Rob Heller on the Lessons Every Working Dad Shouldn't Leave to School

WEBVTT

00:00:00.014 --> 00:00:02.994
Rob: You need to be the role model
because even if they're tuning

00:00:02.994 --> 00:00:05.304
you out or it feels like they're
tuning you out, they are watching.

00:00:05.734 --> 00:00:08.223
So just know that they're
watching you every second.

00:00:08.394 --> 00:00:10.003
They're watching how
you communicate people.

00:00:10.004 --> 00:00:13.473
They're watching how you handle people
in the checkout line at a store, how

00:00:13.474 --> 00:00:15.113
you're communicating with your friends.

00:00:15.293 --> 00:00:18.433
They're watching how much time you're
spending on the phone, which again,

00:00:18.434 --> 00:00:20.894
I, I have an issue with that as well.

00:00:21.383 --> 00:00:24.993
So again, you just need to really be
the role model and also realize that,

00:00:25.003 --> 00:00:29.464
that they grow up so fast, so now's
the time to reinforce these skills.

00:00:36.616 --> 00:00:39.706
Michael: Welcome to Gap to Gig, the show
for dads navigating the in-between season

00:00:39.706 --> 00:00:41.616
when work, identity, and priorities start

00:00:41.616 --> 00:00:42.696
asking different questions.

00:00:42.936 --> 00:00:44.856
Here we talk about what that
season looks like and how to

00:00:44.856 --> 00:00:45.836
move through with intention.

00:00:46.156 --> 00:00:48.526
I'm your host, Michael Jacobs, and
today I'm joined by Rob Heller,

00:00:48.806 --> 00:00:52.116
entrepreneur, youth development innovator,
and founder of Boost, a personal

00:00:52.116 --> 00:00:54.896
development program designed to help
teens and young adults build the people

00:00:54.896 --> 00:00:58.836
skills, character, and mindset that
traditional education often overlooks.

00:00:59.426 --> 00:01:02.576
After selling his insurance firm for eight
figures, Rob noticed something surprising.

00:01:03.016 --> 00:01:06.296
Many young people entering the workforce
had academic credentials but lacked

00:01:06.296 --> 00:01:09.076
some of the fundamental life and
interpersonal skills needed to thrive.

00:01:09.426 --> 00:01:12.256
That realization, combined with his
desire to better prepare his own children

00:01:12.256 --> 00:01:14.306
for adulthood, led him to create Boost.

00:01:14.776 --> 00:01:17.996
Today, Rob works with schools, youth
organizations, parents, and educators

00:01:18.116 --> 00:01:20.716
to help young people develop the
skills that can shape the trajectory

00:01:21.006 --> 00:01:22.786
of their lives long after graduation.

00:01:23.136 --> 00:01:24.386
Rob, welcome to Gap to Gig.

00:01:24.386 --> 00:01:25.166
I'm so glad you're here.

00:01:25.806 --> 00:01:27.296
Rob: Thank you for
having me, Mi-, Michael.

00:01:27.296 --> 00:01:28.246
I love your mission.

00:01:28.466 --> 00:01:32.076
A lot of stuff out there for moms, but
not enough for dads, so I appreciate

00:01:32.466 --> 00:01:35.186
you giving us fellow dads a, a resource.

00:01:35.196 --> 00:01:35.946
So, it's good stuff.

00:01:36.762 --> 00:01:37.052
Michael: Thank you.

00:01:37.052 --> 00:01:37.722
I appreciate that.

00:01:37.732 --> 00:01:41.612
So I'd love to start with the story
behind all this, because from what

00:01:41.612 --> 00:01:44.892
I know about you, Boost wasn't born
necessarily from a business idea.

00:01:44.892 --> 00:01:46.512
It started much closer to home.

00:01:47.052 --> 00:01:48.812
Can you kind of take
us back to that moment?

00:01:48.822 --> 00:01:51.212
What was happening in your life
with your kids or in your work

00:01:51.212 --> 00:01:54.392
that first made you think, like,
something important is missing here?

00:01:55.034 --> 00:01:56.104
Rob: No, that's a great question, Michael.

00:01:56.104 --> 00:01:59.624
So really, I have three kids, and
when my oldest was a teenager,

00:01:59.944 --> 00:02:01.074
th-, so this was 20 years ago.

00:02:01.074 --> 00:02:02.184
He's now in his early 30s.

00:02:02.234 --> 00:02:07.834
20 years ago, of course, like most
dads, I would love him to go to a good

00:02:07.834 --> 00:02:11.244
college and get straight A's and maybe
be an athlete and those kinds of things.

00:02:12.174 --> 00:02:14.734
But I really, at the end of the
day, I knew that there was a certain

00:02:14.754 --> 00:02:18.064
skill set that if he could develop,
it would just give him a better

00:02:18.064 --> 00:02:19.124
chance to have a better life.

00:02:19.124 --> 00:02:20.404
I mean, it's as simple as that.

00:02:21.204 --> 00:02:25.764
So I was, my wife and I were certainly
trying to, as most parents are trying to

00:02:25.774 --> 00:02:30.964
teach certain lessons, but we also know
sometimes teenagers, as a portal, as part

00:02:30.964 --> 00:02:34.544
of the normal maturation process, they can
feel like they're tuning you out, I felt.

00:02:34.584 --> 00:02:38.204
And also, like any good coach, you
wanna get other voices around them.

00:02:38.434 --> 00:02:41.224
So I went looking for a third-party
program that I could introduce

00:02:41.224 --> 00:02:42.624
to help reinforce these skills.

00:02:42.624 --> 00:02:43.434
I couldn't find one.

00:02:43.654 --> 00:02:46.714
Being an entrepreneur, and I was
encouraged by family and friends and

00:02:46.714 --> 00:02:50.324
business people to say, "Hey, start
your own." So that's kind of the, how it

00:02:50.334 --> 00:02:55.114
started, was really creating a program
for my own family that would reinforce

00:02:55.114 --> 00:02:57.094
the lessons that I felt were important.

00:02:58.818 --> 00:02:59.048
Michael: Love that.

00:02:59.048 --> 00:03:00.588
That's so interesting.

00:03:00.908 --> 00:03:05.078
And you talk about, like, the
difference between the academic skills,

00:03:05.088 --> 00:03:06.118
the skills they learn in school.

00:03:06.118 --> 00:03:09.158
You, you know, want your kids to get
straight A's, but there were other

00:03:09.168 --> 00:03:13.338
skills that maybe weren't being
taught in traditional education

00:03:13.338 --> 00:03:14.508
that, that doesn't address.

00:03:14.906 --> 00:03:15.086
Rob: Yeah.

00:03:15.938 --> 00:03:19.378
Michael: What kind of skill gaps or
what were some of the biggest skill,

00:03:19.528 --> 00:03:23.688
skill gaps that you kept seeing both,
you know, as a father and as somebody

00:03:23.688 --> 00:03:24.948
trying to put this program together?

00:03:25.586 --> 00:03:27.906
Rob: So there were really kind of
two broad categories that I was

00:03:27.906 --> 00:03:30.096
focused on in my first version.

00:03:30.096 --> 00:03:33.566
We can talk about later versions
where I added another leg.

00:03:34.126 --> 00:03:38.126
But really it was around people skills,
so just connecting with people, how to be

00:03:38.126 --> 00:03:40.496
likable, just basic skills around that.

00:03:40.756 --> 00:03:45.206
And then character, just being viewed as
having good values and strong character.

00:03:45.206 --> 00:03:50.856
So there were about 20-some lessons, and
most were around those two key pillars.

00:03:51.742 --> 00:03:51.862
Michael: Right.

00:03:52.242 --> 00:03:55.282
And then in the later version, what
was the third pillar that you added?

00:03:55.410 --> 00:03:55.430
Rob: Yeah.

00:03:55.600 --> 00:03:59.720
So what happened was, let me give you
the quick story of the later version.

00:03:59.720 --> 00:04:02.750
So I had this program,
it was well received.

00:04:02.750 --> 00:04:03.550
I really liked it.

00:04:04.120 --> 00:04:07.900
I ended up selling my business
to a big publicly held company.

00:04:07.900 --> 00:04:09.020
It was an insurance firm.

00:04:09.720 --> 00:04:13.540
And I thought, "Okay, I'll go
back to doing the Boost." And

00:04:13.540 --> 00:04:14.870
I really, that didn't happen.

00:04:14.870 --> 00:04:18.450
I really got sucked into the
corporate world on this big publicly

00:04:18.460 --> 00:04:19.650
held company, and it was all good.

00:04:19.950 --> 00:04:21.280
I had great relationships.

00:04:21.280 --> 00:04:25.980
It was a great another 17-year run,
but Boost just got put on hold.

00:04:26.190 --> 00:04:29.480
So when I came back to it a couple years
ago, so we still had people skills,

00:04:29.510 --> 00:04:33.720
although some of the skills changed,
character, but then realized that

00:04:33.730 --> 00:04:38.500
mentally, the mental health issue, and
the way kids were struggling mentally.

00:04:39.160 --> 00:04:42.280
And so really created what we say
is the third leg of the stool,

00:04:42.280 --> 00:04:43.520
which is a healthy mindset.

00:04:43.780 --> 00:04:46.610
So, and we say you have to have
all three legs to be strong.

00:04:46.610 --> 00:04:48.970
So you have to have good people skills,
character, and a healthy mindset.

00:04:48.970 --> 00:04:49.850
You need all three.

00:04:50.180 --> 00:04:52.810
So that's really was the third
leg of the stool that we added.

00:04:54.422 --> 00:04:56.712
Michael: I love everything about this
'cause it is, like, I'm the parent

00:04:56.722 --> 00:05:02.022
of two teenagers now, and yes, they
go to, they're fortunate enough,

00:05:02.042 --> 00:05:05.492
we're fortunate enough to have them
go to schools that, you know, provide

00:05:05.492 --> 00:05:07.632
them with great educations, right?

00:05:07.632 --> 00:05:16.902
They are learning many skills in school,
but there is no sk-, you learn some of

00:05:16.902 --> 00:05:19.232
this stuff through experience, right?

00:05:19.282 --> 00:05:21.812
And you don't necessarily always,
not every kid's gonna get the

00:05:21.812 --> 00:05:23.002
same experience in school, right?

00:05:23.002 --> 00:05:27.982
And that could be the difference between,
you know, relationship building, right?

00:05:27.982 --> 00:05:31.272
You might s-, stick to your group
of friends, and you're never forced

00:05:31.272 --> 00:05:36.922
to meet new people and learn how
to get along with others, right?

00:05:36.942 --> 00:05:39.422
Or to take care of yourself, right?

00:05:39.532 --> 00:05:41.712
Whether mentally, physically,
whatever it may be.

00:05:41.932 --> 00:05:44.262
Sure, most schools have a health
class in high school, right?

00:05:44.262 --> 00:05:46.292
That gives them some basics, right?

00:05:46.292 --> 00:05:49.252
My, my daughter is taking one now and,
you know, they're learning CPR and

00:05:49.252 --> 00:05:53.532
they're learning some different valuable
skills, but you don't get all the

00:05:53.542 --> 00:05:54.812
things like character building, right?

00:05:54.812 --> 00:05:58.302
You don't get the, the, some
of the mental health stuff.

00:05:58.312 --> 00:06:00.742
You might get some on
a surface level, right?

00:06:00.832 --> 00:06:06.892
But, you know, as a, as a father, like
one of my goals for my kids is that they

00:06:06.892 --> 00:06:11.592
have the confidence to pursue whatever
they dream of going forward, right?

00:06:11.862 --> 00:06:16.152
And it's hard to build up that
confidence if you don't know what

00:06:16.152 --> 00:06:18.002
is out there and what exists, right?

00:06:18.002 --> 00:06:24.662
And so having additional resources out
there to help these kids, you know,

00:06:24.802 --> 00:06:28.762
pick up on things like communication
and confidence and resilience and

00:06:28.762 --> 00:06:34.352
relationship building, it's, it's,
it's well needed, I think, right?

