the difference.

00:40:06.123 --> 00:40:09.453
Like, you'll, they will notice it
and you will notice it in just how

00:40:09.483 --> 00:40:13.533
it feels in your own body, but when
you just lower your body and you

00:40:13.533 --> 00:40:16.563
get eye level, and then if like, if
they're talking to you, they want your

00:40:16.563 --> 00:40:18.293
attention, and you lower your body.

00:40:18.863 --> 00:40:24.413
So that, that's, and so the E stands
for ef-, effect or effectiveness.

00:40:24.433 --> 00:40:28.413
Like, if you, our affect is going
to lead to the effectiveness of

00:40:28.443 --> 00:40:32.693
connection and trust and love and
joy, and the things that hopefully

00:40:32.693 --> 00:40:34.773
we as dads are really after.

00:40:35.093 --> 00:40:39.553
And so that's at the heart of it is, and
that's what I teach in my course, is I

00:40:39.553 --> 00:40:42.673
actually teach how to use your fingers
and your arms and your shoulders and

00:40:42.673 --> 00:40:47.143
your head and your facial expressions,
and the totality of your, your vocal

00:40:47.243 --> 00:40:48.893
range, all the things your voice can do.

00:40:49.223 --> 00:40:53.903
And, and it, and when you, and when
you understand how these things work

00:40:53.903 --> 00:40:57.903
in terms of creating connection,
oh my God, it's, it's amazing.

00:40:57.973 --> 00:41:01.043
And then I've got all these, and then the
other thing in the course, I have these

00:41:01.043 --> 00:41:05.483
14 songs that are recorded, so even if
you're not a singer, you can still sing.

00:41:05.493 --> 00:41:09.013
Our kids love our voices 'cause they,
our, our voices are the voice of love.

00:41:09.293 --> 00:41:11.893
But you could just put on the
recordings and sing with your kid.

00:41:12.163 --> 00:41:13.653
And then I've got these 10 activities.

00:41:13.653 --> 00:41:16.533
But then you also mentioned
like bedtime rituals.

00:41:16.793 --> 00:41:19.883
I have a whole thing on bedtime
rituals and bath time rituals.

00:41:20.313 --> 00:41:25.983
And, and then I have a piece of prose
called The Glider, and I wrote it

00:41:26.063 --> 00:41:29.093
when I had to give away the glider
that I'd rocked both my children on,

00:41:29.103 --> 00:41:32.233
and I got really emotional about it,
and I wrote this piece of prose and

00:41:32.233 --> 00:41:36.773
the na-, the narrator was from the
perspective of the glider itself.

00:41:37.233 --> 00:41:42.543
And, and I posted this years ago and on
Facebook, and people just went crazy for

00:41:42.543 --> 00:41:48.073
it, 'cause it just, it, it reminds us of
how fleeting time is, right, and like,

00:41:48.103 --> 00:41:50.313
our kids will never be this age again.

00:41:50.793 --> 00:41:50.823
Michael: Right.

00:41:50.823 --> 00:41:52.363
Craig: Like, they j-, it goes so quick.

00:41:52.383 --> 00:41:56.243
So like, like let's dig into
it and let's, let's enjoy it.

00:41:56.283 --> 00:41:59.593
'Cause it's, we can enjoy it so
much when we really have the kind of

00:41:59.593 --> 00:42:02.553
connection that you and I have been
talking about, when we create that,

00:42:02.663 --> 00:42:04.903
you know, proactively with our kids.

00:42:05.473 --> 00:42:05.553
Michael: Yeah.

00:42:06.083 --> 00:42:06.563
That's great.

00:42:06.623 --> 00:42:08.473
It, it's so cool.

00:42:08.483 --> 00:42:11.373
It, it's a creative outlet and
you don't have to be creative

00:42:11.373 --> 00:42:13.293
to learn from it, right?

00:42:13.303 --> 00:42:16.703
Like, it, I know a lot of dads I
talk to are like, "Hmm, I, maybe

00:42:16.703 --> 00:42:18.073
I'm not a creative type." Right?

