Who Do You Call When Life Gets Heavy?
You Weren’t Meant to Carry It AloneInside this issue
On My MindNobody tells you that friendship eventually becomes a scheduling problem. When we’re younger, friendships form almost accidentally. We sit next to someone in class, join the same team, work the same summer job, or live down the hall from each other. We spend enough unplanned time together that connection has room to develop without anyone managing it. Adulthood gradually removes those built-in opportunities. Work takes up most of the day. Kids have practices, activities, appointments, and places they need to be. There’s dinner to make, a house to maintain, errands to run, and a relationship at home that deserves our attention. The care we have for our friends may remain, but the shared time starts disappearing. A few weeks between conversations becomes a few months. Before long, catching up requires comparing calendars and looking for an opening weeks away. This week, I talked with Jason Lange, a men’s embodiment coach, group facilitator, evolutionary guide, and father of two. Jason helps men move beyond the lone wolf mindset and build stronger relationships with other men, something that becomes increasingly difficult and important as we get older. I’ve always been an introvert, so time alone genuinely restores me. I like reading, walking, and having space to think. At the same time, enjoying solitude doesn’t eliminate my need for friendship. I recently had brunch with a friend I grew up with who now lives halfway across the country. We hadn’t seen each other in a couple of years, but within a few minutes, we were revisiting old stories and remembering experiences that almost nobody else in our lives shared. That time together gave me renewed energy. It reminded me that different relationships hold different parts of our lives. Childhood friends remember versions of us that newer friends never knew, while more recent friendships reflect the people we’re becoming now. As my kids have gotten older, I’ve also noticed fewer natural opportunities to meet other dads. When kids are young, playdates, school events, birthday parties, and activities regularly put parents in the same place. Sometimes friendships develop through those repeated interactions without much effort. Those opportunities change as kids become more independent. Parents spend less time coordinating playdates or standing together at practices. We may get some time back, but we also lose an environment that regularly introduced us to new people. The older I get, the more I understand that friendships rarely maintain themselves. Someone has to send the text, suggest breakfast, schedule the call, or ask the question that moves the conversation beyond the usual updates. The opportunities may no longer happen naturally. Creating them intentionally is how we keep the relationships that matter from quietly disappearing. Build a Stronger Relationship CircuitMost dads don’t need dozens of new friends, but they do need a few relationships beyond home where honesty, support, and accountability can exist alongside the usual conversations about work, sports, parenting, and life. Why it MattersA narrow relationship network leaves very few places to go when work becomes uncertain, a marriage hits a difficult stretch, or you’re struggling with a decision. You may keep turning the problem over in your own head or place more pressure on the person closest to you. A broader network gives you access to different kinds of support:
Each relationship contributes something different. Together, they create a stronger support system. How to Build ItStart by thinking about the people already in your life. Write down three names:
One person may fit all three categories, but they don’t have to. The goal is to see where connection already exists and where your circuit may need another connection. Next, choose one relationship and move the conversation one level deeper. Share something real about work, fatherhood, your health, your relationship, or a decision you’ve been carrying. You don’t need to unload everything at once. Give the other person a chance to meet you with the same level of honesty. Why it WorksDepth usually grows through repetition. A single meaningful conversation can open the door, but trust develops when people continue showing up, sharing honestly, and following through. Jason described a men’s group as “a structure that facilitates depth.” You can borrow that principle without joining a formal group. A recurring breakfast, monthly walk, or scheduled call creates the structure that busy adults often need to keep a relationship from fading. Pro TipMake the invitation specific. “We should catch up sometime” creates another good intention that has to compete with everything else. “Want to grab breakfast next Saturday at 9?” gives the relationship somewhere to go. The No-Demand BlockFamily time matters, but it isn’t always restorative. Even an enjoyable Saturday with your kids can require attention, patience, planning, and the ability to respond to a steady stream of needs. Jason offered a useful definition of restorative time: “time of no demand.” It’s a period when nobody needs you to make a decision, solve a problem, complete a task, or show up in a particular way. Why it Matters Many dads finish work and move directly into the next set of responsibilities. Even downtime becomes productive. We exercise to hit a goal, listen to a podcast to learn something, or work on a hobby that comes with another set of expectations. Without genuine restoration, we may be physically present while offering our family whatever energy remains. Over time, that affects our patience, attention, and ability to enjoy the life we’re working so hard to support. How to Try It Choose one activity that carries no expectation of progress or performance. You might:
