Colin C. Thompson on Mental Fitness for Working Dads

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Colin: I, I tell a lot of fathers
one, they need to pick something on

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a weekly basis where they want to
have a difference in, in behavior.

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So if you think about physical fitness,
everybody understands physical fitness.

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Physical fitness is, is
your physical strength.

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If you're going to run a 5K or five
miles, five-mile race, but you've never

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done that before, on your first day of
training, are you going to run five miles?

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Welcome to Gap to Gig, the show for
Dads navigating the in-between season

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when work, identity, and priorities
start asking different questions.

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Here we talk about what that
season looks like and how to

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move through it with intention.

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I'm your host, Michael Jacobs, and
today's guest is Colin C. Thompson.

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Colin's an entrepreneur, coach, and
speaker who focuses on something

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a lot of us feel, but don't always
know how to name: mental fitness.

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He's the founder of Oligye Enterprises
and a certified positive intelligence

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coach who helps people move from
chaos to calm in practical ways.

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What stood out to me about Colin
is how he connects performance,

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presence, and peace of mind, especially
for people navigating pressure at

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work and at home at the same time.

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Because if you're a dad trying to
show up in both places, that internal

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pressure always feels like it's there.

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Colin, really glad to have you here.

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Michael: Welcome to Gap to Gig.

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Thanks for joining me today.

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Colin: Mr. Michael, thanks for having me.

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And I gotta say that, and I think all fa-,
all people know this, our minds can be our

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best friends or our absolute worst enemy.

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And unfortunately for a lot of
us fathers, at some point in our

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fatherhood career, our mindsets
were our absolute worst enemy.

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So, I hope today we can look
at how fatherhood and our best

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friend, our mind, can both show up.

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Michael: Absolutely.

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I love that.

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So I wanna start with a bit of this
mindset talk and that for dads, there's

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always seems to be this challenge of
balance between work and home, and I think

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a lot of us face this challenge, but we
don't always have the language for it.

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When you look at dads who are trying
to do meaningful work and still

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be present at home, where do you
see things start to break down?

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Colin: I've noticed that the
challenge that fathers have, and even

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mothers have, but parents have with
trying, trying to do work, meaning

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we all wanna do meaningful work.

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We're trying to do work in
general, especially in working

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at home, is boundaries.

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And I'll tell you what I mean.

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For fathers working, so fathers working
at home or fathers bringing work home,

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there has to be a boundary made between
work time and father, father time.

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And what I mean by that is I work from
home and now my kids know that when

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daddy's in the office, the door is closed.

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He is in work mode.

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But once I shift from work, morning,
come outta my office, I'm in father mode

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and in father mode, I don't do any work.

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So, for example, when I say boundaries,
perhaps 7:00PM, 6:00PM is your cutoff.

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And once that clock hits 6:00PM,
you're not doing any more work.

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You're with your family, and when
you're with your family, so, it's

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like when you're at work, be at work.

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When you're with your
family, be with your family.

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And a lot of, a lot of parents, a
lot of fathers fall into the trap,

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especially when they're working from
home, that they're working 24/7 at

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home, and then the kids may feel like
they're bothering them, this and that.

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But if you establish those boundaries,
and, and I've had to lock my door so when

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my kids were younger and didn't understand
boundaries, I've had to lock my door.

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So, after times, kids recognize
those, those, those, what a, what

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a closed door means quite frankly.

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My kids now know that if Daddy's door
closed, he's working but for, for

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a father, sometimes we think that
we must always be on, yes, I agree.

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So having those boundaries and really
establishing that with your family.

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Getting support from your wife and helping
your kids understand, even for your

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wife, she must also understand that when
that door is closed, daddy is working.

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So boundaries is a key word.

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Michael: Yeah.

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I appreciate that, that it is
challenging oftentimes to set up those

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boundaries, but what I like that you
said is that you, when you're working,

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focused on your work, and with your
family, you're focused on your family.

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To me, that's presence, right?

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Like you have to be present for
what it is in that moment, right?

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You have to be intentional about that.

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So, when you are working, you're
focused on work, and when you are

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spending time with your family, your
friends, whatever it may be, you're

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focused on them in that moment.

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I don't know if it's possible
to always be on, right?

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Like sometimes you just
have an off day, right?

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Or it's like you, you try your
best to stay present in that

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moment, but presence can kind of
ebb and flow a little bit, too.

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But to, just like, you know,
you close your door to is a,

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a symbol for daddy's working.

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The door is open, and it's probably
also a symbol for daddy's available.

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He's present, right?

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So, it's like there's almost
like a yin and a yang to

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setting these boundaries, right?

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Colin: Well, well, well kind, kind of,
because sometimes the door is open that

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just mean daddy's not working anymore.

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It might not mean daddy's ready to
be present because sometimes there is

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transition time, and I can tell you
many, many a days I'm in here working,

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and I hear my two kids going crazy with
balanced energy, which means noise.

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And then when I'm finished working,
sometimes I'm tired, and I'm not

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ready to go into the room where they
have their 2-year-old, 3-year-old,

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4-year-old, 5-year-old energy.

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So, I have to sort of get
myself prepared for that.

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But if you, if you, if you think about
being mindful of why we're trying

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to do this, and a lot of times it
depends on your household, when you

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grew up as a child, and I'm trying
to create a different, a different

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household than where I grew up.

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I grew up in a household where
my parents argued frequently.

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So, I try not to show
that side to my kids here.

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So, when I go out, I'm not going
out, I'm going out being mindful

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of trying to have a different
environment for my, for my children.

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So, even if I am tired, and, and
lemme just say this, Mr. Michael, it

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took years, my oldest son is almost
seven years old, and it took about

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five years for me be able to do this.

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So, it does take time.

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Michael: Absolutely.

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Colin: I don't wanna make it sound
easy, but now to a point where when

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I go outside this door, I say to
myself, Colin, once you walk out this

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door, what are the kids gonna see?

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So when I come out, the first thing
I try to do is find 'em and give 'em

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a hug, and give 'em a kiss, right?

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Make a little game out of it.

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And if I'm too, too tired, I'll
go to the bathroom and sit there

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for a while and regain my energy.

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But what's important that when
I, when I come out and I'm on

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as a, as a parent, I, I do that
when I'm in front of my children.

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Michael: Yep.

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Yeah.

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I think what, to me, what strikes
me about what you just said is

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there's this third element, right?

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You have to be present
when you're working.

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You have to be present with
your family, but you also have

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to take care of yourself, too.

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You have to be present for yourself
sometimes, and like you mentioned, these

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transition times of you finish work,
but you're not quite ready to join the

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chaos or whatever might be happening
on the other side of the wall, right?

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You, you do need to give yourself
an opportunity to shift your

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mind a little bit, right?

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Relax your mind.

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And that could look
different for everybody.

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Whatever it takes, and, you know,
maybe you sneak off to go take

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five minutes to just decompress
before you put yourself out there.

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There's probably also a whole
nother discussion about like

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taking care of yourself outside
of those two times, right?

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You know, you do need time for
yourself, whether that's to, to

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exercise or to explore things that are
interesting to you, whatever , may be.

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And you talk a lot about mental fitness.

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In simple terms, what does that actually
mean in the context of being a dad?

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Colin: Yeah.

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Michael, before I answer that question,
you mentioned chaos, and I smile

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because my kids have nicknames and their
nicknames are, are, are Mayhem and Chaos.

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My son is Mayhem, and my daughter's Chaos.

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Makes me smile.

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Michael: Those are great superhero names.

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Colin: Yeah.

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So, mental fitness, overall,
mental fitness is our ability to

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maintain a positive over negative
mindset as we go through life.

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Life's ups and downs.

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And it doesn't mean all being positive,
but it means not going to negative side.

