What If the Lesson Isn’t Working Yet?
You’re Raising More Than a ChildInside this issue
On My MindIt’s easy to judge yourself as a dad by what happened today. Did they listen? Did they handle the setback well? Did you stay patient when they tested every ounce of it? Did the lesson you’ve repeated a hundred times finally seem to stick? Most days, that’s all we can see. We measure ourselves by the conversation that didn’t go well, the game that ended in tears, or the frustration we wish we’d handled differently. It’s easy to walk away wondering whether anything we’re trying to teach is actually making a difference. The problem is that fatherhood isn’t measured in days. The conversations, examples, and values we share with our kids often don’t reveal their impact until years later. This week’s guest, Stephen Clifford, has spent a lot of time thinking about that challenge. As an author, youth coach, and dad, he’s passionate about helping kids build resilience, accountability, confidence, and courage. But underneath all of those ideas is something even bigger: the belief that our job isn’t to control every outcome. It’s to prepare our kids for a future where we’re no longer standing beside them. He shared a story about his son becoming frustrated after a bad strike call in a baseball game. Instead of turning it into a lecture, Stephen asked a simple question they’d practiced before: “Are you a volcano?” His son answered, “No.” Then came the follow-up: “Who’s in control?” “I am.” The phrase itself is simple. What makes it powerful is that they’d practiced it long before that moment. Stephen wasn’t trying to find the perfect words in the heat of the moment. He was giving his son something familiar to reach for until that response eventually became his own. That same idea showed up throughout our conversation. Stephen talked about teaching his kids to ride bikes without training wheels because he wanted them to experience small failures in a safe environment. He talked about how one child responds best to structure while another needs more encouragement. He even admitted that, like every parent, he sometimes wonders whether he’s handling things the right way. I think every dad knows that feeling. We repeat ourselves. We stay consistent. We try to model the behavior we hope they’ll adopt. And sometimes it feels like nothing is changing. Maybe that’s because we’re expecting today’s lesson to produce today’s result. Stephen put it this way: “You can have such impact on people you haven’t even met yet.” He was talking about grandchildren and great-grandchildren. About raising children who will eventually raise children of their own. It was a reminder that the conversations we’re having today, the examples we’re setting, and the values we’re trying to model may reach much farther than we’ll ever see. We’re raising more than a child. We’re raising a future spouse. A future parent. A future friend, coworker, and neighbor. Someone who will one day make decisions without us, face setbacks without us, and hopefully hear a small part of our voice reminding them what matters. That’s the long game of fatherhood. Teach the Principle, Not the SituationEvery parenting challenge arrives disguised as a moment. It’s the messy bedroom. The bad grade. The argument with a sibling. The strikeout. The forgotten chore. It’s easy to focus on solving the immediate problem because that’s what’s demanding our attention. But as Stephen and I talked, I realized those moments are usually just the setting. The real lesson is almost always something bigger. Why it MattersOne of the things I appreciated most about my conversation with Stephen was that he wasn’t really talking about baseball, bike riding, or chore charts. Those were simply the situations where bigger lessons showed up. A missed strike call became an opportunity to practice emotional regulation. Learning to ride a bike without training wheels became an opportunity to build resilience. A simple checklist became a way to build ownership and responsibility. The situation changes. The principle stays the same. When we focus only on solving today’s problem, we often miss the opportunity to teach something our kids can carry into every area of life. How to Do ItThe next time you find yourself correcting your child, pause before jumping straight to the solution. Instead, ask yourself one simple question: “What’s the principle I’m actually trying to teach?” Maybe the issue isn’t really about the messy bedroom. Maybe it’s responsibility. Maybe it isn’t about the bad grade. Maybe it’s preparation. Maybe it isn’t about the argument with a sibling. Maybe it’s respect. Once you’re clear on the principle, your response becomes much simpler because you’re no longer trying to fix one isolated moment. You’re reinforcing a lesson your child will encounter again and again throughout life. Why it WorksSituations come and go, but principles travel. A child who learns responsibility through chores may one day apply that same lesson at work. A child who learns emotional regulation on a baseball field may eventually lean on that same skill during a difficult conversation with a spouse, a coworker, or even one of their own children. That’s why parenting is such a long game. The moments pass quickly, but the principles have a chance to last. Pro TipBefore you respond, try finishing this sentence: “I hope my child learns…” Your answer will often reveal the principle that’s more important than the problem itself. Catch the EchoWhy it Matters One of the most honest moments in my conversation with Stephen had nothing to do with his son; it had to do with him. After a questionable strike call, Stephen reacted from the sidelines. His son saw his dad’s frustration, and suddenly his own reaction felt justified. Stephen admitted, “I think he looked at me reacting and got even more upset.” That’s a moment every