00:06:34.352 --> 00:06:37.332
And it, it doesn't matter
what type of school you go to.

00:06:37.362 --> 00:06:39.732
It doesn't matter if you go to a big
school or a little school or if you go

00:06:39.732 --> 00:06:41.072
to a private school or a public school.

00:06:41.922 --> 00:06:43.042
All kids have these,

00:06:43.394 --> 00:06:45.154
Rob: Mm-hmm.

00:06:45.282 --> 00:06:46.852
Michael: have to deal
with these things, right?

00:06:46.882 --> 00:06:49.732
They all have to deal with these, or
have to build these types of traits.

00:06:49.852 --> 00:06:53.922
And how they build them, if there
is a safer, more structured way to,

00:06:53.972 --> 00:06:59.492
to do that in a way that relates to
them is just, to me is so, I think

00:06:59.492 --> 00:07:00.702
it's so important, so interesting.

00:07:01.062 --> 00:07:03.582
And I think also because I think
as parents, we don't always

00:07:03.582 --> 00:07:04.772
think about this stuff, right?

00:07:04.772 --> 00:07:06.982
We're thinking about what's
in front of us in the moment.

00:07:06.982 --> 00:07:10.912
And, I think, you know, a lot of
dads, myself included, I've had times

00:07:10.912 --> 00:07:16.222
where I just kind of assumed that my
kids would pick this stuff up, right?

00:07:16.222 --> 00:07:18.352
That they would just
become confident people.

00:07:18.352 --> 00:07:19.482
They would become resilient.

00:07:19.492 --> 00:07:23.762
They would, you know, figure out
right from wrong and, you know,

00:07:23.772 --> 00:07:27.682
they would know how to build
friendships and take care of others.

00:07:27.692 --> 00:07:31.642
And I think in a lot of ways my kids do
that, and I'm proud of them for that.

00:07:32.392 --> 00:07:37.112
But there are often times where I just
kind of felt like the, I just assumed

00:07:37.112 --> 00:07:38.122
that they would figure that out.

00:07:38.302 --> 00:07:41.302
Why is that assumption so dangerous?

00:07:41.302 --> 00:07:43.692
'Cause I, I imagine it's got to
be something that could be like

00:07:44.382 --> 00:07:46.852
you're, you're putting your kids
in a kind of a vulnerable, risky

00:07:46.852 --> 00:07:48.752
position by just assuming they're
gonna figure this stuff out.

00:07:49.870 --> 00:07:52.760
Rob: So first off, I would like you
to become a spokesperson for the Boost

00:07:52.760 --> 00:07:56.490
program 'cause you just articulate exactly
what it's all about, and it's so true.

00:07:56.720 --> 00:08:00.000
And this gap has existed for a long time.

00:08:00.970 --> 00:08:04.880
Even before I started this program
20 years ago, when you read Dale

00:08:04.880 --> 00:08:08.760
Carnegie's How to Win Friends & Influence
People, Think and Grow Rich by Na-,

00:08:08.770 --> 00:08:12.020
by Napoleon Hill, they all say we
need a course in high school, 'cause

00:08:12.020 --> 00:08:13.260
that's really kind of where we start.

00:08:13.260 --> 00:08:14.020
We can talk about that.

00:08:14.730 --> 00:08:17.340
We need a course to teach this
stuff 'cause it's so important.

00:08:17.340 --> 00:08:17.830
And here,

00:08:18.062 --> 00:08:18.362
Michael: Right.

00:08:18.560 --> 00:08:21.230
Rob: you know, and now those books
were written in the early 1900s,

00:08:21.490 --> 00:08:24.200
then you fast-forward 20 years
ago, I knew how important it is.

00:08:24.200 --> 00:08:28.560
And now every adult, like the adults
may not agree on a lot, but we all

00:08:28.560 --> 00:08:30.580
agree how important these skills are.

00:08:30.580 --> 00:08:32.400
It's the one thing every adult agrees on.

00:08:32.730 --> 00:08:37.820
And it's gotten so much more needed,
and particularly in the phone-based

00:08:37.820 --> 00:08:39.250
world that kids live in today.

00:08:39.280 --> 00:08:42.360
So it's really, you know, we can
talk a lot about the phone, but at,

00:08:42.400 --> 00:08:45.710
at the end of the day, your point is
well taken that these are the skills.

00:08:45.860 --> 00:08:48.560
That's why I wrote a book
called The Missing Course.

00:08:48.820 --> 00:08:50.840
So clearly, education is so important.

00:08:50.840 --> 00:08:54.680
We need to learn how to read and
write and be curious and learn how to

00:08:54.690 --> 00:08:56.190
study and all the important things.

00:08:56.570 --> 00:08:59.990
But why isn't there a course that
takes you through some of this stuff?

00:09:00.000 --> 00:09:02.820
So again, I just think it's the missing
course, and that's really what I'm

00:09:02.820 --> 00:09:08.330
on a mission to get more courses and
programs like this into you's hands.

00:09:09.414 --> 00:09:09.644
Michael: I love that.

00:09:09.644 --> 00:09:14.444
So, well, you brought up phones
and there's obviously a lot of

00:09:14.444 --> 00:09:18.434
discussion around technology and the
use of our phones, both as parents

00:09:18.434 --> 00:09:19.984
but also for our kids as well.

00:09:20.224 --> 00:09:24.544
And I imagine when you built this,
initially built this program 20 years

00:09:24.544 --> 00:09:27.734
ago or exact-, I can't remember exactly
when it was, but whenever you initially

00:09:27.734 --> 00:09:32.404
developed this program, phones and
technology weren't quite the same, right?

00:09:32.424 --> 00:09:34.794
Things have changed over
the past couple of decades.

00:09:35.484 --> 00:09:41.674
What kind of, what kind of
impact do you think that phones

00:09:41.674 --> 00:09:43.704
are having on kids these days?

00:09:43.734 --> 00:09:49.114
And not just in the short term, but
kind of long-term impact in regards to

00:09:49.594 --> 00:09:53.914
how these skills that you're trying to
build through Boost, the confidence,

00:09:53.914 --> 00:09:59.404
the, the resiliency, the communication
skills, how, how has technology

00:09:59.404 --> 00:10:02.414
affected that over the past, you know,
especially the past couple of years?

00:10:02.424 --> 00:10:03.314
And now we have AI, too.

00:10:03.314 --> 00:10:05.944
Like, there, there's so many directions
we could go here, but just like…

00:10:06.004 --> 00:10:07.434
Rob: We could, we could
talk for hours on this.

00:10:07.434 --> 00:10:11.524
And again, this is one every adult knows
'cause we've experienced it ourselves.

00:10:11.524 --> 00:10:15.664
I mean, I, again, I feel addicted
to my phone many times and f-, and

00:10:15.754 --> 00:10:17.594
fall under the, the, the spell of it.

00:10:18.114 --> 00:10:21.614
But just to tell, to mention how
f-, you, you mentioned the 20

00:10:21.614 --> 00:10:23.804
years ago and how far we've come.

00:10:24.024 --> 00:10:28.684
So my, one of my lessons 20 years ago
when I started this was telephone manners,

00:10:28.864 --> 00:10:32.454
and it was the idea that a-, as a friend,
you know, you'd call up your friend

00:10:32.454 --> 00:10:36.644
and how you'd relate to the parent, and
that first impression was so important.

00:10:36.644 --> 00:10:38.774
And, and obviously that
doesn't happen anymore.

00:10:39.192 --> 00:10:39.582
Michael: Right.

00:10:39.624 --> 00:10:40.654
Rob: So, you know how far back it goes.

00:10:40.664 --> 00:10:44.614
But it's just look, at the end of the
day, technology has just caused so many,

00:10:44.784 --> 00:10:48.364
a-, and we're not going back, I get that,
but there's just, there's so many harmful

00:10:48.364 --> 00:10:53.574
effects from, and, and this again, is well
documented between just the algorithms

00:10:53.574 --> 00:10:55.794
coming at you, the, the distraction.

00:10:56.294 --> 00:10:57.664
It doesn't make you feel good.

00:10:58.704 --> 00:11:00.124
The attention spans.

00:11:00.504 --> 00:11:01.854
The social media influence.

00:11:01.874 --> 00:11:03.114
So again, we could go on and on.

00:11:03.114 --> 00:11:06.954
I think most peop-, most adult,
most kids actually unders-,

00:11:06.984 --> 00:11:07.814
are starting to understand.

00:11:07.814 --> 00:11:10.844
But that's really what we're trying to
do is we're saying, okay, there's been

00:11:10.844 --> 00:11:15.614
a lot of documentation of, let's say
when someone's up to like, say 14 or 15,

00:11:15.614 --> 00:11:17.684
you've gotta really limit the phone time.

00:11:17.684 --> 00:11:18.974
Don't get 'em a smartphone.

00:11:19.004 --> 00:11:20.304
Keep 'em off social media.

00:11:20.634 --> 00:11:23.704
And I see the new generation of parents
starting this 'cause they're starting

00:11:23.704 --> 00:11:24.874
to understand the harmful effects.

00:11:24.874 --> 00:11:29.014
I even look at my daughter who I
have two grandkids, and the, she's

00:11:29.014 --> 00:11:32.194
limiting the screen time and even
when I have the TV on, she's yelling,

00:11:32.494 --> 00:11:34.404
"Papa, get the, get the TV off."

00:11:34.404 --> 00:11:38.214
So, so I, again, the new
generation's realizing that.

00:11:38.214 --> 00:11:42.594
But my point is, okay, someone's
15, 16 and they have a smartphone

00:11:42.594 --> 00:11:46.464
at that point, we need to have real
conversations with teenagers of these

00:11:46.464 --> 00:11:49.464
harmful effects to at least give
them a chance so they can see it.

00:11:49.464 --> 00:11:52.474
Is that gonna cause them to put their
phone away forever and not touch it?

00:11:52.474 --> 00:11:54.504
No, we know that 'cause it is addicting.

00:11:55.024 --> 00:11:58.714
And that's really the starting point is
just the algorithms are coming at you, you

00:11:58.714 --> 00:12:01.894
know, all the things that we just said,
so that they can at least fight back.

00:12:01.904 --> 00:12:03.374
It's like not a fair fight.

00:12:04.104 --> 00:12:07.804
And if we just don't, if we just give
up and throw our hands up and say,

00:12:07.804 --> 00:12:11.244
"This is degeneration and they're,
you know, the k-, have no attention

00:12:11.244 --> 00:12:13.354
spans," et cetera, it's not fair.

00:12:13.374 --> 00:12:14.254
We gotta fight back.

00:12:14.414 --> 00:12:15.374
We gotta give 'em the tools.

00:12:16.186 --> 00:12:16.596
Michael: Absolutely.

00:12:16.966 --> 00:12:20.946
I've had this discussion with a lot
of people about what is appropriate or

00:12:20.946 --> 00:12:24.216
when is it appropriate for your kids
to start getting involved online and

00:12:24.216 --> 00:12:25.666
start doing some of that technology.

00:12:26.296 --> 00:12:29.496
And, you know, someone had mentioned
to me that, you know, a lot of the

00:12:29.896 --> 00:12:35.466
big, big name tech billionaires aren't
allowing their kids to go online, right?

00:12:35.466 --> 00:12:38.536
They're, even though they're building
the tools for this, they're not

00:12:38.846 --> 00:12:39.606
allowing their kids to use it.

00:12:39.606 --> 00:12:42.196
And it's like, that's an example,
like, so kids shouldn't be doing that.

00:12:43.226 --> 00:12:45.196
I disagree with that.

00:12:45.716 --> 00:12:51.356
I think that for me, I know
technology's not going anywhere, right?

00:12:51.416 --> 00:12:52.936
Or I believe technology
is not going anywhere.

00:12:52.936 --> 00:13:00.376
So I don't want to hold my kids back from
building that skill set to understand

00:13:00.376 --> 00:13:06.656
how technology works and what it's good
for and what you can make of it, right?