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So, in the context of being a father, it's
really what do you want your kids to see?

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Again, a lot, i'm going to say this
a lot: a lot of times we have to

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go and, and think of WDMDD, right?

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What did my dad do?

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Meaning how did my dad handle
these scenarios when I was a child?

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And with that, did I enjoy
that or that's something that

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I wanna change with my kids?

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So, with mental fitness, I look at how,
and, and when my, when my son turned two,

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that's when I really saw that I needed
to mask my mental fitness because before

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two years old, kids are just so cute.

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Once they turn two, it's
like overnight, right?

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Something changes and they become,
I don't wanna say difficult, but

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things just, things just change.

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So for me personally, that's when I had
to say, how can I make my son's go-to-bed

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time not so, not filled with tension.

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I, I learned that you can't yell at a
2-year-old and have them go to sleep.

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It's not gonna work.

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So, in the context of being a father,
you really have to look at how can,

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and, and again, it's all about us.

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As our kids give us the
stimulus, how can we change?

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How can we stop getting frustrated
and acting like, why can't this kid

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understand what he's supposed to do?

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Michael: Yep.

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Colin: What he's supposed to do?

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Yet, there's a 2-year-old kid.

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And what helped me was realizing, wait a
second, he's just being a 2-year-old kid.

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So once I just said, you know what,
let me not rush about getting him

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to sleep and Mr. Michael, it goes
back to also understanding I was

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trying to get him to sleep because
I wanted to get back to work.

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So, again, once I had those
boundaries, say, okay, I'm gonna

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stop working for the night.

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I then had no rush.

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So I was able then to just stay calm,
play games with him, read books with him.

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So, to answer your question, mental
fitness is, we have to look at how

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can we try to maintain a sense of calm
when our children are being children.

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And I'm not talking about teenagers
because I haven't, I haven't dealt

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with teenagers yet, right, but I
can deal with under the, under,

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you know, young kids, younger kids.

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Michael: Sure, sure.

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No, that's fair.

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Teenagers are a whole nother
beast, I'll tell you that.

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But different set of challenges.

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They still don't go to sleep, but
that's neither here nor there.

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At least not in this house.

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So you said something to me previously
that I found really interesting,

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which is that the, the real challenge
isn't out there, it's how you

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respond to these challenges, right?

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How does that show up in day to day life?

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Colin: What do you want your children
to remember, to remember about you?

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And children remember a
lot as they're growing.

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What I mean is my son is seven.

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He remembers things for
the past five years.

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He has a view of his father.

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My daughter is, is four and a half.

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She remembers things for the
past two and a half years.

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She knows her father, how
the father will react.

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Do you want your kids to be
intimidated or scared by you?

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Now, it is 2026.

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Back in the seventies and eighties, a
lot of fathers ruled with that hard hand.

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Yes, the kids must respect me and
when I say jump, jump, because

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they were raised like that as well.

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So it's sort of, yeah.

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So, it's sort of like how does

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showing up and showing up and being able
to, being able to take their energy,

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taking their disobedience and not, and
not reacting in an aggressive manner.

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For my, not just myself, but a lot
of the fathers who I, who I coach,

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whether it's one-on-one coaching or
with group coaching, it's really about

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going back to when you were their
age, how would you want your father

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to have reacted, not how they did.

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How would you want that?

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So it's reflection and if you can
reflect, if you can reflect before

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the episode, it's much easier.

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What I mean by that is as fathers, we go
through the same scenarios frequently.

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You know how your kids are gonna act.

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You know how you're gonna act.

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So, instead of trying to react in the
moment, it's saying to yourself, okay,

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if I think back to yesterday or the
day before, I acted a certain way.

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As I visualize it, next time I want to
take a different, different reaction.

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So, it's reflection and
then visualize it next time.

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And working on that.

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It may not work.

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You may have to visualize it a few times
before it actually happens, but that's

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how you learn to change your behavior.

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It's not changing behavior in the
moment because again, you visualized a

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change, a change of a different reaction
so many times that what happens, you

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rehearsed it, so when things happen
in the moment, you're ready for it.

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That, that, does that make sense?

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Michael: It does.

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It does.

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It, to me, what I hear is responding
with intention, right, of you don't

00:13:59.557 --> 00:14:02.887
necessarily, you're not gonna able to
respond perfectly every time because

00:14:02.887 --> 00:14:07.537
you haven't necessarily experienced
everything already, but learn from those

00:14:07.537 --> 00:14:11.557
experiences, think them through a little
bit, so that the next time it does happen

00:14:11.557 --> 00:14:15.367
or something similar happens, you have a
response that you are comfortable with.

00:14:15.787 --> 00:14:18.247
I think the other thing that I'm
kind of pulling off from what you're

00:14:18.247 --> 00:14:27.082
saying is the, the end goal is to
model the behaviors for your kids that

00:14:27.082 --> 00:14:29.632
you want them to grow up with, right?

00:14:29.872 --> 00:14:35.152
And so it's like, did your, whether
or not your father before you or

00:14:35.152 --> 00:14:41.392
your parents before you model the
behaviors that you would like to see

00:14:41.392 --> 00:14:43.672
in your kids doesn't really matter.

00:14:43.762 --> 00:14:48.982
It's what do you wanna see your kids do
going forward, and, and the only way to

00:14:48.982 --> 00:14:51.922
do that, you could tell your kids all
day to do the same thing over and over.

00:14:51.982 --> 00:14:56.932
They won't do it, but the second you do
it yourself, they see, and they, they'll

00:14:56.932 --> 00:15:02.602
repeat that, right, especially at the
younger ages of like, oh, okay, that's not

00:15:02.602 --> 00:15:04.672
how you respond in a particular situation.

00:15:04.672 --> 00:15:07.462
You don't throw a temper tantrum
every time you want something.

00:15:07.462 --> 00:15:08.752
That's not how you get what you want.

00:15:09.032 --> 00:15:13.542
Instead, the appropriate
reaction is X, Y, or Z, right?

00:15:13.672 --> 00:15:20.617
It's like you need to, to give
your, just yourself, but your,

00:15:20.887 --> 00:15:26.227
your kids, the opportunity to
succeed, you have to intentionally

00:15:27.367 --> 00:15:30.157
model what you expect from them.

00:15:31.520 --> 00:15:33.050
Colin: Michael, you, you, I'm sorry.

00:15:33.200 --> 00:15:37.580
You mentioned intentionally and that
is the key word because intentionally

00:15:37.580 --> 00:15:42.110
me means you're rehearsing, you're
practicing, and you're aware, right?

00:15:42.110 --> 00:15:45.170
So this is something you work, you
are working on it just as if you're

00:15:45.170 --> 00:15:46.430
trying to get, get a six pack.

00:15:46.820 --> 00:15:48.830
Six pack on your abs, not a six pack.

00:15:48.830 --> 00:15:49.787
Lemme say that, right?

00:15:50.027 --> 00:15:51.107
But intentionally, right?

00:15:51.107 --> 00:15:52.967
Which means it's important
that you're working on it.

00:15:53.589 --> 00:15:54.179
Michael: Yep, absolutely.

00:15:54.559 --> 00:16:01.289
So, there's, regardless of how many kids
you have, there's always this pressure,

00:16:02.839 --> 00:16:08.194
right, that a lot of days I talk to,
they're feel like I'm under pressure.

00:16:08.194 --> 00:16:09.784
Like maybe I'm under pressure at work.

00:16:09.784 --> 00:16:15.514
Maybe I'm just don't feel like I'm doing
enough for my family or maybe it's, you

00:16:15.514 --> 00:16:18.544
know, I want my kid to be able to do
this, and I don't know how to do it.

00:16:18.544 --> 00:16:19.354
I gotta figure this out.

