Your Kids Can Tell When Work Follows You Home
The State You Bring HomeInside this issue
On My MindThe workday can end long before your body realizes it. Stress from a difficult meeting, an unfinished project, or tomorrow’s deadline can stay with you well after you close the laptop. Your kids notice it in the phone still in your hand, the tension in your voice, and the half-answers you give while your mind remains somewhere else. This week’s guest, Mitesh Khatri, knows that feeling. Mitesh is a Melbourne-based father of two, corporate strategist, and author of Fight or Father: Using CALM to Stop Reacting and Start Connecting. For years, he believed being a good dad meant working hard, providing for his family, and being there whenever he could. Then, on a Saturday afternoon, his six-year-old son looked up from the kitchen table and said, “You’re always on your phone, Dad.” Mitesh’s first response was defensive. He told his son he wasn’t, even though the phone was still in his hand. A few seconds later, the weight of the moment set in. As Mitesh told me, his son had “seen me more clearly than probably I’d seen myself.” That moment forced him to examine the difference between being physically present and being emotionally available. He realized that putting the phone away was only part of the answer. Work stress, anxiety, and the pressure of modern fatherhood were still following him into the room. The quality of the time we spend with our kids depends heavily on what we bring into the room. An hour with your kids won’t feel like quality time when you’re distracted, depleted, or ready to snap. Ten or fifteen minutes of genuine attention can mean far more when you’re calm enough to enter their world. Mitesh found his way back through breathwork, movement, running, and a better understanding of his nervous system. Those practices helped him quiet the noise in his head and show up with more energy at home and at work. Most of us will never feel completely free of stress, but we can still learn how to keep it from deciding who gets the best of us. Start With Your StateWhy it MattersPresence gets framed as a time-management problem. We look for another open hour, promise to put the phone away, or try to force ourselves to focus. Those choices can help, but they’re much harder to sustain when our bodies are still carrying the stress of the day. Mitesh explained that you can spend an hour with your kids while distracted, reactive, and mentally somewhere else. A calm and connected 15 minutes may offer more than that entire hour because your kids experience the quality of your attention. How to StartBefore entering the next part of your day, pause and ask:
Then take two short breaths in and one long breath out. Repeat the pattern a few times. Mitesh said that within 10 or 15 seconds, he can feel himself “putting the brakes on, slowing down.” Why it WorksStress prepares the body to respond to a threat. At work, that threat may be a difficult call, a demanding client, or a deadline you’re worried about missing. The moment passes, but your body may continue operating as though the danger is still there. Changing your physical state gives your mind a chance to follow. A slower breath, a short walk, or a few minutes of movement can help create the space you need to respond with intention. Pro TipAttach the reset to a transition that already happens every day. Use the walk from your car, the closing of your laptop, or the few steps from your workspace to the kitchen as a reminder. A reliable cue makes it easier to practice before stress takes over. The 15-Minute Connection WindowMitesh made an important distinction between structured family time and genuine connection. Driving your child to practice, helping with homework, or sitting beside them during an activity may put you in the same place, but it doesn’t always bring you into their world. Why it Matters Kids don’t outgrow the need for our attention, but the way they invite us into their lives changes. A younger child may ask you to build Lego or sit on the floor and play. An older child may want to show you a video, talk while you’re driving, shoot baskets, or have you nearby while they do something they enjoy. Those moments can be easy to dismiss because they don’t always look significant. They’re often how our kids test whether we’re available and interested in their world. Mitesh described this kind of unstructured time as “the real connection time.” A short period of undivided attention gives your child room to lead, regardless of their age. It also removes the pressure to plan a memorable activity every time you want to connect. How to Use It Choose a 15-minute window when you can put your phone away and follow your child’s lead. Ask what they’re doing, join without taking over, and let their interest guide the conversation or activity. The details will change as your kids get older. With a young child, it may mean sitting on the floor and playing. With an older child or teenager, it could mean listening to a song they like, watching a show together, shooting baskets, or asking them to teach you something. Why it Works Your child receives your full attention without having to compete for it. You also learn more about what interests them, what they’re thinking about, and how they prefer to connect. Fifteen focused minutes are easier to protect than an open-ended block of family time. The clear boundary also makes it easier to put everything else aside and participate fully. Pro Tip Don’t arrive with an agenda or turn the time into a lesson. Let your child decide what happens. Your job is to be curious, engaged, and available. Time to Sprint: Build Your Presence PlanWhy it Matters Good intentions tend to disappear during stressful transitions. A simple plan makes it easier to recognize what pulls you away and decide what you’ll do when it happens again. How to Do It Minutes 0–5: Identify one moment when you’re often physically present but emotionally elsewhere Think about the first few minutes after work, dinner, bedtime, or a weekend activity. Choose one recurring moment where distraction or stress tends to follow you. Minutes 5–10: Name what you’re carrying into that moment Write down the thoughts, physical sensations, and habits that show up. Maybe you’re checking email, replaying a conversation, or feeling tension in your shoulders. Minutes 10–15: Choose your reset Pick one action you can complete in less than two minutes. Try three rounds of two short breaths in and one long breath out, a walk around the block, a quick stretch, or 60 seconds without your phone. Minutes 15–20: Decide how you’ll reconnect Choose one small action that communicates your attention. Sit on the floor and join the game. Ask your child to show you what they’re making. Put the phone in another room and listen without trying to solve anything. Why it Works This sprint connects a predictable trigger with a specific response. You won’t have to invent a plan while stressed because you’ll already know what to notice, what to do, and who you want to be in that moment. Pro Tip Run the same plan for one week before changing it. Mitesh started with short stretches of running and walking, then adjusted his routine as he learned what was sustainable. Let repetition show you what works. Your MoveWhat helps you leave the stress of work behind and become more present at home? Hit reply and let me know. I read every response. Connect with MiteshMitesh Khatri is a Melbourne-based father of two, corporate strategist, and author who helps dads understand how nervous system regulation can change the way they show up at home. His work grew from his own experience of feeling physically present but emotionally absent. In Fight or Father: Using CALM to Stop Reacting and Start Connecting, Mitesh offers practical ways for fathers to become calmer, more connected, and more intentional in the moments that matter. Follow Mitesh On his website: https://fightorfather.com Read his book, Fight or Father: Using CALM to Stop Reacting and Start Connecting: 🇺🇸 https://link.amazon/B0a7Cryrn 🇦🇺 https://amazon.com.au/dp/176463442X or https://amazon.com.au/dp/B0H2TNCKDG On the Show This WeekContinue the ConversationThis week on Gap to Gig, I sat down with Mitesh Khatri to talk about the moment his son exposed a pattern he could no longer ignore and the changes that helped him become more emotionally present. Mitesh made the idea of presence practical. He isn’t asking dads to find hours they don’t have. He shows how breathwork, movement, and small transition rituals can change the quality of the time that’s already available. We get into:
If you’ve ever walked through the door while your mind was still at work, this conversation will help you create a better transition. Check it Out🎧 Mitesh Khatri on Becoming More Present as a Working Dad Listen on your favorite podcast platform The Last LaughApparently, “still got it” requires approval from your hamstrings. |
