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Be the Calm They Need

Inside this issue

• How to Show Up When Emotions Run High
• The “Filled Up vs Empty Out” Reset
• Time to Sprint: React - Re-Center - Re-Engage
• What’s one moment recently where you wish you had handled things differently with your child?
• Connect with David
• Check out this week’s episode
• The Last Laugh: The Dad Test
• But before we get to all that, here’s what’s…

On My Mind

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The hardest moments with your kids are usually the ones that matter most.

Not the easy ones.

Not the fun ones.

The ones where emotions are high, patience is low, and everything in you wants to shut it down.

This week on the podcast, I sat down with Dr. David Marcus, a clinical psychologist with more than 40 years of experience working with families under stress. And he said something that stuck with me:

“Children experience their emotions very intensely… and underneath that is a fear that their emotions are going to drive their parent away.” 

That changes how you see everything.

Because in those moments when your child is overwhelmed, melting down, or acting out, what they’re really asking is:

Can you handle me right now?

And a lot of us, without realizing it, answer that question the wrong way. We get reactive. We shut it down. We send them away. And what they hear is: you’re too much.

David talks about becoming what he calls a “soothing presence.” Someone who’s okay when your child is not okay. Not perfect. Not emotionless. But steady.

That’s the work.

How to Show Up When Emotions Run High

Why it Matters

When your child is overwhelmed, they can’t process logic. They can’t “just calm down.” They’re filled up emotionally.

And when that happens, they’re not looking for solutions. They’re looking for safety.

Why it Works

“If you’re in a regressed place… it’s not gonna happen.” 

When emotions spike, both kids and adults shift into reaction mode. Logic doesn’t land. Tone does.

Your job is not to fix the moment. It’s to stabilize it.

How to Do It

• Lower your voice, not raise it
• Slow your pace, not speed it up
• Stay physically present
• Use simple language

Try These

• “I’m here.”
• “You’re okay.”
• “We’ll figure this out.”

Pro Tip

Don’t try to teach in the middle of the storm. Connect first. Correct later.

The “Filled Up vs Empty Out” Reset

The Problem

When someone is “filled up” emotionally, they turn inward.

“They’re so focused inwardly… we don’t hear them.” 

That’s why conversations break down. That’s where walls start forming.

The Shift

Before you explain, correct, or fix anything…

Let them empty out.

How to Use It

1. Sit with them
2. Ask: “What made that tough?”
3. Let them talk without interrupting
4. Mirror back what you hear
   • "That felt unfair”
   • “You were really frustrated”

Only after that do you respond.

Why it Works

Once the emotional pressure drops, they can actually hear you.

Now you’re not talking at them.

You’re talking with them.

Time to Sprint: React - Re-Center - Re-Engage

When you feel yourself getting reactive, don’t power through it.

Reset it.

Minutes 0–10: Step Away

• Go for a walk
• Sit in silence
• Do something that calms you

David talked about watching something he enjoyed to reset before going back to his son.

Minutes 10–15: Re-Center

• Ask yourself: what just happened?
• What was I feeling?
• What does my child need right now?

Minutes 15–20: Re-Engage

Go back and lead with this: “Hey, I think I made that harder for you. What did that feel like?”

Why it Matters

If you go back too soon, you’re still reactive. If you wait too long, the moment passes. This window is where repair happens.

Your Move

What’s one moment recently where you wish you had handled things differently with your child? Hit reply and let me know. I read every response.

Connect with David

Dr. David Marcus has spent more than four decades helping families navigate stress, conflict, and emotional disconnect.

His work focuses on practical tools that help parents build stronger emotional connections with their children, especially in high-pressure environments where time, work, and expectations are constantly competing.

What makes David’s approach different is how grounded it is. He’s not speaking in theory. He’s speaking from thousands of real conversations with parents and kids who are trying to figure this out in real time.

His upcoming book, ParentRx, is built around these same ideas, giving parents clear, usable frameworks for showing up in the moments that matter most.

Follow David

On his website: https://parentrx.org​

Email: dsmarcusphd@parentrx.org​

On the Show This Week

Continue the Conversation

Most of us think being present as a dad means showing up. Being there for dinner, driving to practice, staying involved in the day-to-day, but what this conversation really highlights is that presence is not just physical. It’s emotional.

David breaks down what’s actually happening beneath the surface when your child is overwhelmed, why those moments tend to escalate instead of resolve, and how our instinct to correct or shut things down often makes it worse without us realizing it.

If you’ve ever walked away from an interaction with your kid thinking, “That didn’t go how I wanted,” this episode will give you a much more practical way to approach those situations going forward.

Check it Out

🎧 David Marcus on Fatherhood, Emotional Presence, and Raising Kids in a Stressed World

​Watch on YouTube​

​Listen on your favorite podcast platform​

The Last Laugh

Can you pass this test?