00:13:06.656 --> 00:13:10.206
I don't want them to join the
workforce when they're older and have

00:13:10.206 --> 00:13:12.846
no experience with the technologies
that they're going to be using.

00:13:13.106 --> 00:13:17.526
So for me, it was how do I do this in a,

00:13:19.634 --> 00:13:24.514
in a way that gives them some
flexibility, gives them some

00:13:24.524 --> 00:13:29.634
ownership in it, but talking through
the scenarios beforehand, right?

00:13:29.664 --> 00:13:32.554
Of walking through, "Here's what it's
good for, here are some of the risks,

00:13:32.564 --> 00:13:36.514
here's what could happen, and here's the
things we, we need to, to do to avoid."

00:13:36.724 --> 00:13:39.224
And to give that to them over time, right?

00:13:39.224 --> 00:13:43.104
It wasn't just like, "Okay, here's
your phone. Go wild." Right?

00:13:43.364 --> 00:13:45.844
"Go create accounts on every
social media platform and do this."

00:13:45.854 --> 00:13:50.684
It's like, "Okay, we're gonna talk about
where you want to spend your time online

00:13:50.684 --> 00:13:55.154
and why that is, and what works, what
doesn't work. How do you protect yourself

00:13:55.154 --> 00:13:59.834
from somebody that, you know, that may
be trying to do something nefarious

00:13:59.934 --> 00:14:03.144
online? How do you make sure that you
don't give your information to strangers?"

00:14:03.144 --> 00:14:05.284
Like, what is important, right?

00:14:05.284 --> 00:14:09.534
And work with them, ask them
questions to get them to come

00:14:09.534 --> 00:14:11.784
to the conclusions on their own.

00:14:11.944 --> 00:14:14.474
Allow them to take
ownership of the situation.

00:14:14.484 --> 00:14:20.454
To me, having that open discussion is
much more valuable than holding them back.

00:14:20.464 --> 00:14:22.684
'Cause I think if they don't
know how to use social media, I

00:14:22.684 --> 00:14:26.244
think they're gonna struggle with
communication going forward, right?

00:14:26.244 --> 00:14:28.134
'Cause there's communication
that's happening on social media.

00:14:28.244 --> 00:14:31.054
But how do you do that, how do
you use it in a productive manner,

00:14:31.054 --> 00:14:32.814
not a destructive manner, right?

00:14:32.814 --> 00:14:34.594
And having those open
conversations, right?

00:14:34.594 --> 00:14:39.184
To me, I think a lot of this is
about the willingness to talk

00:14:39.184 --> 00:14:41.674
to your kids about this, right?

00:14:41.704 --> 00:14:46.144
As opposed to just letting them
to kind of discover it however

00:14:46.144 --> 00:14:47.344
they might, might discover it.

00:14:47.344 --> 00:14:50.754
So it's, it's really interesting to
me because, yeah, what we dealt with

00:14:50.754 --> 00:14:56.212
20 years ago, 30 years ago, whatever
it may be, landlines were really the

00:14:56.212 --> 00:14:58.052
only form of social media, right?

00:14:58.082 --> 00:15:01.452
It's not really social media, it was just,
that's your way of being social, right?

00:15:01.644 --> 00:15:02.014
Rob: Yeah, yeah.

00:15:02.052 --> 00:15:04.782
Michael: It's either that or go
outside and see who you, you run into.

00:15:05.912 --> 00:15:09.782
So it's a very different, we're
in a very different place today.

00:15:10.432 --> 00:15:16.002
And to some degree, I think, this
technology is sort of speeding up

00:15:16.152 --> 00:15:21.652
the need for these soft skills that
you are trying to teach, right?

00:15:22.122 --> 00:15:26.662
It's, you need to build
that resilience moreso now.

00:15:26.662 --> 00:15:27.502
It needs to be stronger.

00:15:27.502 --> 00:15:31.472
Your, the way you treat others needs
to be stronger today than d-, it needed

00:15:31.472 --> 00:15:35.992
to be 20, 30 years ago because now
you're in front of more people, right?

00:15:36.022 --> 00:15:41.922
And more things are coming at you,
and it's a lot more difficult to

00:15:42.412 --> 00:15:44.682
manage, you know, particularly when
we're talking about mental health.

00:15:44.682 --> 00:15:46.822
Like, how do you manage all these
conflicting messages that are

00:15:46.822 --> 00:15:48.862
coming in from outside sources?

00:15:49.092 --> 00:15:51.772
We've never experienced anything
like this before, right?

00:15:51.772 --> 00:15:55.612
So these skills that you talk about
with Boost, like it is, I see the

00:15:55.612 --> 00:15:57.492
need for it now more than ever.

00:15:57.492 --> 00:15:58.442
I think it's more important.

00:15:58.442 --> 00:16:00.072
It's why I wanted to have this
conversation with you, because I

00:16:00.072 --> 00:16:05.532
think it's so easy for us as dads to
neglect some of this, some of these

00:16:05.532 --> 00:16:08.512
topics, 'cause like, is that the fun
thing to talk about with your kids?

00:16:08.732 --> 00:16:08.892
No.

00:16:08.892 --> 00:16:10.222
You probably want to talk about like

00:16:10.372 --> 00:16:10.442
Rob: Yeah.

00:16:10.492 --> 00:16:12.347
Michael: whatever your
mutual interest is in.

00:16:12.347 --> 00:16:15.752
Maybe it's sports, maybe it's cartoons,
maybe it's whatever it might be, right?

00:16:15.782 --> 00:16:18.152
Those are the fun things to, to talk
about, but sometimes it's important

00:16:18.162 --> 00:16:19.742
to just talk about resilience.

00:16:19.742 --> 00:16:20.592
Things don't go your way.

00:16:20.592 --> 00:16:22.972
Like, how do you get back
up and keep moving forward?

00:16:24.758 --> 00:16:25.048
Rob: Thta's so true.

00:16:25.048 --> 00:16:28.328
No, no, they, and that's why the,
a-, again, I feel like the Boost

00:16:28.328 --> 00:16:33.088
program is more important than ever
because of that stuff, so 100%,

00:16:33.228 --> 00:16:34.568
you know, couldn't agree more.

00:16:35.238 --> 00:16:35.998
The phone is real.

00:16:36.168 --> 00:16:38.598
And just even the social skills
that, you know, when you're online

00:16:38.598 --> 00:16:40.618
and you're communica-, that's how
you're communicating, you're not

00:16:40.618 --> 00:16:42.378
doing it in person, it becomes

00:16:42.378 --> 00:16:42.498
Michael: Right.

00:16:42.678 --> 00:16:43.528
Rob: really, really difficult.

00:16:43.588 --> 00:16:43.798
Yeah.

00:16:44.228 --> 00:16:45.038
Michael: Yeah, absolutely.

00:16:45.338 --> 00:16:50.368
So we both know from experience
that teenagers are famous for

00:16:50.438 --> 00:16:52.058
tuning out their parents, right?

00:16:52.078 --> 00:16:56.008
Like, they just, they
are their own beings.

00:16:57.278 --> 00:17:01.518
How did that reality shape
the way you built the program?

00:17:02.038 --> 00:17:05.938
And kind of what does that tell us
about how dads can better connect with

00:17:05.938 --> 00:17:08.158
our kids during these teenage years?

00:17:08.194 --> 00:17:08.374
Rob: Yeah.

00:17:09.534 --> 00:17:11.734
So teenage years are crucial.

00:17:12.454 --> 00:17:14.964
And really at the end of the day,
as you're always doing, and I know

00:17:14.964 --> 00:17:18.664
other guests, you need to be the role
model 'cause even if they're tuning

00:17:18.664 --> 00:17:21.074
you out or it feels like they're
tuning you out, they are watching.

00:17:21.424 --> 00:17:23.874
So just know that they're
watching you every second.

00:17:24.064 --> 00:17:25.694
They're watching how
you communicate people.

00:17:25.694 --> 00:17:29.154
They're watching how you handle people
in the checkout line at a store, how

00:17:29.154 --> 00:17:30.764
you're communicating with your friends.

00:17:30.974 --> 00:17:34.114
They're watching how much time you're
spending on the phone which again,

00:17:34.114 --> 00:17:36.514
I, I have an issue with that as well.

00:17:37.074 --> 00:17:40.514
So, again, you just need to really be
the role model and also realize th-,

00:17:40.704 --> 00:17:45.274
that they grow up so fast, so now's
the time to reinforce these skills.

00:17:46.214 --> 00:17:48.824
And even if they're, it feels like
they don't wanna hear these things,

00:17:48.824 --> 00:17:50.314
that you just need to reinforce it.

00:17:50.334 --> 00:17:54.494
And as we said before, the, as any good
coach, let's get some other coaches

00:17:54.494 --> 00:17:59.374
and minds and mentors around them
to help, help reinforce the lessons.

00:18:00.134 --> 00:18:03.354
Every, again, every head coach
has assistant coach or trainers or

00:18:03.624 --> 00:18:07.904
different mental coaches, whatever
it may be, to, to reinforce it.

00:18:07.904 --> 00:18:08.924
It's really the same thing.

00:18:09.810 --> 00:18:10.470
Michael: That's a great point.

00:18:10.480 --> 00:18:13.270
It's a great reminder that
we're not in this alone, right?

00:18:13.310 --> 00:18:17.370
Like, we, we could try to do
as much as we can, but there's

00:18:17.370 --> 00:18:18.480
always more that can be done.

00:18:18.500 --> 00:18:21.690
And that doesn't mean
we have to do it all,

00:18:21.746 --> 00:18:22.056
Rob: Yeah.

00:18:22.440 --> 00:18:22.570
Michael: right?

00:18:22.730 --> 00:18:28.800
It's surround our, ourselves and the,
the people we care about most with

00:18:29.420 --> 00:18:33.410
people that are going to, you know,
help them, help our kids succeed.

00:18:33.468 --> 00:18:33.868
Rob: Absolutely.

00:18:33.868 --> 00:18:34.138
No, absolutely.

00:18:34.138 --> 00:18:37.428
And it's also, and to focus in on the
things that are important, 'cause again,

00:18:37.428 --> 00:18:42.978
just I got caught up in the grades or
what you got on this test or sports or

00:18:42.978 --> 00:18:47.398
whatever it may be that in the long term
pr-, you know, just didn't mean as much.

00:18:47.958 --> 00:18:52.438
And there were times I wish I, there were
certain lessons I wish I reinforced more

00:18:52.828 --> 00:18:56.298
particularly around some of the mindset
things, the idea of a growth mindset,

00:18:56.528 --> 00:18:58.448
the idea that you gotta struggle to grow.

00:18:58.678 --> 00:19:03.138
There were times I know the, the big term
has been helicopter parents, now it's

00:19:03.158 --> 00:19:04.808
snowplow parents, you know, clearing.

00:19:05.098 --> 00:19:08.058
So which, you know, certainly you
wanna be there for them, but I was

00:19:08.058 --> 00:19:11.448
as guilty as the rest sometimes just
wanting to fix everything and not

00:19:11.448 --> 00:19:12.978
let them fail or go through things.

00:19:12.978 --> 00:19:14.738
So that's a whole nother topic.

00:19:14.738 --> 00:19:18.018
But that is something we spend a lot of
time in Boost with the kids is you have

00:19:18.018 --> 00:19:19.658
to, you're gonna have to struggle to grow.

00:19:19.668 --> 00:19:20.878
Life is not easy.

00:19:21.088 --> 00:19:21.798
It's hard.

00:19:22.338 --> 00:19:24.548
And you learn from that, and
you just gotta get back up.

00:19:25.938 --> 00:19:26.228
Michael: Absolutely.

00:19:26.228 --> 00:19:26.398
I,

00:19:26.558 --> 00:19:26.828
Rob: Yeah.

00:19:27.108 --> 00:19:28.208
Michael: I feel that
one personally, right?

00:19:28.208 --> 00:19:31.408
It's like I do just want to fix
everything, right, for my kids.

