What Your Kids Won’t Learn in School
The Skills That Prepare Them for LifeInside this issue
On My MindYour kids may tune out your advice, but they rarely stop studying your example. They notice how you talk to the cashier when the line is moving slowly. They see whether you put your phone down when someone else is speaking. They watch what happens when work gets hard, plans fall apart, or you make a mistake. Long before they can explain what they’re learning, they’re collecting evidence about how adults move through the world. This week, I talked with Rob Heller, an entrepreneur, youth development innovator, and founder of Boost, a personal development program that helps teens and young adults build the people skills, character, and healthy mindset that traditional education can overlook. Rob first created Boost about 20 years ago because he wanted to reinforce those skills with his own children. He wanted them to do well in school, of course, but he also knew that grades alone wouldn’t teach them how to connect with people, recover from setbacks, set meaningful goals, or become someone others could trust. During our conversation, Rob put the responsibility facing dads in simple terms: “You need to be the role model because even if they’re tuning you out or it feels like they’re tuning you out, they are watching.” It’s easy to assume our kids will pick these things up on their own. We hope they’ll become confident, resilient, thoughtful people through some combination of school, sports, friendships, and experience. Those environments can help, but hope isn’t much of a teaching strategy. Our example is part of the curriculum. That doesn’t mean we need to perform every moment of fatherhood perfectly. Our kids can learn something valuable from seeing us struggle, acknowledge a mistake, ask for help, and keep going. In fact, those imperfect moments may be some of the most useful lessons we give them. School can teach our kids how to read, write, study, and think. It can open doors and introduce possibilities, but some of the lessons that will shape their adulthood are happening much closer to home, often when we don’t even realize class is in session. Teach the Skills That Don’t Show Up on a Report CardA strong report card can tell you that your child understands algebra, remembers historical facts, or turns in assignments on time. It can’t tell you whether they know how to make another person feel seen, respond to disappointment, or take responsibility when they get something wrong. These skills shape friendships, careers, leadership, and family life. They deserve the same kind of attention we give academics and activities. Why it MattersPeople skills help kids connect, listen, and communicate. Character influences how they treat people and the choices they make when no one is watching. A healthy mindset helps them work through stress, setbacks, and the inevitable periods when life doesn’t go according to plan. Rob organizes these overlooked skills into three areas: people skills, character, and a healthy mindset. He describes them as the three legs of a stool because each one supports the others. How to Teach ThemStart by choosing one skill instead of trying to prepare your child for every part of adulthood at once. If you want to work on connection, coach them before a family gathering. Share two things they can ask a relative about, then let them take it from there. If you want to work on responsibility, give them space to solve a manageable problem before you step in. Stay available, but resist the urge to clear every obstacle from their path. If you want to work on resilience, let them hear how you’re handling one of your own challenges. You don’t need to share every detail. You can simply say, “I’m going through a tough time, but I know I’m going to get through it.” Why it WorksGeneral advice is easy to ignore. A specific skill, practiced in a real situation, gives kids something they can use and improve. Rob compared it to athletics or music. Watching a game won’t make you a better athlete, and attending a concert won’t teach you to play an instrument. Growth comes through practice, mistakes, feedback, and another attempt. Life skills work the same way. Pro TipCoach behind the scenes. Correcting your child in front of friends or relatives can turn a useful lesson into an embarrassing moment. A quiet conversation before or after the situation keeps the focus on growth. The Two-Minute Social PrepWhy it Matters It’s easy to tell a child to “go talk to people” or “be more confident.” The problem is that those instructions don’t give them much to work with, especially if starting conversations doesn’t come naturally. Rob shared a simple habit his mom used before family gatherings. On the way there, she would tell him what was happening in the lives of the people they were about to see. He arrived with a few questions ready, which made it easier to connect. Why it Works Good conversation often begins before anyone says hello. A little preparation lowers the pressure of finding something to say and helps a child place their attention on the other person. As Rob said, “It’s about other people. It’s not about you.” Try This Before your next gathering, carpool, school event, or visit, take two minutes to give your child a conversational head start. Share:
It could be as simple as, “Your cousin just started a new job. Ask him what his favorite thing about it is so far,” or, “Grandma went to a concert last weekend. Ask her what her favorite song was.” Then model the same behavior yourself. Greet people with energy, remember something from your last conversation, and ask a follow-up question before shifting the attention back to yourself. Pro Tip Two questions are enough. The goal isn’t to hand your child a script. You’re helping them get through the hardest part, which is usually knowing how to begin. Time to Sprint: Let Them See You Work Through ItWe often protect our kids from the difficulties we’re facing because we don’t want them to worry. That instinct makes sense, but it can also hide the very process we want them to learn. Why it Matters Kids need to know that stress, mistakes, and setbacks are normal parts of life. They also need to see what it looks like to move through them without blaming everyone else, giving up, or pretending nothing is wrong. Rob wishes he had understood sooner that “you’re gonna have to struggle to grow.” We can give our kids that perspective earlier by letting them see the process, not just the polished outcome. How to Do It Minutes 0–5: Choose the Challenge Pick one real situation you’re currently working through. Choose something your child can understand without needing details that would make them feel responsible for fixing it. It might be:
Minutes 5–10: Name Your Response Write down how you want to handle the situation. Focus on the behavior you want your child to see. Maybe you need to ask someone for help, have a difficult conversation, adjust your plan, apologize, or try again after an approach didn’t work. Minutes 10–15: Share the Right-Sized Version Explain the situation in a few sentences. Keep it honest and age appropriate. You could say, “Something I tried at work didn’t go the way I hoped. I’m disappointed, but I’m looking at what I can learn and deciding what to try next.” Or, “Our plans changed, and I’m frustrated. I’m going to take a few minutes, figure out what we can control, and make a new plan.” Minutes 15–20: Follow Through Take one visible action. Send the message, write down the next step, make the call, revise the plan, or ask for help. Then return to the conversation later. Tell your child what happened and what you learned, even if the problem hasn’t been completely resolved. Why it Works Resilience is difficult to understand as an abstract idea. When kids see you acknowledge a challenge and take the next step, they get a practical example they can draw on later. They also learn that confidence doesn’t require certainty. Sometimes confidence is simply trusting that you can respond to whatever comes next. Pro Tip Keep your child in the role of observer, not rescuer. The purpose is to show them how you work through a challenge, not to make them responsible for your emotional well-being. Your MoveWhat’s one life skill you want to be more intentional about modeling for your kids? Hit reply and let me know. I read every response. Connect with RobRob Heller is an entrepreneur, youth development innovator, and founder of Boost, a personal development program for teens and young adults. Boost helps young people build people skills, character, and a healthy mindset through discussion, role-play, practice, and feedback. Rob is also the author of The Missing Course for Today’s Youth, a resource written to help adults teach these skills to the next generation. The book includes practical lessons and worksheets that parents, educators, and youth leaders can use. Follow Rob On his website: https://boostprogram.com/ On Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/boost_program/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/boostkids/ On YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Boost_Program On TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@boost_program On LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/boost-program1/ On his newsletter: https://boostprogram.com/newsletter Read his book, The Missing Course for Today's Youth: https://amzn.to/3RD7YmB On the Show This WeekContinue the ConversationRob and I talked about the skills young people need long after the grades, practices, and applications are behind them. We also looked honestly at the role dads play in teaching those skills through our choices, reactions, habits, and relationships. We covered:
Check it Out🎧 Rob Heller on the Lessons Every Working Dad Shouldn't Leave to School Listen on your favorite podcast platform The Last LaughDon’t judge how we sit down… |