00:42:18.073 --> 00:42:20.533
Like they are, maybe they're
more introverted, whatever

00:42:20.533 --> 00:42:21.723
it, it may be, right?

00:42:22.053 --> 00:42:27.043
It, it's not natural for them to have
that big affect, right, but it is

00:42:27.053 --> 00:42:31.953
something that you can learn from and
you can pull from and you can start to,

00:42:32.573 --> 00:42:34.803
you know, instill into your daily life.

00:42:35.223 --> 00:42:38.683
Craig: Yes, and the other thing I want to
say is, is that, you know, you mentioned

00:42:38.703 --> 00:42:42.893
like, and I use this phrase too, like
big affect, is that affect can also be

00:42:42.893 --> 00:42:45.603
really powerful and really small, right?

00:42:45.603 --> 00:42:48.953
I mean, the way, I mean, think about
like, you know, if we had parents who

00:42:48.953 --> 00:42:52.383
when they were really, really pissed
at us, they would like give us a look.

00:42:53.103 --> 00:42:53.163
Michael: Yeah.

00:42:53.233 --> 00:42:53.603
Craig: Right?

00:42:53.853 --> 00:42:56.933
It was maybe s-, like small affect,
but it was just a tilt of the

00:42:56.933 --> 00:43:00.003
head and the way they just, you
know, put their eyes like that.

00:43:00.033 --> 00:43:04.923
Like again, like, but when we become
cognizant of how we're using our affect,

00:43:05.413 --> 00:43:07.783
yeah, it's, it's, it's tremendous.

00:43:07.783 --> 00:43:09.543
And the other thing about
the creative thing is this.

00:43:09.633 --> 00:43:14.323
I want to challenge if any of the dad's,
listeners are saying, "I'm not creative",

00:43:15.153 --> 00:43:16.603
I just want to push back a little bit.

00:43:16.983 --> 00:43:22.163
We're creating all the time, whether we
want to or not, we're, we're creating

00:43:22.163 --> 00:43:23.453
our relationship with our kids.

00:43:23.473 --> 00:43:26.343
Whether we want to or
not, we are creating.

00:43:26.583 --> 00:43:31.123
So my, my challenge is, well, let's
get really intentional about what

00:43:31.123 --> 00:43:34.743
we want to create, and then I've
got tools on how to create that.

00:43:35.623 --> 00:43:40.203
It's a lot more fun, it's a lot more
joyful, and, you know, it's an opportunity

00:43:40.283 --> 00:43:45.443
for, for you and your child to have a,
a great time, you know, and build the

00:43:45.443 --> 00:43:49.783
trust so that when heavier things happen
in their lives, they'll come to you and

00:43:49.783 --> 00:43:53.073
they'll want to come to you and they'll
trust that you're gonna be there for them.

00:43:54.073 --> 00:43:54.743
Michael: Absolutely.

00:43:54.773 --> 00:44:00.773
So aside from claiming not to be
creative, what are, what common mistakes

00:44:00.773 --> 00:44:04.603
do you see parents make when trying
to connect with their kids, you know,

00:44:04.603 --> 00:44:05.723
even if they're well-intentioned?

00:44:07.935 --> 00:44:10.085
Craig: I'm gonna share a story
with you that I think really

00:44:10.085 --> 00:44:12.065
sums it up really, really well.

00:44:12.065 --> 00:44:13.595
And it's something that I still do too.

00:44:13.605 --> 00:44:15.245
Like, this, it's because it's, it's hard.

00:44:15.915 --> 00:44:20.555
I think we invalidate our kids
way more than we ever understand.

00:44:20.595 --> 00:44:26.985
I, I'm gonna give you, so I was working
with this one parent, and she was talking

00:44:26.985 --> 00:44:31.645
about how her teen never opens up about
anything and never really talked to her.

00:44:31.685 --> 00:44:37.365
And, you know, and she shared this
story of, like, when her teen, oh, she

00:44:37.365 --> 00:44:38.665
said her teen needed a haircut, right?