00:19:31.438 --> 00:19:34.698
It's like, I feel like, okay,
I just can do this and be done

00:19:34.698 --> 00:19:36.328
with it and taking care for them.

00:19:36.328 --> 00:19:39.278
But like, what are my
kids getting out of that,

00:19:39.282 --> 00:19:39.602
Rob: Yeah.

00:19:40.168 --> 00:19:40.438
Michael: right?

00:19:40.438 --> 00:19:43.918
'Cause unfortunately, I know
life's not forever, right?

00:19:43.938 --> 00:19:46.298
Like I'm not always gonna
be around to, to fix things.

00:19:46.318 --> 00:19:48.778
And also I'm not giving them
the skills or the confidence

00:19:48.788 --> 00:19:49.798
to be able to do it themselves.

00:19:50.038 --> 00:19:52.318
And so I'm really holding them
back by doing it for them,

00:19:52.804 --> 00:19:53.684
Rob: That's exactly right.

00:19:53.844 --> 00:19:54.364
Michael: in many cases, right?

00:19:54.474 --> 00:19:57.354
Rob: But, but at the same, so I
agree 100%, and at the same time,

00:19:57.354 --> 00:19:59.584
they need the skills, they need to
be taught that, they need to how

00:19:59.584 --> 00:20:01.704
to rethink and reframe that stuff.

00:20:01.704 --> 00:20:05.084
So we spend, again, a lot of time
in Boost on that, the idea of a

00:20:05.084 --> 00:20:09.234
growth mindset, the idea of, again,
struggle, growth, that a little bit

00:20:09.234 --> 00:20:10.524
of stress is actually okay for you.

00:20:10.524 --> 00:20:12.974
Everyone says, "I'm stressed out,
stressed out," but like a little bit

00:20:12.974 --> 00:20:14.514
of stress is gonna help propel you.

00:20:14.744 --> 00:20:16.134
The whole idea of setting goals.

00:20:16.134 --> 00:20:19.964
When you write down goals, you have
a 50% better chance of achieving

00:20:19.984 --> 00:20:21.484
them, and I have stories around that.

00:20:21.724 --> 00:20:25.054
And you gotta think of all the
obstacles that are gonna come up as

00:20:25.054 --> 00:20:27.834
you, after you write down your, your
goals, so you're prepared for it.

00:20:28.504 --> 00:20:31.154
With the phone being a big one,
just 'cause it's a distraction.

00:20:31.154 --> 00:20:34.034
So again, these are all things
that are just great lessons,

00:20:34.034 --> 00:20:36.094
and it's, it's great to teach.

00:20:36.094 --> 00:20:40.764
And what's interesting about Boost is
it doesn't put everything on the parent.

00:20:40.764 --> 00:20:42.754
Again, the parent is
clearly the head coach.

00:20:42.754 --> 00:20:46.414
They're the one deciding, everything
funnels through them, for sure.

00:20:46.694 --> 00:20:51.534
But Boost gets a chance in a group
setting, the way that we're doing it, with

00:20:51.534 --> 00:20:53.724
other peers where we get to role-play.

00:20:54.134 --> 00:20:57.604
In many cases, we can videotape them
so they can see themselves in different

00:20:57.604 --> 00:21:01.024
scenarios, have worksheets where
they're rethinking things and really

00:21:01.384 --> 00:21:03.474
kinda addressing all these things.

00:21:03.584 --> 00:21:07.574
And it really, a-, and I've been, m-,
my, probably my biggest surprise about

00:21:07.574 --> 00:21:09.944
that is the engagement of the students.

00:21:10.354 --> 00:21:11.834
And again, we're talking
high school students.

00:21:12.304 --> 00:21:14.664
You know, when I first went in,
I'm thinking, you know, high

00:21:14.664 --> 00:21:16.904
school students, are th-, are
they gonna really be into this?

00:21:16.904 --> 00:21:18.784
'Cause I'm not sure I
would've in high school.

00:21:19.134 --> 00:21:22.704
But when you, if you reframe it that
these are all skills that's gonna

00:21:22.714 --> 00:21:26.224
help them get what they want, it's
like the light bulb goes off, and I

00:21:26.234 --> 00:21:27.584
think we've been successful with that.

00:21:28.242 --> 00:21:28.462
Michael: Yeah.

00:21:29.122 --> 00:21:30.452
Yeah, that's fascinating.

00:21:30.452 --> 00:21:35.192
I think to me, something you said that's
really interesting was that you have

00:21:35.192 --> 00:21:41.712
to not just, you want to help your
kids develop their own goals, but then

00:21:41.952 --> 00:21:43.962
breaking it down, like what are the
obstacles that are gonna come forward?

00:21:43.962 --> 00:21:46.182
What are the things you need
to do to achieve those goals?

00:21:46.202 --> 00:21:51.172
It's, I think what I found with, and I
coached youth hockey for a long time.

00:21:51.172 --> 00:21:53.312
I did some coaching of
youth baseball and stuff.

00:21:53.812 --> 00:21:57.712
What I found with kids, particularly
as teenagers, but even younger,

00:21:57.742 --> 00:22:01.502
is the surface level stuff is easy
for them to kind of figure out.

00:22:01.502 --> 00:22:03.602
Like, "Okay, yeah, I, this
is what I want to do next.

00:22:03.602 --> 00:22:04.862
This is what I want to be.

00:22:04.882 --> 00:22:05.742
This is what I want to become.

00:22:05.742 --> 00:22:09.002
This, this is like, this is
my ultimate goal," right?

00:22:09.332 --> 00:22:11.712
Sometimes it's more realistic,
realistic than others, but, you

00:22:11.712 --> 00:22:14.782
know, allowing the opportunity to
kind of discover for themselves.

00:22:15.402 --> 00:22:18.972
But I think what kids struggle with or
don't have the tools yet, haven't been

00:22:18.972 --> 00:22:22.432
equipped with is how do you do that?

00:22:22.682 --> 00:22:23.152
What are the steps?

00:22:23.162 --> 00:22:24.612
How do you break that down, right?

00:22:24.612 --> 00:22:26.352
And it's same with dads, right?

00:22:26.372 --> 00:22:28.062
Like, it doesn't really matter your age.

00:22:28.062 --> 00:22:31.682
And the more I am talking about this,
the more I'm realizing like, yeah, it's

00:22:31.682 --> 00:22:35.152
easy for me to come up with my own goals,
but do I always take the time to break

00:22:35.152 --> 00:22:36.712
them down into the smaller steps, right?

00:22:36.812 --> 00:22:39.932
You don't just go from this is
what I want to do to doing it.

00:22:40.162 --> 00:22:41.682
There are steps you have to take, right?

00:22:42.482 --> 00:22:44.832
And usually the hardest one
is the first step, right?

00:22:45.232 --> 00:22:47.432
Because once you get the first step,
then you take the second step, and

00:22:47.432 --> 00:22:50.082
then take the third step, and now
you've s-, suddenly have some momentum

00:22:50.082 --> 00:22:51.612
going towards achieving your goal.

00:22:51.612 --> 00:22:53.982
And yes, you might hit obstacles,
but if you thought through some of

00:22:53.982 --> 00:23:00.502
those ahead of time, they're much more
surmountable than if you kind of just

00:23:00.502 --> 00:23:05.032
be like, "Okay, my goal is to, you
know, I want to make a million dollars

00:23:05.032 --> 00:23:09.402
by, you know, in the next two years."
Okay, well, that's a wonderful goal.

00:23:09.722 --> 00:23:10.342
How?

00:23:10.672 --> 00:23:10.922
Right?

00:23:10.932 --> 00:23:12.532
Like, what are the first steps?

00:23:12.670 --> 00:23:12.940
Rob: Yeah.

00:23:13.432 --> 00:23:16.962
Michael: And for teenagers it could be
like, you know, "I want to, I want to

00:23:16.962 --> 00:23:23.202
become a lawyer someday, but to, before
I do that, I want to get a job. You

00:23:23.202 --> 00:23:26.972
know, I want to shadow a lawyer to make
sure I kind of really like this," right?

00:23:26.972 --> 00:23:29.792
"I want to take classes to become a
lawyer to make sure this is really,

00:23:29.842 --> 00:23:30.932
what I'm really interested in," right?

00:23:30.932 --> 00:23:33.702
It's taking that bigger goal and
breaking it down into smaller

00:23:33.702 --> 00:23:35.152
goals and then smaller steps.

00:23:35.752 --> 00:23:40.742
Those are the types of skills that I
think for many teenagers, they're hard.

00:23:41.162 --> 00:23:42.862
Y-, you don't know them until you do them.

00:23:43.142 --> 00:23:46.842
You have to experience them, but you
don't know to do them until you have

00:23:46.842 --> 00:23:48.142
some of the softer skills, right?

00:23:48.142 --> 00:23:50.802
You need to have the confidence to be
like, "This is the goal I want and this

00:23:50.802 --> 00:23:53.642
is how I'm going to achieve it." You
need to have the resilience to know that

00:23:53.642 --> 00:23:55.412
like it's not always going to work out.

00:23:55.472 --> 00:23:55.902
That's okay.

00:23:55.902 --> 00:23:58.242
I'm going to get up and try again, right?

00:23:58.272 --> 00:24:01.732
I need to be able to build relationships
so I can, you know, meet people that can

00:24:01.732 --> 00:24:04.362
help me get me closer to my goal, right?

00:24:04.362 --> 00:24:08.502
You need those soft skills in order
to achieve that ultimate goal.

00:24:08.512 --> 00:24:12.262
So, it, I'm kind of piecing
it together here in real time,

00:24:12.322 --> 00:24:13.052
Rob: Yeah, no.

00:24:13.312 --> 00:24:16.772
So I've, so I've actually a great story,
and I'm actually sitting here now.

00:24:17.632 --> 00:24:22.112
So when I was 15 and I don't remember
doing t-, let me take a step back.

00:24:22.142 --> 00:24:25.282
I was talking to my mom once a couple
years ago, and I said, "Hey…"

00:24:25.502 --> 00:24:28.422
And this is back when I was in the
business world, where I was teaching

00:24:29.132 --> 00:24:32.032
a team of people how to set goals,
and we were writing them down.

00:24:32.032 --> 00:24:34.472
I told my mom the story, "Hey, I
was working with a team, and we were

00:24:34.482 --> 00:24:37.152
writing down goals." She goes, "I'm
not sure I ever told you the story.

00:24:37.412 --> 00:24:40.912
When we moved from your house that you
grew-, the house that I grew up in,

00:24:41.202 --> 00:24:44.782
I was cleaning out your desk drawer,
and you had a piece of paper in your

00:24:44.782 --> 00:24:49.432
desk that said, 'When I'm older, I
want a Shore house for my family.'"

00:24:49.532 --> 00:24:52.882
Like I, when I, and I had to
have been 14, 15, wrote it

00:24:52.882 --> 00:24:54.312
down, and put it in my drawer.

00:24:54.682 --> 00:24:56.212
And I'm actually sitting in it now.

00:24:56.232 --> 00:25:00.692
This is a, a second home, three
houses from the beach for my family.

00:25:00.692 --> 00:25:02.082
My granddaughter's upstairs.

00:25:02.082 --> 00:25:03.362
Hopefully we don't hear.

00:25:03.712 --> 00:25:07.842
And it was o-, and it was because
I wrote it down, and it just stayed

00:25:07.842 --> 00:25:10.622
with me, and I just fought through
that and fought through things.

00:25:10.852 --> 00:25:15.812
A lot of which I wish I knew at 15 about
how to fight through things and, and

00:25:15.822 --> 00:25:19.212
some other, you know, lessons that I've
learned that, again, life's not gonna

00:25:19.212 --> 00:25:22.562
be easy and you gotta struggle to grow
and, and that's just part of the journey.

00:25:22.922 --> 00:25:25.772
But the f-, again, I think
that's just a good story of just

00:25:25.772 --> 00:25:28.752
writing down goals even at 15.

