What Does It Feel Like to Be Your Kid?
Building a Childhood Through Ordinary MomentsInside this issue
On My MindWhat does it feel like to be your kid? I think that question deserves more of our attention, especially on the ordinary days when we’re working, managing schedules, and trying to get everyone where they need to be. This week, I talked with Craig Parks, founder of Parenting Harmony, musician, educator, and father of two. Craig has spent more than 30 years helping children and families build stronger relationships through connection, music, and play. Our conversation kept bringing me back to how much of childhood happens during the parts of the day we’re trying to get through. As dads, we spend a lot of time making sure things happen. Everyone gets fed. Homework gets done. Someone makes it to practice. We handle those responsibilities because we care, and there’s real effort involved. But I think it’s easy to finish the day knowing everything we got done without having much sense of what it felt like to spend that day with us. The drive to practice is a good example. I might be thinking about traffic, whether we’re late, and what still needs to happen when we get home. Meanwhile, my kid is sitting next to me with a whole day of their own behind them. There’s an opportunity there to learn something, laugh about something, or hear what’s on their mind. I know I haven’t always treated that time as thoughtfully as I could. During the conversation, I mentioned how some of my favorite memories with my kids happened while we were waiting somewhere or laughing at dinner. I called those moments random. Craig challenged that word because he believes we can be more deliberate about creating opportunities for connection. I think he’s right. We can notice what gets us talking, what makes us laugh, and what our kids keep asking to do again. We can bring those things into the routines we already share. When my son was younger, turning cleanup into a competition worked for us because we both enjoyed it. It gave us a way to have fun while doing something that needed to happen anyway. That’s where I want to pay more attention. We’re helping build our kids’ experience of family life every day, including through our tone, our curiosity, and how available we seem when they have something to say. I hope my kids look back and remember enjoying being with me, feeling comfortable coming to me, and knowing I enjoyed being with them. There are opportunities to give them that feeling in the day we’re already going to have. Use Your Body and Voice to Build ConnectionCraig’s Parenting A to E method connects how we show up with how our kids experience us. The A stands for affect: how we move our bodies, use our voices, and communicate through our expressions. The E stands for effect: what we’re intentionally trying to create through our posture, proximity, facial expression, and voice. Why it MattersYou can ask your child about their day while looking at your phone, standing in the doorway, and sounding ready to move on. You can ask the same question while sitting beside them with your attention available. The words are identical, but the invitation feels different. Craig encourages dads to notice those signals because they’re part of how our kids experience being with us. Our interest needs to show up in ways they can recognize. How to Use ItStart with your position. With a younger child, get down to their level when they’re talking to you. Craig teaches this to his camp staff because adults can forget how physically imposing we are to small kids. With an older child, sit nearby and give the conversation room. Match your voice to the moment. Bring some playfulness to a familiar routine, or slow down and soften your tone when your child is struggling. Craig pointed out that affect can be powerful even when it’s small. You can be quiet and still communicate warmth and interest. Pay attention to their response. Notice whether your child joins in, relaxes, keeps talking, or seems uncomfortable. Let that information guide you. Different kids will appreciate different kinds of interaction, and their preferences will change as they grow. Why it WorksThese adjustments make your attention easier to feel. They also give you something concrete to practice during the moments you already share, whether that’s getting ready for school or talking after dinner. Pro TipUse what feels natural to both of you. Craig brings music into parenting; I talked about turning cleanup into a competition with my son. Your version might involve humor, storytelling, or a quiet conversation while you do something together. Help Them Feel HeardIt’s hard to hear your kid say something unkind about themselves without immediately wanting to correct it. They hate their haircut, think they embarrassed themselves, or feel like they don’t fit in, and we jump in with reassurance. We love them, we see them differently, and we want them to feel better. Craig raised a point that’s easy to miss in that moment: our reassurance can leave them feeling misunderstood. They’re still trying to explain what bothered them, and we’ve already started telling them why they shouldn’t see it that way. Why it Matters A lot of us respond this way without realizing it. Our child shares something painful, and we immediately explain why they shouldn’t feel so bad. We want to help, but we often move past their experience before we understand