00:44:38.665 --> 00:44:41.575
And so she says to her daughter,
"Hey, why don't you go get a haircut?

00:44:41.605 --> 00:44:43.445
Go, go to this person." Right?

00:44:43.915 --> 00:44:49.145
And her t-, her teen says, "No, I,
I, I hate, like, they give me such a

00:44:49.145 --> 00:44:51.345
bad haircut. I look terrible." Right?

00:44:51.805 --> 00:44:55.675
And the mom, right, and this is the
well-intentioned, beautiful heart.

00:44:55.945 --> 00:44:59.665
The mom, the mom says, "Oh,
honey, no, you, she gave you a

00:44:59.695 --> 00:45:03.515
great haircut last time. She l-,
you looked beautiful." Right?

00:45:03.785 --> 00:45:07.445
And, and s-, you know, if we're not
really cognizant of that, we're like,

00:45:07.455 --> 00:45:10.725
"That's what a beautiful thing for
the mom to say." But if we look deeper

00:45:10.845 --> 00:45:13.265
from your, the teenager perspective,

00:45:13.465 --> 00:45:13.495
Michael: Right.

00:45:13.715 --> 00:45:17.255
Craig: It's like, "Mom doesn't
get me. Mom just invalidated

00:45:17.255 --> 00:45:19.435
my own experience." You know?

00:45:19.525 --> 00:45:23.095
And so I think that's where a
lot of us parents miss, where,

00:45:23.345 --> 00:45:25.085
where our kids don't feel gotten.

00:45:25.095 --> 00:45:27.605
They don't feel un- really,
truly understood by us.

00:45:27.895 --> 00:45:30.795
So, and, and again, I
still make these mistakes.

00:45:30.805 --> 00:45:35.485
It, but I think the more, and, and
again, like validating our kid is

00:45:35.495 --> 00:45:37.605
not the same as agreeing with them.

00:45:37.945 --> 00:45:38.375
You know?

00:45:38.395 --> 00:45:40.355
If we just said something
like, "I hear you.

00:45:40.355 --> 00:45:41.255
I totally get it.

00:45:41.345 --> 00:45:45.495
Like, you feel like you look terrible
after you get a haircut from this person.

00:45:45.505 --> 00:45:49.335
I get it." You know? Just have
them feel like, "Oh, cool.

00:45:49.665 --> 00:45:51.195
Mom gets me, or Dad gets me.

00:45:51.195 --> 00:45:53.105
They understand me." You know?

00:45:54.755 --> 00:45:58.095
Then you can go into, into, like a
deeper connection, deeper conversation

00:45:58.095 --> 00:46:00.815
of like, "Well, let me ask do you
feel like you need a haircut?"

00:46:00.965 --> 00:46:01.325
You know?

00:46:01.325 --> 00:46:03.015
And then you might learn
something about your kid.

00:46:03.285 --> 00:46:09.335
I think the more we can get curious about
who is in front of us, I think the better

00:46:09.335 --> 00:46:13.215
off and the, the deeper and more connected
our relationship will be with our kids.

00:46:13.215 --> 00:46:17.255
And I think invalidating our kids'
experience and not being curious

00:46:17.255 --> 00:46:22.185
enough about what they're truly, truly
going through and experiencing because

00:46:22.185 --> 00:46:26.605
we're so busy, we wanna teach, and we
wanna guide but oftentimes when we do

00:46:26.605 --> 00:46:28.815
that, we're actually closing them off.

00:46:29.795 --> 00:46:30.005
Michael: Yeah.

00:46:31.235 --> 00:46:36.105
It's, it's so well said that,
you know, it's, and it's not just

00:46:36.355 --> 00:46:38.275
between parent and child, right?

00:46:38.725 --> 00:46:44.025
I think even as an, an adult myself
having conversations with other

00:46:44.195 --> 00:46:45.705
adults, you know, I wanna be heard.

00:46:45.745 --> 00:46:47.595
I wanna be felt, right?

