The passion trap most dads don’t see coming
When Work Starts Competing With Your LifeInside this issue
On My MindWhat if the thing you’re most proud of… is quietly working against you? This week on Gap to Gig, I sat down with Dr. David Shar to talk about passion, burnout, and what it really means to build a life that works at both work and home. One idea kept coming up: not all passion is helpful. We’re told to find work we love. To go all in. To care deeply. But there’s a version of that… that starts to create pressure instead of energy. David shared a moment that I hear a lot of parents talk about. His wife was sitting with their kids at bedtime, doing something she genuinely cared about, while feeling anxious about the emails she wasn’t sending. She felt guilty with her kids. And guilty when she wasn’t with them. That tension is the signal. It’s not that you don’t love your work. It’s that your work is starting to compete with the rest of your life. And for a lot of dads, that’s where things start to break down. Break the Work vs. Home TensionWhy it MattersThat feeling, being physically present but mentally somewhere else, doesn’t fix itself. If you don’t address it, it becomes your default, and, over time, that’s what leads to burnout. Why it WorksThe tension isn’t just about workload. It’s about how you transition between roles. David put it simply: “You can either be the thermometer… or the thermostat.”  Most people carry energy from one environment into the next. A thermostat resets it. How to Do ItStep 1: Catch the carryover Notice when work follows you home:
Step 2: Pause before the next environment Before you walk into your house or your next meeting, stop for 30 seconds and ask: “How do I want to show up right now?” Pick one word:
Step 3: Set the tone intentionally Act like the thermostat. Don’t match your internal stress. Set the tone for the moment you’re stepping into. Pro TipCreate a “doorway rule.” Before you walk into your house, your office, or a meeting, pause for 10 seconds and decide how you’re going to show up. Same doorway. Same reset. Every time. The Control vs. Noise FilterWhy it Matters Most dads burn energy on things they don’t control: Their boss. Their workload. Other people’s behavior. And it leaves them feeling stuck. Why it Works Clarity creates momentum. When you focus on what’s actually in your control, you stop spinning and start acting. How to Use It When something frustrates you, run this filter: Step 1: Write it down What’s bothering me right now? Example: “My boss keeps changing priorities” Step 2: Split it Not in my control
In my control:
Step 3: Take one action immediately Example: Send a quick recap to confirm priorities before starting work. Pro Tip The next time you catch yourself complaining about something at work, stop and write one sentence: “Here’s what I can do next.” If you can’t write anything, you’re focused on the wrong problem. Time to Sprint: Align Who You Are at Work and at HomeWhy it Matters The fastest way to burn out is to live as two different people: One version at work. Another at home. That split creates constant friction. David said it directly: “The essence should be the same… the impact should be the same.”  Minutes 0–10: Define your essence Answer this: What do I want my kids to say about me? Write down 3 words. Example:
Minutes 10–20: Find the gap Pick one area and take a real action that improves reality. Not something visible. Something meaningful. Examples:
Bonus 5 minutes: Make one shift tomorrow Pick one behavior to change immediately. Not five. Just one. Example: “I’m going to give people my full attention in every conversation.” Pro Tip Pick one interaction at work and treat it like your kids are watching. Same patience. Same attention. Same tone. See what changes. Your MoveWhere does your work still follow you home? Hit reply and let me know. I read every response. Connect with DavidDr. David Shar has built his career around a question most of us feel but rarely stop to examine: Why do some people love their work… while others quietly burn out? He’s a professor at the University of Maryland and a researcher focused on passion, burnout, and workplace culture. But what stood out most in this conversation is how practical his perspective is. From running an ice cream shop that became a “happy place” for employees to helping organizations rethink how work actually fits into people’s lives, his work centers on one idea: Work doesn’t have to compete with your life. Follow David On his website: http://www.davidshar.com On LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/davidshar On the Show This WeekContinue the ConversationWe often assume passion is always a good thing, but what happens when it starts creating pressure instead of freedom? David breaks down the difference between healthy and unhealthy forms of passion, why burnout often has more to do with identity than workload, and how to spot the warning signs before things spiral. He also shares what it actually looks like to build a career that supports your life instead of competing with it. If you’ve ever felt pulled in two directions between work and family, this one will hit close to home. Check it Out🎧 David Shar on Passion, Burnout, and Work-Life Balance for Working Dads Listen on your favorite podcast platform The Last LaughThe ice cream tool you never knew you needed… |