it. That matters when we hope our kids will keep coming to us as their problems get more complicated. How we handle an everyday frustration gives them information about what sharing with us feels like. How to Try It Reflect what you heard. You might say, “You really didn’t like how your hair looked afterward.” Keep your response close to what they actually told you, and give them a chance to clarify. Get curious. Ask, “What bothered you about it?” Then listen long enough to learn something. The answer may reveal a concern you wouldn’t have guessed. Check before offering a solution. Try, “Would you like help figuring out what to do?” They may want advice, or they may need a little more time to explain. Why it Works Acknowledging their experience gives the conversation somewhere to go. You can understand that they felt embarrassed or disappointed while still holding your own opinion about what happened. You also have more useful information when it’s time to help. Pro Tip Watch for the urge to add “but” immediately after acknowledging a feeling. Give their experience a little space before introducing your perspective, especially when they’re still trying to tell you what happened. Time to Sprint: Create a Ritual Worth RepeatingThink about something you and your kids already enjoy doing together. It might be trading jokes while making dinner, listening to music in the car, or talking about a show you both follow. This week’s sprint is about giving one of those shared interests a regular place in your day. Why it Matters Busy weeks make it easy to keep postponing the fun part of parenting. A repeatable ritual gives you a familiar way to enjoy each other inside the routine you already have. How to Do It Minutes 0–5: Find the moment Write down three recurring moments you share with your kids. Think about breakfast, cleanup, bedtime, picking up your teenager from practice or a shift at work, or walking the dog together after dinner. Circle one where you’re usually available and could bring a little more attention. If you have more than one child, choose a moment with one of them to start. Minutes 5–10: Choose something you both enjoy List a few things that reliably get you connecting. Maybe you like making each other laugh, listening to music, telling stories, or competing over something harmless. Choose one that fits the moment you circled and your child’s current interests. Minutes 10–15: Make it repeatable Write a simple version you could try this week. You might invent a ridiculous goodnight phrase with a younger child, take turns introducing each other to a song on the drive home, or debate your predictions for a favorite team while cleaning up after dinner. Keep it easy enough to repeat when you’re tired. Minutes 15–20: Set up the first try Decide when you’ll try it and handle any small preparation now. Choose the song, put a reminder where you’ll see it, or invite your child to help shape the idea if they’re available. Leave room for them to change it into something you wouldn’t have thought of. Why it Works You’re connecting a specific action to a moment that already happens. Repetition gives it familiarity, and your child’s participation gives it room to become something you share. Pro Tip Pay attention to whether you’re both enjoying it. If the idea falls flat, adjust it. A ritual earns its place through the connection it creates, so give yourselves room to discover what fits. Your MoveWhat’s one small thing you do with your kids that you hope they’ll remember years from now? Hit reply and let me know. I read every response. Connect with CraigCraig Parks is a musician, educator, speaker, father of two, and founder of Parenting Harmony. He’s spent more than 30 years working with children and families through camps, music, and education. His Parenting A to E method helps parents use their bodies and voices more intentionally to create connection in everyday moments. What I appreciated about Craig is how much he enjoys being a dad and helping other parents find that enjoyment themselves. He also speaks openly about mistakes, repair, and the work of understanding each child. His resources offer practical ways to bring more play and attention into the time you already spend together. Follow Craig On his website: https://parentingharmony.com On Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/parentingharmony On TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@parentingharmony1 On YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@craigparks3894 Get the Parenting A to E From Stress to Smiles, Turning the Mundane into the Memorable course: https://parentingharmony.com/parenting-a-to-e On the Show This WeekContinue the ConversationThis week on Gap to Gig, Craig Parks and I talked about creating a childhood our kids can look back on with gratitude. Craig shared how his relationship with his father shaped his parenting, what decades of working with kids taught him about connection, and why familiar routines can carry so much meaning. We also explored what it takes to become someone our kids feel comfortable coming to when life gets hard. Craig offered practical examples of listening, using play, and taking responsibility when we get something wrong. We get into:
Check it Out🎧 Craig Parks on Creating a Childhood Your Kids Look Back on With Gratitude Listen on your favorite podcast platform The Last LaughHow to feel both old and seen at the same time… |