00:46:47.595 --> 00:46:48.615
Like, I want to,

00:46:50.709 --> 00:46:53.109
I want people to recognize
like, yes, I am present here.

00:46:53.229 --> 00:46:56.759
Like and, you know, what
I s-, I mean what I say.

00:46:56.759 --> 00:47:01.089
And like, yeah, I, I would want
someone to be like, "Yeah, that

00:47:01.139 --> 00:47:02.719
person gave you a terrible haircut.

00:47:02.719 --> 00:47:07.639
I totally agree with you." Like, "Yes,
I, I hear what you're saying, and I agree

00:47:07.769 --> 00:47:10.799
with you." Or, "I hear what you're saying
that they gave you a terrible haircut,

00:47:10.799 --> 00:47:14.049
but I really like how they, you know,
did your sideburns" or whatever, right?

00:47:14.049 --> 00:47:18.489
And it's like, you know, you could kinda,
it doesn't have to be you always have

00:47:18.489 --> 00:47:20.509
to agree with them completely, right?

00:47:20.509 --> 00:47:20.687
It's…

00:47:20.687 --> 00:47:22.679
Craig: Yeah, and, and, right,
and validation is not the

00:47:22.679 --> 00:47:23.609
same as agreeing, right?

00:47:23.609 --> 00:47:27.319
Because you could still think that they
got a great haircut and they look great,

00:47:27.519 --> 00:47:30.909
and say, "I hear you. You, you thought
they did a terrible job and you didn't

00:47:30.919 --> 00:47:32.269
like the way you looked afterwards."

00:47:32.439 --> 00:47:32.469
Michael: Right.

00:47:32.469 --> 00:47:35.339
Craig: Y-, and you just leave it
at that, and still think like, "I

00:47:35.339 --> 00:47:39.239
don't think that, but I, I totally
get it that you did. I get it. That

00:47:39.239 --> 00:47:40.929
was your actual lived experience."

00:47:41.599 --> 00:47:41.859
Michael: Right.

00:47:41.919 --> 00:47:42.389
Exactly.

00:47:42.419 --> 00:47:45.449
The, the worst thing to hear
is somebody invalidate your

00:47:45.759 --> 00:47:47.349
actual lived experience, right?

00:47:47.359 --> 00:47:47.379
Craig: Yeah.

00:47:47.379 --> 00:47:47.389
Yeah.

00:47:47.389 --> 00:47:49.059
Michael: 'Cause, like, you're
the only one that lived it.

00:47:49.989 --> 00:47:50.229
Craig: Right.

00:47:50.269 --> 00:47:53.499
So here's this teenager who's
probably not gonna, like, share much

00:47:53.509 --> 00:47:54.929
more with this m-, because, like,

00:47:55.059 --> 00:47:55.299
Michael: Right.

00:47:55.339 --> 00:47:59.199
Craig: if, if you're constantly
getting shut down or as if your, your

00:47:59.199 --> 00:48:04.039
experience is not, is not valid or
shouldn't have been that way, then

00:48:04.039 --> 00:48:07.269
you're gonna go seek out people who
will validate your experience, you know?

00:48:07.269 --> 00:48:10.889
And I think that, and again, it's, it's
tricky, but that's a, that's a level of

00:48:10.889 --> 00:48:15.419
consciousness that, that we conscious
parents, like, we wanna raise our game.

00:48:15.419 --> 00:48:16.489
That, that's a place.

00:48:16.499 --> 00:48:18.169
I mean, in terms of that question
that you asked, like, where

00:48:18.169 --> 00:48:19.529
do we often make mistakes?

00:48:19.729 --> 00:48:23.529
It's with a good heart and good
intention, and we, we blow it in shutting

00:48:23.529 --> 00:48:25.099
them down 'cause we invalidate them.

00:48:25.179 --> 00:48:27.819
And, and again, it's not
the same as agreeing.

00:48:27.859 --> 00:48:29.199
I wanna be really clear about that.

00:48:30.359 --> 00:48:30.939
Michael: Absolutely.

00:48:31.219 --> 00:48:32.939
So one last question before
we get into the speed round.