00:16:19.354 --> 00:16:22.444
They, we tend to, a lot of
dads I talk to, tend to put

00:16:22.714 --> 00:16:25.624
unnecessary pressure on themselves.

00:16:25.864 --> 00:16:28.564
Where do you see that
happening with dads right now?

00:16:30.212 --> 00:16:34.682
Colin: Yeah, and it's interesting the
word unnecessary because that could be

00:16:35.792 --> 00:16:40.592
not debated, but what does that mean,
unnecessary, because for a lot of dads,

00:16:40.772 --> 00:16:42.932
they really feel like it's necessary.

00:16:43.759 --> 00:16:43.919
Michael: Yep.

00:16:44.552 --> 00:16:45.752
Colin: Dads have pressure.

00:16:46.892 --> 00:16:48.692
Mothers have pressure as well.

00:16:48.752 --> 00:16:52.237
It's typically a different kind of
pressure which typically there's,

00:16:52.237 --> 00:16:54.062
there's, there's the gender roles.

00:16:54.602 --> 00:16:57.752
Those, those stereotypes still do exist.

00:16:58.202 --> 00:17:04.547
I, I found that, in my experience,
a lot of fathers or dads try to

00:17:04.547 --> 00:17:09.407
compare themselves with others,
and it doesn't start when they get

00:17:09.407 --> 00:17:11.987
married and buy their first house,
and their kids are going to school.

00:17:12.347 --> 00:17:13.787
It starts when they're children.

00:17:14.099 --> 00:17:14.319
Michael: Yep.

00:17:14.477 --> 00:17:16.967
Colin: And they're, they've been
raised, their parents say, man,

00:17:16.967 --> 00:17:18.287
look at this person compared to you.

00:17:18.287 --> 00:17:21.557
And growing up, they're always,
and this isn't a dad thing,

00:17:21.557 --> 00:17:22.757
this is a human thing, right?

00:17:22.937 --> 00:17:24.347
Comparing ourselves to others.

00:17:24.737 --> 00:17:28.307
Now, when we become fathers, it's
now there, there's a sense of

00:17:28.307 --> 00:17:32.777
responsibility, whereas, you know,
the shoes my kids wear, the clothes

00:17:32.777 --> 00:17:34.517
my kids wear, the car we're driving.

00:17:34.817 --> 00:17:36.737
It's not just what they
feel comfortable in.

00:17:36.977 --> 00:17:37.712
It's comparison.

00:17:38.752 --> 00:17:41.717
I, I, one thing I've noticed
with, with a talk with fathers.

00:17:42.647 --> 00:17:47.207
Their kids have no idea
what rich is, poor is.

00:17:47.267 --> 00:17:51.377
All they know is their house, and most
kids are okay with their environment.

00:17:51.647 --> 00:17:56.567
It's the parents who want, who,
who want to, to, to keep up

00:17:56.567 --> 00:17:57.917
with the Joneses, for example.

00:17:58.127 --> 00:18:03.107
So, when we say unnecessary
pressure, it's, it's, it's the

00:18:03.107 --> 00:18:06.137
same person that they've had all
their lives comparing themselves.

00:18:06.437 --> 00:18:11.792
Now, one thing that, that I've
tried to, to do here is, and I'm

00:18:11.792 --> 00:18:13.082
an older father, lemme say that.

00:18:13.532 --> 00:18:17.222
As I mentioned my, I had my first
child when I was 45 years old.

00:18:18.152 --> 00:18:19.622
He's almost seven now.

00:18:20.042 --> 00:18:21.032
I'm 52 years old.

00:18:21.392 --> 00:18:27.212
So having gone through life being
maybe hopefully about 15 years from

00:18:27.212 --> 00:18:29.402
retirement, my mindset's different

00:18:29.429 --> 00:18:29.639
Michael: Yep.

00:18:29.762 --> 00:18:34.097
Colin: Because I'm not trying to
keep up with the Joneses, right?

00:18:34.102 --> 00:18:37.022
I can give two, you know, I don't
care much about the Joneses.

00:18:37.322 --> 00:18:39.962
I care about what's going
on in, in my household.

00:18:40.172 --> 00:18:45.602
And at 52, the reality
is I may pass any day.

00:18:46.112 --> 00:18:51.662
So I am much more focused on what my
kids are going to remember about me

00:18:51.722 --> 00:18:53.912
and the experiences that we have now.

00:18:54.094 --> 00:18:54.334
Michael: Yep.

00:18:54.542 --> 00:18:58.562
Colin: So when I talk about pressure,
the only pressure I try to put on

00:18:58.682 --> 00:19:01.652
because when you put pressure on
yourself, it goes down to your family.

00:19:01.922 --> 00:19:06.152
So the only pressure I put
on, on, on myself now is...

00:19:08.957 --> 00:19:11.177
No, no, I don't put pressure.

00:19:11.382 --> 00:19:15.617
Uh uh, and I'm living in Shanghai,
China, so, so the, the pressure here is

00:19:15.617 --> 00:19:20.747
much different than what it would be in
the US just due to the cost of living.

00:19:21.407 --> 00:19:24.527
But with some of my clients,
gentlemen, fathers are in the US,

00:19:24.767 --> 00:19:27.167
and I don't give my clients advice.

00:19:27.227 --> 00:19:31.547
We, we work through one of the things
they've realized is how they release

00:19:31.547 --> 00:19:34.997
their pressure is they go for walks.

00:19:35.912 --> 00:19:39.302
And this might not make sense, especially
if you're not a person that walks,

00:19:39.692 --> 00:19:42.452
but they go for walks to deflate.

00:19:42.662 --> 00:19:43.442
To deflate.

00:19:43.832 --> 00:19:49.652
And what that does when they go for a
walk with no dogs, no phone, no, no music,

00:19:49.862 --> 00:19:56.192
and just walk for 30, 40 minutes, it
helps them just to clear their mindset.

00:19:56.462 --> 00:20:01.697
And after a few weeks of, of walking,
they're able to, they're able to

00:20:02.237 --> 00:20:06.292
prioritize better at what they
thought was so important or put

00:20:06.492 --> 00:20:08.012
pressure, it doesn't feel the same.

00:20:08.122 --> 00:20:09.172
Doesn't feel the same at all.

00:20:10.444 --> 00:20:11.134
Michael: I'm a walker.

00:20:11.164 --> 00:20:13.954
I, I've discovered this in the
last couple years that it's

00:20:13.954 --> 00:20:15.304
exactly what I do to clear my mind.

00:20:15.604 --> 00:20:17.074
I go for long walks, right?

00:20:17.074 --> 00:20:18.424
Like enough to break a sweat.

00:20:18.814 --> 00:20:19.444
I'm not running.

00:20:19.444 --> 00:20:22.804
I can't stand running,
but like I will walk.

00:20:22.894 --> 00:20:24.124
I love to walk.

00:20:24.124 --> 00:20:25.384
It just clears my mind.

00:20:25.534 --> 00:20:28.024
I don't know what it is about
it, it just works for me, right?

00:20:29.194 --> 00:20:35.074
I'm wondering, you know, we quibbled
over pressure being unnecessary.

00:20:35.434 --> 00:20:37.594
Is the right term really self-imposed?

00:20:37.654 --> 00:20:42.604
Is it self-imposed pressure that dads
are feeling 'cause keeping up with the

00:20:42.614 --> 00:20:45.364
Joneses, that's a, that's a choice, right?

00:20:45.364 --> 00:20:49.084
Whether or not you're going to keep up
with them where you say you don't...

00:20:49.202 --> 00:20:50.192
Colin: I'm not sure if it's a choice.