00:25:29.902 --> 00:25:30.032
Michael: Yep.

00:25:30.402 --> 00:25:30.542
Rob: You know,

00:25:30.622 --> 00:25:30.792
Michael: Yeah.

00:25:30.942 --> 00:25:34.122
Rob: when you write it down, there's
something about putting it on paper and

00:25:34.122 --> 00:25:38.382
statistically it's shown to have a, you
know, a 50% better chance of happening.

00:25:38.382 --> 00:25:40.112
If you write it down, it becomes real.

00:25:40.944 --> 00:25:41.464
Michael: Absolutely.

00:25:41.602 --> 00:25:41.852
Rob: Yeah.

00:25:41.922 --> 00:25:41.942
Yeah.

00:25:42.154 --> 00:25:48.064
Michael: So, so I kinda wanna flip
this around a little bit of we see

00:25:48.064 --> 00:25:49.424
what determination can get, right?

00:25:49.424 --> 00:25:52.864
Like we see when you have these
so-, some of these soft skills that

00:25:52.864 --> 00:25:54.684
you can, what you can accomplish.

00:25:55.234 --> 00:25:58.454
But for dads listening who may have
teenagers now or whatever age their

00:25:58.454 --> 00:26:03.324
kids may be, what are some of the signs
that their kids may be missing some

00:26:03.324 --> 00:26:07.304
of these important life skills, even
if they're doing well academically

00:26:07.304 --> 00:26:08.634
or athletically or elsewhere?

00:26:09.842 --> 00:26:12.862
Rob: So I think the most obvious
is just a relationship with others.

00:26:13.152 --> 00:26:16.602
So we spent a lot of time, and that was
really the genesis of the original Boost.

00:26:16.602 --> 00:26:17.752
It's still a big part of it.

00:26:18.422 --> 00:26:21.602
Something big believer in, as I know you
are, is just the connection with people.

00:26:21.602 --> 00:26:24.312
Life is all about the
relationships and the connections.

00:26:24.312 --> 00:26:25.612
We're wired to connect.

00:26:25.962 --> 00:26:27.742
And again, the phones have
in-, interfered with that.

00:26:27.992 --> 00:26:31.542
So really, the biggest one there
is it's about other people.

00:26:31.682 --> 00:26:32.682
It's not about you.

00:26:32.682 --> 00:26:35.972
You need to flip off the lights
on you and put it on someone else.

00:26:36.242 --> 00:26:38.062
You need to ask them questions.

00:26:38.062 --> 00:26:41.132
You need to remember past
conversations that you had with them.

00:26:41.392 --> 00:26:43.952
You can't try and one-up someone,
so as soon as they're done

00:26:43.992 --> 00:26:45.472
talking, you start talking.

00:26:45.482 --> 00:26:48.612
You need to understand verbal
communication, smiling,

00:26:48.802 --> 00:26:50.342
you know, all basic skills.

00:26:50.352 --> 00:26:54.062
So I think really those are the
easiest to kind of see and detect.

00:26:54.712 --> 00:26:58.232
And look, some certain kids are
introverted, and it doesn't come

00:26:58.232 --> 00:26:59.852
as naturally, and that's okay.

00:27:00.512 --> 00:27:02.922
Because even those people
can develop those skills.

00:27:02.932 --> 00:27:06.802
Some of my best friends were introverts
when they were younger, but they just

00:27:06.802 --> 00:27:10.972
know when I'm with them, again, it's
about me and how's th-, how's this or

00:27:11.112 --> 00:27:12.682
h-, they remember past conversations.

00:27:12.682 --> 00:27:14.342
So I think that's a starting point.

00:27:14.342 --> 00:27:15.662
And those can be taught.

00:27:15.682 --> 00:27:18.072
My m-, my m-, again,
I'll go back to my mom.

00:27:18.282 --> 00:27:21.502
When we were younger, when we were
going to, let's say, my aunt's house,

00:27:21.502 --> 00:27:25.862
she would prep us in the car and say,
"So and so is, this is happening with

00:27:25.862 --> 00:27:28.742
your cousin," or, "This one's getting
married." So when I'd get there, I'd be

00:27:28.742 --> 00:27:30.472
prepared with just a couple of questions.

00:27:30.472 --> 00:27:33.052
It doesn't take 42 questions,
just a couple of things.

00:27:33.052 --> 00:27:35.182
"Oh, I heard about this," or,
"Heard you're moving there." And

00:27:35.182 --> 00:27:37.462
then you just felt that connection.

00:27:37.472 --> 00:27:41.942
So again, these are skills that can
be developed even at a young age.

00:27:42.582 --> 00:27:44.442
So, that, I would start with that.

00:27:45.298 --> 00:27:48.588
Michael: That's a great example of your
mom kind of equipping you with a skill,

00:27:49.108 --> 00:27:53.568
a, a socialization skill, right, of,
you know, kind of prep you, "Okay, we're

00:27:53.568 --> 00:27:56.968
going to talk to your cousins, so here's
a couple questions or things you can s-,

00:27:56.988 --> 00:28:03.178
to kind of initiate the conversation."
So i-, if dads see some of these signs,

00:28:03.408 --> 00:28:08.488
we, we see our kids, you know, maybe
could use a little bit of help, what

00:28:08.488 --> 00:28:11.618
is the, the best way to approach it?

00:28:11.618 --> 00:28:14.608
Is it simply just the way your
mom did of like outlining, "Here's

00:28:14.608 --> 00:28:15.438
a couple things you can do"?

00:28:15.438 --> 00:28:19.098
Or I imagine it's obviously
not anything negative, right?

00:28:19.098 --> 00:28:23.338
It's going to be some sort of more
positive or straightforward reinforcement.

00:28:23.748 --> 00:28:28.138
What, you know, what can we as, as
parents do to help our kids when we

00:28:28.138 --> 00:28:31.578
see them showing some of these signs
of missing some of these soft skills?

00:28:31.730 --> 00:28:33.820
Rob: Yeah, so I think again, it's
starting with you as the role

00:28:33.820 --> 00:28:35.270
model where they're seeing you.

00:28:35.910 --> 00:28:37.910
I think 100% that it's positive.

00:28:38.100 --> 00:28:41.050
You're not doing it in front of someone
that, "Hey, do this," when they're,

00:28:41.050 --> 00:28:42.240
they're in front of their peers.

00:28:42.240 --> 00:28:43.880
It's behind the scenes coaching.

00:28:44.300 --> 00:28:47.890
And just again, just give a couple
little tips just to get even, you

00:28:47.890 --> 00:28:49.410
know, just remembering someone's name.

00:28:49.430 --> 00:28:53.350
It gets me so frustrated if I
don't remember someone's name and

00:28:53.350 --> 00:28:55.550
they're like, "Hey, Rob," and I've
met them a couple times and I just

00:28:55.550 --> 00:28:56.950
can't, can't remember their name.

00:28:56.950 --> 00:28:59.490
And I'm getting older, so
sometimes that happens naturally.

00:28:59.800 --> 00:29:01.640
But it just gets me so mad at myself.

00:29:01.640 --> 00:29:04.470
But they, that's the key is,
is you know, those little

00:29:04.470 --> 00:29:06.350
techniques, the great greeting.

00:29:06.350 --> 00:29:09.030
Everyone kind of knows the handshake
and the eye contact, no one talks about.

00:29:09.280 --> 00:29:11.900
But just an enthusiastic
greeting and smiling.

00:29:12.740 --> 00:29:15.920
Getting up when you see someone as
opposed to, you know, just sitting down.

00:29:15.920 --> 00:29:18.630
So there's just little things
that you could kind of whisper

00:29:18.630 --> 00:29:21.380
in your child's ear as a dad.

00:29:22.070 --> 00:29:25.030
And again, just make sure that
you're role modeling it as well.

00:29:25.802 --> 00:29:26.392
Michael: Right, right.

00:29:26.392 --> 00:29:31.152
'Cause again, it's they take after
what you do, not what you say, right?

00:29:31.152 --> 00:29:32.842
'Cause you can say something
and do the opposite.

00:29:33.682 --> 00:29:35.652
It's actions speak louder than words.

00:29:35.794 --> 00:29:35.974
Rob: Yeah.

00:29:36.564 --> 00:29:36.744
Yeah.

00:29:36.874 --> 00:29:40.434
And that's by the way where, where when
we videotape in those s-, scenarios

00:29:40.454 --> 00:29:41.694
and they get to see it on tape.

00:29:41.904 --> 00:29:45.034
It's like any athlete looking
at their tape or musician,

00:29:45.284 --> 00:29:46.644
it just changes everything.

00:29:46.644 --> 00:29:49.534
They, they really, they think they're
doing some of these things, but once they

00:29:49.534 --> 00:29:53.444
see themselves on tape, which is again
one of the benefits of the Boost program.

00:29:54.578 --> 00:29:55.018
Michael: Interesting.

00:29:55.068 --> 00:29:55.388
Yeah.

00:29:56.578 --> 00:30:00.068
Obviously, you know, we hear about
professional athletes and collegiate

00:30:00.068 --> 00:30:03.188
athletes, like they're studying
tapes to get better at what they do.

00:30:03.188 --> 00:30:07.048
So this is just like any other, It's just
like any athletic skill or anything else.

00:30:07.968 --> 00:30:12.298
You can, you learn by doing, but then
also analyzing like what you did.

00:30:12.338 --> 00:30:16.838
And I imagine seeing yourself back may
not be comfortable, at least initially,

00:30:16.858 --> 00:30:21.388
but then you start to figure out like,
"Oh, I never knew that I'm always looking

00:30:21.598 --> 00:30:23.118
down when I'm talking to somebody and…

00:30:23.432 --> 00:30:27.192
Rob: There, there was one school,
we just did a, an interview series.

00:30:27.482 --> 00:30:29.672
So they, school came to me and
said, "Rob," you know, they had

00:30:29.672 --> 00:30:31.952
the Boost program, and like, "We
wanna really work on interviews.

00:30:31.952 --> 00:30:36.232
Our kids go for internships next year."
And normally they'd bring in the, the

00:30:36.232 --> 00:30:39.142
companies that they'd be interns, and
they would just kind of throw them into it

00:30:39.142 --> 00:30:41.142
and as k-, thinking that it was practice.

00:30:41.142 --> 00:30:44.472
I was like, "No, we gotta train
them first, then help develop the

00:30:44.472 --> 00:30:46.222
skills." So we did a couple steps.

00:30:46.222 --> 00:30:47.952
We had an assembly, we
talked about the stuff.

00:30:47.952 --> 00:30:51.992
We talked about you're interviewing
them, you make it about them, not you.

00:30:52.002 --> 00:30:53.602
You gotta be prepared in the interview.

00:30:53.602 --> 00:30:57.552
You gotta interview, you know, understand
Michael's business and where he's from,

00:30:57.812 --> 00:30:59.352
give compliments, those kinds of things.

00:30:59.632 --> 00:31:02.942
But then we did pe-, the, the next
step was peer-to-peer interviews

00:31:02.942 --> 00:31:04.732
where they videotaped themselves.

00:31:05.172 --> 00:31:07.752
And that's where they saw, "Oh,
I was playing with my hair.

00:31:07.752 --> 00:31:09.492
I didn't look d-, I was looking down.

00:31:10.352 --> 00:31:11.482
Didn't make eye contact.

00:31:11.482 --> 00:31:12.732
I didn't ask any questions.

00:31:12.732 --> 00:31:15.032
I wasn't smiling." So
you're exactly right.

00:31:15.032 --> 00:31:18.442
I used to do this in the corporate world
with young associates, particularly the

00:31:18.442 --> 00:31:20.392
sales team, and they hated doing it.

00:31:20.722 --> 00:31:21.172
They hate it.

00:31:21.342 --> 00:31:24.322
But once they saw themselves, "Let,
let me do that again. I can do bet-."

00:31:24.332 --> 00:31:27.852
You know, so exactly, that's the
key is just see yourself on tape.