00:48:33.239 --> 00:48:36.899
If a dad listening right now feels like
he's already missed too many moments,

00:48:37.639 --> 00:48:38.609
what would you want him to hear?

00:48:40.703 --> 00:48:43.923
Craig: Well, I, I would
say it's never too late.

00:48:43.923 --> 00:48:48.613
I mean, my, my parents are in their 80s
now and, you know, if, still to this

00:48:48.613 --> 00:48:53.713
day, you know, if they came, if they came
to one of my concerts or they come to

00:48:54.333 --> 00:48:59.453
one of my kids' performances in a play
or they listen to some of my music that

00:48:59.453 --> 00:49:03.283
I've recorded and, and they're like,
"That was beautiful," or, "That was

00:49:03.283 --> 00:49:05.893
great," like, it's, it's never too late.

00:49:05.923 --> 00:49:07.563
You will always be their parent.

00:49:07.743 --> 00:49:12.513
So, and if you feel like you have blown
it up to this point, and y-, and maybe you

00:49:12.513 --> 00:49:16.573
have, like you've made mistakes, you've,
then it's never too late to repair.

00:49:16.573 --> 00:49:19.243
It's never too late to go, "Oh
my God, I've been thinking about

00:49:19.243 --> 00:49:22.703
this, and one, I just want to
say I'm really sorry, you know.

00:49:22.733 --> 00:49:26.233
I can understand that I've hurt you
in this way and I want, you know, from

00:49:26.253 --> 00:49:30.583
this point forward, this is what I wanna
create in our relationship." When we

00:49:30.583 --> 00:49:34.513
take ownership of where we, and take
responsibility for where we have messed

00:49:34.513 --> 00:49:40.153
up and without any, you know, trying to
blame it on them in any way, like the

00:49:40.153 --> 00:49:44.593
place where we truly can be responsible,
I think most human beings that, who have

00:49:44.593 --> 00:49:48.993
a decent heart, if somebody comes to us,
you know, in a authentic way and says,

00:49:49.563 --> 00:49:53.533
"Wow, I'm, like, I've been reflecting,
and now this is what I see and I've got

00:49:53.603 --> 00:49:57.393
a lot of regrets, but moving this point
forward, this is what I'd like to create.

00:49:57.433 --> 00:50:01.363
Are you open to that?" So I
think that's, that's the way.

00:50:01.883 --> 00:50:02.243
Michael: Love that.

00:50:02.243 --> 00:50:04.603
It's never too late to start
a new habit, so if, you know,

00:50:04.633 --> 00:50:04.903
Craig: Right.

00:50:05.003 --> 00:50:11.133
Michael: it doesn't matter if your kids
are 2, 10, 20, 30, whatever, as long

00:50:11.133 --> 00:50:12.933
as you're still around, you know…

00:50:12.943 --> 00:50:14.933
Craig: You got breath,
there's time to love.

00:50:15.313 --> 00:50:15.663
Michael: Right.

00:50:16.123 --> 00:50:17.893
So we're gonna go from the,
the sentimental and serious

00:50:17.893 --> 00:50:19.603
to the not so serious.

00:50:19.983 --> 00:50:22.353
The speed round, five quick questions,
have nothing to do with anything,

00:50:22.363 --> 00:50:25.443
starting with what's the first kids
show theme song that comes to mind?

00:50:27.643 --> 00:50:28.423
Craig: Wonder Pets.

00:50:28.423 --> 00:50:30.203
I used to watch that with my son.

00:50:30.253 --> 00:50:30.403
Michael: Love it.

00:50:30.693 --> 00:50:33.783
Craig: Wonder Pets, I used to watch that
with my, my son all the time, and, and

00:50:33.783 --> 00:50:37.163
we would, and he would do the voices
of those characters, so that was great.

00:50:37.593 --> 00:50:38.063
Michael: That's awesome.

00:50:38.273 --> 00:50:38.623
Love that.

00:50:38.623 --> 00:50:39.993
What was your very first job?