parent has experienced. We focus so much on correcting our kids that we sometimes forget they’re watching how we handle the exact same situation. How to Do It The next time you feel yourself getting frustrated, don’t immediately ask, “How do I get them to calm down?” Instead, ask yourself: “If my child copies my next 30 seconds exactly, am I okay with that?” You may still be frustrated. You may still need to correct the behavior. But taking one breath before responding often changes the tone of the entire interaction. Why it Works Kids learn emotional regulation by watching it before they can practice it themselves. That doesn’t mean pretending you aren’t disappointed or frustrated. It means showing them what it looks like to experience those emotions without letting them take over. Pro Tip Your kids don’t need a dad who never gets frustrated. They need a dad who knows how to recover. If you lose your cool, own it, apologize if it’s warranted, and show them what it looks like to reset. Time to Sprint: Celebrate What Matters MostSometimes the most important lessons we teach aren’t the ones we say out loud. They’re the ones we reinforce through our attention. Every time we celebrate something, we’re sending a quiet message about what matters. Over time, those moments begin to shape how our kids define success for themselves. Why it Matters Every parent celebrates the big moments. The game-winning goal. The great report card. The college acceptance. Those milestones absolutely deserve to be celebrated, but if those are the only moments we recognize, it’s easy for our kids to believe that results matter more than the character traits that produced them. Stephen kept bringing the conversation back to something deeper: long before he worries about whether his son got the hit, he’s thinking about the kind of man his son is becoming. That shift changes what he notices, what he praises, and ultimately what his son learns to value. How to Do It Minutes 0–10: Notice what you praise Think back over the past week and write down five moments when you praised your child. Don’t overthink it. Just capture the moments that come to mind first. Those examples will usually reveal what naturally gets your attention. Minutes 10–15: Look for the pattern Now look for patterns. Were you mostly celebrating outcomes like grades, goals, or accomplishments? Or were you recognizing qualities such as persistence, honesty, kindness, responsibility, or courage? Neither answer is wrong, but it’s worth noticing because repeated praise communicates what we value. Minutes 15–20: Choose one quality to reinforce Choose one character trait you’d like to reinforce more intentionally over the next week. Rather than waiting for a major achievement, look for everyday opportunities to acknowledge that quality when you see it. Those small moments often leave the biggest impression. Bonus 5 Minutes: Tell them why Think of one moment this week when your child demonstrates the character trait you want to reinforce. Instead of simply saying, “Good job,” tell them why it mattered. For example, instead of saying, “I’m proud of you,” try, “I noticed you kept going even after it got frustrating. That’s the kind of perseverance that will serve you well your whole life.” Why it Works Children pay attention to what earns our attention. When we consistently recognize effort, resilience, honesty, and responsibility, we’re reinforcing the qualities that produce success instead of only celebrating the success itself. Pro Tip Celebrate the character that produced the achievement, not just the achievement itself. Your MoveWhat’s something you understand now that you wish you’d understood as a kid? Hit reply and let me know. I read every response. Connect with StephenStephen Clifford is the author of the Forgotten Wisdom children’s book series, a youth coach, speaker, and father who is passionate about helping kids build resilience, accountability, confidence, and courage through stories they can actually relate to. Beyond his books, Stephen also created Taylor’s Job Safari, a family project where his daughter interviews people from all kinds of professions to learn what they do, how they got there, and the lessons they’ve learned along the way. It’s a thoughtful reminder that curiosity may be one of the most valuable skills we can help our kids develop. Follow Stephen On his website: https://www.forgottenwisdombooks.com On Amazon: https://amzn.to/4wHLaRJ On Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/forgottenwisdombooks/ On YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ForgottenWisdomBooks-cv3ie On LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephenaclifford/ Taylor’s Job Safari on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taylorsjobsafari Taylor’s Job Safari on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TaylorsJobSafari On the Show This WeekContinue the ConversationMost of us hope our kids will know how to handle adversity when life inevitably throws it their way. The challenge is that resilience isn’t built through a single conversation. It’s shaped over time through setbacks, repeated lessons, and the examples we set every day. This week, Stephen Clifford and I talk about helping kids navigate failure, why emotional regulation has to be practiced before it’s needed, and why the small lessons we repeat over and over often shape our kids far more than the big conversations we hope they’ll remember. We also explore balancing ambition with gratitude, adapting your parenting to each child’s personality, and what it really means to play the long game as a dad. In this episode, we discuss:
Check it Out🎧 Stephen Clifford on Raising Resilient Kids as a Working Dad Listen on your favorite podcast platform The Last LaughIt’s not always as easy as it looks… #BadNewsBears #ViralVideos #MovieQuotes #MovieMemes #FunnyTikTok |