Put 30 to 60 minutes on the calendar this week. Treat that time as an investment in the energy you’ll bring back to work and home. Why it Works Restoration interrupts the constant feeling of being needed. It gives your body and mind a chance to settle, which can make you more available when you return to your responsibilities. It also models something important for your kids. When they see you care for your well-being, they learn that rest, play, and connection belong inside a meaningful life. Pro Tip Pay attention to how you feel afterward. Restorative time should leave you with more energy, patience, or clarity. If an activity regularly leaves you feeling more depleted, distracted, or anxious, it may be an escape rather than restoration. Time to Sprint: Let Your Body Into the DecisionWorking dads make plenty of decisions from the neck up. We compare salaries, schedules, risks, responsibilities, and possible outcomes until every option starts to sound equally complicated. Jason shared how a men’s group can help someone notice what his analysis may be missing. He described a man talking through two career options. When the man discussed the safe choice, his body closed off, his eyes dropped, and his voice became flat. When he described the riskier opportunity, his posture opened and his energy changed. The other men could see something he couldn’t. His body was responding before his mind reached a conclusion. Why it Matters A spreadsheet can help you understand the practical differences between two options. It can’t always tell you which one gives you energy, which one creates tension, or which one feels connected to the life you want to build, but your physical response shouldn’t make the entire decision for you either, although it can reveal information that logic alone may overlook. How to Do It Minutes 0–5: Choose one decision Choose a decision you could realistically make or act on within the next 30 days. You need two specific options that you can picture yourself living with. For example:
Write down the two options in plain language. Then add one sentence explaining what makes the decision difficult. Choose something meaningful enough to create a real response but contained enough to explore in 20 minutes. The goal is to notice information you may have been overlooking, not force yourself into making the decision immediately. Minutes 5–10: Talk through the first option Say the first option out loud as if you’ve already chosen it. Describe what your days would look like, what you might gain, what you might give up, and how the decision would affect the people around you. As you speak, notice what happens physically. Pay attention to your breathing, posture, shoulders, stomach, facial expression, and energy. Minutes 10–15: Talk through the second option Repeat the process with the other choice. Try to give both options a fair hearing instead of using the exercise to defend the outcome you already prefer. Again, notice where your body relaxes, tightens, opens, or pulls back. You’re gathering information, not forcing an immediate answer. Minutes 15–20: Compare the responses Write down what changed between the two options:
Finish by writing one question that still needs to be answered before you decide. That question may involve finances, timing, family needs, or a risk you need to understand more clearly. Bonus 5 Minutes: Ask for an outside observation Talk through both options with someone you trust. Ask them to pay attention to your energy, posture, and tone instead of giving you immediate advice. Their job isn’t to choose for you. It’s to reflect what they notice so you can make the decision with more complete information. Pro Tip Don’t treat discomfort as an automatic warning. A meaningful opportunity can create nervousness and excitement at the same time. Look for the option that brings a sense of energy or aliveness, then determine whether its practical risks can be managed. Your MoveWhat’s made it harder for you to maintain friendships as you’ve gotten older? Hit reply and let me know. I read every response. Connect with JasonJason Lange is a men’s embodiment coach, group facilitator, evolutionary guide, and father of two who helps men develop greater clarity in their purpose, relationships, and how they show up in the world. His work is grounded in more than two decades of personal experience, facilitation, and men’s work. Through Evolutionary Men, Jason offers introductory men’s groups, coaching programs, retreats, podcasts, and other opportunities for men who want to build stronger relationships and stop navigating life alone. Follow Jason On his website: https://evolutionary.men On his podcast: https://evolutionary.men/podcast On Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/evolutionarymen/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/evolutionarymenswork On YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@evolutionarymen On LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/evolutionarymen/ Take the quiz: https://evolutionary.men/quiz On the Show This WeekContinue the ConversationThis week’s conversation is about what happens when working dads carry increasing responsibility while their friendships and support systems become smaller. Jason and I talked about the cost of the lone wolf mindset, the pressure men place on their partners, and how deeper relationships can help us become more present at work and at home. We also explored what men’s groups provide, why restoration requires time with no demands, and how fathers can model a healthier version of connection for their children. In this episode, we discuss:
Check it Out🎧 Jason Lange on Why Working Dads Need Stronger Connections Listen on your favorite podcast platform The Last LaughIt’s easier just having a uniform. He really got given the dad starter pack by his friends…😭 🎥 @Edgar Martinez #ladbible #dadjokes |