00:50:41.173 --> 00:50:44.143
Craig: My very first job was actually
working for my dad in his office

00:50:44.163 --> 00:50:46.073
and it was really quite boring.

00:50:46.313 --> 00:50:49.543
But I appreciate that he gave me
a job and I was able to earn a

00:50:49.543 --> 00:50:50.813
little bit of money as a teenager.

00:50:52.593 --> 00:50:52.943
Michael: Got it.

00:50:52.943 --> 00:50:55.353
So would you rather spend 24
hours with a toddler-sized

00:50:55.353 --> 00:50:57.023
T-Rex or a T-Rex-sized toddler?

00:51:03.387 --> 00:51:05.037
Craig: I think a T-Rex-sized toddler.

00:51:05.597 --> 00:51:06.237
Michael: Why is that?

00:51:08.667 --> 00:51:12.577
Craig: I, so I, I, I do, I work with,
like, preschoolers and, and little kids.

00:51:12.577 --> 00:51:16.197
Like, I think that even with a
T-Rex-sized toddler, give me a guitar

00:51:16.517 --> 00:51:20.207
and let me do like really goofy
things, I think I can tame them.

00:51:20.357 --> 00:51:22.127
I just, there's a
confidence I've got in that.

00:51:23.507 --> 00:51:24.087
Michael: That's awesome.

00:51:24.477 --> 00:51:25.627
I would love to see that someday.

00:51:27.277 --> 00:51:29.077
You singing to a T-Rex-sized toddler.

00:51:29.797 --> 00:51:32.717
What, what's your go-to karaoke song or
the one you would sing if you had to?

00:51:34.297 --> 00:51:39.467
Craig: Ooh, f-, gosh, "Stairway
to Heaven" is like super fun.

00:51:40.437 --> 00:51:40.917
Michael: Excellent.

00:51:41.027 --> 00:51:42.047
Classic Led Zeppelin.

00:51:42.827 --> 00:51:43.167
Craig: Yeah.

00:51:43.497 --> 00:51:44.537
I'm a guitar player, right?

00:51:44.537 --> 00:51:44.827
I mean,

00:51:44.837 --> 00:51:44.857
Michael: Yeah.

00:51:44.997 --> 00:51:46.127
Craig: you gotta go with some Zeppelin.

00:51:46.387 --> 00:51:46.697
Michael: That's right.

00:51:47.187 --> 00:51:49.237
And fi-, finally, what's the weirdest
thing you've ever carried around

00:51:49.237 --> 00:51:50.957
in your bag, briefcase, or pockets?

00:51:52.347 --> 00:51:54.447
Craig: The, the weirdest thing.

00:51:57.845 --> 00:51:57.935
Gosh.

00:51:58.595 --> 00:52:03.015
Fr-, I don't know, like a, a
capo is kind of a weird thing.

00:52:03.865 --> 00:52:07.685
A-, and that's something guitarists use
to change keys instantly on the fly.

00:52:08.915 --> 00:52:11.905
And that's something that not everybody
necessarily just carries around with them.

00:52:12.645 --> 00:52:12.975
Michael: Sure.

00:52:13.595 --> 00:52:13.955
Yeah.

00:52:14.115 --> 00:52:14.185
Fair enough.

00:52:14.185 --> 00:52:14.745
That makes sense.

00:52:15.645 --> 00:52:16.425
Craig, I appreciate that.

00:52:16.425 --> 00:52:19.155
So for people who connect with your
message today, wanna learn more

00:52:19.155 --> 00:52:22.275
about your work, Parenting Harmony
or anything else you got going on,

00:52:22.285 --> 00:52:23.155
where would you like to send them?

00:52:23.515 --> 00:52:24.065
Where should they go?

00:52:24.065 --> 00:52:24.555
Craig: Yeah.

00:52:24.895 --> 00:52:27.285
So they can go to parentingharmony.com.

00:52:27.495 --> 00:52:31.305
I do have my Parenting A to E
From Stress to Smiles, Turning the

00:52:31.305 --> 00:52:33.215
Mundane into the Memorable course.