00:31:29.106 --> 00:31:31.466
Michael: Yeah, it's a way
to become aware, right?

00:31:31.546 --> 00:31:36.396
It's a-, another experience that you
have, 'cause that is, I think, how we

00:31:36.396 --> 00:31:37.876
learn best is through experience, right?

00:31:37.876 --> 00:31:39.716
We could read everything
in the world, right?

00:31:39.716 --> 00:31:40.746
And I'm a voracious reader.

00:31:40.746 --> 00:31:43.266
I, I love learning through
books, but like, it doesn't

00:31:43.266 --> 00:31:44.696
matter until you apply it, right?

00:31:44.696 --> 00:31:47.956
And then once you experience it,
then you can start to see it.

00:31:48.216 --> 00:31:49.496
Video taping yourself is an experience.

00:31:49.496 --> 00:31:52.696
You're going through the, the
process, and then you can evaluate

00:31:52.696 --> 00:31:54.096
kind of how you've done it.

00:31:54.126 --> 00:31:54.546
So it's…

00:31:54.700 --> 00:31:56.150
Rob: So, let, let's go
back to the athlete.

00:31:56.190 --> 00:31:59.920
The ath-, you don't become a good athlete
just going to, you know, a game watching.

00:31:59.920 --> 00:32:02.270
It's practice, practice,
practice, practice, practice.

00:32:02.500 --> 00:32:04.550
You don't become a musician
just going to a concert.

00:32:04.590 --> 00:32:06.960
It's, it's playing over and
over and making mistakes.

00:32:06.960 --> 00:32:09.330
So it's really the same thing
with these skills, is you have to

00:32:09.330 --> 00:32:12.190
practice, you have to try 100%.

00:32:12.860 --> 00:32:13.792
Michael: Yeah, absolutely.

00:32:13.860 --> 00:32:13.880
Rob: Yeah.

00:32:14.202 --> 00:32:18.502
Michael: So you've obviously had
a very successful career, and you

00:32:18.502 --> 00:32:22.452
have three grown children who all
seem to be doing really well for

00:32:22.452 --> 00:32:25.182
themselves as well, and you've, you
know, you've got a budding family.

00:32:26.162 --> 00:32:30.232
So I'm curious, you know, you have
a quite a bit of experience now

00:32:30.232 --> 00:32:31.692
as a father and as a grandfather.

00:32:32.582 --> 00:32:37.092
What's something you've changed in your
own approach as a dad over the years that

00:32:37.442 --> 00:32:39.262
maybe you wish you had understood sooner?

00:32:40.186 --> 00:32:42.666
Rob: So I think it's really, again,
we kind of talked about the struggle

00:32:42.666 --> 00:32:46.146
to grow, that they have to, you
can't jump in there all the time.

00:32:47.226 --> 00:32:50.316
And as long as they, And you
can't get caught up in every

00:32:50.316 --> 00:32:53.136
little issue or problem.

00:32:54.046 --> 00:32:55.976
And I tend to do that,
and I still do that.

00:32:55.976 --> 00:32:58.086
It's, you know, it's
something I need to work on.

00:32:58.086 --> 00:33:00.506
So I, I think that's the biggest thing.

00:33:00.506 --> 00:33:03.316
In the scope of life, most of these
things are minor issues, and they

00:33:03.316 --> 00:33:06.986
go… As long as they're a good person,
and they care about their family,

00:33:07.006 --> 00:33:10.106
and they like themselves, you know,
as long as they have the big picture

00:33:10.116 --> 00:33:11.576
things, then it's all gonna be good.

00:33:12.436 --> 00:33:16.566
And look, even with the advantage my
kids in the Boost program, and I'm

00:33:16.566 --> 00:33:19.726
into this, look, there's still been
plenty of struggles and different

00:33:19.726 --> 00:33:21.206
issues with all three of them.

00:33:21.838 --> 00:33:22.188
Michael: Right.

00:33:23.286 --> 00:33:28.296
Rob: So, it, it's never gonna be this
perfect, you know you know, ride straight

00:33:28.296 --> 00:33:32.146
up that, that we all love for our kids,
'cause we, you know, we love them so much.

00:33:32.146 --> 00:33:34.576
It just doesn't happen that way,
and they're all different, we know.

00:33:34.976 --> 00:33:35.516
So,

00:33:35.640 --> 00:33:35.810
Michael: Of course.

00:33:35.996 --> 00:33:37.096
Rob: yeah, for sure.

00:33:37.770 --> 00:33:40.530
Michael: Yeah, it's great perspective
because it's, I mean, like you said,

00:33:40.670 --> 00:33:42.090
they're, everybody's different.

00:33:42.090 --> 00:33:45.410
They're all gonna have different
reactions to different experiences,

00:33:46.060 --> 00:33:52.220
but it's, life continues to move
on regardless of what happens.

00:33:52.370 --> 00:33:58.210
And for me at least, I have
found over time that I'm

00:33:58.210 --> 00:34:00.470
content with progress, right?

00:34:00.540 --> 00:34:04.700
I, I know my kids aren't
gonna cure cancer, right?

00:34:05.510 --> 00:34:08.380
I know they're probably not gonna
solve world peace on their own, right?

00:34:09.040 --> 00:34:15.830
But they, as they continue to mature
and age, and I see them helping

00:34:15.840 --> 00:34:19.900
others, I see their, see them
being relied upon by their friends.

00:34:19.900 --> 00:34:24.800
I see them, you know, trying
to develop new skill sets.

00:34:26.650 --> 00:34:29.380
Yeah, it's, like you said, it's not
always going to be perfect, and you're,

00:34:29.440 --> 00:34:30.930
there's plenty of bumps in the road.

00:34:30.930 --> 00:34:32.760
I go through them all the time myself.

00:34:34.340 --> 00:34:38.010
But we continue to progress, and we
continue to see that progression.

00:34:38.050 --> 00:34:42.070
To me, you know, ultimately, I want
my kids to be able to contribute to

00:34:42.070 --> 00:34:47.400
society in a positive way and help
make, help the, I want them to ideally

00:34:47.410 --> 00:34:51.310
achieve goals that are interesting to
them and help others along the way.

00:34:51.310 --> 00:34:54.530
To me, if they do that, like, I, I think

00:34:55.094 --> 00:34:55.544
Rob: No, it's so

00:34:55.620 --> 00:34:56.540
Michael: life is a success, right?

00:34:56.540 --> 00:34:57.240
Like, that is my

00:34:57.429 --> 00:34:57.959
Rob: so true.

00:34:57.959 --> 00:34:58.224
Yeah.

00:34:58.350 --> 00:34:59.700
Michael: ultimate goal in life.

00:34:59.784 --> 00:34:59.984
Rob: Yeah.

00:35:00.140 --> 00:35:02.680
But it is hard 'cause again, you
just want to help, you want to

00:35:02.680 --> 00:35:04.040
jump in, you know things, yeah.

00:35:04.320 --> 00:35:07.530
It gets, And again, as much as
I know now and I'm in my 60s, I

00:35:07.530 --> 00:35:11.020
still can, can fall into that trap.

00:35:11.020 --> 00:35:12.260
So it's, it's a struggle.

00:35:12.982 --> 00:35:13.352
Michael: Absolutely.

00:35:13.352 --> 00:35:16.842
But it, it's a great reminder that,
like, we keep moving forward, right?

00:35:16.882 --> 00:35:22.942
And we can't, It's so easy, especially
in the early days of fatherhood

00:35:22.942 --> 00:35:25.522
when your kids are really young and
things are really stressful, right?

00:35:25.522 --> 00:35:26.502
You're not getting a lot of sleep.

00:35:26.502 --> 00:35:30.722
Your kids maybe don't sleep through
the night every night that it's

00:35:30.732 --> 00:35:34.862
easy to make things out to be
worse than they actually are.

00:35:35.572 --> 00:35:39.532
And you don't realize that
until time passes, like, "Oh,

00:35:39.542 --> 00:35:41.132
we got through that." Yeah.

00:35:41.152 --> 00:35:43.112
Was it a fun time when I was
sleeping three hours a night?

00:35:43.312 --> 00:35:44.202
No, not really.

00:35:44.452 --> 00:35:48.902
But I, we had that experience, we
got through it, and the next thing

00:35:48.902 --> 00:35:52.242
that comes up might be stressful,
but it's temporary, right?

00:35:52.502 --> 00:35:52.692
It's,

00:35:52.822 --> 00:35:53.382
Rob: Yeah, absolutely

00:35:53.542 --> 00:35:56.982
Michael: so it's ju-, it's good to have
that perspective of like, yeah, sometimes

00:35:56.982 --> 00:35:59.752
we just gotta slow our minds down and
be like, "Okay, it's gonna be okay."

00:35:59.954 --> 00:36:00.904
Rob: It's gonna be okay.

00:36:01.052 --> 00:36:03.032
Michael: It didn't necessarily work
out the way I wanted it to this time,

00:36:03.062 --> 00:36:04.462
but there's always next time, right?

00:36:04.492 --> 00:36:04.702
And our

00:36:04.724 --> 00:36:04.874
Rob: There's

00:36:05.152 --> 00:36:05.292
Michael: kids will continue to grow.

00:36:05.364 --> 00:36:05.824
Rob: To be learned.

00:36:06.064 --> 00:36:09.814
That actually, so the oldest who I
started the program for, we had a

00:36:09.814 --> 00:36:12.904
conversation earlier this week, and
there were certain things he said,

00:36:12.954 --> 00:36:16.194
and it basically was, "I could have
done better." He didn't blame anyone.

00:36:16.244 --> 00:36:17.294
You know, certain things have happened.

00:36:17.564 --> 00:36:18.554
Didn't blame anyone.

00:36:18.574 --> 00:36:19.104
I learned.

00:36:19.104 --> 00:36:20.114
I, you know, what can you say?

00:36:20.114 --> 00:36:20.664
Like, that's it.

00:36:20.664 --> 00:36:23.344
Like, as a father, I could, I
couldn't jump in and start coaching.

00:36:23.384 --> 00:36:24.114
Like, that's it.

00:36:24.144 --> 00:36:24.694
He got it.

00:36:24.704 --> 00:36:26.014
Like, he got, he understood.

00:36:26.014 --> 00:36:29.814
So, I think that is an important skill
to have, not to blame and realize

00:36:29.864 --> 00:36:33.134
the mistakes and this is it, and
I gotta move on, and that was it.

00:36:34.014 --> 00:36:34.194
Yeah,

00:36:34.680 --> 00:36:35.270
Michael: absolutely.

00:36:35.540 --> 00:36:38.830
So I, I got another question for you
that I, t-, is a personal one for

00:36:38.830 --> 00:36:42.400
me, but I think a lot of, of dads
will think about this if they're

00:36:42.400 --> 00:36:43.570
not al-, already thinking about it.

00:36:44.340 --> 00:36:48.480
What is, now that your kids have grown
up, they've, you know, they're out on

00:36:48.480 --> 00:36:52.470
their own, what's one conversation that
you think every dad should have with

00:36:52.470 --> 00:36:54.440
their teenager before they leave home?

00:36:55.586 --> 00:36:55.716
Rob: Hmm.

00:36:56.806 --> 00:36:57.596
That's a good one.

00:37:00.244 --> 00:37:05.814
So, I, you know, to me, I just get,
always get back to it's about the

00:37:05.824 --> 00:37:07.844
other person, and it's not about you.

00:37:08.324 --> 00:37:11.934
So I know I've said that before, but
it's just so powerful and so strong.

00:37:11.974 --> 00:37:16.094
And the more I've gone on, you know,
as I've just gotten older, I just

00:37:16.094 --> 00:37:17.584
realize the importance of that.

00:37:17.804 --> 00:37:20.404
And it just t-, it just
help, it helps everything.

00:37:20.404 --> 00:37:21.574
It just helps everyone.

00:37:21.854 --> 00:37:25.314
Helps your relationships, it helps,
it just, it just helps everything.