00:20:50.432 --> 00:20:53.467
I'm not sure if it's a choice because
at the same time, you have your, you,

00:20:53.612 --> 00:20:55.022
you may have your spouse in your ear

00:20:55.384 --> 00:20:55.474
Michael: Hmm.

00:20:55.802 --> 00:20:59.672
Colin: Talking about, oh,
so-and-so just went on vacation.

00:20:59.792 --> 00:21:03.452
Now, she's not, she's not saying,
"what about us?" But it's sort of

00:21:03.452 --> 00:21:05.547
like, you know, I wanna, I have pride.

00:21:05.547 --> 00:21:05.882
I have pride.

00:21:06.962 --> 00:21:11.447
If so-and-so can go on a European
vacation, hey, why can't we go as well?

00:21:11.657 --> 00:21:14.147
So there's also pressure
that's put there as well.

00:21:14.687 --> 00:21:16.757
They go to the work, water
cooler conversations.

00:21:17.147 --> 00:21:19.847
You, I just bought this brand
new blah, blah, blah, blah,

00:21:19.847 --> 00:21:21.227
blah, shiny thing, right?

00:21:21.407 --> 00:21:23.357
So it's, it's not just the father.

00:21:23.357 --> 00:21:27.812
It's the father saying, "hey, we
work in the same company or we both

00:21:27.812 --> 00:21:31.502
breathe oxygen, why can't I provide
those things for my family as well?

00:21:31.534 --> 00:21:31.804
Michael: Yep.

00:21:32.012 --> 00:21:34.862
Colin: Or, even on on other side,
why hasn't my career went better?

00:21:35.132 --> 00:21:39.182
Or why can't my spouse
and I get along better?

00:21:39.572 --> 00:21:43.592
Or why is my kid not acting
the way they should act?

00:21:43.922 --> 00:21:45.152
So the pressure is real.

00:21:45.152 --> 00:21:49.352
The pressure is real, but the question is
how do you react to the pressure, right?

00:21:50.012 --> 00:21:55.232
Does pressure take you to a negative
place or does pressure just make you think

00:21:55.232 --> 00:21:57.392
of ways to use your imagination better?

00:21:57.662 --> 00:22:00.722
And as we talked before,
our imagination isn't there.

00:22:00.722 --> 00:22:04.742
So, with no imagination, we have
no out, we have no ideas, right?

00:22:04.742 --> 00:22:07.052
We, we sort of just get
stuck with that pressure.

00:22:07.099 --> 00:22:07.339
Michael: Yeah.

00:22:08.299 --> 00:22:09.379
I, I wanna shift gears a little bit.

00:22:09.379 --> 00:22:10.909
I wanna talk about burnout a little bit.

00:22:10.909 --> 00:22:13.729
You work with a lot of
mid-career professionals.

00:22:14.449 --> 00:22:18.664
How often do you see burnout that
isn't necessarily about workload,

00:22:18.664 --> 00:22:20.434
but maybe something a bit deeper?

00:22:23.507 --> 00:22:28.472
Colin: The, the burnout is, is rarely
just about workload, because when we

00:22:28.472 --> 00:22:32.702
say workload, typically, we're talking
about the amount of, the amount of

00:22:32.852 --> 00:22:38.822
stuff that we do in our career, in our
profession to, to satisfy our manager,

00:22:38.822 --> 00:22:43.382
to satisfy the company, to make sure
that we're gonna be there ongoing and

00:22:43.382 --> 00:22:44.612
be able to get that, that paycheck.

00:22:45.092 --> 00:22:48.902
It's, it's when there, it's when
the boundaries aren't there.

00:22:49.562 --> 00:22:55.442
It's when, it's when we don't recognize
that there is no, for example, if you,

00:22:55.442 --> 00:22:59.477
if you get into an argument with your
spouse, your children all the way to work.

00:23:00.137 --> 00:23:04.877
When you go to the parking lot in your
job and open a door, go to your building,

00:23:04.877 --> 00:23:09.377
swipe your, your, your key card, the
challenges from home just don't disappear.

00:23:10.427 --> 00:23:12.377
They go with you into work.

00:23:12.887 --> 00:23:17.087
So when you get to work now and sit
down, you are still thinking about

00:23:17.297 --> 00:23:19.157
losing the argument or the argument.

00:23:19.547 --> 00:23:19.987
That may be 9:00AM.

00:23:21.227 --> 00:23:25.097
From 9:00 to 11:00AM, you maybe get
about 20 minutes of real production.

00:23:26.117 --> 00:23:30.587
So my point here is as you're
going through that workday, the

00:23:30.587 --> 00:23:35.927
challenges you're having at home
in your personal life impact how

00:23:35.927 --> 00:23:37.277
much work you're getting done.

00:23:37.907 --> 00:23:41.657
And, of course, with not getting much
work done, you then must bring that work

00:23:41.789 --> 00:23:42.139
Michael: Right.

00:23:42.297 --> 00:23:43.097
Colin: home, home with you.

00:23:43.467 --> 00:23:47.957
And that's sometimes how that
workload tends to, to build up.

00:23:48.017 --> 00:23:50.807
And we feel that now at home,
we must make up for the work.

00:23:51.147 --> 00:23:58.652
One of the things that I help my, I say my
clients, but help these dads do is to, as

00:23:58.652 --> 00:24:03.232
you're, if you had an argument with your
kids, your, your spouse, whatever, on your

00:24:03.232 --> 00:24:08.722
way to work in a car or on your way from
your kitchen table to your office, how do

00:24:08.722 --> 00:24:11.362
you let it go for the time period, right?

00:24:11.362 --> 00:24:14.422
How do you not bring that with
you even though it's there?

00:24:14.632 --> 00:24:18.802
And it goes back to what we're saying
is how we react to these scenarios,

00:24:19.162 --> 00:24:23.602
and it goes back to again, right,
finding time to visualize how

00:24:23.602 --> 00:24:25.522
you would act differently, right?

00:24:26.002 --> 00:24:27.682
You can put things on a back burner.

00:24:28.372 --> 00:24:32.182
Turn it down, and then when you leave
your office, you can, you can, you

00:24:32.182 --> 00:24:33.622
bring those things back to the front.

00:24:33.622 --> 00:24:34.612
But how do you do that?

00:24:34.702 --> 00:24:35.932
And it does take time.

00:24:36.322 --> 00:24:40.192
It's not easy to do, but it's
very, it's a learned ability.

00:24:40.192 --> 00:24:44.152
It's a learned muscle, learning
how to turn things off, go to

00:24:44.152 --> 00:24:45.172
the office, get things done.

00:24:45.172 --> 00:24:49.222
When you leave the office, boundary
again, and then address what was, what was

00:24:49.222 --> 00:24:50.992
still was simmering on the back burner.

00:24:52.574 --> 00:24:52.864
Michael: Yeah.

00:24:53.919 --> 00:24:59.889
That makes a, a lot of sense of like, in
the moment, it's difficult to respond,

00:25:00.159 --> 00:25:02.829
but when you can slow it down, you
can take a moment to kind of figure

00:25:02.829 --> 00:25:05.649
out what is the, the right response.

00:25:07.119 --> 00:25:11.039
You know, you talk a lot about
self-sabotaging thoughts, right?

00:25:11.049 --> 00:25:17.139
A lot of your work is around that,
that area, and it's not always easy

00:25:17.139 --> 00:25:19.719
to quiet those, those thoughts.

00:25:19.719 --> 00:25:24.489
What are some of the most
common types of self-sabotaging

00:25:24.789 --> 00:25:26.474
thoughts that you see in dads?

00:25:29.047 --> 00:25:29.767
Colin: I gotta be tough.

00:25:31.094 --> 00:25:31.214
Michael: Hmm.

00:25:31.657 --> 00:25:32.647
Colin: I gotta be hard.