00:52:33.885 --> 00:52:39.545
I also, I, I recently came out with a
book of 25 screen-free activities that

00:52:40.225 --> 00:52:43.095
that, that you could do and, and in
that when you click on a link, you'll

00:52:43.095 --> 00:52:47.135
see my daughter and I actually doing
these activities, and it was from a show

00:52:47.135 --> 00:52:49.025
we created called Parks Party Central.

00:52:49.245 --> 00:52:51.725
There's a couple of episode-,
we did 70 episodes of these.

00:52:51.985 --> 00:52:55.085
It was during the pandemic back
when she was like five years old.

00:52:55.565 --> 00:52:56.595
Five and six years old.

00:52:57.755 --> 00:52:59.205
And even, you can check it out on YouTube.

00:52:59.565 --> 00:53:04.975
But if, you can write to me at craig,
craigparks@par- at parentingharmony.com

00:53:05.815 --> 00:53:07.455
if you wanna get in touch with me at all.

00:53:07.805 --> 00:53:11.635
But also on parentingharmony.com,
I have weekly blogs that will

00:53:11.635 --> 00:53:12.875
help you get really present.

00:53:13.545 --> 00:53:15.945
I've got my pod-, all the
podcasts I've been on.

00:53:15.955 --> 00:53:18.015
You can hear more stories.

00:53:18.035 --> 00:53:21.825
But and, and then I've got my,
you know, the, the books and

00:53:21.825 --> 00:53:23.085
the digital course as well.

00:53:23.085 --> 00:53:26.785
But if you need anything, you know, I love
talking parenting as, as you can tell.

00:53:27.285 --> 00:53:31.455
And I do think that, that the better we
become as parents, and that the world

00:53:31.465 --> 00:53:34.925
actually, it ripples out into the world,
and the world becomes more joyful, more

00:53:34.935 --> 00:53:39.035
uplifted, more peaceful, and that is what
I want for all children, to have a more

00:53:39.035 --> 00:53:41.725
peaceful, joyful world to, to grow up in.

00:53:42.725 --> 00:53:43.855
Michael: 100%, I appreciate that.

00:53:43.855 --> 00:53:46.785
We'll have links to all,
all those in the show notes.

00:53:47.245 --> 00:53:49.305
Craig, thank you so much for
taking the time to join me today.

00:53:49.565 --> 00:53:54.675
I appreciate the reminder that, you know,
meaningful parenting isn't just built

00:53:54.685 --> 00:53:56.505
through a handful of big moments, right?

00:53:56.575 --> 00:53:59.935
It's built through the thousands
and thousands of small ones

00:53:59.935 --> 00:54:01.925
that we have over the years.

00:54:01.955 --> 00:54:05.025
I know a lot of dads listening are
going to walk away thinking differently

00:54:05.025 --> 00:54:07.925
about how they show up at home, and
I'm, I'm grateful you shared your, your

00:54:07.925 --> 00:54:09.215
perspective and experience with us.

00:54:09.215 --> 00:54:10.745
So thank you so much again.

00:54:10.745 --> 00:54:11.475
I appreciate it.

00:54:11.855 --> 00:54:13.955
And finally, before you go, if you're
a dad listening to this and you

00:54:13.955 --> 00:54:16.595
find yourself in between, navigating
a season that feels different,

00:54:16.905 --> 00:54:19.595
head to gaptogig.com, subscribe
to the Gap to Gig newsletter.

00:54:19.605 --> 00:54:22.905
It comes out every Friday, and it's a
quieter space to reflect on work, life,

00:54:22.945 --> 00:54:24.135
and what really matters right now.

00:54:24.145 --> 00:54:26.885
And if this conversation resonated,
consider sending it to another

00:54:26.885 --> 00:54:27.905
dad who might need to hear it.

00:54:28.265 --> 00:54:29.655
Until next time, I'm Michael Jacobs.

00:54:29.655 --> 00:54:31.925
Thanks for showing up and
listening to Gap to Gig.