00:37:25.314 --> 00:37:26.994
So I think that's the main thing.

00:37:26.994 --> 00:37:29.254
It's not about you,
it's about someone else.

00:37:29.954 --> 00:37:34.294
So that would probably be my
biggest lesson to, to talk about.

00:37:34.294 --> 00:37:36.744
Certainly there's a ton of
other ones, a lot that we've

00:37:36.994 --> 00:37:37.014
Michael: Yeah.

00:37:37.034 --> 00:37:37.734
Rob: talked about, but
that's probably the biggest.

00:37:39.510 --> 00:37:39.980
Michael: I love that.

00:37:40.000 --> 00:37:45.510
It's, we live in a world with
other people, and it is easy

00:37:45.510 --> 00:37:48.070
to think about yourself, right?

00:37:48.150 --> 00:37:54.130
But it is more beneficial to
think of others and to, you know,

00:37:54.470 --> 00:37:58.200
your world tends to get enriched
by having other people around.

00:37:58.754 --> 00:37:59.054
Rob: 100%.

00:37:59.154 --> 00:38:00.504
Michael: Even though
I'm an introvert, right?

00:38:00.714 --> 00:38:04.404
I still realize that my world is
better with my friends and my family

00:38:04.404 --> 00:38:07.464
in it than it would be just me just
thinking about myself all day, right?

00:38:07.702 --> 00:38:08.992
Rob: Yeah, we were bo-,
we're wired to connect.

00:38:09.392 --> 00:38:12.472
You know, I, I didn't again
understand, like I didn't understand

00:38:12.472 --> 00:38:13.932
it to the level that I do now.

00:38:14.042 --> 00:38:16.912
We are wired to connect, and
that's just what makes life great.

00:38:16.922 --> 00:38:17.822
That's when you feel good.

00:38:18.960 --> 00:38:19.320
Michael: Absolutely.

00:38:19.552 --> 00:38:19.772
Rob: Yeah.

00:38:20.010 --> 00:38:21.700
Michael: So one more question
before we get into the speed round.

00:38:22.180 --> 00:38:27.430
If you could leave dads with one
practical action that they could take

00:38:27.430 --> 00:38:31.120
this week to better prepare their kids
for adulthood, what, what would it be?

00:38:33.002 --> 00:38:37.282
Rob: So I'm trying to think of something
that we didn't talk about but we've,

00:38:38.072 --> 00:38:40.922
unfortunately I come back to some of
the things that we've talked about,

00:38:40.932 --> 00:38:45.852
and I would say the, the whole struggle
to grow, that you, like life is not

00:38:45.852 --> 00:38:49.022
gonna be fair and it's gonna be hard
and you're gonna have obstacles.

00:38:49.022 --> 00:38:52.422
You are gonna, and you just have
to have, again, the tools and the

00:38:52.952 --> 00:38:54.992
mental, just knowing that helps.

00:38:55.672 --> 00:38:58.042
And again, I've only learned
that in the last couple years.

00:38:58.042 --> 00:39:00.952
I've been doing Boost for 20 years,
teaching this stuff for, but like

00:39:00.972 --> 00:39:04.692
I didn't, that lesson I didn't know
until a couple years ago or really

00:39:05.322 --> 00:39:08.052
understand it the way I did, and
it's really helped me, and I just

00:39:08.072 --> 00:39:10.452
wish I knew that as a 15-year-old.

00:39:11.032 --> 00:39:15.792
It would've saved me a lot
of just negative energy.

00:39:19.762 --> 00:39:19.792
Michael: Right.

00:39:19.792 --> 00:39:21.032
I-, in terms of this resilience
that you, you talk about, like, what

00:39:21.042 --> 00:39:28.642
should we as dads be doing to set
the proper or the most effective

00:39:28.642 --> 00:39:31.782
expectation for our kids to pick up on?

00:39:31.782 --> 00:39:34.472
'Cause like we said, like it,
it's modeled on action, right?

00:39:34.472 --> 00:39:36.452
It's like, it's what
we do, not what we say.

00:39:36.942 --> 00:39:37.972
Like, how do we

00:39:38.708 --> 00:39:38.728
Rob: Yeah.

00:39:38.978 --> 00:39:39.238
So I,

00:39:39.322 --> 00:39:39.662
Michael: help?

00:39:39.678 --> 00:39:42.548
Rob: if, if that's the big issue,
struggle to grow, it's just as the,

00:39:42.558 --> 00:39:45.998
as you go through stressful times,
if the, it's how you handle that.

00:39:46.708 --> 00:39:49.428
And it doesn't mean you just have
to blow it off or be happy, but

00:39:49.428 --> 00:39:52.408
just how you have it, maybe have
some conversations around it.

00:39:52.408 --> 00:39:55.158
Like, "Hey, I'm going through this tough
time," or, "This issue's coming up, but

00:39:55.408 --> 00:39:56.568
like I know I'm gonna get through it."

00:39:56.568 --> 00:39:59.868
So just seeing how you're handling
that, I think is, is good.

00:39:59.898 --> 00:40:03.568
And I, and it's, and my parents
were great mentors, and I had a lot

00:40:03.568 --> 00:40:06.388
of great mentors in my life, but
no one really taught me that one.

00:40:07.068 --> 00:40:08.718
And I wish someone had taught me that one.

00:40:09.566 --> 00:40:12.116
Michael: Yeah, I think there's a
lot of value there in involving

00:40:12.656 --> 00:40:14.946
your kids in some of your struggles.

00:40:14.976 --> 00:40:18.786
Now, certainly we naturally want
to protect our kids from a lot

00:40:18.786 --> 00:40:22.846
of this, but it also, there are
times where it's beneficial to

00:40:23.856 --> 00:40:25.176
be forthright with them and to

00:40:25.194 --> 00:40:25.434
Rob: Yeah.

00:40:25.586 --> 00:40:27.986
Michael: explain, "Hey, this is
the challenge I'm facing right now.

00:40:28.168 --> 00:40:28.226
Rob: Yeah.

00:40:28.276 --> 00:40:31.206
Michael: You know, th-, this is what
I'm trying to do to overcome it.

00:40:31.486 --> 00:40:34.806
You know, how can you, Like,
this is the kind of support

00:40:34.806 --> 00:40:36.336
that I'm gonna need around me."

00:40:36.608 --> 00:40:36.718
Rob: Yeah.

00:40:37.096 --> 00:40:39.946
Michael: And the kids will, they might
not completely understand what you're

00:40:39.946 --> 00:40:43.696
going through yet, but they'll start
to pick up on it and see, you know,

00:40:43.966 --> 00:40:46.916
you're handling it in a productive
manner and not just letting it

00:40:47.716 --> 00:40:49.376
overwhelm you and take you away from

00:40:49.390 --> 00:40:50.100
Rob: Absolutely.

00:40:50.100 --> 00:40:50.290
Yeah,

00:40:50.436 --> 00:40:50.546
Michael: being present.

00:40:50.620 --> 00:40:53.740
Rob: you don't, if you're just for some
reason you just don't need to go into

00:40:53.740 --> 00:40:56.010
the detail of what happened, just, "Hey,
look, I'm going through a tough time,

00:40:56.010 --> 00:40:59.610
but I'm gonna get through it. This is
life and this is it." And just seeing

00:40:59.900 --> 00:41:05.230
you do that again, I, as much as again,
I don't, I hate to throw my parents or

00:41:05.230 --> 00:41:08.690
any other mentors under the bus, but just
I, I didn't have that, and I wish I did.

00:41:09.616 --> 00:41:09.816
Michael: Right.

00:41:10.356 --> 00:41:13.766
Yeah, I think for me, like a,
a recent example is both my

00:41:13.766 --> 00:41:15.096
parents went into the hospital.

00:41:15.246 --> 00:41:19.246
It, both had surgery in the same,
like back-to-back days, and they

00:41:19.246 --> 00:41:22.806
live in another state, and it
was challenging and stressful.

00:41:22.806 --> 00:41:24.806
And I told my kids, like,
"Here's what's happening.

00:41:25.106 --> 00:41:27.816
Your grandparents are both having
surgeries back-to-back days.

00:41:28.106 --> 00:41:28.606
Here's what I'm going to do.

00:41:28.606 --> 00:41:29.836
I'm gonna go fly down there.

00:41:29.836 --> 00:41:31.516
I'm going to take, drive
them to the hospital.

00:41:31.516 --> 00:41:33.506
I'm gonna stay there and get
them home and make sure they're

00:41:33.506 --> 00:41:35.426
all settled before I come back.

00:41:35.466 --> 00:41:39.286
It's, you know, I'm not gonna be here
to take you to whatever activity or

00:41:39.286 --> 00:41:42.916
I'm not going to be here to do this,
but here is what we're going to do.

00:41:43.306 --> 00:41:46.816
And if you want, like you should
call them, you can call them the

00:41:46.816 --> 00:41:49.306
day before, wish them well, and you
can talk to them after the surgery.

00:41:49.306 --> 00:41:51.616
Like you can call them again."
Like getting them involved so they

00:41:51.616 --> 00:41:55.896
knew they weren't overly, like they
weren't overly scared or nervous that

00:41:55.896 --> 00:41:57.946
something bad was going to happen.

00:41:57.946 --> 00:41:59.926
It was just, this is a
challenging time and this is

00:41:59.926 --> 00:42:01.676
kind of how we expect it, right?

00:42:01.676 --> 00:42:03.446
It doesn't have to be this grand thing.

00:42:03.446 --> 00:42:06.306
I didn't need to tell them, I didn't need
to give them the medical reports, right?

00:42:06.306 --> 00:42:07.016
From like, from like

00:42:07.410 --> 00:42:07.570
Rob: Yeah.

00:42:07.776 --> 00:42:10.206
Michael: The doctors, but just like,
"Here's what's happening, you know, and

00:42:10.206 --> 00:42:11.476
this is kind of how it's affecting me.

00:42:11.476 --> 00:42:14.196
This is what I'm going to do about it."
I'm hoping that sets an example for them

00:42:14.196 --> 00:42:17.836
of like when they get into a situation
that's stressful for them, maybe, you

00:42:17.836 --> 00:42:20.226
know, something happens to one of their
friends, like, "Okay, how can I be there

00:42:20.226 --> 00:42:22.406
for them when that bad thing happens?"

00:42:22.612 --> 00:42:22.712
Rob: Yeah

00:42:22.776 --> 00:42:27.776
Michael: I think that's the, that is
a way, that's the action we can take

00:42:27.856 --> 00:42:32.946
to demonstrate to them like, "Here
is one way it can be handled," right?

00:42:32.956 --> 00:42:38.726
"Here is a positive way to handle a
challenging situation." So I w-, I wanna

00:42:38.726 --> 00:42:43.516
go from the serious and challenging to
the completely unserious speed round.

00:42:43.516 --> 00:42:44.596
It has nothing to do with anything.

00:42:44.796 --> 00:42:48.846
Five quick questions for you,
starting with what's the first kids

00:42:48.846 --> 00:42:50.296
show theme song that comes to mind?

00:42:50.588 --> 00:42:52.408
Rob: Well, that's easy
right now, Sesame Street.

00:42:52.754 --> 00:42:53.364
Michael: Sesame Street.

00:42:53.428 --> 00:42:57.698
Rob: I'm actually watching it with my
granddaughter who's two and I, we sing

00:42:57.738 --> 00:42:59.358
it together when it comes on, right?

00:42:59.358 --> 00:43:02.058
And she loves Elmo, and so
yeah, so that, that one's easy.

00:43:02.058 --> 00:43:06.958
That's lately that's… And, and I
forgot I like that tune, so yeah.

00:43:07.368 --> 00:43:08.008
So that, yeah.

00:43:08.070 --> 00:43:09.470
Michael: That'll be stuck in
a lot of people's heads now.

00:43:09.698 --> 00:43:10.238
Rob: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:10.580 --> 00:43:11.030
Michael: For sure.

00:43:11.340 --> 00:43:12.710
What was your very first job?