00:25:33.577 --> 00:25:34.717
I can't really.

00:25:36.007 --> 00:25:39.367
My wife can never see me cry.

00:25:41.137 --> 00:25:45.367
So, so, so I see a lot of fathers
believing that they must maintain

00:25:45.367 --> 00:25:49.867
this, this giant strongman mindset.

00:25:50.287 --> 00:25:53.767
And what happens there is
they feel very, very lonely.

00:25:54.772 --> 00:25:58.042
Because they're not able to
share even with their, even with

00:25:58.042 --> 00:26:00.622
their, with their friends, their
other father friends, right?

00:26:01.342 --> 00:26:05.152
Now they may be able to share
more, but typically on a day-to-day

00:26:05.152 --> 00:26:09.202
basis, we're holding, we're
holding so much, so much inside.

00:26:09.652 --> 00:26:14.402
And what I've, what I've found is some
of, we talk about self sabotaging.

00:26:14.797 --> 00:26:20.527
Imagine a little version of yourself
sitting on your shoulder telling you don't

00:26:20.527 --> 00:26:23.197
show, don't show fear, don't show concern.

00:26:23.617 --> 00:26:27.577
Don't, don't, don't tell your spouse
you're feeling this way, right?

00:26:28.597 --> 00:26:31.957
Don't sit with your kids and just
hug them and say, I love you.

00:26:31.957 --> 00:26:32.677
I need this.

00:26:32.857 --> 00:26:34.147
Make me smile, son, right?

00:26:34.537 --> 00:26:40.057
So, the self, it is self sabotaging
because the more you tell yourself

00:26:40.627 --> 00:26:46.387
be tough, don't share, don't
share emotion, the more you

00:26:46.387 --> 00:26:48.577
feel like you have no way out.

00:26:48.877 --> 00:26:53.407
And what happens is with many fathers
is one way out: I gotta get a drink.

00:26:54.397 --> 00:26:57.967
Let me just, let me just take a drink,
and a drink will make you feel good.

00:26:57.967 --> 00:27:01.417
That first drink, that second,
the third drink makes those

00:27:01.417 --> 00:27:03.187
negative emotions now come out.

00:27:03.617 --> 00:27:05.857
And you can see where it
snowballs, snowballs from there.

00:27:06.307 --> 00:27:13.057
So, the, the most common self-sabotaging
thoughts I, I hear from my clients are be

00:27:13.057 --> 00:27:15.577
tough, don't show emotion, you're alone.

00:27:16.629 --> 00:27:23.844
Michael: So, clearly, drinking or
coping with them in some negative ways

00:27:23.844 --> 00:27:28.524
is not the best way to handle these
self-sabotaging thoughts or ideas.

00:27:29.184 --> 00:27:32.214
What's a better way to handle
them and, like, especially when

00:27:32.214 --> 00:27:34.589
you're in the middle of something
very stressful, perhaps at home?

00:27:36.652 --> 00:27:36.952
Colin: Yep.

00:27:37.042 --> 00:27:42.292
So when you're in the middle of
something stressful, don't try to fix it.

00:27:43.792 --> 00:27:48.052
Do whatever you can to get out of,
do, do whatever you can to ride that

00:27:48.052 --> 00:27:53.077
situation out until it's finished
and, and that might mean acting

00:27:53.077 --> 00:27:55.717
a fool, reacting the wrong way.

00:27:56.287 --> 00:27:57.577
That is okay.

00:27:57.667 --> 00:27:59.287
And I'll, I say it's okay.

00:28:00.037 --> 00:28:04.267
It's okay because perhaps your
family is used to seeing that.

00:28:04.357 --> 00:28:05.407
So it's nothing new.

00:28:05.527 --> 00:28:06.067
It's nothing new.

00:28:06.757 --> 00:28:13.507
But after that scenario is finished,
we again need to go back and reflect,

00:28:13.942 --> 00:28:19.732
and it goes back to why, as a
father, do we want to be better?

00:28:20.199 --> 00:28:25.729
So to handle the, I look at
it like having empathy, right?

00:28:25.909 --> 00:28:29.109
And when I say having empathy, you
must first have empathy for yourself.

00:28:29.259 --> 00:28:32.409
So when you feel like you're,
you're being stressful and acting

00:28:32.409 --> 00:28:35.379
loud, or acting in a negative way,
you're first damaging yourself.

00:28:35.844 --> 00:28:38.424
But then look, look at your
children and your spouse.

00:28:38.994 --> 00:28:43.374
When we're acting in a negative way
and dealing with stress negatively,

00:28:43.584 --> 00:28:44.934
what are we doing to our kids?

00:28:45.324 --> 00:28:47.934
Are they seeing their father and
are they, they getting scared?

00:28:48.714 --> 00:28:51.474
When you walk in the front
door, are your kids going into

00:28:51.474 --> 00:28:52.464
the bedroom, closing the door?

00:28:53.049 --> 00:28:55.239
Or are they coming downstairs
and say, hey, daddy?

00:28:55.659 --> 00:28:59.679
When you all eat, eating dinner
together, are your kids talking to you?

00:28:59.679 --> 00:29:01.539
Or are they just trying
to eat quick and go away?

00:29:02.199 --> 00:29:03.879
Are they on the, the, the devices?

00:29:04.119 --> 00:29:06.629
So, I think it's really
about being intentional.

00:29:06.929 --> 00:29:09.179
And by being intentional, you
first have to understand that

00:29:09.209 --> 00:29:12.809
when you're acting negatively,
you are damaging yourself first.

00:29:13.199 --> 00:29:16.524
And if you're damaged,
you can't really be there.

00:29:16.914 --> 00:29:19.644
You can't show up properly for your,
for, and I shouldn't say damage,

00:29:19.644 --> 00:29:23.844
excuse me, but if you're not yet able
to manage your mental fitness again,

00:29:23.844 --> 00:29:27.654
mental fitness ability to maintain a
positive mindset, then you're not gonna

00:29:27.654 --> 00:29:29.274
be able to show up right for your family.

00:29:29.454 --> 00:29:31.719
So it all starts with how you
handle things internally first.

00:29:31.966 --> 00:29:32.206
Michael: Right.

00:29:32.476 --> 00:29:36.466
I think you made a great point too,
like a lot of dads are physically there,

00:29:36.976 --> 00:29:41.536
right, but they might not be, they
might mentally be somewhere else, right?

00:29:41.536 --> 00:29:44.626
They, maybe they're having those
self-sabotaging thoughts and

00:29:44.626 --> 00:29:46.726
so they're not present in the
moment with their families or

00:29:46.726 --> 00:29:48.706
maybe, something else going on.

00:29:48.706 --> 00:29:51.646
Maybe there's just, it could be a
lot of different things, I suppose.

00:29:52.306 --> 00:29:57.496
What's kind of the first step to closing
that gap between being physically there

00:29:57.976 --> 00:29:59.386
and being mentally somewhere else?

00:30:04.724 --> 00:30:06.989
Colin: It goes back to the boundaries.

00:30:07.109 --> 00:30:07.276
Michael: Hmm.

00:30:08.159 --> 00:30:12.239
Colin: Being physically there, the,
the boundaries and being, so when you

00:30:12.239 --> 00:30:16.859
said boundaries, that's a conversation
that, that takes place with your spouse.

00:30:17.459 --> 00:30:19.679
And it depends on how old your kids are.

00:30:20.129 --> 00:30:23.729
If your kids are above seven,
eight, and older teenagers, you

00:30:23.729 --> 00:30:25.339
can explain what boundaries mean.

00:30:26.309 --> 00:30:28.694
Younger kids, you just have to
show them what boundaries means,

00:30:28.774 --> 00:30:29.564
so it's a little different.

00:30:30.024 --> 00:30:36.714
So if you know that you need time to,
if you need time to deflate after a

00:30:36.714 --> 00:30:41.724
long day, then your boundary may be
once daddy comes home from work, the

00:30:41.724 --> 00:30:44.864
first half hour, don't mess with him.

00:30:45.174 --> 00:30:47.154
And it may take time to stick.

00:30:47.694 --> 00:30:52.214
Because in this time, it's, it's, so,
it's, it's sort of creating a habit.

00:30:53.139 --> 00:30:56.834
When, when my father came home from
work, we knew he's gonna come home,

00:30:57.554 --> 00:31:00.344
he's gonna go downstairs to the
bar in our basement, and he's gonna

00:31:00.344 --> 00:31:01.364
stay there for about a half hour.

00:31:01.394 --> 00:31:02.834
He's gonna deflate, right?

00:31:03.674 --> 00:31:06.044
Some fathers will come home
and they'll go for a walk.

00:31:06.224 --> 00:31:10.484
They'll do things immediately to,
to make that boundary clear, okay?

00:31:10.754 --> 00:31:13.304
Does come home from work and
finish working, then there's

00:31:13.304 --> 00:31:15.794
the timeout, the rest period.

00:31:15.974 --> 00:31:18.704
And then there's, okay, I'm
ready to be super daddy.

00:31:19.304 --> 00:31:21.404
But that must be established over time.

00:31:21.594 --> 00:31:24.984
It goes back to what you
said before, intentionality,

00:31:25.224 --> 00:31:26.664
being in-, intention, right?

00:31:26.994 --> 00:31:30.684
You have to make this, you have to
make this something you practice

00:31:30.684 --> 00:31:32.994
and work on, on a day-to-day basis.

00:31:33.714 --> 00:31:37.704
Because without boundaries,
it's, it's a mosh.

00:31:37.884 --> 00:31:40.764
Your children don't know
when daddy's on, works on.

00:31:41.934 --> 00:31:44.184
Yeah, so, you have to be intentional
about setting, setting the boundaries.

00:31:44.191 --> 00:31:48.506
Michael: Yeah, so let, let's talk about
practice more because you talk about

00:31:48.506 --> 00:31:54.596
mental fitness, and to be fit, to have
fitness of any sort, physical, mental,

00:31:54.596 --> 00:31:59.156
whatever, you need to practice, you need
to exercise, you need to do something.

00:31:59.156 --> 00:32:07.361
So, what does, what's a realistic,
simple daily mental fitness practice.

00:32:07.361 --> 00:32:10.036
What would that actually
look like for, for a dad?

00:32:11.634 --> 00:32:11.874
Colin: Right.

00:32:11.874 --> 00:32:16.704
So when we talk about mental fitness
practice, it, so, so mental fitness,

00:32:16.704 --> 00:32:20.484
again, our ability to maintain a
positive mindset rather go through life.

00:32:20.814 --> 00:32:24.354
And there's a, there's a, a mindset
called positive intelligence.

00:32:24.924 --> 00:32:28.674
It's really helped us to understand
what does it mean to be able to

00:32:28.674 --> 00:32:33.894
stay positive and not, hey, I'm
happy every day, but more optimistic

00:32:34.104 --> 00:32:35.574
every day on a daily basis.

00:32:36.234 --> 00:32:39.274
Looking at how to
improve on a daily basis.

00:32:41.284 --> 00:32:45.724
I tell a lot of fathers, one,
they need to pick something on a

00:32:45.724 --> 00:32:49.354
weekly basis where they want to
have a difference in, in behavior.

00:32:50.344 --> 00:32:55.654
So if you think about physical fitness,
everybody understands physical fitness.

00:32:55.654 --> 00:32:57.514
Physical fitness is, is
your physical strength.

00:32:58.334 --> 00:33:02.924
If you're going to run a 5K or five
mile, five mile race, but you've never

00:33:02.924 --> 00:33:07.664
done that before, on your first day of
training, are you going to run five miles?

00:33:08.401 --> 00:33:08.761
Michael: Never.

00:33:08.911 --> 00:33:09.421
No way.

00:33:13.184 --> 00:33:13.574
Colin: I forgot.

00:33:14.174 --> 00:33:14.924
You hate running.

00:33:15.451 --> 00:33:17.351
Michael: Even still, I, I mean,
to answer your question, no,

00:33:17.351 --> 00:33:19.164
you wouldn't, you wouldn't run.

00:33:19.214 --> 00:33:20.354
Colin: You would not do that.

00:33:20.561 --> 00:33:20.681
Michael: You can't run that.

00:33:20.691 --> 00:33:22.154
It, you're not in shape to do that.

00:33:22.154 --> 00:33:22.454
Colin: Right.

00:33:22.471 --> 00:33:22.771
Michael: Right?

00:33:23.161 --> 00:33:23.761
You've gotta practice.

00:33:23.989 --> 00:33:24.649
Colin: Absolutely.

00:33:24.929 --> 00:33:28.649
So what you would do is you would go
to the track, to the gym, wherever,

00:33:28.799 --> 00:33:31.169
and maybe day one is half a mile.

00:33:31.709 --> 00:33:36.029
And over time you would increase your
physical fitness, which means you're

00:33:36.029 --> 00:33:37.409
getting stronger, getting stronger.

00:33:37.559 --> 00:33:38.999
You're gonna handle more distance.

00:33:39.539 --> 00:33:43.859
Where I see a lot of fathers who come
to me for coaching or group coaching

00:33:44.159 --> 00:33:49.184
where they mess up, they may say
my teenage daughter and my kids are

00:33:49.184 --> 00:33:52.664
driving me crazy and I need to, I
need to build up my mental fitness.

00:33:53.474 --> 00:33:54.884
I wanna start with this.

00:33:55.154 --> 00:33:58.934
And, and what they wanna start with,
they wanna start with that five

00:33:58.934 --> 00:34:01.814
mile race, or, or with their spouse.

00:34:02.474 --> 00:34:07.289
And I say, well I don't think your
mental fitness yet is ready for that.

00:34:07.829 --> 00:34:12.599
So how can, as a father, how can
you first work, work on a pet peeve?

00:34:12.929 --> 00:34:15.449
And I'll tell you, I'll tell you, and
this, this is, this, this is real life.

00:34:15.449 --> 00:34:19.569
I'll tell you one of the things
that I was, if you saw me three

00:34:19.569 --> 00:34:23.439
years ago and I'm walking in the
morning, the lights are very blurry

00:34:23.679 --> 00:34:26.649
and I, I barefoot, I step on a Lego.

00:34:27.594 --> 00:34:29.454
I am going to explode.

00:34:29.554 --> 00:34:30.574
Pet peeve, right?

00:34:30.784 --> 00:34:36.844
However, if, if my daughter and my son,
we have a, a larger issue, something

00:34:36.844 --> 00:34:38.734
bigger, I'm not gonna start there.

00:34:38.944 --> 00:34:43.624
So I tell dads, find something that makes
you upset that your children do, but

00:34:43.624 --> 00:34:45.394
it makes you five to ten minutes upset.

00:34:46.474 --> 00:34:52.564
Say to yourself, again, the next time that
happens, I'm going to take a different,

00:34:52.834 --> 00:34:55.144
more positive or, or more calm reaction.

00:34:55.894 --> 00:34:56.614
Say it's your Lego.

00:34:56.674 --> 00:35:00.424
Next time, step on a Lego, bite
your tongue, pick it up, and put

00:35:00.424 --> 00:35:02.464
it in a box, and don't get upset.