00:43:13.638 --> 00:43:14.498
Rob: My very first job.

00:43:14.498 --> 00:43:20.068
So I was an entrepreneur at a young
age, so I literally organized a, a

00:43:20.468 --> 00:43:24.488
crew of a couple friends to do m-,
you know, minor landscaping, you know,

00:43:24.488 --> 00:43:29.578
cutting some lawns and doing some things
where had a, a, a crew at like 12.

00:43:30.256 --> 00:43:30.596
Michael: Oh, wow.

00:43:30.658 --> 00:43:31.988
Rob: Probably three,
probably three houses.

00:43:31.988 --> 00:43:32.702
It wasn't a big operation.

00:43:32.702 --> 00:43:32.912
Michael: Yeah.

00:43:33.888 --> 00:43:38.458
Rob: But, but that's kind of
started the entrepreneurial spirit.

00:43:39.134 --> 00:43:39.734
Michael: That's awesome.

00:43:39.884 --> 00:43:40.224
Love it.

00:43:40.628 --> 00:43:40.858
Rob: Yeah.

00:43:40.964 --> 00:43:43.384
Michael: Would you rather spend
24 hours with a toddler-sized

00:43:43.394 --> 00:43:45.414
T-Rex or a T-Rex-sized toddler?

00:43:45.950 --> 00:43:46.860
Rob: Ooh, that's a good one.

00:43:47.150 --> 00:43:50.260
All right, so does the
toddler, are they tired?

00:43:50.940 --> 00:43:52.250
Are they, did they have a nap?

00:43:53.220 --> 00:43:56.260
'Cause if they didn't have a nap… 'Cause
I'm seeing it again with my granddaughter.

00:43:56.260 --> 00:43:57.550
I kind of forgot about my kids.

00:43:57.810 --> 00:44:00.880
When she's tired and hasn't had
a nap, and she's getting into

00:44:00.880 --> 00:44:02.420
the two, you know, two-year-old.

00:44:02.820 --> 00:44:05.110
So I'm gonna say if they
didn't have a nap…

00:44:06.130 --> 00:44:08.306
Michael: It's 24 hours though, so I
mean, at some point they'll sleep,

00:44:08.316 --> 00:44:09.270
but at some point they won't sleep.

00:44:09.370 --> 00:44:09.720
Rob: Yeah.

00:44:10.260 --> 00:44:11.000
Give me the toddler.

00:44:11.020 --> 00:44:11.820
I want the toddler.

00:44:11.866 --> 00:44:12.776
Michael: T-Rex-sized toddler?

00:44:12.880 --> 00:44:13.125
Rob: Yeah, yeah.

00:44:13.156 --> 00:44:13.406
Michael: Yeah.

00:44:14.120 --> 00:44:14.340
Rob: Yeah.

00:44:14.486 --> 00:44:15.736
Michael: Do you have
any particular reason?

00:44:20.322 --> 00:44:21.342
Rob: I just love toddlers.

00:44:21.342 --> 00:44:21.712
I love the

00:44:21.732 --> 00:44:21.872
Michael: whole

00:44:21.872 --> 00:44:22.052
Rob: thing.

00:44:22.182 --> 00:44:22.662
So yeah, that's

00:44:22.662 --> 00:44:22.692
Michael: it.

00:44:22.722 --> 00:44:23.052
Fair enough.

00:44:23.092 --> 00:44:24.022
So a giant toddler would be…

00:44:24.022 --> 00:44:24.812
Rob: Yeah, a giant toddler.

00:44:24.932 --> 00:44:25.142
Yeah.

00:44:25.192 --> 00:44:25.672
Michael: Sounds fun.

00:44:25.822 --> 00:44:26.062
Yeah.

00:44:26.482 --> 00:44:26.772
I get it.

00:44:26.982 --> 00:44:29.732
What's your go-to karaoke song or
the one you would sing if you had to?

00:44:29.864 --> 00:44:31.594
Rob: So you, you're not gonna
make me sing it though, right?

00:44:31.856 --> 00:44:32.586
Michael: No, no, no, no.

00:44:32.754 --> 00:44:33.794
Rob: Ok, as long as I
don't have to sing it.

00:44:33.794 --> 00:44:35.974
So, Rapper's Delight
by The Sugarhill Gang.

00:44:36.538 --> 00:44:37.058
Michael: Oh, wow.

00:44:37.534 --> 00:44:38.774
Rob: Technically, the first rap song.

00:44:39.272 --> 00:44:39.782
Michael: Yes.

00:44:39.904 --> 00:44:40.174
Rob: Yeah.

00:44:40.204 --> 00:44:40.314
Yeah.

00:44:40.942 --> 00:44:42.012
Michael: Classic of all classics.

00:44:42.304 --> 00:44:42.564
Rob: Yeah.

00:44:43.142 --> 00:44:43.732
Michael: Great choice.

00:44:43.802 --> 00:44:45.932
And finally, what's the weirdest
thing you've ever carried around

00:44:45.932 --> 00:44:47.432
in your bag, briefcase, or pockets?

00:44:48.026 --> 00:44:50.286
Rob: Ooh, that's, again,
that's actually gonna be easy.

00:44:50.286 --> 00:44:51.646
So I'm old school.

00:44:51.646 --> 00:44:55.436
I have a wallet, and I, I don't have
it on me, otherwise I'd pull it out.

00:44:55.766 --> 00:45:00.326
And in it are pictures of my kids
when they were, like, five and six.

00:45:00.526 --> 00:45:03.496
So everyone's got all these, and my
kids are like, "What are you doing?"

00:45:03.796 --> 00:45:07.066
I put them in there, and it's almost
like a good luck thing or superstition.

00:45:07.066 --> 00:45:08.026
I'm not thinking about.

00:45:08.316 --> 00:45:10.826
So it's literally,
like, I have three kids.

00:45:10.826 --> 00:45:13.406
It's two of the kids when
they're, like, five and six.

00:45:13.436 --> 00:45:16.066
Their, like, class picture
that's still stuck in there.

00:45:16.966 --> 00:45:17.996
So that's kinda weird.

00:45:18.536 --> 00:45:22.366
Michael: Is the third kid grateful
or hurt that they're not included?

00:45:22.474 --> 00:45:22.784
Rob: That's a great question.

00:45:22.784 --> 00:45:23.694
We've never had that discussion.

00:45:23.694 --> 00:45:26.304
Yeah, that's, he should be
happy that he's not in there.

00:45:26.304 --> 00:45:26.624
Yeah.

00:45:27.054 --> 00:45:29.004
Or, or mad, why aren't I in there?

00:45:29.004 --> 00:45:29.714
So I don't know.

00:45:29.880 --> 00:45:30.450
Michael: Right, right.

00:45:30.710 --> 00:45:33.310
I, I, It'll be interesting,
an interesting question.

00:45:33.374 --> 00:45:35.274
Rob: Hopefully, there's
not a psychological study.

00:45:35.294 --> 00:45:37.854
"Oh, my dad never had me in
his wallet, and that's why I'm

00:45:38.378 --> 00:45:38.768
Michael: Right, right.

00:45:38.874 --> 00:45:39.594
Rob: not doing well."

00:45:40.348 --> 00:45:41.138
Michael: Well, Rob, this is great.

00:45:41.238 --> 00:45:44.238
But before we wrap up, I want to
give you the opportunity to share

00:45:44.238 --> 00:45:46.448
more about what you're working on
and where listeners can learn more

00:45:46.448 --> 00:45:49.118
about you and Boost and anything
else you'd like to point them toward.

00:45:49.394 --> 00:45:49.754
Rob: Sure, yeah.

00:45:49.954 --> 00:45:50.914
So I think a couple things.

00:45:50.914 --> 00:45:52.464
One is just go to BoostProgram.com.

00:45:52.464 --> 00:45:54.504
You'll see a little bit
more about the program.

00:45:55.014 --> 00:45:57.714
I've written a book called The
Missing Course for Today's Youth that

00:45:57.714 --> 00:46:01.224
really talks about all this, and it's
really written for adults to teach

00:46:01.224 --> 00:46:02.894
these skills to the next generation.

00:46:02.894 --> 00:46:06.914
There's a ton of worksheets that you
can download, and again, it gives

00:46:06.914 --> 00:46:07.994
you some things to think about.

00:46:07.994 --> 00:46:11.264
So again, it's called The Missing
Course for Today's Youth by Rob Heller.

00:46:11.274 --> 00:46:14.434
It's on Amazon, or again, go to
Boost Program, you can see it there.

00:46:15.404 --> 00:46:20.124
And also, if th-, we're, we're also
building a community for anyone

00:46:20.124 --> 00:46:21.564
that works with today's youth.

00:46:21.814 --> 00:46:27.624
So a lot of schools or nonprofits
or workforce development programs

00:46:27.624 --> 00:46:28.494
where we're doing a lot of work.

00:46:28.504 --> 00:46:31.614
Even workforce development work,
everyone's trying to, you know, trades and

00:46:31.614 --> 00:46:33.174
maybe not everyone's meant for college.

00:46:33.444 --> 00:46:35.724
But even in the trades, you
need these skills, so we're

00:46:35.724 --> 00:46:36.954
doing a lot of work around that.

00:46:37.494 --> 00:46:40.294
So we're creating a
community of creating these.

00:46:40.574 --> 00:46:43.794
And we're really, you had said it
earlier, you know, is it life skills?

00:46:43.794 --> 00:46:45.034
Is it social-emotional learning?

00:46:45.214 --> 00:46:46.374
Really, it's soft skills.

00:46:46.384 --> 00:46:50.604
So it's really soft skill
development for age 14 to 24.

00:46:50.614 --> 00:46:54.004
So we're creating a community that
will be rolled out in September.

00:46:54.194 --> 00:46:56.994
But if you s-, go to Boost Program and
maybe, and sign up for a newsletter,

00:46:57.004 --> 00:46:59.854
we'll start getting you some
information when that's rolled out.

00:47:00.624 --> 00:47:01.014
Michael: Awesome.

00:47:01.094 --> 00:47:01.414
That's great.

00:47:01.414 --> 00:47:03.044
We'll have links to all that
stuff in the show notes.

00:47:03.214 --> 00:47:03.504
Rob: Great.

00:47:03.564 --> 00:47:05.244
Michael: Rob, thank you so much for
taking the time to chat with me today.

00:47:05.254 --> 00:47:09.034
I appreciate both the work that you're
doing and the, the perspective you've

00:47:09.034 --> 00:47:12.144
shared around helping kids develop
these skills, whether they're your own

00:47:12.144 --> 00:47:16.494
kids or the kids that you work with
in the Boost program, that these are

00:47:16.494 --> 00:47:19.314
skills that they'll carry with them
for the rest of their lives, right?

00:47:19.314 --> 00:47:21.974
They're not, these aren't
one-trick pony type skills.

00:47:21.974 --> 00:47:25.374
These are things that are very
important, whether you're an adult

00:47:25.374 --> 00:47:30.004
or a child, and they're not always
readily available to, to learn.

00:47:30.564 --> 00:47:32.624
So I appreciate you, you
sharing all that with us today.

00:47:33.376 --> 00:47:35.956
Finally, before you go, if you're a dad
listening to this and you find yourself

00:47:35.956 --> 00:47:39.296
in between, navigating a season that
feels different, head to gaptogig.com,

00:47:39.296 --> 00:47:40.786
subscribe to the Gap to Gig newsletter.

00:47:41.136 --> 00:47:44.226
Comes out every Friday, and it's a
quieter space to reflect on work, life,

00:47:44.406 --> 00:47:45.616
and what really matters right now.

00:47:45.966 --> 00:47:48.016
And if this conversation resonated,
consider sending it to another

00:47:48.016 --> 00:47:49.126
dad who might need to hear it.

00:47:49.386 --> 00:47:50.786
Until next time, I'm Michael Jacobs.

00:47:50.786 --> 00:47:52.946
Thanks for showing up and
listening to Gap to Gig.