00:35:02.774 --> 00:35:06.859
And if you keep doing that and for
a bigger pet peeve, pet peeves, then

00:35:06.889 --> 00:35:10.819
the real, one of the real challenges,
your kids talking back to you or this

00:35:10.819 --> 00:35:15.359
or that, you'll be, you'll better be
able to handle that because you spent

00:35:15.409 --> 00:35:17.149
time building up your mental fitness.

00:35:17.449 --> 00:35:23.659
So the one tip I, I'll give you your
dad audience, if, finds something that

00:35:23.664 --> 00:35:28.904
now triggers you, but triggers you
for five minutes and then work on not

00:35:28.904 --> 00:35:30.974
letting that trigger you any further.

00:35:31.871 --> 00:35:34.991
Michael: Take the first
step in that process, right?

00:35:36.006 --> 00:35:40.566
I guess take, I didn't, totally missed
that pun, but yes, you know, take the

00:35:40.566 --> 00:35:44.046
first step of like, okay, I stepped on a
Lego, I'm just gonna put it aside, right?

00:35:44.376 --> 00:35:47.796
Do that a couple times, and you can,
I think what you're saying is you can

00:35:47.796 --> 00:35:52.626
then build upon that to strengthen
your mental fitness so that that

00:35:52.626 --> 00:35:58.016
becomes something that doesn't trigger
the same response in you anymore.

00:35:58.056 --> 00:36:03.536
And so when you do get to those
bigger challenges that you have

00:36:03.536 --> 00:36:05.204
something to fall experience,

00:36:05.254 --> 00:36:05.974
Colin: You have momentum.

00:36:06.051 --> 00:36:06.411
Michael: Right?

00:36:06.964 --> 00:36:08.764
Colin: You, you have
momentum and, and belief.

00:36:08.974 --> 00:36:12.554
It, it's worked before, and you know
that, over time, you can build up

00:36:12.554 --> 00:36:14.804
those stronger mental fitness muscles.

00:36:15.451 --> 00:36:15.931
Michael: Absolutely.

00:36:16.741 --> 00:36:17.401
So,

00:36:19.531 --> 00:36:24.241
this is kind of an existential question,
but like the next time a dad walks in

00:36:24.241 --> 00:36:28.221
the door after work, let's hope they
don't step on all Lego, but what's one

00:36:28.241 --> 00:36:31.551
thing you hope he does differently?

00:36:33.584 --> 00:36:34.334
Colin: Be different.

00:36:35.594 --> 00:36:39.859
What I mean by that is, earlier I said
that when we act a certain way with our

00:36:39.859 --> 00:36:41.894
family, most likely it's not in you.

00:36:42.374 --> 00:36:43.334
They're used to that.

00:36:44.024 --> 00:36:49.394
So, as you're, as you're getting out
of your car, as you're walking in to

00:36:49.394 --> 00:36:53.999
your door, being intentional and saying
to yourself, when I walk through this

00:36:53.999 --> 00:37:00.599
door as daddy, as dad, I'm going to set
the tone for the rest of the evening.

00:37:01.649 --> 00:37:04.469
So, as you get and walk in the
door, what tone do you wanna set?

00:37:04.889 --> 00:37:09.629
Do you wanna set a tone of gray
and dark and, or do you wanna set

00:37:09.809 --> 00:37:11.909
a more happy, productive tone?

00:37:13.109 --> 00:37:16.259
When you walk through that door, and
I know a lot of fathers are gonna

00:37:16.259 --> 00:37:21.044
say, oh, that's tough, but if you're
able to do this tough but simple

00:37:21.044 --> 00:37:22.784
activity, it may change things.

00:37:23.144 --> 00:37:24.134
When you walk in the door.

00:37:24.344 --> 00:37:28.874
"Kids, come here, come here,
gimme a hug." That's it.

00:37:29.384 --> 00:37:32.114
"Gimme a hug. Gimme a hug." That simple.

00:37:32.294 --> 00:37:37.334
And if you keep doing that every
day after just a week and a half,

00:37:37.334 --> 00:37:40.754
if your kids are home right, a week
and a half when you get home and you

00:37:40.754 --> 00:37:42.274
the hug for daddy, where's the hug?

00:37:42.284 --> 00:37:42.314
Right?

00:37:43.121 --> 00:37:43.301
Michael: Yeah.

00:37:43.479 --> 00:37:45.794
Colin: So, and that
sort of thing does set.

00:37:45.794 --> 00:37:50.144
I told 'em, because if that's not what
you usually do, your family sees you

00:37:50.144 --> 00:37:52.034
doing something different that's positive.

00:37:52.274 --> 00:37:54.314
And if you have teen kids, they're
gonna say, I don't wanna hug you.

00:37:54.314 --> 00:37:54.374
Ew.

00:37:55.124 --> 00:37:56.534
But they're gonna do it anyway, right?

00:37:56.684 --> 00:37:58.274
And for younger kids,
they're gonna love it.

00:37:58.604 --> 00:38:02.714
And, and, and here's the, here's the
thing that a lot of fathers report

00:38:02.714 --> 00:38:09.824
back to me saying, they say, my
wife was shocked, and she loved it.

00:38:10.304 --> 00:38:14.324
And after a little while she
said, "hey, where's my hug?"

00:38:17.046 --> 00:38:18.226
Michael: Yeah, I can see that.

00:38:18.944 --> 00:38:20.804
Colin: So something,
something simple like that.

00:38:20.804 --> 00:38:21.344
Simple like that.

00:38:21.344 --> 00:38:22.424
It goes a long way.

00:38:22.591 --> 00:38:24.991
Michael: And again, you're now
modeling the behavior that you

00:38:24.991 --> 00:38:28.291
hope that your kids will take on

00:38:28.429 --> 00:38:28.719
Colin: Yeah.

00:38:28.819 --> 00:38:29.039
And...

00:38:29.416 --> 00:38:32.251
Michael: when they grow up and
leave the house and become their own

00:38:33.091 --> 00:38:35.551
self-sufficient, you know, young adults.

00:38:36.589 --> 00:38:38.649
Colin: and it shows, it
shows as fathers that we hug.

00:38:39.151 --> 00:38:39.361
Michael: Yeah.

00:38:39.429 --> 00:38:42.269
Colin: Right, it shows asa fathers
that we hug and we're open and whatnot.

00:38:42.301 --> 00:38:42.451
Michael: Yeah.

00:38:42.511 --> 00:38:43.171
That's a great point.

00:38:43.771 --> 00:38:44.371
That's a great point.

00:38:44.446 --> 00:38:44.856
Love that.

00:38:44.876 --> 00:38:49.141
All right, so we're gonna go from
the sentimental and serious to the

00:38:49.441 --> 00:38:51.151
not so serious, the speed round.

00:38:51.151 --> 00:38:54.241
Five quick questions have nothing
to do with anything, and we'll

00:38:54.241 --> 00:38:57.031
start with what's the first kids
show theme song that comes to mind?

00:38:58.574 --> 00:38:59.124
Colin: Kung Fu Theater.

00:39:00.241 --> 00:39:00.781
Michael: Interesting.

00:39:00.901 --> 00:39:01.381
Very cool.

00:39:01.471 --> 00:39:03.781
What was your very first job?

00:39:06.074 --> 00:39:07.534
Colin: The fry guy at Rally's.

00:39:08.334 --> 00:39:08.834
Michael: Oh wow.

00:39:10.864 --> 00:39:11.244
How old were you?

00:39:11.279 --> 00:39:11.909
Colin: Official job.

00:39:12.419 --> 00:39:13.139
Official job.

00:39:13.169 --> 00:39:13.349
Okay.

00:39:13.349 --> 00:39:14.189
Official job, right?

00:39:14.189 --> 00:39:19.649
So, so my, my, my first real job, I would
say was snowing driveways in, in the

00:39:19.649 --> 00:39:21.599
neighborhood, making money, cutting lawns.

00:39:21.629 --> 00:39:22.769
That was the first unofficial job because

00:39:22.971 --> 00:39:23.261
Michael: Sure.

00:39:23.759 --> 00:39:28.649
Colin: but the first official, you
know, tax, tax for whatever W2 was

00:39:28.649 --> 00:39:32.139
when I was 15 and a half years old,
working the summer at Rally's, which

00:39:32.139 --> 00:39:34.679
is Rally's making doing french fries.

00:39:36.336 --> 00:39:38.216
Michael: Wow, would you rather
spend 24 hours with a toddler-sized

00:39:38.216 --> 00:39:39.946
T-Rex or a T-Rex-sized toddler?

00:39:43.079 --> 00:39:46.919
Colin: A T-Rex-sized toddler because
toddlers typically still don't have teeth.

00:39:49.596 --> 00:39:51.361
Michael: That might be the
best reason I've heard yet.

00:39:52.981 --> 00:39:54.181
Smartest reason, at least.

00:39:55.921 --> 00:39:57.001
That's a great point.

00:39:57.781 --> 00:39:58.681
Never thought about that.

00:39:59.941 --> 00:40:02.881
What's your go-to karaoke song or
the one you would sing if you had to?

00:40:07.094 --> 00:40:07.254
Colin: Bruno Mars.

00:40:07.254 --> 00:40:07.544
24, 24K with my wife, but

00:40:07.544 --> 00:40:07.834
if I'm with my kids, if I'm
with my kids, I'm thinking

00:40:07.834 --> 00:40:07.946
Colin: Elmo's President.

00:40:08.426 --> 00:40:08.846
Michael: Okay.

00:40:09.046 --> 00:40:09.716
You're playing to

00:40:16.486 --> 00:40:17.386
your audience, I see.

00:40:19.816 --> 00:40:20.326
Smart.

00:40:21.136 --> 00:40:23.416
And finally, what's the weirdest
thing you've ever carried around

00:40:23.416 --> 00:40:25.276
in your bag, briefcase, or pockets?

00:40:29.024 --> 00:40:34.964
Colin: The weirdest thing I've ever
carried around in my bag, briefcase,

00:40:35.594 --> 00:40:38.894
or pockets, and I'm talking slow and
repeating the question because I've

00:40:38.894 --> 00:40:42.974
learned as a professional speaker,
when you do that, it gives you more

00:40:42.974 --> 00:40:45.704
time to think about the answer.

00:40:46.094 --> 00:40:52.004
So the weirdest thing I've ever had
in my bag, briefcase, or pocket?

00:40:55.949 --> 00:40:58.799
I don't want to incriminate myself,
so I refuse to answer this question.

00:41:00.701 --> 00:41:02.776
Michael: Nothing that's
not so incriminating?

00:41:05.214 --> 00:41:06.919
Colin: The, the weirdest thing?

00:41:07.759 --> 00:41:07.779
I'm

00:41:12.579 --> 00:41:18.104
sure, I'm sure it has something to do
with my kids and slime 'cause I'm not,

00:41:18.104 --> 00:41:20.084
I'm not a fan of slime whatsoever.

00:41:20.334 --> 00:41:22.994
So, to me, it's just a nasty word.

00:41:22.994 --> 00:41:26.054
I, and I have had to carry a
bag with my kids slime in it.

00:41:26.714 --> 00:41:28.784
So I'm gonna say slime.

00:41:29.231 --> 00:41:31.111
Michael: Yeah, that's,
I'm with you on that.

00:41:31.111 --> 00:41:32.761
I am all slimed out.

00:41:32.951 --> 00:41:35.961
I hope I never find slime in my pockets.

00:41:36.051 --> 00:41:39.391
Yeah, that's, ugh, not a great thing.

00:41:40.231 --> 00:41:44.371
I guess kids love it, so... This is
great, Colin, before we wrap up, I wanna

00:41:44.371 --> 00:41:47.311
make sure people know where to find
you and learn more about your work.

00:41:47.311 --> 00:41:49.891
What's the best place for people
to connect with you and what

00:41:49.891 --> 00:41:51.526
are you most excited about right
now you wanna share with them?

00:41:52.964 --> 00:41:56.084
Colin: Yeah, the best way to to
connect with me would be via my,

00:41:56.234 --> 00:42:01.584
my website where you can reach out
to me www dot O-L-I-G-Y-E dot com.

00:42:01.674 --> 00:42:02.054
oligye.com.

00:42:03.034 --> 00:42:05.974
And what I'm most excited about
is The Saboteur Assessment.

00:42:06.514 --> 00:42:12.394
This is an assessment that will help
fathers, kids, mothers, people learn more

00:42:12.394 --> 00:42:14.914
about those inner, their inner voices.

00:42:15.304 --> 00:42:18.184
And we have these inner voices
who typically are telling us or

00:42:18.184 --> 00:42:19.624
leading us to negative emotions.

00:42:19.924 --> 00:42:24.154
So, taking the assessment and learning
more about, about, well, we being able to

00:42:24.784 --> 00:42:29.969
do a readout and talk to fathers about the
results is what I'm very excited about.

00:42:29.969 --> 00:42:33.059
So if you wanna learn more about those
inner voices that are driving controlling

00:42:33.059 --> 00:42:35.049
you, oligye.com/sa, www.oligye.com/sa.

00:42:42.666 --> 00:42:42.996
Michael: Excellent.

00:42:43.026 --> 00:42:44.286
We'll put that in the show notes for sure.

00:42:44.286 --> 00:42:45.096
For everyone to check out.

00:42:45.716 --> 00:42:47.426
Colin, I really appreciate
the conversation.

00:42:48.066 --> 00:42:54.906
The talk about mental fitness, I think,
is something we probably need to talk

00:42:54.906 --> 00:42:57.846
about more, particularly as men, as dads.

00:42:58.176 --> 00:43:04.441
It's something that is, we talk
about physical fitness very

00:43:04.441 --> 00:43:06.301
easily, very frequently, I think.

00:43:06.601 --> 00:43:10.741
It, we don't talk about the,
the mental aspect of it enough.

00:43:10.801 --> 00:43:17.341
And you make it approachable and do
it in a way that feels grounded and

00:43:17.791 --> 00:43:19.711
it's still really honest, right?

00:43:19.711 --> 00:43:20.521
Really real.

00:43:20.521 --> 00:43:24.391
And so I appreciate you bringing
that to the table today.

00:43:24.391 --> 00:43:28.246
I think a lot of dads are going to hear
themselves or parts of themselves in this

00:43:28.246 --> 00:43:32.086
conversation and walk away with something
that they can, that they can actually use.

00:43:32.086 --> 00:43:33.526
So, thank you again for being here.

00:43:33.526 --> 00:43:34.486
I really appreciate it.

00:43:34.816 --> 00:43:36.976
And finally, before you go, if
you're a dad listening to this

00:43:36.976 --> 00:43:39.641
and you find yourself in between,
navigating a season that feels

00:43:39.641 --> 00:43:41.681
different, head to gaptogig.com.

00:43:41.701 --> 00:43:43.261
Subscribe to the Gap to Gig newsletter.

00:43:43.501 --> 00:43:46.711
Comes out every Friday, and it's a
quieter space to reflect on work, life,

00:43:46.951 --> 00:43:48.181
and what really matters right now.

00:43:48.191 --> 00:43:51.031
And if this conversation resonated,
consider sending it to another

00:43:51.031 --> 00:43:52.051
dad who might need to hear it.

00:43:52.531 --> 00:43:53.971
Until next time, I'm Michael Jacobs.

00:43:54.001 --> 00:43:56.221
Thanks for showing up and
listening to Gap to Gig.